Page 2 of 3 FirstFirst 123 LastLast
Results 11 to 20 of 24

Thread: LGBTQ- Why We Fight- A Journey Through the Past

  1. #11

    Default

    First of all, I wanted to thank everyone who took the time to read that first post. I just churned out my thoughts while trying to present them in a cohesive, chronological order and it iturned into the longest post I had ever written. As soon as I realized the excessive length of it, my thought was that nobody would take the time to read all the way through. So kudos to you guys for having the interest and stamina.



    Quote Originally Posted by Tetra View Post
    Great post , i myself had some very bad ideas about transgender because my older sister was born my brother , and he took every bit of craziness in him out on those around him .
    He went from hetero to bi to gay back to hetero and now transgender lesbian , that had me thinking transgender people were nuts . Because all of his anger and flip flopping he ran off everone who loved him, then I met some "healthy" transgender who werent having an identity crisis ever couple of weeks , or getting beligerant and abusive when someone couldnt figure out what his belief was this week , she and i dont really talk she has decided she doesnt want or need any of her family and friends from when she was male , because she was insistent that we re write our history with her as her always being a female , we all told him that was her work to do ,not ours and she became more and more abusive and arrogant until most people said enough and broke off contact, my last convo with her was my telling male or female I don't care i still love him , for that he attacked me with a kitchen knife and then left , i now here from her like once a year she writes tells me what she is doing but has me blocked so she never hears from me , what's equally bizarre I know people who are transgender that know my sister also, we have a great relationship , she ju
    st has no idea that we are friends, or have relationships because she doesnt want to acknowledge any of us , she is content to live in her limited view of the world where everyone Is wrong and misunderstands her, she enjoys playing the victim.
    Any way because of that it took me awhile to figure things out , transgender are just people
    With real needs and real problems like the rest of us , my sister is a different case all together her identity and gender issues have her very messed up , I have even tried to get her into therapy where we could work these issues out , but she refuses that because she is angry she cant get a letter allowing her GRS because she has not done it by procedure , she has all her supplies shipped in from overseas and has a DIY feminization program , so she is pretty angry at the mental health profession for standing in her way of true happiness , she wanted to transition and go work in a brothel but she still has man bitd so she doesnt work she sits around collecting disability for gender dysphoria peridicaly trying to sue Medicare to pay for surgery saying all she needs is a vagina to be "fixed" her job as a male was on Wall street making enormous amounts of money and always being able to buy her way anything she wants , this time that isn't working and it infuriates her , she even thought of "medical tourism" but hasn't found a place that Medicare will pay for it, that she can travel to .
    Your fight is real and your cause Is just, I understand why you fight, most people only believing fighting for themselves , you see what they got from the nazis , so it's all our fight to protect everone's right to be who they are , not just what's convient or practical ,my mom taught me basic fairness , so fighting for the rights of LGBTQ is no different than fighting for the blind or disabled in my book , it needs to be done by all of us for all of us because life is strange something that doesn't seem to fit with a person doesn't mean tommorow we won't have a horse in that race , i got involved in disabled advocacy when i was a young guy never knowing one day i would have my life highjacked by rare disease, so fighting for all comes pretty natural for me .

    Sent from my SM-T810 using Tapatalk
    Thank you for being a caring ally to the cause. It can be very difficult when an LGBT person opens up to family. I hooe you are able to resolve things with your sister and come to an understanding with her. As I said, the transgender movement is still decades behind the gay and lesbian movement, and is often misunderstood or misrepresented by the general population. They have a much higher rate of depression, thoughts of suicide and mental illnesses, not because they are transgender but because of the stigmatization that still exists in our society. I hope your sister can come to understand she has a loving family.

    My father was always homophobic of me since I was a child because of my gay tendancies. Many years later, when my brother confirmed to him that I was gay, I was banned from the family home and not allowed to communicate with my mother until he passed away. My hope is for both you and your sister that you can come together and support each other as a family.



    Quote Originally Posted by elnino View Post
    Reading this now is quite interesting considering the current situation in Australia where I live. Same sex marriage is not legal here. Next week the government will conduct a postal opinion survey on whether the people would like same sex marriage to be legalised. If the Yes "vote" wins the government might consider opening it up for discussion in parliament. All a big waste of time and money that will likely not achieve anything.

    But it has stirred up so much hate amongst the homophobic lobby groups here. It's quite disgusting.


    Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
    It sounds like the pro-marriage groups are still in the majority, but the support is dropping. And then it becomes a matter on how successful each side will be in getting their supporters out to the polls.

    http://www.news.com.au/lifestyle/gay...8b97d3e74cbc35

    These votes always seem strange, when you have a majority of people deciding the rights of a minority group.



    Quote Originally Posted by caitianx View Post
    Being Gay and of the older generation has never been easy.
    Until 2001, I hid in the closet.
    Being Autistic and also having Mild Cerebral Palsy, I am a minority within a minority.
    I internalized a massive amount of Homophobia.
    In the Spring of 1976, the year I graduated from High School, the only "out" person I knew was my Lesbian classmate, CT.
    Admittedly, I thought she was utterly nuts to "come out of the closet" at age 17.
    Yes, she knew how to throw punches to "defend herself".
    I first saw other LGBT people when I was in college down in Boston, MA.





    I was the same way. I began coming out to a few people I could trust in the late 1980's, and slowly felt more comfortable with it. I think one of the benefits of gettimg older is that you don't care as much if people know. Of course, that's just me, and I know there are many seniors still in the closet.

    Also, you raise an interesting point about LGBT people with other defining characteristics that were not wholeheartedly embraced in the movement. It's hard enough to identify as gay, but when you have other defining characteristis such as a disability, the chances of discrimination increases ten-fold. I had often been critical of the women's movement for ignoring the needs of queer women and women of colour. In many cases, there are intersectional characteristics, including, race, disability and gender that make up the LGBT population, and each can cause its own set of circumstances and barriers.



    Quote Originally Posted by ArchieRoni View Post
    Thanks for writing this Starrunner. I finally had some time today to read a block of text, and this is a really well-put together post outlining your experiences and the major historical events that gave them context and changed how the world acted towards gay people. As a student of history myself, I thought it was fascinating, and I wish I had the connections to get something like this into an archive. I don't know if you have either the time or the willingness, but if there's a university near where you live in Canada, you might consider seeing if they have any professors there studying modern Canadian history (or modern American history, or modern European history maybe) who would be interested in doing an oral history interview with you and saving it.

    For myself, I've flitted about with labels. My interest in diapers is on the very strong end of the spectrum. Thinking about diapers was what brought me into puberty and has been my main source of arousal for as long as that's been something possible for me. I spent a while thinking maybe I was asexual because outside of my fetish I didn't seem to find men or women attractive. On top of that, having a big ABDL secret made me kind of a cold person for a lot of my teens and college years: I was smart, logical, driven by my career interests, and not willing to open up to anyone, which was not exactly conducive to having a relationship or even really exploring whether one were possible. As I've grown older, I've found that just getting sexual satisfaction isn't enough, and I'm willing at this point to say that my romantic interest is towards women, but I honestly still haven't figured out exactly what terminology I should use for my sexuality. All of this has often left me in an odd situation. On the one hand, the way I want to live doesn't require that I publicly declare myself: I don't need to show up at parties with the same partner or hide from parents lest I be disowned, for example. So in that way, I am far more lucky and blessed than what many LGBT+ people have gone through. On the other hand, my sexuality is particularly unusual and even among LGBT groups I don't feel safe talking about myself (for example my work has an LGBT support group, of which I'm a member, but I don't talk about my possible asexuality or demisexuality plus my fetish there). So I've always felt like an outsider among outsiders, so to speak. My opinion though is that gains for one are gains for all. I don't think everyone has the same experience, but I think that the sorts of fear, loneliness, and uncertainty that I have felt in various times in my life are probably very similar to those felt by many LGBT people, and so I want everyone to be better off, selfishly so that the world is more favorable to me, and selflessly because I want all the other people who might have suffered any of the things I did to be better off and for people in the future not to have to suffer those feelings.
    Wow, that surprised me. I just always assumed you were straight. I've been the same as you in that I tend to keep my distance from people I don't know well, so I can avoid those standard conversational questions. Do you have any children? Are you married? I tend to go into hiding until I know the person well enough to discuss it in a meaningful way.

    I think the thing that I learned from my younger days is that there is no need to publically identify to myself or anyone else whether I am LGBTQ. We live in a society where we are still so preoccupied with labelling ourselves and fitting into slots for easy reference. The labels shouldn't matter. We pressure ourselves into identifying exactly where we are on the spectrum because society dictates that we should know this about ourselves. I've always believed that we are all on a sexual continuum and we can shift on that continuum over time. The choice and the decision is not ours to make, and even if we can identify our orientation, it doesn't necessarily mean it is etched in stone.



