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Thread: Depression and Little Space

  1. #1

    Default Depression and Little Space

    I debated whether to post this here or in Mature Topics, but ultimately the cognitive dissonance created by the notion of discussing Little Space in a Mature Topics forum made up my mind for me.

    I need to start by saying that my primary reason for being on ADISC is incontinence; I joined four years ago after being diagnosed. That, however, doesn't mean I was unfamiliar with the land of ABDL; as I'd had on and off again potty problems all of my life, mostly at night but occasionally during the day, the idea of age play and diapers both as punishment and as comfort device had also long been parts of my background. (My four-year-old sister was punished with diapers when I was eight; that is the earliest association I can recall. I hid my occasional bedwetting from my mom for a long time because of it.) Anyway: I know all of these worlds, though I have not made a habit of indulging my own Little side.

    I have one; I've always known that. She's about four or five and has a damaged bladder so is not toilet trained. She likes baby things, probably because of the diapers she still has to wear, and she's indulged in these desires because...why not? But the thing is that I don't usually need her to come out. I have echoes and accoutrements of hers: one of her stuffed bears (Bearaboo) on my bed, her paci in my mouth when I sleep, footie sleepers in winter time, etc. And that's always enough.

    But lately I have been in an ongoing depression that, try as I might, I can't seem to shake. It started with Trump, and I seemed finally to break free of it in early February, but the freedom didn't last. Since April or so, I've been lethargic, uninspired, and empty. I lack energy and desire to do much of anything. If I didn't have a few standing items on my calendar, I probably would lie on my couch 24/7 for weeks at a time. And I'm too down to even care.

    I do get out--those items include play subscriptions, for example--but then I come home and I'm lost again. It seems absurd: what do I have to be depressed about? My life, in general, is better than most. Yet I can't reason this away. And I know, I know: you can't reason depression away. I should probably call my shrink to get my meds re-evaluated.

    But this week, because I simple can't exist in grown-up space without crying about nothing at all, I decided to let Little Kerry out. I can't dress up (I don't own anything anyway) and I don't have a playpen or anything (though I wish I did) but these big items would be too noticeable when my daughter and her boyfriend come home later on. So what I have done is get Snowy, my overlarge stuffed polar bear, and a "Princess in Training" paci, and cuddle up against my "daddy" (my husband in his best daddy mode) to watch TV. For a little while, anyway, it seemed to help. Little Kerry nursed on her paci and giggled at the movie and hugged her bear and her daddy and bad thoughts left for awhile. And then the movie ended and they all came back in.

    I have my paci and Snowy right here as I write this, but I'm writing, so I'm not in my real Little Space. Little Kerry isn't old enough to do that. I'm starting to wonder if the only way to beat this depression is to let her out for a long time and just forget about me for awhile. Maybe that would actually help...

  2. #2

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    Hmmm. My first thought is that it's important to understand the root of your depression (Trump is certainly a fair excuse, heh). I don't really have "little" tendencies -- well that I know of -- I suppose there's something there. I can get lost in nostalgic cartoons. But I can understand how entering "little space" can be therapeutic in a short-term kind of way.

    I may have a slightly off-beat take on depression. I suffer from it myself, but I don't tend to interpret it as primarily a chemical imbalance. There are specific events that triggered it, and to which it is a response, and responding to the issue with chemicals is only a band-aid... if that makes sense. It's important to get at the cause.


  3. #3

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    I also have a understanding about depression as I have major depressive disorder and to add to that I am now going through cancer treatment again and the chemo drugs counter act the depression meds and add to the depression I already have. Not to mention that they leave me physically drained along with mentally and emotionally. My little side helps but only when the chemo drugs are leaving my system unfortunately that is about the same time as I am going for my next dose.

    If you wanna talk just message me

    Sent from my SM-G920V using Tapatalk

  4. #4

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    Hey Kerry.

    This is an on going issue for me also.

    1) Yes get in touch with your Doctor and have your meds checked. This was the issue the last time I bottom out. Stress can cause thing to not work as effective and that only makes matters worse.

    2) Letting the little out is an acceptable coping mechanism. Just be aware of how long and what is working. As always we still have to keep little and RL in a balance.

    IF you need anyone to talk to don't hesitate to PM me.

    Egor

  5. #5

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    Hi Kerry. I've had a rough time these last several weeks. My wife and I were always active, outdoor people. The family has a cottage in northern Ontario and we would go up there every July for vacation, enjoying our kids, swimming and fishing in the lake and having fun with my in-laws. But as the years have moved on, so have we. My wife can no longer travel as she is tied to her dialysis machine, plus her mobility is severely limited.

    Two thirds of our family are up at the cottage. Our daughter and her family moved across the country to California and we never see them. Now, the summer is just a bitter reminder to me that there is no fun for my wife and me. We just sit in the kitchen and read, so depression comes and goes.

