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Thread: How to deal with "this person"

  1. #1

    Default How to deal with "this person"

    I'm feeling a lot better mentally, but I have to deal with this one problem.

    So, I've had a little "talk" to my mates about the recent false police reports discussing who it is etc, I remember a while back someone falsely reported me for a robbery and I had my shit searched, so this isn't the first time.

    The person who does this kind of stuff, is "messed up in the head" beyond repair, there is "reasonable" speculation as it to being him. We have no proof.. but... all the evidence points to him.

    I used to be best friends with his brother, and his brother knows I get suicidal and depressed from time to time, awhile back there was a incident with me 2-3 years ago.

    The person who falsely reported me, knows that stupid crap like that can easily cause me to commit suicide which is even more messed up once you think about.

    Ironically, the people who were falsely reported now know and are pissed the hell off, lets say one of my mates who got reported is a internet troll so he decided to send him pizzas, dildos etc, because he is furious. I'm fucking furious. who wouldn't be in this case, I want to punch him right in the god damn face.

    So what to do in cases like this, the guy is fucked in the head, and will do this again, he is a toxic fuck head who is literally destroying everything around him while treating his girlfriends like crap, abusing them etc. I've heard stories that he sexually abuses people, etc...

    I'm really stumped what to do in this case. I'm personally waiting for him to fuck something up or piss someone off by doing this and it bites him on the bum.

    The stuff the guy does throughout my high school years, personally fucked with my head, he is that type of person, who somehow indirectly makes you feel shit every-time he is in the room.

    What's worse is, this guy want's to become a officer of the law, if he is doing shady crap like this, image how many innocent people he will kill on the force. Image the abuse of power?

    Legally I've been told I could sue him for slander and accusations, personally he is a toxic pest and I want him OUT of my life, him knowing where I live doesn't fucking help a bit.

    So any advice? Do I go to the police let them know he is filing false police reports, do I get a restraining order etc? It's hard to explain a person like this, but the closest I can get to is "sociopath" or narcissist.

    Cause if he can falsely accuse you of something to ruin your life, he fucking will, It won't end here either, he'll do it with other things and I'll have the police come here for a missing vase for all I fucking know.

    The problem is, this person underestimates my intellect and assumes I wouldn't find this out, I'm not retarded if you list 3 people and one person I have no contact (neither do the rest) with but your whole family hates... yeah dead giveaway.

    Considering he has ruined other peoples lives, I wouldn't be surprised if this is the work of the person.

    He moved back home two weeks ago, where he has access to a computer, and was his birthday a couple days ago, so isn't it funny that I suddenly have the police at my door between now and then, despite having a year to falsely report me, which he couldn't because obviously he didn't have access to a computer.

    I know he hates my guts because I expose his lies to everyone who has fucked with, he hates my mother mate because he jokes about his last name, and my other mate because his body language comes off in a bad way, but that's just how he is, it's normal.

    Though that being said "this sociopath" takes everything as an attack, he once threw a chair at someone for a joke, stole someones girlfriend, used them etc, just to fuck with a person he hated etc.

    A lot of my depression stems from this one asshole, that being said, It feels good to finally get this off my chest, I know a lot of people who he has abused and hurt, I see through this bullshit, and I helped a lot of my friends see through his bullshit before it was too late, which they thank me for actually, because there like damn I was stupid, because the poor girls felt like they were at fault, they felt terrible, and there not bad people, so I did the nice thing, exposed his lies etc, and now they know there not to blame and hate him too.

  2. #2

    Default

    I've just come in from the pub and I've skim-read that cos I'm raaaather drunk. But my immediate instinctive thought is that... You've identified this guy as a troublemaker/psychopath/whatever... And you've exposed him to those close to you so they don't fall for his tricks.

    What else can you do, but avoid him like the plague?!

    If you have evidence that he's committed a crime, report it. (If you have suspicions, I guess that's a judgement call.)

    But otherwise, there's no point stressing yourself out about how to "teach him a lesson" or to "correct" his behaviour so that no one else needs to suffer him. He is not your responsibility. You have bigger things going on right now. He isn't important.

    One of the things I've had to learn to get over my depression/anxiety is to "let it go". There's a reason they made that into a song! Pure, honest kid psychology courtesy of Disney.

    I thought I was smart and that I was going to change the world when I was younger. But even the Prime Minister doesn't have that in her grasp! People like us think a lot... all the time... about things that don't need to be thought about. It's anxiety.

    There's no point worrying about some guy when you need to be worrying about yourself (well... no... not worrying, just taking care of).

    Anxiety (for me) was thinking about everything in intense detail all the time... Every interaction with every person... how I came across; how I could put on a better image; what the other person might have thought about me, etc., and I'd ruminate on a minute's life experience for hours or even days trying to make sense of it, and work out "what I should do".

    The thing is... you don't need to do anything.

    You just need to accept the situation, and avoid negative influences.

    And relax.

    -----------------------------------------------------------

    On the other hand... if he's part of your life and you need to learn how to "manage" him, then... that's one area where counselling can help. A psychotherapist can explain psychological theories and why a person might behave in a certain way, and then it kind of clicks... you can see the mechanisms that dictate how a person behaves... and mess with them. A bit like computer hacking, if you can recognise behaviours and deploy the appropriate responses, you can change the way that someone interacts with you. If you can recognise what they are trying to get out of a conversation, you can use that to your advantage to expose the, simply by questioning their motives. Often they haven't really thought about them themselves (or thought they were being so devious that no one would know what they were really thinking), so when you hold a mirror up to their behaviour, they change surprisingly quickly.