    Quote Originally Posted by Gsmax View Post
    Excellent post regarding LGBT history. I know for myself, I fall under the LGBT umbrella, but many of the struggles I've heard other LGBT folks across the country describe, I've been fortunate enough to not have to deal with. I feel like I live in a left-leaning progressive bubble, where this isn't an issue. All the family and friends I have come out to have been fine with it and accepting, and homophobic attitudes are strongly frowned upon. I can only think of one time where someone was homophobic towards me, and when you hear of people suffering through so much worse homophobia on a daily basis, you know you're fortunate in that regard. Not to mention, majority of people whom I'm not close to probably just assume I'm straight since I don't fit any of the LGBT stereotypes, I don't have to worry about people discovering I'm LGBT by bringing a same-sex partner to a party since I'm not seeing anyone for the time being, any talk about exes would just be considered normal since talking about my ex-girlfriend would just have people assume I'm straight since people generally don't think of a dude talking about his ex-girlfriend and think to themselves, "Bisexual Man", and I very rarely bring up my sexuality anyways.

    I feel like some other LGBT people with experiences similar to mine, who also live in a progressive bubble, and didn't go through all the struggles and the hardships the LGBT community has overcome over the years, and will naively think that homophobia is over because "We just won on gay marriage. It may be legal to fire someone for being gay in 27 states, but it's not legal in my state. I can't legally be fired or evicted from my home for being gay where I live. And homophobic attitudes are shamed and ridiculed by everyone around me. Nobody I know is homophobic. That was a problem of the past. Homophobia is over now". This obviously isn't true, but I do feel that many people could easily think that if they just lived in that bubble and never looked outside it or at the history of the LGBT movement that you laid out in full detail. I'll admit at times, I'm guilty of occasionally feeling disconnected to stories regarding LGBT rights in the same way I feel disconnected to stories about race and POC, in that occasionally, it feels that the stories I hear about homophobia and I'll think "That can't affect me. That would never happen here. Not in the progressive bubble I live in". Though I'm pretty sure that that's not true, and if I stopped only associating with my small group of friends and spoke to more people, I'd probably find more LGBT people who have much worse stories of homophobia and will reveal that where I live is less progressive and LGBT friendly than I want to believe.
    I've had to live through it from the good and the bad perspectives.

    I grew up in a suburban home with a homophobic father at a time when there was no help or support in the community or the schools. I lived an isolated existance. In the workplace, gays were denied rights, ridiculed, and fired. It wasn't until the late 80's when I went to work in the non-profit sector and moved to the heart of the urban core which now has an official Gay Village that I felt more at peace with myself. Here, I see young men every day, holding hands with their same-sex partners, walking down the street together without a care in the world. That's the way it should be. That's what we fought for. There's still more work to be done, but when you live in a neighbourhood like mine, you can really see what we have accomplished.

  2. #12

    Default

    Interesting response to all above, which reminded me of this. I have a close friend where I now live. He actually is a master clock builder and the two of us are very similar in many ways. We've traded war stories about growing up and when we were young adults, but I surely never said anything about my gay past. I did tell him about Buzzy in that we demonstrated together in college, saw some movies together, that sort of thing. One day he asked me if Buzzy was married and I said no. Later he asked me if Buzzy was gay and I said yes. He knows from what I've said in the past that Buzzy and I were best friends through college. The saving grace is that my friend has a gay son and he shared that with me.

    It's always amazing when we bridge over differences and find common ground and experiences. And true friends accept each other unconditionally.

  3. #13

    Default



    Quote Originally Posted by dogboy View Post
    Interesting response to all above, which reminded me of this. I have a close friend where I now live. He actually is a master clock builder and the two of us are very similar in many ways. We've traded war stories about growing up and when we were young adults, but I surely never said anything about my gay past. I did tell him about Buzzy in that we demonstrated together in college, saw some movies together, that sort of thing. One day he asked me if Buzzy was married and I said no. Later he asked me if Buzzy was gay and I said yes. He knows from what I've said in the past that Buzzy and I were best friends through college. The saving grace is that my friend has a gay son and he shared that with me.

