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Thread: is this getting bad?

  1. #1

    Default is this getting bad?

    around 8 months ago i was really depressed, so i got myself two bottles of cheap vodka and they were sitting on my bedroom shelf for at least a week before i finally opened one, and it took a few weeks or a month before i finally finished both of them.

    while i still had those two cheap vodkas, i bought another vodka, but a better quality one. that bottle was sitting on my shelf for a month before it went down the hatch, and i only drank it because it was sitting there for so long that i said to myself it was about time i drink it already.

    but these days i'll get a bottle of something even stronger than vodka and drink it almost immediately. if i get my hands on a bottle, it won't stay on my shelf for longer than a few days at most.

    am i starting to have a problem? i was 18 the first time i drank and it was only because i was depressed enough to do it. i remember i hated alcohol before that, but now i'll drink whatever i can get my hands on as long as it's something strong.

    my family has a history of alcoholism and suicide. maybe i'm the person who's gonna keep the cycle going?

  2. #2

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    Alexia, I know you've posed this question before and if you are still continuing to ask yourself if you have a problem, then you most likely do have a problem. Alcohol gives temporary relief in escaping your own problems by giving you a high feeling and forgetting about the things are causing you to feel depressed. You say the first time you started drinking vodka was only because you had caved into depression. And now you need something stronger and more of it. Is it bad? Is it alcoholism? It's quite possible, but clearly, you have other problems, that, if left unresolved, will turn you into an alcoholic if you don't find a way to face them.

    The amount of alcohol consumed is less significant than the fact that you are using it to mask the pain of depression. Alcohol will only make things worse and ultimately add more problems since it can affect relationships, employment, and self-esteem. The problem with alcohol as a problem-solver is that you build a resistance to it and you end up needing more to escape. The result is feeling even more miserable with the accompanying hangovers and a deeper depression. It's something I've lived through after losing a partner to suicide.

    From my own experience, I needed to face the pain, accept my life and loss, and find healthier coping methods. It took a long time. My retreat into alcoholism put me at risk of losing my employment, and I had isolated myself from family and friends, preferring to wallow in self-pity with no hope for the future. I can tell you that 'reaching the bottom' is a dark and painful experience, and not everyone survives it, especially when depression is at the heart of it.


    My best advice is to not ask if it is getting bad, but rather, ask yourself what you need to get out of this trap. Put the alcohol aside and talk to your doctor or a counsellor. Talk to them about depression. Talk to them about your drinking. Talk to them about your family history around suicide and depression. You've opened up here and it takes a lot of courage, now please, get on the phone and speak to someone who is trained to help you.

    EU Helpline- 352 - 25 22 33 - 333
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    Last edited by Starrunner; 19-Jul-2017 at 17:40.

  3. #3

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    Alcohol consumption is only a problem when it starts creating other problems or you have become addicted/dependent on it. Also, you didn't mention this, but are you getting drunk when drinking them?

    As long as you are not getting drunk or dependent on it, then I'd say no it is not a problem- regardless of how much you drink.

  4. #4

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    Alcohol is just a means of escapism. Try reading a book. And no, I am not being flippant. I have a personal library of 1400 books and have read thousands more from the local library, all while having dyslexia.

    Reading is not at all like watching TV or a movie. Your mind gets a workout creating scenes in your head and you go deeper into thought. Go to a library and give it a try.

  5. #5

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    Quote Originally Posted by Alexia View Post
    [...] i'll get a bottle of something even stronger than vodka and drink it almost immediately. if i get my hands on a bottle, it won't stay on my shelf for longer than a few days at most.

    am i starting to have a problem? i was 18 the first time i drank and it was only because i was depressed enough to do it. i remember i hated alcohol before that, but now i'll drink whatever i can get my hands on as long as it's something strong.

    my family has a history of alcoholism and suicide. maybe i'm the person who's gonna keep the cycle going?
    I too come from a long line of familial alcoholism... one might argue that, that was the (slow) suicide...

    I started drinking alcohol when I was 12-years old... by 21-years, I was a full on binge-drinker... I drank to obliterate my mind, my thoughts, my feelings, my pain, my depression, my self-loathing, what I believed that others thought of me... I drank to obliterate the abuses from my so-called parents, to obliterate my loneliness, my lack of friends, my weirdness and incompetence... (it goes on like that)

    If that is not 100%, the same intentions, reasoning, etc - of suicide... I don't know what is. Oh, I did actually try more obvious, intentional-suicide as well...


    Alexia,

    Each person in your family - made a choice of their own sorts regardless, of the specific results - You have no obligation, fate or destiny to, continue with that uh-tradition...

    I rather avoid telling others that if they have to ask - they must have a problem because,
    it can stop them from asking themselves or others, anymore
    - Do I have a problem? Do you see a problem with me? What can be done? ,(etc).

    One of the last things that's needed right now is, more isolation and more shut-down... Keep the lines of communication -OPEN!

    Keep asking and keep checking!

    This is no time for being a lone-wolf - find, join and stay with, a healthy pack.

    You'll still have the final say on what it is for you and, what you might do with it.

    However - if you should choose to carry on with drinking more, drinking sooner and, drinking harder stuff (escalating)...
    A few things to consider:
    • You will build a tolerance - you will have to drink more and, more frequently, etc to get the same results that you used to from; drinking more moderately. So, it gets more expensive and harder on your body and mind, too.


