hex000f
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The following is an except from Dr. Gloria Brame's blog,
http://www.gloriabrame.com/the-problem-with-fetishes-psychiatry-forensics-sexualfreedom/
and its also my story [without my real name and location naturally] I thought this would be inspiring to people who are having self acceptance issues so I'm going to share:
At this excerpt starts, Dr. Brame is talking about how a lot of psychiatrists don't understand fetishes:
...But nothing was more disturbing to me than the case of a young man in his 20s named Bob. He sought me out to help him and his parents make sense of a forensic psychiatric assessment he got on his fetish. As background: Bob was a college student, living with his parents, completely sexually inexperienced and coping with Asperger’s. His support network included a well-meaning and caring psychotherapist. When he confessed to her one day that he had a fetish for wearing diapers, she got concerned. She didn’t know anything about the fetish– to her it sounded like pedophilia. She was alarmed. She strongly recommended to his parents that he get tested at a local forensic psychiatry facility that boasted of its expertise in assessing whether a fetishist would become a criminal. I looked them up: their credentials are flawless, and they are renowned in the field for providing fetish assessments in court cases.
But Bob did not have fantasies about sex with children nor any inclination towards pedophilia. He had fantasies about wearing diapers. To me, he was a typical Little — mainly into wearing diapers, wishing for a partner who’d change him, and interested in many of the toys and games other Littles enjoy too. He was ambivalent about his orientation. He was still working on how to incorporate a partner into the fantasy — unsure if he wanted a playmate, a Mommy or Daddy, or something else. In any case, he was only interested in other adults.
Nonetheless, he agreed to go to the forensic psychiatrists in hopes they could tell him something helpful. Instead, they almost destroyed his life. Among other things, the person who tested him ignored his Asperger’s and its most common trait, which is a literal interpretation of words.
When asked if he had ever touched a child. Bob naturally thought back to a Christmas party and recalled hugging his three year old niece hello. So he answered yes: he had touched a child. That was all the psychiatrist needed to hear. She did not understand that, as an Aspie, he gave her a literally truthful answer to the broad question she asked. Had she asked if he’d ever touched a child inappropriately, he would, of course, been able to say “never,” as he was able to tell me when I posed the question directly.
After that, the psychiatrists decided he needed medical fetish aversion therapy to prevent him from potentially harming a child. If you thought gay aversion therapy was wonky, how about a group of psychiatrists giving you ammonia while forcing you to look at porn to make you associate physical illness with your turn-ons? If it sounds like “A Clockwork Orange” more than science you’re right. Yet this medical fraud is endorsed by the medico-forensic community.
According to the private report his mother got them to release to me, when aversion therapy didn’t work (as it seldom does), the psychiatrists said he was at risk for harming a child. Yes, they blamed him for not healing from their shitty, barbaric and high-fail rate pseudo-science. He contacted me shortly after. His poor parents were worried sick that their otherwise awesome, sweet, kind, and intelligent straight-arrow son was going to go out and hurt a child some day.
I can’t express how it upset me to read how they treated this 20-something virgin just starting on his fetish journey. The only light in that dark tunnel was Bob himself. His mental health was actually so good that the experience — which have sent a weaker person into a nervous depression — prompted him to seek out a more authoritative fetish opinion. After several sessions with me — a few including his frantic parents so I could answer the myriad questions this situation had raised for them — Bob bounced back with a vengeance. I helped him work out a deal with his parents so he could have privacy to enjoy his fetish. I helped him connect with the diaper community, to attend a munch, and to reach out to potential diaper-loving friends. It’s finally dawning on him that he may be able to find a life-partner who fully accepts and loves him, fetish and all, something he once thought was out of his reach. It has made him stronger and more resolved to embrace his authentic sexual needs. Meanwhile, once they were made aware of the world of Littles and the consensual nature of it all, his parents finally relaxed. Knowing he was not alone and that millions of other adults did these things together consensually, the fetish no longer seemed like such a bad thing. His mom even drove him to his first Littles event! Really an awesome family, put through an emotional wringer by a system that is corrupted by its ignorance of human sexuality and its propensity to view fetishism as inherently dangerous.
So that's what happened to me. I won't deny that during those times I felt terrible and like I didn't belong in the world, and like I wanted to commit suicide and almost did once.
However, once I realized that I wasn't doing anything harmful and wasn't going to lead myself to do something terrible to someone someday. I felt better. Better then I ever had in my life.
Some people feel that their fetish controls them and they can't regulate their thoughts because if it. In my experience this only happens when you don't allow yourself to enjoy it in non harmful ways and thus try to block it out completely, then it drives you crazy. However, once I accepted myself and gave myself permission to be who I am and do things that aren't harmful (eg wearing diapers at home when I'm alone) without worrying about society's general opinion, I felt GREAT.
I will admit that it wasn't like flipping a switch. I could accept the accusations of pedophilia being overturned as soon as Dr. Brame examined the reports from the people who had tried to "cure" me, but being fully calm about my diaper fetish and feeling like I could trust my judgment on things related to it took time, and I was still discovering things several years later.