    It's always amazing when we bridge over differences and find common ground and experiences. And true friends accept each other unconditionally.
    It's amazing how it can take decades before we come out to someone. Most people thought my first partner and I were "best friends." When we moved in together we had to get a two-bedroom apartment, because a one-bedroom would have blown our cover. Fortunately, there wasn't any suspicion about us sharing an apartment since we were both young and had limited incomes. I was working as a clerk at the time and my partner was making plans to go back to school. It was pretty normal for young people to share accommodation to cut down on costs. We were still young with our lives ahead of us.

    It was so isolating back then and scary as well. We worked and lived in conservative environments and there was no way to meet other gay people. We didn't know of any other gay people or resources in the community so we were content with each other. But there was always that very real fear of our relationship being discovered.

    After my partner committed suicide, people showed me a lot of sympathy. They thought I had lost my best friend, and in spite of my grief, I couldn't tell them our relationship was so much more than that.

    After he died, and after my own previous attempts at suicide, I was really afraid of being overwhelmed again with thoughts to end my life. My partner and I were so much alike, and if he couldn't survive living under the pressure of living in a closeted relationship, how long was it going to take before I would give in to those dark thoughts and end my own life out of loneliness?

    It was at this time that I started seeking out a psychiatrist. I wanted to end all the pain, stress and fear. Mostly I wanted to be cured of being gay. I was looking for Conversion Therapy although I didn't know it had a name. I spoke to four different psychiatrists, because I couldn't accept their assessment that I could not be cured, wanting instead to focus on accepting myself and stop hating myself. That wasn't what I wanted. When I think back to those times, the field of psychiatry already seemed to be ahead in its understanding that homosexuality was not a choice (at least in Canada). I'm grateful for that today.

    It still left me with the problem of being alone and without any support while grieving the loss of my partner. The prospects ahead seemed bleak, and my response was to withdraw from the world. I strarted drinking... heavily. I would go home from work alone and go through a 26-ouncer of Southern Comfort every night. I isolated myself from talking to people since I didn't want anyone asking questions, particularly why I wasn't in a relationship. I hated my job and I hated myself. Every day was a fight to stay alive, and honestly, it wasn't much of a fight, because I really didn't want to live. It took years to find my way back into the world. I survived, but I know there are many who did not.
    Last edited by Starrunner; 1 Week Ago at 17:46.

  4. #14

    Default

    I suppose that I'll just throw in from the T side of things because, yes, Tetra, most of us really aren't completely unstable. :-)

    To be honest, I just saw this thread. Don't know how I've missed it, but I'm glad to have found it now. It is a wonderful, raw, honest examination of what living in this country as someone who is LGBT has meant at various times over the past several decades, and we know that even now it is no picnic. As a teacher over four decades, I was grateful to watch kids' attitudes towards our community change, watch as the once-ubiquitous taunt of "faggot" simply vanished without a trace from the hallways, watch as first one or two, then several gay and lesbian kids came out of the closet while still in school, watch while they were joined by the first of many trans kids. Progress has been made, but nothing is perfect: there is still enough homophobia around that, if we stopped teaching diversity, it wouldn't take long for it to creep back in. But slowly, slowly, it is being replaced by a new attitude that diversity actually is better.

    I taught for forty years. I transitioned on the job in a conservative district. It was...interesting. I suppose it shouldn't have worked, but somehow it did. Still, in doing so, in making myself what was then one of the more successful trans women in the country, I managed to lose a lot. Long term friends vanished. Some family members locked me out of their lives, at least for a time. My relationship with my father has never recovered, even now, even two decades later. I lost a wife who had long been my best friend and a twenty-year marriage. All of this because I chose, finally, to live an authentic life and some around me chose to pay attention to fear and prejudice.

    That prejudice was out in spades when my son transitioned several years later. He was 17, and his high school was totally unprepared for such a thing. If there was a mistake to be made, they made it: my transition was heavenly next to his. And I have worked with young trans kids since, even recently, who have met similar resistance not from their peers--their peers get it--but from society, a society made up of people who, to be frank, are old enough to know better.

    What is the reason for this? Does "old enough to know better" necessarily have to coincide with "believe they are the only arbiters of morality"? I know I'm being facetious here, but sometimes it sure seems to. I grew up in an era that knew nothing of transgender people. The word itself didn't even exist, and its predecessor, the word "transsexual," was not widely known either. I was one and I didn't learn the word until researching in the library when I was about twelve. Back then, there was an excuse for people to find it a bit scary and confusing. What is their excuse now? We have the internet. We have more studies and research than you could ever need. We have evidence galore that transgender people have been around forever and that transgenderism exists even in animal species. We know there is nothing "unnatural" or weird about it, yet Focus on the Family has still made it their priority to eliminate us from the visible world, and Donald Trump is working from their template. Too late to put the gays back in the closet, but we sure as heck can do it to those pesky trannies.

