Page 1 of 2 12 LastLast
Results 1 to 10 of 19

Thread: Father's Day- It should be about love, not gender

  1. #1

    Default Father's Day- It should be about love, not gender

    I just realized today is Father's Day in Canada. I must admit, the day doesn't mean much to me. My father passed away from cancer a dozen years ago. When he was alive, I feared him, I feared the assaults, the intimidation, the verbal putdowns. I grew up feeling stupid and inadequate because of his mocking and public humiliation since the day I was born.

    Father's Day to me just represents an antiquated form of gender segregation that reinforces stereotypes of what it means to 'be a man.' One of my father's most significant problems with me was the fact that he was a homophobe and I was growing up queer. He recognized my gay tendencies from the time I was born, long before I even knew what gay or queer meant. And I paid the price for it.

    As a gay son who was despised by his father, I do my best to not promote heteronormative language. I know there are many ways people express themselves, and I try to be sensitive to them, and to learn from them. I am disturbed by the gender socialization and the way society influences children from the time they are born. I saw a window display in a baby clothing store with onesies the other day, a blue one with 'Daddy's little man'and a pink one with 'Pretty like mommy.'

    The next generation is growing up in an increasingly difficult time, after more acceptance of gays and lesbians, where they are taught to be themselves, yet at the same time people and legislators react with anger when faced with it.

    Studies have shown conclusivlely that LGBT youth comprise up to 45 percent of homeless young people, most of them thrown out of their homes by homophobic parents. LGBT still have a disproportionate rate of suicide and depression compared to the general population.

    Any male can be a father. Not all of them can be dads. Being a dad is not about being designated male at birth. It's about loving your child unconditionally.

    Father's Day and Mother's Day are Hallmark traditions based on gender, and parents who don't fit into the stereotypes are left out and not recognized because they don't fit into the narrow categories.

    Children don't question their parent's sexuality the way society does. It's simply about the care they get from a good parent.

    So, Happy Father's Day to all the heterosexuals, non-binary, transgender, gay parents and dads who love their kids regardless of sexual orientation or gender identity.
    Last edited by Starrunner; 18-Jun-2017 at 17:49.

  2. #2

    Default



    Quote Originally Posted by Starrunner View Post

    Father's Day and Mother's Day are Hallmark traditions based on gender, and parents who don't fit into the stereotypes are left out and not recognized because they don't fit into the narrow categories.
    A holiday isn't necessarily what society says it should be - you can make a holiday into what you want it to be. I'm, for example, a non-Christian who celebrates Christmas. Why should I stop enjoying it just because I don't feel a need to observe the birth of Jesus?

    I've never really looked at Mother's Day or Father's Day as non-inclusive holidays - if you have a loving, caring mom, a loving, caring dad, or even just someone who fills a similar role, remember them. Doesn't matter whether or not they fit into male or female stereotypes - if they identify as female, celebrate Mother's Day; male, Father's Day; both or neither, hell celebrate both or even make your own special day for them. In the end, it's just a day on the calendar.

  3. #3

    Default

    I wonder what percentage of transgender parents still see themselves and are seen by their children as the gender parent they were before transition. That is, an MTF is still the "father" and an FTM is still the "mother." When I transitioned nineteen years ago I determined that neither I nor my then young children would ever be very comfortable with the notion of a female father, so I instantly became a second mother. It didn't take any time at all before they were calling me Mommy; young kids are flexible. I'll never stop being their biological father, but I'm just not a dad in any way. They celebrate Mother's Day at both their parents' homes.

    This has worked out very well over the years, and both of us have remarried, bringing two stepfathers into their lives. The only real regret I've ever had came at my oldest daughter's wedding: I felt the loss of not walking her down the aisle. (She walked alone, independent millennial that she is.) But I wonder how other parents have handled it...

  4. #4

    Default



    Quote Originally Posted by Starrunner View Post
    Father's Day to me just represents an antiquated form of gender segregation that reinforces stereotypes of what it means to 'be a man.' One of my father's most significant problems with me was the fact that he was a homophobe and I was growing up queer. He recognized my gay tendencies from the time I was born, long before I even knew what gay or queer meant. And I paid the price for it.
    Oh good god! A more or less harmless Hallmark holiday is now about gender oppression?!

    Sorry, there ARE certain things that define being a man and a father, just as certain things define being a mother. Call them stereotypes if you will, but 99.9% of the population recognizes them, and like it or not, a lot of them are rooted physical and cultural reality. If you, or the sperm donor that was half of what resulted in you don't fit the stereotype, feel free to ignore the day. Don't spend money in the card aisle at Targét. Go celebrate gay pride day or take a jog in the park or something.

    You don't have to celebrate Ramadan, Hannukah, or Christmas either. Just because it doesn't suit the way you were brought up or turned out, it doesn't need to be blown up in the name of equality, tolerance, and political correctness. The rest of us might actually LIKE having an excuse to barbecue and drink beer with Dad.

    Edit: Just to be clear, despite all the hype and stereotypical commercials, Target doesn't run your ID by Ancestry.com to see if you're qualified to buy a Father's Day card. Send one to the sperm bank if that suits you. I get a Father's Day card and hiking boots from Juno every year. Clearly, that's a genetic impossibility. In Chicago, everyone is Irish on St. Patrick's Day. Somehow, I have to put up with all the crap associated with Martin Luther King day and Black History month. Celebrate in your own fashion, or ignore, as you see fit.
    Last edited by Maxx; 19-Jun-2017 at 16:35.

  5. #5

    Default

    I'll respect the 0.x% of population who cannot identify with their biological gender. I will not insult them. But I will not walk on egg shells.
    Dads provide, take care, love... and often they go above and beyond. I'm a young father myself and I really like the idea of my daughter some day handing me some ugly ass picture as a present that she drew in like 5 seconds. I would cherish this crappy thing forever.
    Some things will not change in a million years. The human population will naturally only survive if men and women mate often enough to produce enough offspring that will do the same.