    • For some reason, we never seem to kill-off the brain-cells that are causing the complications and pain but, we do seem to kill-off the ones that help us do smarter and more considerate and, constructive things.
      • Even for those of us who barely perceive so much as a slight buzz and, it's been years (quite-awhile) since we were drunk; I think that quantity and frequency, DOES still matter - something about Gaba? something and, Dopamine, I believe - anyway, from abrupt cessation of alcohol, severe, dangerous and potentially fatal, withdrawal complications; are very much a risk, still. Results will vary by person, severity and, other circumstances.




    • You will prevent or complicate more greatly getting the issues resolved, that are behind your wanting to drink so much.



    • Alcoholism, starts out as a symptom long before it becomes a big problem, on it's own.
      • If you are in the more symptomatic stages; it would be far easier and take less time - to start a roll-back on it now. If, you've reached the point where it is very much it's own problem too (it took on a life of it's own)... You may wind-up basically having to deconstruct both, the alcoholism and, the underlying issues - that lead to it's propensity.
        • And, part of that underlying issue is, that you might believe since your family has done_____; it must be your destiny too - that might have been the same misunderstanding that, they had for themselves, earlier on, too. You CAN break this cycle.


    So, keep talking... keep asking...
    We'll offer the best support that we can here and, we can try to find pertinent resources in your area - for you to consider utilizing, at your choosing.

    As always, my best to you,
    -Marka

    p.s. Your Avatar is beautiful! *blush*

  6. #6

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    i really don't know how to respond to everyone.. all the drinking started because of my long distance relationship. i finally found the girl of my dreams, and for some time she felt the same way about me.

    long story short, i started making plans to finally leave this country behind, never come back, and start a new life in a country that i always wanted to live in.
    but then she lost her feelings for me, and told me some things that made me feel even worse than before.

    there's so much more to this with a whole bunch of other important details that i could fill a book with it. but that should be enough to give you a basic idea.

    i wanna leave this country and start a new life. i feel completely worthless here. even if i somehow got a house and a good job, i still wouldn't feel any better. i'd feel much happier if i had a shitty job and a dump of an apartment in a country that i wanna live in.

    all of this may not sound that bad, but each individual has a unique mindset, and for me, those things are really making my life and myself feel completely worthless

  7. #7

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    I agree with the above posters. I also wonder, how much are you drinking each day, or each evening? If you're drinking to get wasted, yes then, you have a big problem. I should know as I've been there. What ended it for me was a bleeding ulcer that came very close to killing me. I had to stop drinking alcohol cold turkey. Oddly, sustaining from drinking never bothered me, probably because of what it did to me.

    Leaving alcohol did not allow me to leave the problems that I was trying to escape, so I had to deal with them as a cold sober person. There are other people to be with and there are other places to live. I moved several times when I was young and I left several people I dearly loved. Eventually I found the person I've spent the rest of my life living with. The more sober you are, the easier it will be to reach your goals. Alcohol only gets in the way.

    One thing that surprised me was that when I was no longer drinking, I became interested in so many things that were constructive and productive. Like some have said, if you can't break away from heavy consumption, seek help. Your life is worth saving, just as mine was.

  8. #8

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    Quote Originally Posted by Alexia View Post
    all of this may not sound that bad, but each individual has a unique mindset, and for me, those things are really making my life and myself feel completely worthless
    I think that one of the worst things we do to ourselves when we're depressed is we tend to minimize the experience that has been the cause of our misery. We tell ourselves 'it's not such a big deal' and then we don't understand why we are unable to get over it. It's also a reason why we don't open up to others, for fear they will not understand the impact these things have on our lives. I think it's important to understand that this relationship was something that was very important to you, something you have lost, and you are at a loss as to how to express your grief. That's understandable. We are all affected differently by the events of our lives, and our individual responses depend on a number of variables such as our support networks, past experience, and how we manage our physical and mental health.

    Without trying to sound old (it just comes naturally), I can say that you are still quite young and there will be other relationships ahead of you: healthier relationships with a partner who will treat you the way you deserve to be treated, with all the respect, love and commitment a good relationship requires. As I said in my last post, I lost a partner to suicide many years ago and tried to drown my pain in alcohol. I know how painful the loss of a partner can be but alcohol is not the answer.. It takes a manageable problem and makes it unmanageable. Please... put the bottle away, or better yet, just toss it out. It's not helping. You're just punishing yourself and you don't deserve it.

    Twice in your post you say you feel worthless. I don't think anything could be further from the truth. I think it's just the depression that's trash talking in your head and getting you to believe it. I know it may seem hard to believe right now, but there will be many better days ahead if you just give yourself a chance. I may not know all the specifics of your situation, but I know this: Your life matters. Every life matters.
    Last edited by Starrunner; 20-Jul-2017 at 14:31.

  9. #9

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    Frankly and without any doubt: This is not getting bad, it is bad already. You are an alcoholic and you need to stop drinking. Continue with this and your life will change drastically from bad to worse to worst.
    I wish you the best of luck.

  10. #10

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    I've got to say I disagree with the others. Saying alcohol is escapism or otherwise bad is complete bull. And the world health organisation, among many others agrees with me. Alcohol consumption has many benefits to it-when consumed in moderation.

    Now alcohol consumption -IN EXCESS- is incredibly bad. That is alcoholism, escapism, and certainly a problem.

    Now go back and read what the OP said. Even at her current rate it takes a few days at least to consume just one bottle. That is not in excess, and likely not even enough to get drunk off of (unless she is a "light weight"). She never said she was getting drunk either. And hence why it is not a problem-yet.

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