    The transgender story is still being written. Sure, the LGB story is as well, but it has reached such a critical mass that its direction appears unstoppable. Four years of Hillary would have done the same for us. Four years of this guy? We'll be lucky if we're allowed to be out in public.

  5. #15

    Default

    For me, living in the closet was Hell.
    Much fear of discovery and persecution.
    The coming out of the closet took decades.
    I found the right support at my UCC Congregational Meetinghouse which is "Open and Affirming".
    I am happier now.
    But still the struggle continues.


  6. #16

    Default

    Kudos to both Starrunner, Kerry and everyone else who has had the courage to come out. Yes, we live in a day and age of acceptance, but must of us know that acceptance isn't complete. Living in the south has been difficult for me because I still see a lot of prejudice and rejection of those who are different. Of course, the south doesn't have a monopoly on this as everyone has there comfort zones and where they are less comfortable. I'm always reminded of Seinfeld's funny comment about being gay, "And there's nothing wrong with that," said uncomfortably.

    I was unusual in that I came out while a student at a music conservatory where I had a lot of like minded company. It seems ironic to me that many people in the LGBT community can be found in the fields of classical music and church ministry. We liked to tell ourselves that we were intelligent and sensitive, and that was home for those of us who are different, but that doesn't really ring true. We're everywhere, in every profession, outgoing or shy, black and white, etc.

    The problem for people like me was that we graduated and then had to find our way in the real world, and that was hard. In some ways, I'm still finding my way. After graduation I took a different direction. In some ways it was the easy way out: live straight. Looking back, I wouldn't change my decision because there would be four fewer, wonderful lives in the world. My wife would have died years ago and the son we adopted and rescued from poverty would have not found his potential, both as a teacher and principle, but also as a wonderful, loving father.....probably.

    As a Christian, it would be easy for me to say, well, God had this purpose for me and this direction for my life, but I don't feel that at all. I think which ever direction I chose, I would have made something positive from it, and I wouldn't have known what could have been, or what the alternatives would be. Each road is the right road, because that's the road now chosen. That road has similar joys and obstacles as any other road, for the most part. The joys and obstacles are different just as every different choice leads to different outcomes.

    Looking back, I wouldn't change a thing. Well, maybe a few painful choices, but I'm still okay with who I am and where I'm at. But there are times I look back and sigh, because I miss old friends and places and all the little things that made them unique and special.

  7. #17

    Default



    Quote Originally Posted by kerry View Post
    I suppose that I'll just throw in from the T side of things because, yes, Tetra, most of us really aren't completely unstable. :-)

    To be honest, I just saw this thread. Don't know how I've missed it, but I'm glad to have found it now. It is a wonderful, raw, honest examination of what living in this country as someone who is LGBT has meant at various times over the past several decades, and we know that even now it is no picnic. As a teacher over four decades, I was grateful to watch kids' attitudes towards our community change, watch as the once-ubiquitous taunt of "faggot" simply vanished without a trace from the hallways, watch as first one or two, then several gay and lesbian kids came out of the closet while still in school, watch while they were joined by the first of many trans kids. Progress has been made, but nothing is perfect: there is still enough homophobia around that, if we stopped teaching diversity, it wouldn't take long for it to creep back in. But slowly, slowly, it is being replaced by a new attitude that diversity actually is better.

    I taught for forty years. I transitioned on the job in a conservative district. It was...interesting. I suppose it shouldn't have worked, but somehow it did. Still, in doing so, in making myself what was then one of the more successful trans women in the country, I managed to lose a lot. Long term friends vanished. Some family members locked me out of their lives, at least for a time. My relationship with my father has never recovered, even now, even two decades later. I lost a wife who had long been my best friend and a twenty-year marriage. All of this because I chose, finally, to live an authentic life and some around me chose to pay attention to fear and prejudice.

    That prejudice was out in spades when my son transitioned several years later. He was 17, and his high school was totally unprepared for such a thing. If there was a mistake to be made, they made it: my transition was heavenly next to his. And I have worked with young trans kids since, even recently, who have met similar resistance not from their peers--their peers get it--but from society, a society made up of people who, to be frank, are old enough to know better.

