View Poll Results: What should I do with my nana and grandad?

Voters
3. You may not vote on this poll
  • Fein ignorance and still go

    0 0%
  • Still go up and explain how upset I am

    1 33.33%
  • Explain how upset I am and hope I get less angry at them in time

    2 66.67%
  • Explain how angry I am and cut ties with them

    0 0%
  • Ignore and block them

    0 0%
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Thread: I just relised how horrible my mums side of the family w

  1. #1

    Default I just relised how horrible my mums side of the family w

    Today my dad got a letter from the post from my nana and grandad saying how basically my dad is no longer welcome in this family, they were putting words into his mouth saying that when he was standing beside mums death bed that he said "I'm going to follow my dreams now" when he clearly would never say anything like this. Basically, long story short, they were saying that dad cheated on my mum whilst she was still alive and my uncle found a picture of my dad and gf together and stirred the story up to sound bad and assumed what it was.

    I'm very upset about this because I have known my nana and grandad all my life and I have fond memories of them growing up, going out to meals, staying at their house for the weekend etc. I don't want to leave this part of me and move on because Ive bonded with them during the years.

    Yet I am angry that I've seen their true colours and seen how judgmental and I've relised that how my mom acted towards me and my brother was by how nana and grandad raised my mum, at the end of the day, my mum only acted like her parents acted when she was growing up because she knew no better, my mum knew how they were behaving and got angry when they kept pointing out how I was developing and saying I should of been doing this and doing that and basically compared me to my younger cusions and bragging how well they were doing, they never understood why I was kept in nappies for longer (I had infections and developmental issues). When I grew up and asked about me growing up, that's when I saw how they felt about me, they thought I was inferior compared to my cusions just because I still like my toys which is no big deal anyway, that I had developmental issues and pointing out my flaws and basically saying I wasn't as smart as my cusions without actually saying it but yet I still went up next time!

    They still are offering me to go up to their house, but I'm not sure if I still want to go anymore, what should I do?

  2. #2

    Default

    Hi there Angelic, very sorry to hear of this. Family should be the people we can rely on but invariably it turns out those are the people that let us down the most. I do not have all the facts so will not surmise what led to this, I will only go on what you have mentioned.

    There seems to be friction between your grandparents and father following the passing of your mother. I am truly sorry to hear about her passing. You must be suffering from that and now have to deal with all this. It is when we are at our lowest that we can grow stronger and learn a lot about our own resilience. From your posts here you always seem happy and have a great understanding of your little self. It is hard now but try to not stop being you, no matter what your grandparents think about it. It sounds like your father needs support after receiving this letter. Maybe let him know how much you care by helping him with a response to the letter from both of you.

    Sorry for the quick response, I am on holiday and have limited access/time to/for ADISC. I hope to have more time to respond properly soon, but also hoping others will take up the charge in supporting you at this time.

  3. #3

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    I would go and tell them how you feel. Maybe there is more to the story. Maybe your dad did something else to upset them? Did he cheat on your mom? (don't need to answer this publicly). Is your uncle a trouble maker? Does he have something to gain from your dad being out of the family?

  4. #4

    Default

    As far as I know he didn't cheat on my mum nor do anything to upset my nana and grandad.

    But I could say my uncle is kind of a trouble maker, he has had friction with my dad in th past.

  5. #5

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    This is sad in more ways then one. i.e. My grandparents treated my dad the same way.

    Communication is always the best. Just remember to use "I" statements, this cause less confrontational talk. i.e. I feel that my dad has been misrepresented and........

    Good luck

    Egor

  6. #6

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    I chose to stick with my nana, I'm no longer angry or upset with them, I think it's pointless to be still angry with them after all I love them and still want to see them

  7. #7

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    Hey kiddo

    Heres what I would do, first I would talk to your father about this, and make sure that you have all your facts straight.

    after that, I would at least give your grandparents a try, visit them, bring it up with them as an adult. perhaps your take on things will be enough to counter your uncle's stories.

    after all you are a lot closer to the situation then he would have been?

    It's important to remember that people deal with grief in different ways, it's entirely possible that your grandparents are still mourning and sometimes grief comes out in weird ways. Pushing away things or people that remind us of our loss is not uncommon.

    also, make sure that there is no truth to what is being said, sometimes we learn some pretty surprising things.

    I guess, unless your being asked to make a choice between your grandparents and your father, don't make the choice unless you really want/need too.

    hope that helps?

  8. #8

    Default

    I can tell dads not happy with the situation of me still wanting to go up, but like he said, I'm a adult and it's a situation I have to make on my own

  9. #9

    Default



    Quote Originally Posted by Angelic View Post
    I can tell dads not happy with the situation of me still wanting to go up, but like he said, I'm a adult and it's a situation I have to make on my own
    Well with this... I'm curious no, confused... why you started a new thread/poll... on what appears the same situation?

    Not having read this one first... this is more enlightening about the issues you face on the particulars and, even your dad said "[you're] a adult and it's a situation [you] have to make on [your] own" It doesn't seem to me like he's making you pick a side.

    And, you've expressed forgiveness for your grands so... what does your gut tell you to do?

    You're not going to make everyone happy including yourself... yet, do your best, to do what is most right to do now... then, nobody can fairly fault you for that!

    Do what is right for this moment... figure out the rest, later...

    The trouble I'm finding with your polls, in this matter is... they have only negative options... it's a pick your poison, offering... find as many positive choices and reasons as you have for negatives...

    No-one said it would have to be comfortable or easy... do what is right and, you will have done the right thing...
    "the hardest things to learn, are the least complicated"

    -Marka

  10. #10

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    It's a very diffuicult time at the moment and I'm wondering if I'm sweeping the main issue under the carpet and dealing with it at a more convientient time.

    Mind I was upset for a couple of days but now I'm just a little mildly upset but more aware of what they are like, maybe I'm just sweeeping it under the carpet to deal with it when I'm ready to deal with it, until then I'm happy to act as if it never happened, dad keeps trying to explain what happened, I understand but I'm not feeling anything if you get what I mean.

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