I have the same reaction when I see babies and toddlers on the street - or anyone who is still diaper age. I think to myself coldly:
"Enjoy your childhood kids. You will soon lose it and all the innocence you carry in this cruel and unforgiving world we live in. Enjoy the sanctuary of the garden playground of Eden your parents have built amidst the adult turmoil of this age. Enjoy your attachment objects, bottles, diapers and other items of comfort as you will soon dispose of them as you face the facts of life through your parents' apparent wisdom. Soon you will find that the world would be a better place if we were all still innocent and loved and cared for. We did not ask to grow up, it is the society and our physical maturation that makes those decisions for us. Because of those decisions we are robbed of our child objectivity, our child perspective and imagination, our innocence and isolation from those who seek to hurt us, our dreams to be something more, our will to remain children and most of all our way of life."
In short, every time I see a small child, every time I see any object or article of clothing that is childlike in origin, I become very unhappy. I recognize that I didn't get very much of childhood growing up and I was forced into the adult life by my own will to exceed the bullying and fools in the adult population who wanted to hurt me. Every time I have to recognize that fact, I want to be little ASAP. It is because of this that I have been so close to my little-self all these years. I want to have my childhood, my innocence and my life before I was abused by school officials and before I was bullied by students back.
I want my old life back so badly, no matter how long it takes or how hard I have to try, I must do it for the sake of my own sanity. If I fail to meet the requirements of my little-self, over time I start to build up negative energy and when it reaches a head, I lash out at a random person in order to reduce it. External stressors also contribute to this bag of negativity. With the paranoia and sensitivity of people these days, having such a dangerous negativity containment bag on my back is not wanted. However using such a bag cannot be helped in my circumstances. Without it I would be nasty to people every day and show no mercy to anyone who tried to harm me (even going so far as overkill - in terms of killing people who try to physically harm me and knocking people out who gave me verbal abuse).
Elements of my little-self are present in my big-self, but if I cannot restrain my big-self from showing no mercy then the components of my little-self would become one with my little-persona and would be lost until I can bring myself under control again. If the bag gets too big for a single outburst to handle the emotional fallout, a wanton self-destructive rampage is next which will most likely fully empty the bag. It is a blind rage that consumes me to the point where I have no recollection of what I do or what I have done to other people. I proceed to inflict harm to other people or to myself (if I am aware enough in an attempt to prevent a complete loss of control). If I completely lose control, my entire personality will go to the back of my mind, unable to come out. I will fend off anyone who comes near until I either tire out or I have been incapacitated.