The most important message is, If I can bounce back from what I've been through and accept myself, I know you can accept yourself too.
http://www.gloriabrame.com/the-problem-with-fetishes-psychiatry-forensics-sexualfreedom/
and its also my story [without my real name and location naturally] I thought this would be inspiring to people who are having self acceptance issues so I'm going to share:
At this excerpt starts, Dr. Brame is talking about how a lot of psychiatrists don't understand fetishes:
...But nothing was more disturbing to me than the case of a young man in his 20s named Bob. He sought me out to help him and his parents make sense of a forensic psychiatric assessment he got on his fetish. As background: Bob was a college student, living with his parents, completely sexually inexperienced and coping with Asperger’s. His support network included a well-meaning and caring psychotherapist. When he confessed to her one day that he had a fetish for wearing diapers, she got concerned. She didn’t know anything about the fetish– to her it sounded like pedophilia. She was alarmed. She strongly recommended to his parents that he get tested at a local forensic psychiatry facility that boasted of its expertise in assessing whether a fetishist would become a criminal. I looked them up: their credentials are flawless, and they are renowned in the field for providing fetish assessments in court cases.
But Bob did not have fantasies about sex with children nor any inclination towards pedophilia. He had fantasies about wearing diapers. To me, he was a typical Little — mainly into wearing diapers, wishing for a partner who’d change him, and interested in many of the toys and games other Littles enjoy too. He was ambivalent about his orientation. He was still working on how to incorporate a partner into the fantasy — unsure if he wanted a playmate, a Mommy or Daddy, or something else. In any case, he was only interested in other adults.
Nonetheless, he agreed to go to the forensic psychiatrists in hopes they could tell him something helpful. Instead, they almost destroyed his life. Among other things, the person who tested him ignored his Asperger’s and its most common trait, which is a literal interpretation of words.
When asked if he had ever touched a child. Bob naturally thought back to a Christmas party and recalled hugging his three year old niece hello. So he answered yes: he had touched a child. That was all the psychiatrist needed to hear. She did not understand that, as an Aspie, he gave her a literally truthful answer to the broad question she asked. Had she asked if he’d ever touched a child inappropriately, he would, of course, been able to say “never,” as he was able to tell me when I posed the question directly.
After that, the psychiatrists decided he needed medical fetish aversion therapy to prevent him from potentially harming a child. If you thought gay aversion therapy was wonky, how about a group of psychiatrists giving you ammonia while forcing you to look at porn to make you associate physical illness with your turn-ons? If it sounds like “A Clockwork Orange” more than science you’re right. Yet this medical fraud is endorsed by the medico-forensic community.
According to the private report his mother got them to release to me, when aversion therapy didn’t work (as it seldom does), the psychiatrists said he was at risk for harming a child. Yes, they blamed him for not healing from their shitty, barbaric and high-fail rate pseudo-science. He contacted me shortly after. His poor parents were worried sick that their otherwise awesome, sweet, kind, and intelligent straight-arrow son was going to go out and hurt a child some day.
I can’t express how it upset me to read how they treated this 20-something virgin just starting on his fetish journey. The only light in that dark tunnel was Bob himself. His mental health was actually so good that the experience — which have sent a weaker person into a nervous depression — prompted him to seek out a more authoritative fetish opinion. After several sessions with me — a few including his frantic parents so I could answer the myriad questions this situation had raised for them — Bob bounced back with a vengeance. I helped him work out a deal with his parents so he could have privacy to enjoy his fetish. I helped him connect with the diaper community, to attend a munch, and to reach out to potential diaper-loving friends. It’s finally dawning on him that he may be able to find a life-partner who fully accepts and loves him, fetish and all, something he once thought was out of his reach. It has made him stronger and more resolved to embrace his authentic sexual needs. Meanwhile, once they were made aware of the world of Littles and the consensual nature of it all, his parents finally relaxed. Knowing he was not alone and that millions of other adults did these things together consensually, the fetish no longer seemed like such a bad thing. His mom even drove him to his first Littles event! Really an awesome family, put through an emotional wringer by a system that is corrupted by its ignorance of human sexuality and its propensity to view fetishism as inherently dangerous.
So that's what happened to me. I won't deny that during those times I felt terrible and like I didn't belong in the world, and like I wanted to commit suicide and almost did once.
However, once I realized that I wasn't doing anything harmful and wasn't going to lead myself to do something terrible to someone someday. I felt better. Better then I ever had in my life.
Some people feel that their fetish controls them and they can't regulate their thoughts because if it. In my experience this only happens when you don't allow yourself to enjoy it in non harmful ways and thus try to block it out completely, then it drives you crazy. However, once I accepted myself and gave myself permission to be who I am and do things that aren't harmful (eg wearing diapers at home when I'm alone) without worrying about society's general opinion, I felt GREAT.
I will admit that it wasn't like flipping a switch. I could accept the accusations of pedophilia being overturned as soon as Dr. Brame examined the reports from the people who had tried to "cure" me, but being fully calm about my diaper fetish and feeling like I could trust my judgment on things related to it took time, and I was still discovering things several years later.
The most important message is, If I can bounce back from what I've been through and accept myself, I know you can accept yourself too.