    That said, I make myself do things so that it doesn't get worse. I can't do much about our built in circumstances, but I deliberately keep myself busy. As many members know, I purchased a great, digital piano and I'm learning many of the big, difficult pieces. I'd like to return to some of my writing, but I haven't yet. I've also gotten out on my bike a few times which actually makes me feel much better. I think the exercise kicks the endorphins into my system.

    I think you need to find something that really excites you. I'm lucky in that I'm a musician, so my piano music does turn me on. Our bike trail is beautiful, and riding through the woods and crossing creeks via old railroad bridges plays to the romantic image of it all. Find your passion if you can and have something to do that is fun. We all need that.

  6. #6

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    Quote Originally Posted by dogboy View Post
    I think you need to find something that really excites you. I'm lucky in that I'm a musician, so my piano music does turn me on. Our bike trail is beautiful, and riding through the woods and crossing creeks via old railroad bridges plays to the romantic image of it all. Find your passion if you can and have something to do that is fun. We all need that.
    This is part of my problem. I'm a writer and I can't focus enough to write. And when I can't do that I just get more depressed. And then I think about so many others--heck, many right here on these forums--who have it much worse off than I do, and I just get even more depressed because I don't think I have any right to be depressed in the first place...etc. All I can do is lose myself in a TV show or something, but that only lasts until it's over.

  7. #7

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    Quote Originally Posted by kerry View Post
    This is part of my problem. I'm a writer and I can't focus enough to write. And when I can't do that I just get more depressed. And then I think about so many others--heck, many right here on these forums--who have it much worse off than I do, and I just get even more depressed because I don't think I have any right to be depressed in the first place...etc. All I can do is lose myself in a TV show or something, but that only lasts until it's over.
    It's difficult really... to know, let alone assess, who has it worse and how, when and, why, that may be so...

    The important thing, I believe... is that, you, are in a ditch so-to-speak... irrespective, of what's happening with anyone else...

    Working on, getting out of a ditch, myself... the thing we all might have equally in common - is that we all need a tow...

    In my experience: the muse doesn't handle that service... in-fact, the muse, goes on strike, 'til the path is cleared and, we're on our way again... when, we grab onto this muse, to pull us out... we only tend to drag the muse into the ditch, with us...

    Depression, requires no right nor, right-of-way and; it's an equal opportunity employer... it knows or cares none of, any color, creed or, orientation... Skill, experience and, due diligence - be damned!

    Call for a tow and, reassess the rest when, you're back on the road...

    You're not alone... shall you be lonely though?

    Your Marka

  8. #8

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    I'd say the best course of action is to talk to a professional about how you feel. Build up the courage to bring the issue up to your family, whether or not they know your about your Little side. That's really all I can say. If going into your Little space helps, I suppose it won't hurt at least as a short term coping mechanism. But seeking out professional help I feel is the best advice for the way you're currently feeling.

    As for whether this thread belongs here or in Mature Topics, I'd say either or really.

  9. #9

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    Quote Originally Posted by kerry View Post
    This is part of my problem. I'm a writer and I can't focus enough to write. And when I can't do that I just get more depressed. And then I think about so many others--heck, many right here on these forums--who have it much worse off than I do, and I just get even more depressed because I don't think I have any right to be depressed in the first place...etc. All I can do is lose myself in a TV show or something, but that only lasts until it's over.
    Are you in a place where you would enjoy reading? When I was writing my novel, I was constantly reading other people's works. Sometimes it can generate ideas. I was thinking about you today, and the writing thing reminded me when I was writing "Ong's Hat". It was summer and I was out riding my bike almost every morning on the bike trail. I knew my characters, the main kids in the story, had to go to the lighthouse and discover the Fresnel lens missing, but the problem was, what else happened. How does one fill up an entire chapter with one event. Fortunately, all these ideas came to me while riding. There's a theory that exercise brings more oxygen to the brain.

    I realize though that when one is really depressed, they're not interested in doing much of anything, so it's hard to motivate oneself out of the funk. For what it's worth, I think you're a wonderful person and I hope you can work through this. I typically get super focused on one thing. For six years it was writing the book and now it's playing piano. It's probably part of who I am emotionally, both for good and bad. Eventually, we all have to find our own way and one that works best for us.

  10. #10

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    Quote Originally Posted by dogboy View Post
    Are you in a place where you would enjoy reading? ...

    I realize though that when one is really depressed, they're not interested in doing much of anything, so it's hard to motivate oneself out of the funk. For what it's worth, I think you're a wonderful person and I hope you can work through this. I typically get super focused on one thing. For six years it was writing the book and now it's playing piano. It's probably part of who I am emotionally, both for good and bad. Eventually, we all have to find our own way and one that works best for us.
    I love reading, but have not been able to concentrate on anything other than stories on this and other ABDL sites lately...and webcomics. Hubby has been trying to bring me out of my funk, but it's hard. He asked today what would help. I told him I didn't know; maybe a large playpen in the living room (which is impossible). He asked if I knew where to get one. (He knows it's impossible due to our living arrangements with college daughter and bf around so much but it was nice that he asked.)

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