    I dunno if this helps, but I need to go to bed! *hic*


  3. #3

    Default

    I completely agree with tiny. (interesting how we put our screen names starting with a small letter) Continuing this confrontation will only cause him to accelerate doing bad and terrible things. Like tiny said, you've explained your position to the police and you've warned your friends. Now, by ignoring this guy, you take away his power because the only power he has is to upset others. You need to make him a non person in your life.

  4. #4

    Default

    I completely agree with dogboy. It sounds like this guy only wants attention and he doesn't care how or whom he has to hurt to get it. People like this are narcissistic jerks that need to be avoided by any means necessary. However since this guy is still contacting you and harassing you with false reports to your local law enforcements; you may consider getting with them and file a restraining order against him and ask if they can use IP logging and tracing to see if they can locate him and bring him to justice for the false accusations against you. Other than that; I would definitely carry on your life as if he doesn't exist. You don't need him to depress you so bad that you want to end your life. That's how narcissistic jerks like this think they can win is they think that they can get inside and stay the head of those they harass. Don't let him stay in there another second!

  5. #5

    Default

    You should let it go. These annoying people usually disappear when you move on in life.
    You have nothing to prove a crime. A reatraining order needs a reason too you can prove. Even if you had something it wouldn't stop him from harassing you anonymously, wouldn't it.
    Let it go.

  6. #6

    Default



    Quote Originally Posted by LittleJess View Post
    Cause if he can falsely accuse you of something to ruin your life, he fucking will, It won't end here either, he'll do it with other things and I'll have the police come here for a missing vase for all I fucking know.
    From what I can gather about where you live, it's not all that huge a place, so after a couple of false police reports, they're going to be onto his game. It doesn't seem to me as if you need to do anything other than sit back and let him hang himself. Patience. These things have a way of taking care of themselves.

    As for him becoming a cop... we all know the 'police wannabe' type. Real police, and those responsible for hiring and firing, also know the type and generally don't want anything to do with them.

  7. #7

    Default

    So long story short, my partner broke up with me, and I'm devastated.

    I'm not gonna be around much from now on.

    I don't have the energy or motivation to contribute to a place like adisc anymore, I'm just so drained emotionally.

    This is my last message on adisc, and I won't be coming back (maybe permanently or temporarily), I don't have the energy nor motivation to contribute to a place like this.

    If you wish, feel free to permanently ban my account, or to close it, really doesn't matter, I'm leaving on my own terms.

  8. #8

    Default



    Quote Originally Posted by tiny View Post
    On the other hand... if he's part of your life and you need to learn how to "manage" him, then... that's one area where counselling can help. A psychotherapist can explain psychological theories and why a person might behave in a certain way, and then it kind of clicks... you can see the mechanisms that dictate how a person behaves... and mess with them. A bit like computer hacking, if you can recognise behaviours and deploy the appropriate responses, you can change the way that someone interacts with you. If you can recognise what they are trying to get out of a conversation, you can use that to your advantage to expose the, simply by questioning their motives. Often they haven't really thought about them themselves (or thought they were being so devious that no one would know what they were really thinking), so when you hold a mirror up to their behaviour, they change surprisingly quickly.
    Following on from the above, you might find the book, "The Games People Play" interesting. It's based on Transactional Analysis, which is a rough way of analysing what someone is saying/doing and reducing it to the behavioural categories of either "parent", "adult" or "child".

    If you and the person you're dealing with have both adopted "adult" roles, mature, logical behaviour should ensue. If either person is in the parent or child roles, they have some unspoken psychological need that they are trying to fulfil from their behaviour. In other words, they're playing games. The relationship/behaviour/conversation is actually an attempt at a "transaction" of emotional needs and fulfilment between players.

    For example, some people play the spiteful game of "Now I've got you, you son of a bitch!", which involves a minor error invoking fury and unreasonableness. A plumber quotes a job at $300. Due to his mistake, he listed a $3 part as costing $1, so he submits a bill for $302. Instead of paying the $300 agreed, the homeowner writes a nasty letter claiming he's been conned and won't pay a penny until the bill is "corrected". Clearly the issue isn't money; there's something else this homeowner is getting from that "transaction".

    https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Games_People_Play_(book)

    I thought this was kind-of interesting too:



    In one counseling session, Berne treated a 35 year old lawyer. During the session, the lawyer (a male) said “I’m not really a lawyer; I’m just a little boy.” But outside the confines of Dr. Berne’s office, this patient was a successful, hard-charging, attorney. Later, in their sessions, the lawyer would frequently ask Dr. Berne if he was talking “to the lawyer or the little boy.” Berne was intrigued by this, as he was seeing a single individual display two “states of being.” Berne began referring to these two states as “Adult” and “Child.” Later, Berne identified a third state, one that seemed to represent what the patient had observed in his parents when he was small. Berne referred to this as “parent.” As Berne then turned to his other patients, he began to observe that these three ego states were present in all of them. As Berne gained confidence in this theory, he went on to introduce these in a 1957 paper – one year before he published his seminal paper introducing Transactional Analysis.
    Berne ultimately defined the three ego states as: Parent, Adult, and Child. It should be carefully noted that the descriptions of these ego states do NOT necessarily correspond to their common definitions as used the English language.
    The book is anachronistic, with a (pretentiously) 1960s, white, middle-class, urban American focus. The points aren't always well made, but they're clear enough, it's easy to read, and you quickly get the gist of what the author means, even if you have to make a few "mental translations".

    If some people drive you crazy and you don't know how to deal with them (or what to make of them), or they don't respect you as a person, Transactional Analysis is quite interesting.

    http://www.ericberne.com/transactional-analysis/

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