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Thread: A story of how I came to self acceptance. I can do it, and you can too. Don't give up on yourself

  1. #1

    Default A story of how I came to self acceptance. I can do it, and you can too. Don't give up on yourself

    The following is an except from Dr. Gloria Brame's blog,

    http://www.gloriabrame.com/the-probl...sexualfreedom/

    and its also my story [without my real name and location naturally] I thought this would be inspiring to people who are having self acceptance issues so I'm going to share:

    At this excerpt starts, Dr. Brame is talking about how a lot of psychiatrists don't understand fetishes:

    ...But nothing was more disturbing to me than the case of a young man in his 20s named Bob. He sought me out to help him and his parents make sense of a forensic psychiatric assessment he got on his fetish. As background: Bob was a college student, living with his parents, completely sexually inexperienced and coping with Asperger’s. His support network included a well-meaning and caring psychotherapist. When he confessed to her one day that he had a fetish for wearing diapers, she got concerned. She didn’t know anything about the fetish– to her it sounded like pedophilia. She was alarmed. She strongly recommended to his parents that he get tested at a local forensic psychiatry facility that boasted of its expertise in assessing whether a fetishist would become a criminal. I looked them up: their credentials are flawless, and they are renowned in the field for providing fetish assessments in court cases.

    But Bob did not have fantasies about sex with children nor any inclination towards pedophilia. He had fantasies about wearing diapers. To me, he was a typical Little — mainly into wearing diapers, wishing for a partner who’d change him, and interested in many of the toys and games other Littles enjoy too. He was ambivalent about his orientation. He was still working on how to incorporate a partner into the fantasy — unsure if he wanted a playmate, a Mommy or Daddy, or something else. In any case, he was only interested in other adults.

    Nonetheless, he agreed to go to the forensic psychiatrists in hopes they could tell him something helpful. Instead, they almost destroyed his life. Among other things, the person who tested him ignored his Asperger’s and its most common trait, which is a literal interpretation of words.

    When asked if he had ever touched a child. Bob naturally thought back to a Christmas party and recalled hugging his three year old niece hello. So he answered yes: he had touched a child. That was all the psychiatrist needed to hear. She did not understand that, as an Aspie, he gave her a literally truthful answer to the broad question she asked. Had she asked if he’d ever touched a child inappropriately, he would, of course, been able to say “never,” as he was able to tell me when I posed the question directly.

    After that, the psychiatrists decided he needed medical fetish aversion therapy to prevent him from potentially harming a child. If you thought gay aversion therapy was wonky, how about a group of psychiatrists giving you ammonia while forcing you to look at porn to make you associate physical illness with your turn-ons? If it sounds like “A Clockwork Orange” more than science you’re right. Yet this medical fraud is endorsed by the medico-forensic community.

    According to the private report his mother got them to release to me, when aversion therapy didn’t work (as it seldom does), the psychiatrists said he was at risk for harming a child. Yes, they blamed him for not healing from their shitty, barbaric and high-fail rate pseudo-science. He contacted me shortly after. His poor parents were worried sick that their otherwise awesome, sweet, kind, and intelligent straight-arrow son was going to go out and hurt a child some day.

    I can’t express how it upset me to read how they treated this 20-something virgin just starting on his fetish journey. The only light in that dark tunnel was Bob himself. His mental health was actually so good that the experience — which have sent a weaker person into a nervous depression — prompted him to seek out a more authoritative fetish opinion. After several sessions with me — a few including his frantic parents so I could answer the myriad questions this situation had raised for them — Bob bounced back with a vengeance. I helped him work out a deal with his parents so he could have privacy to enjoy his fetish. I helped him connect with the diaper community, to attend a munch, and to reach out to potential diaper-loving friends. It’s finally dawning on him that he may be able to find a life-partner who fully accepts and loves him, fetish and all, something he once thought was out of his reach. It has made him stronger and more resolved to embrace his authentic sexual needs. Meanwhile, once they were made aware of the world of Littles and the consensual nature of it all, his parents finally relaxed. Knowing he was not alone and that millions of other adults did these things together consensually, the fetish no longer seemed like such a bad thing. His mom even drove him to his first Littles event! Really an awesome family, put through an emotional wringer by a system that is corrupted by its ignorance of human sexuality and its propensity to view fetishism as inherently dangerous.

    So that's what happened to me. I won't deny that during those times I felt terrible and like I didn't belong in the world, and like I wanted to commit suicide and almost did once.

    However, once I realized that I wasn't doing anything harmful and wasn't going to lead myself to do something terrible to someone someday. I felt better. Better then I ever had in my life.

    Some people feel that their fetish controls them and they can't regulate their thoughts because if it. In my experience this only happens when you don't allow yourself to enjoy it in non harmful ways and thus try to block it out completely, then it drives you crazy. However, once I accepted myself and gave myself permission to be who I am and do things that aren't harmful (eg wearing diapers at home when I'm alone) without worrying about society's general opinion, I felt GREAT.

    I will admit that it wasn't like flipping a switch. I could accept the accusations of pedophilia being overturned as soon as Dr. Brame examined the reports from the people who had tried to "cure" me, but being fully calm about my diaper fetish and feeling like I could trust my judgment on things related to it took time, and I was still discovering things several years later.

    The most important message is, If I can bounce back from what I've been through and accept myself, I know you can accept yourself too.

