Neet
Est. Contributor
- Messages
- 48
- Role
- Diaper Lover
For the past two months I've been diaper free. I've been pushing my ab/dl side of my life away, trying to deny its existence. Naturally, it hasn't been going so well. For the past 4 years of my life (5 this September <3 ) I've been with my girlfriend who I can't see myself happily living without. She knows almost nothing about this side of my life, which has been haunting me since I was little. I don't have a clue of when it all started for me and why, but not once in my life could I come to terms with it. I really want her to know about it, and I want to someday be able to accept it, but I've never been able to think of her reacting positively to my ab/dl lifestyle. I have absolutely no reason to think of it this way, with the exception of one incident where I attempted to tell her of my ab/dl interests.
It was a normal Summer day for us, we where hanging out in my room while making plans to hang out with friends through Facebook. We where on my bed cuddling a bit, just chatting while waiting for responses, when I decided I'd sneak a hint. Try to make it seem like I'm contemplating it rather then coming out. So I asked her if she's ever felt horrible for being interested in something socially taboo like cross-dressing before. As expected, that peeked her interest with the response, "No, why?". After hearing that I got nervous, I'd been used to her being very curt, but for some reason I didn't expect her to respond that way. I went ahead and responded, "well for some reason since I've always had this interest for diapers, I don't know why but..." then she cut me off saying she had a headache and turned away. For the next few minutes we where laying back to back in complete silence, aside from her phone and the messages between us and our friends. It took a bit but eventually after feeling deeply regretful she had begun to spoon me, or as we call it "jet-pack". Our day went on from there as usual with no callbacks to the earlier event.
Since then of course, we haven't talked about diapers. I've complained to her many times about my bowel issues that I'm worried are not related to my celiac disease, and my need to use the restroom more often, but never brought back diapers into our conversations again. But lately, I believe that's been impacting my mental and physical health.
I'm far from being confident and modest as I used to be. The only time I'm ever "confident" anymore is when I'm in a foul mood and trying my best to ignore others. And I've been completely neglecting my diet (which to be fair, has never been great by any stretch of the imagination.) My sleep habits are poor, and it's been difficult to keep myself entertained as of late.
I've been thinking tons lately about coming out to her, and whether not doing so is even worth it. Of course accepting myself and being happy with myself is an important part of caring for others, but I fear her response and worry about the impact of coming out to her. I'd choose her over diapers any day of the week, but lately I feel that I've been neglecting myself a bit too much.
I don't exactly know what I'm trying to say, I've been contemplating posting something of this sort for a while (as in months) but could never figure out what to say. I'm sorry for the vagueness (and length) of this post, but I really could use some help, convincing, or even someone else's story to help me out.
It was a normal Summer day for us, we where hanging out in my room while making plans to hang out with friends through Facebook. We where on my bed cuddling a bit, just chatting while waiting for responses, when I decided I'd sneak a hint. Try to make it seem like I'm contemplating it rather then coming out. So I asked her if she's ever felt horrible for being interested in something socially taboo like cross-dressing before. As expected, that peeked her interest with the response, "No, why?". After hearing that I got nervous, I'd been used to her being very curt, but for some reason I didn't expect her to respond that way. I went ahead and responded, "well for some reason since I've always had this interest for diapers, I don't know why but..." then she cut me off saying she had a headache and turned away. For the next few minutes we where laying back to back in complete silence, aside from her phone and the messages between us and our friends. It took a bit but eventually after feeling deeply regretful she had begun to spoon me, or as we call it "jet-pack". Our day went on from there as usual with no callbacks to the earlier event.
Since then of course, we haven't talked about diapers. I've complained to her many times about my bowel issues that I'm worried are not related to my celiac disease, and my need to use the restroom more often, but never brought back diapers into our conversations again. But lately, I believe that's been impacting my mental and physical health.
I'm far from being confident and modest as I used to be. The only time I'm ever "confident" anymore is when I'm in a foul mood and trying my best to ignore others. And I've been completely neglecting my diet (which to be fair, has never been great by any stretch of the imagination.) My sleep habits are poor, and it's been difficult to keep myself entertained as of late.
I've been thinking tons lately about coming out to her, and whether not doing so is even worth it. Of course accepting myself and being happy with myself is an important part of caring for others, but I fear her response and worry about the impact of coming out to her. I'd choose her over diapers any day of the week, but lately I feel that I've been neglecting myself a bit too much.
I don't exactly know what I'm trying to say, I've been contemplating posting something of this sort for a while (as in months) but could never figure out what to say. I'm sorry for the vagueness (and length) of this post, but I really could use some help, convincing, or even someone else's story to help me out.