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Thread: I've fired my mother

  1. #1

    Default I've fired my mother

    For whatever reason suits her, she's being the opposite of supportive with respect to my current issues. She's pretending as if I don't make any sense when I speak. So I have had to sever ties with her. She understands that she is no longer my mother and is not welcome to contact me.

    Hooray for family love?

  2. #2
    kidcalamity

    Default

    Is that the mother that raised you, or a substitute mother Sapphyre? Please clarify your relationship because that is important to know

  3. #3

    Default

    She is biologically my mother. She raised me, yes. I suppose I should have thought to clarify, given the nature of this site.

  4. #4

    Default

    Sapphyre,

    Not knowing the history of what you've gone through with your Mother, I can take it at face value that things got to the point where you felt it was necessary for all contact with her to end.
    I can respect that, and I know how painful it can be. Severing ties with our 'Mother', is a very intense and emotional thing.
    However, that being said?

    You, as an adult, are responsible for your own well being. Our parent(s) raised us in whatever manner they felt was necessary (or with utter indifference, depending?). That time is now in the past. Realizing our parents are not perfect, and indeed, often flawed, can be a sobering moment in any child/young adults life. But hell, we're all just people, right? Never met anyone who could walk on water, or heal the lepers.
    Nobody is perfect.
    Caveat done, I applaud you for taking a hard step towards ensuring your own well-being and future happiness.

    Stay strong, hold-fast to your beliefs, and always remember to treat others as you would like to be treated. That doesn't mean you've got to take shit from anyone, however!

    B.

  5. #5

    Default



    Quote Originally Posted by Sapphyre View Post
    She is biologically my mother. She raised me, yes. I suppose I should have thought to clarify, given the nature of this site.
    The thread title and this^^ both gave me a chuckle. Thanks for that.

    I'm not sure where this would play a part in your current drama, but I bet it relates. I've always avoided answering the phone. Nothing good ever comes from it. ( Well... once it did, when Junior called to say he'd scored Winter Classic tickets). If it's not someone trying to sell me something, or wanting me to bail them out, it's someone who wants to hear the sound of my voice (=chew on my ear for a couple of hours). Unfortunately, Mrs. Maxx believes its a felony to let a ringing phone go unanswered.

  6. #6

    Default

    I no longer answer the phone either - 2,000 bogus phone calls in the last four years.

    As for the OP's mother, I would give it a year for the relationship to "reset" and then try again.

  7. #7

    Default



    Quote Originally Posted by Bucephalus View Post
    Sapphyre,

    Not knowing the history of what you've gone through with your Mother, I can take it at face value that things got to the point where you felt it was necessary for all contact with her to end.
    I can respect that, and I know how painful it can be. Severing ties with our 'Mother', is a very intense and emotional thing.
    However, that being said?

    You, as an adult, are responsible for your own well being. Our parent(s) raised us in whatever manner they felt was necessary (or with utter indifference, depending?). That time is now in the past. Realizing our parents are not perfect, and indeed, often flawed, can be a sobering moment in any child/young adults life. But hell, we're all just people, right? Never met anyone who could walk on water, or heal the lepers.
    Nobody is perfect.
    Caveat done, I applaud you for taking a hard step towards ensuring your own well-being and future happiness.

    Stay strong, hold-fast to your beliefs, and always remember to treat others as you would like to be treated. That doesn't mean you've got to take shit from anyone, however!

    B.
    Thanks. She chose a very difficult time in my life to force my hand in that, but that isn't so surprising in retrospect. As I've mentioned in other threads, I'm currently having to fight discrimination that could result in the loss of my present employment. My mother is -- well, was trying to drive me into the ground by leveraging that. She attempted to paint me as irrational to the point that she pretended not to understand English and claimed I wasn't making any sense when I spoke to her (I sent her a link to Merriam-Webster, maybe that will help her out). This is actually quite typical behavior for her; she is basically the opposite of supportive with any problem that comes up. She exacerbates things.

    I hope she's happy with the outcome. -.-



    Quote Originally Posted by Maxx View Post
    The thread title and this^^ both gave me a chuckle. Thanks for that.
    I'm glad you got something out of it.

  8. #8
    kidcalamity

    Default

    You must matter more to yourself than anyone else on this planet Sapphyre and that includes your mother (though if you ever find someone where the opposite is true never let them out of your life) Be kind to others if they are kind to you and ignore those that aren't regardless of their status or relationship to you. It is my belief that members of a 'family' have a fixed pattern of relating to each other that will never change no matter how hard one tries to change the dynamics. If your mother isn't there for you, you need to be free of her influence. My three siblings do not know where I live or how to contact me because they do not want to respect me. So it should be with your mother if she does not have your best interests at heart. After all, that is her duty to her child, and if she can't change her way of relating to you so that you want her in your life? Well.

  9. #9

    Default



    Quote Originally Posted by kidcalamity View Post
    You must matter more to yourself than anyone else on this planet Sapphyre and that includes your mother (though if you ever find someone where the opposite is true never let them out of your life) Be kind to others if they are kind to you and ignore those that aren't regardless of their status or relationship to you. It is my belief that members of a 'family' have a fixed pattern of relating to each other that will never change no matter how hard one tries to change the dynamics. If your mother isn't there for you, you need to be free of her influence. My three siblings do not know where I live or how to contact me because they do not want to respect me. So it should be with your mother if she does not have your best interests at heart. After all, that is her duty to her child, and if she can't change her way of relating to you so that you want her in your life? Well.

    Once upon a time, there was someone I'd have given my life for... but that's a story for another day.

    You're right. And the thing is I actually have a lot of respect for my mother as a person. I looked up to her as a kid, and honestly in some ways I still do. You know that person who's blocking traffic to help a box turtle cross the road? That's her. Literally. She's done that. But she doesn't seem able to wrap her mind around the concept that Shit Happens™. If anything goes wrong it must be my fault. So she isn't supportive but instead takes it out on me when I actually need her in an emotional sense. I can't deal with that right now, so she forced me to close the door.

  10. #10
    kidcalamity

    Default

    She (my mother) attempted to paint me as irrational to the point that she pretended not to understand English and claimed I wasn't making any sense when I spoke to her. This is actually quite typical behavior for her; she is basically the opposite of supportive with any problem that comes up. She exacerbates things.

    That sort of behaviour by a mother was called 'schizophrenogenic' back in the 70's when the Antipsychiatry school of thought was popular in the UK. It has lost favour like all schools of thought about human behaviour inevitably do but your description of your mother's behaviour sounds destructive to me. It is a sad fact that more parents have screwed up their children more than anything else has including drugs. I think you would be well advised given your discrimination issues to put your mother right out of your mind and save your strength to deal with that given that your mother makes things worse for you.

    Take care Sapphyre

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