    What is the reason for this? Does "old enough to know better" necessarily have to coincide with "believe they are the only arbiters of morality"? I know I'm being facetious here, but sometimes it sure seems to. I grew up in an era that knew nothing of transgender people. The word itself didn't even exist, and its predecessor, the word "transsexual," was not widely known either. I was one and I didn't learn the word until researching in the library when I was about twelve. Back then, there was an excuse for people to find it a bit scary and confusing. What is their excuse now? We have the internet. We have more studies and research than you could ever need. We have evidence galore that transgender people have been around forever and that transgenderism exists even in animal species. We know there is nothing "unnatural" or weird about it, yet Focus on the Family has still made it their priority to eliminate us from the visible world, and Donald Trump is working from their template. Too late to put the gays back in the closet, but we sure as heck can do it to those pesky trannies.

    The transgender story is still being written. Sure, the LGB story is as well, but it has reached such a critical mass that its direction appears unstoppable. Four years of Hillary would have done the same for us. Four years of this guy? We'll be lucky if we're allowed to be out in public.
    Thanks for this, kerry. I was hoping a transgender person would post something about their own experiences. I can speak about my experiences as a gay man, however, in spite of our similar struggles for equality and acceptance, I would never presume to speak on behalf of transgenders as if to infer it is all the same issue. At least gays could hide their orientation and come out if and when they choose, however, transgenders have no choice if they want, or need, to transition.

    Transgenders have my heartfelt support for the current hardships they continue to face today, as well as the tremendous courage and honesty it takes to transition publically, especially in conservative environments. I believe the willingness to be your true self, openly in public can be scary as hell. Honesty in the face of adversity requires amazing strength.

    I said earlier that the gay movement was decades behind the women's movement and that the transgender movement was decades behind the gay rights movement. I think that the gay and lesbian population bears some of the blame for that. I remember being a volunteer on the Gay Pride committee organizing the annual Pride parade about twenty years ago. We were approached by a transgender group who felt we weren't being inclusive. They asked us to have 'transgenders' included in the event and in the name of the parade. At the time, it just wasn't something we had ever been asked to consider. I was fine with it, but the committee felt that such a radical change needed to be put out to a consultation with the gay and lesbian community. It turned out to be highly controversial with many members who voiced their opposition. There were horrible comments made they 'they should go have there own parade' or that they were demanding 'special rights.' After many passionate debates in the community, it was voted to go ahead with the first Gay, Lesbian, Bisexual and Transgender Pride Parade. And I was very proud.

    A friend of mine who is transgender will ocassionally go to a gay bar with her transgender friends. She says whenever they get settled at a table, the gays and lesbians will still go out of their way to avoid them. They'll clear a path around them so they don't have to walk directly past them or make eye contact with them. Not all of them, of course, It's sad to think that a group like ours, that has faced such horrendous hatred, violence and discrimination would inflict the same hateful treatment on other marginalized groups.

    To me this is a reminder that anyone has the potential to hate, even those who have survived hatred themselves. It does not belong specifically to liberals or conservatives, religious or atheist, or gay or straight. It can be hidden and found where you least expect it. It's sad to see what is happening in the US, with military bans against transgenders, and throwing federal protection against bathroom laws back to the states. However, even if Trump were gone tomorrow, he would simply be replaced by Pence who would be just as bad, and likely even worse. As repulsive as Trump has been in his treatment of transgenders, he is still a symptom of an illness. However, as I said, I believe transgenders are amongst the most honest and courageous people walking the face of the earth. I think that more and more people are coming to the same conclusion.
    Last edited by Starrunner; 1 Week Ago at 03:09.

  8. #18

    Default

    Thank you for those comments, Starrunner.

    You're certainly right about how difficult it is to live one's truth when that truth has to be nakedly visible to all of the world. My father yelled at me when I told him I needed to transition, calling me selfish, saying I needed to think of my children. He said that he had fallen in love with someone other than my mom a decade before divorcing her, but stayed with her because he had brought six kids into the world and would bring them all through high school. I didn't say it, but I wanted to yell at him that we all knew about his affairs, and that it was an entirely false comparison, as I couldn't really have my cake and eat it too as he had: it's not as if I could just be a woman when I felt like it.

    As I said before, our relationship has never really recovered.