  2. #2

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    Interesting to note about people in the medical field don't know how to handle situations like that effectively and give reassurance that everything is going to be okay. They don't! I hope this challenge for you makes you more an enlightened person. In my situation growing up. I had an inferiority complex with my religion (catholic) and my own nature. Learning from the church about sexuality just got even more confusing and they didn't really define what sexuality was except that it was only with a man and woman, they had to be married, and all other sex is taboo and sinful. I went that route and it only led to more quilt, shame, and sinning. Which was just making the church more profitable anyhow. Emotionally more powerful and financially since they are a business. I ran into being addicted to my own fetish and it caused me slot of my own pain. I eventually sought out help and did my own research. ACTING ON YOUR INSTINCTS is OKAY. When having empathy and compassion for the all. From yourself "I", "We", to the "All". Accept yourself, love yourself, be free!


    Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

  3. #3

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    So hex, if I understand this correctly, you are the subject of this case? If so, I'm sorry you had to go through that.

    I had a similar experience my senior year in college, just not near as drawn out and involved. I was having a psychotic break during dinner with my parents while home for the weekend. When I went back to college, my mom searched my bedroom. They probably were expecting to find drugs but what they found were my makeshift diapers and gay porn. Since this was 1970, the shit hit the psychological fan. Homosexuality was considered a mental illness as was Infantalism. You could be put into a mental institution or jail for being gay.

    My mom set up an appointment for me to meet with a psychiatrist at a residential mental facility, The Carrier Clinic outside of Princeton, N. J. I had to talk to him about wearing and using diapers, and of course, liking boys. My mom knew I was spending all my time with my best friend from college, and when I was home for the summer, I spent all my time with another kid who lived down the street. There were no girls in my life. She didn't know I had tried to commit suicide twice, but I had to discuss that with my shrink.

    The Carrier Clinic was a place where they did shock therapy and even lobotomies to "cure" people from so called illnesses like homosexuality. I was terrified. Eventually I was able to talk my mom out of sending me. I knew my parents didn't have the money as my dad had to stop working because he had a massive heart attach my Freshman year. I've written a story posted to this site called "Coffee Stop" about a young man who has to see a court appointed psychiatrist. It wasn't a far stretch for me to write the story.

    It's a lot more shocking to see that the psychiatric society hasn't progressed much since 1970. How can they not know about adult babies. We're all over the internet, Jerry Springer, and countless other TV shows. Do psychiatrist spend all their time in country clubs and yacht clubs instead of studying and learning?

  4. #4

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    Was this recent? I know how bad it was for me in the 90's, but I have to hope it has gotten better since then.

    And yeah, most adults (psychologists included) did used to confuse a healthy sexual diaper fetish with pedophilia back them. Some still do it seems.

  5. #5

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    Quote Originally Posted by dogboy View Post
    It's a lot more shocking to see that the psychiatric society hasn't progressed much since 1970. How can they not know about adult babies. We're all over the internet, Jerry Springer, and countless other TV shows. Do psychiatrists spend all their time in country clubs and yacht clubs instead of studying and learning?
    Yep.

  6. #6

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    "When asked if he had ever touched a child. Bob naturally thought back to a Christmas party and recalled hugging his three year old niece hello. So he answered yes: he had touched a child. That was all the psychiatrist needed to hear. She did not understand that, as an Aspie, he gave her a literally truthful answer to the broad question she asked. Had she asked if he’d ever touched a child inappropriately, he would, of course, been able to say “never,” as he was able to tell me when I posed the question directly."

    This part was what probably caused me so much trouble. Since I was given an automated questionnaire rather then a person when they asked that.

  7. #7

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    I remember seeing a card left from an AA meeting and one of the questions on the card was: Do you need to have a drink after work? I can think of alot of people -who are the farthest think from alcoholics- answering yes to that question.

  8. #8

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    My experience with those who call themselves "PROFESSIONAL" have an answer for everything even if they have to make it up on the spot. It is easier to instill fear in people when you are a "PROFESSIONAL". And the results almost always increase their income. Hey, what a way to live!!! When they have extracted enough money they can always fall back on excuses like "the test was faulty" or "the test revealed incorrect results". If you can't dazzle them with details, baffle them with bull$h!t.

  9. #9

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    Quote Originally Posted by toejamer View Post
    My experience with those who call themselves "PROFESSIONAL" have an answer for everything even if they have to make it up on the spot. It is easier to instill fear in people when you are a "PROFESSIONAL". And the results almost always increase their income. Hey, what a way to live!!! When they have extracted enough money they can always fall back on excuses like "the test was faulty" or "the test revealed incorrect results". If you can't dazzle them with details, baffle them with bull$h!t.
    Uh, hardly. Professional means you have gone to college and earned a degree, in addition to have accumulated on the job and real world experience through years of hard work.

    Professionals don't make things up. We extrapolate our knowledge and past experience, while using current facts, to link and explain expected outcomes. Now is that expected outcome always going to be right, of course not. We're human, professional enough, to acknowledge and own up to that.

    We get paid a lot to do this simply because the vast majority can't. So don't try to explain away your not understanding by saying our ability to dazzle you is bullshit. Because that in itself is bullshit.

  10. #10

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    If you accept their framing, e.g. fetish, you've already locked yourself in for self-loathing. Essentialism is a recipe for all sorts of negative self-image, since it attributes everything to your substance rather than to dynamic processes which we can only see a snapshot of at some particular point.

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