  6. #6

    Default

    Last Sunday was the first Fathers Day in my 57 years I could not call him as he passed away last March. I am not LGBT but unique in many ways I only chose to share a few of with with my Dad. My father was a good man, decent, honest and fair but sadly I think he never knew or understood true love.

  7. #7

    Default

    Yeah, if you have or had a crappy dad, don't recognize the day. Let him stew in the wake of his misdeeds. I was a good dad and I enjoyed getting phone calls from two of our children, and invited over for dinner cooked on the grill by our other son. I think our first Father's Day was started by a woman in 1909, if I recall correctly from a Washington Post article. I think there already was a Mother's Day and she thought Fathers should have a day. It's dated and quaint, but it creates a time to remember the importance of being a good parent.

    Sadly, there are plenty of bad parents and I feel sorry for their children. Anyone can figure out how to procreate. Being a good parent takes skill, time, patience, wisdom, hard work and many more qualities that anyone should have whether they're a parent or not. And let's not forget, there are very good, gay parents out there.

  8. #8

    Default

    I can honestly say we raise our kids as openminded individuals. They know you can become wear and do anything no matter your gender. And they come in contact with al lot of people (our friends) from the LGBTQ community. Still we celebrated MothersDay and Fathersday because our childeren grow up with a Dad and a Mom. Both whom adore them. On mothersday my partner helped with crafts, made brunch. On fathersday I helped with the crafts and made breakfast. Nothing about this teaches our childeren anything gendernorm related, it teaches them kindness and being grateful for people who are always there for you.

    If you do not have a dad (asstranged, douchebag, anonimus donor, 2 mothers, transgender parent MtF etc..) don't celebrate. It's a silly holiday that is harmless let others enjoy without labeling it with your one negative experiences. Parents who are openminded will still be and teach this when they celebrated fathers/mothersday and biased parents will still be biased and judge their childeren even if we would stop celebrating.

  9. #9

    Default



    Quote Originally Posted by Maxx View Post
    Oh good god! A more or less harmless Hallmark holiday is now about gender oppression?!

    Sorry, there ARE certain things that define being a man and a father, just as certain things define being a mother. Call them stereotypes if you will, but 99.9% of the population recognizes them, and like it or not, a lot of them are rooted physical and cultural reality. If you, or the sperm donor that was half of what resulted in you don't fit the stereotype, feel free to ignore the day. Don't spend money in the card aisle at Targét. Go celebrate gay pride day or take a jog in the park or something.

    You don't have to celebrate Ramadan, Hannukah, or Christmas either. Just because it doesn't suit the way you were brought up or turned out, it doesn't need to be blown up in the name of equality, tolerance, and political correctness. The rest of us might actually LIKE having an excuse to barbecue and drink beer with Dad.

    Edit: Just to be clear, despite all the hype and stereotypical commercials, Target doesn't run your ID by Ancestry.com to see if you're qualified to buy a Father's Day card. Send one to the sperm bank if that suits you. I get a Father's Day card and hiking boots from Juno every year. Clearly, that's a genetic impossibility. In Chicago, everyone is Irish on St. Patrick's Day. Somehow, I have to put up with all the crap associated with Martin Luther King day and Black History month. Celebrate in your own fashion, or ignore, as you see fit.
    Angry much? It's not so much about perceiving Father's Day as a sign of oppression, but rather that the definition of 'father' is changing and becoming more inclusive since the time I was raised by a homophobic father.

    Fortunately our society has progressed on breaking down stereotypes and definitions on what it means to be a man or a father, (or a woman or a mother for that matter). Those gender roles to which you adhere and cherish are indeed sterotypes, and antiquated ones which become less and less relevant with each passing year.

    Your statement that certain things define being a man and being a father is reminiscent of the arguments used by fundamentalists and conservatives to ban same-sex marriage: that marriage was defined as a sacred institution between a man and a woman, both heterosexual, of course. In Canada, we legalized gay marriages close to a dozen years ago, while the US and other countries around the world are moving in the same direction. The world changes, definitions change, and expand to reflect the progress in our society. This thread is meant to be nothing more than an opportunity to reflect on the progress we have made, and a recognition of the ever-expanding definition of what it actually means to be a real father, whether it is a non-binary parent, or one who unconditionally loves his children and accepts them for who they are, including their gender identity or sexual orientation.

  10. #10

    Default

    It is sad to think you never had a moment in your relationship with your father where you could turn to him and affectionately say "Oh dad, you asshole, you're never going to change, are you?" And he would nod his head and say "You're probably right, son".

    It's not too late. You can say that when you bury him. He's been dead long enough... it's about time you bury him.

Similar Threads

  1. My greatest father's day ever.
    By MaxToddler in forum Adult Babies & Littles
    Replies: 5
    Last Post: 20-Jun-2016, 00:43
  2. ABDL Gender Demographics - Gender Ratio
    By kikee in forum Mature Topics
    Replies: 35
    Last Post: 03-Nov-2014, 05:05
  3. Happy Father's Day!!
    By Talula in forum Off-topic
    Replies: 11
    Last Post: 19-Jun-2010, 11:53
  4. Father's Day
    By Arlisauce in forum Mature Topics
    Replies: 16
    Last Post: 07-Jul-2009, 10:18
  5. Happy Father's Day
    By Countdown in forum Off-topic
    Replies: 11
    Last Post: 16-Jun-2008, 16:42

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •  
ADISC.org - the Adult Baby / Diaper Lover / Incontinence Support Community.
ADISC.org is designed to be viewed in Firefox, with a resolution of at least 1280 x 1024.