    Anyway, about the LGB v. T thing: I got into a drawn out battle with a group of TERFs at one point maybe six years ago online because my best friend saw an article about a trans person out west who had been molested for using a locker room. The comments had gotten ugly, and she went online to explain that trans people are just living their truths and got attacked. I then went on to defend her. Neither of us had ever even heard of TERFS before this, but it was as if they were suddenly swarming around me. They were horrible, awful, hateful people, insisting I was a man pretending to be a woman, saying the most vile things. They even went to other sites, like youtube, where I had published "It Gets Better" and other kinds of videos, and left disgusting comments. I was astonished, disgusted, and (if I'm honest) a little impressed: these people were dedicated to their hatred.

    The thing is: they are lesbians. Trans-Exclusionary Radical Feminists. Lesbians. They should know better than to hate and discriminate. And they should also know this: the entire gay right movement began with Stonewall, and the Stonewall Riots began with all parts of the spectrum participating. That night, there were gay men, drag queens, butch dykes, transgender youth: everyone was part of the group that had had enough and finally fought back. To exclude transgender people is to forget the basic history of the movement. But these TERFs are as hateful as the alt-right; they hate because they hate, and nothing can convince them otherwise.

    The "illness" you speak of is indeed nothing new, and it is not at all limited to conservatives. But it is ugly and it is evil. And when people who are infected by it are in power, we are all in trouble.

    [Linguistic note: the word "transgender" is an adjective, not a noun. Thus one does not speak of "transgenders" because it makes no grammatical sense; one speaks of "transgender people."]

  9. #19

    Default

    Thanks again, kerry. An interesting, informative, and insightful post, as always.

    I'm sorry for the terrible experience of coming out to your father. It's such a personal experience to come out to anyone and it requires trust and sensitivity, it's unfortunate to receive such a hostile and ill-informed response from a family member.

    My experience with my father wasn't any better. He was a homophobe and I think he recognized my gay mannerisms long before I knew the word sexuality or what it meant. I paid heavily for that.


    I must admit, I had to google the TERF term to find out what it was (I hadn't yet got to part where you spelled out the acronym). I must admit, I don't recall hearing that term before now. I consider myself to be a moderate feminist, and I'm obviously not one of these radical feminists. It seems bizarre that gays, lesbians and feminists, groups that have faced historical hatred and violence themselves, would still condemn another group facing the same discriminatory ignorance. We have more that unites than divides us.

    When I think back to that meeting twenty years ago when we were approached by a transgender group to include them in the annual Pride Parade, I remember the group as being very respectful to us while clearly stating their case about our common struggle and how their needs intersected with ours. It made perfect sense to me. Yet the gay and lesbian community was in an uproar, saying they were forcing their demands on us, trying to take over our parade, and demanding special rights. They didn't see the irony in the fact that many of the words they used against transgender people were the same words that were used against the gay and lesbian movement.

    On a positive note, here's some information that can make us both feel hopeful. The Grand Marshall of our Pride Parade in 2016 was a 10-year old transgender activist. Not only is Charlie an amazing young girl, but she has phenomenal parents who are loving and upportive of her.

    http://ottawacitizen.com/news/local-...-grand-marshal
    Last edited by Starrunner; 1 Week Ago at 17:58.

  10. #20

    Default

    I'm still reading here. Yeah, I experienced some of the friction between male gays and lesbians, and I never understood it because we were all in the same boat. Reading about your experiences with your fathers made me think of mine. I never new what he thought about his son being gay, because he never said. My mom did all the talking. I loved my dad and he was a wonderful, loving person, but he never talked about personal stuff. He had a great sense of humor, and he'd get upset with some of the things on the news, but personal intercourse wasn't his thing.

    I bought a sailboat when I was in high school, and my dad taught me how to sail. He and I used to go out sailing in the evening, after supper. I don't remember us talking about a lot. It was like we both enjoyed being out on the water, and sometimes the silence said more than words. When I went to college, I sold my sailboat because money was needed to pay the many college expenses. Maybe more was lost than gained in selling the boat.

Similar Threads

  1. LGBTQ advice
    By LordFluffybuttz in forum Mature Topics
    Replies: 6
    Last Post: 22-Jul-2015, 01:16
  2. ABDL and LGBTQ
    By ManicMunchkin in forum Mature Topics
    Replies: 14
    Last Post: 03-Apr-2010, 19:05

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •  
ADISC.org - the Adult Baby / Diaper Lover / Incontinence Support Community.
ADISC.org is designed to be viewed in Firefox, with a resolution of at least 1280 x 1024.