are you embarrassed?

I've been reading and responding to the posts in threads about parenting with IC and who you tell about your IC, etc., and it occurred to me to ask a fundamental question:

To what extent are we embarrassed about our need to wear diapers?

Oh, I know that, especially for the bowel incontinent, a bad accident can always be embarrassing. I feel blessed that, at least to this point, I have not had to experience that. (Interestingly, my husband, who is not IC but does have IBS, has.) But I'm not talking about the acute moment. I'm talking about the more chronic need.

We all (or anyway the vast majority of us) wear diapers 24/7 because we have no alternative. Does that simple fact embarrass you?

If so, to what extent? Would you be embarrassed if someone noticed the diaper under your clothes? If someone heard you changing in a rest room? If others who know you knew? If someone found your changing supplies? Etc.

If not, how have you managed to work past the societal imperative that says people of a certain age should not be in diapers? Are you really comfortable with others knowing? Etc.

My own answer here is:

I'm working on it. Honestly, I don't want to be embarrassed by what really is a medical necessity. I mean, I don't go around wearing a diaper for shorts or a t-shirt that says "Hey, I'm wearing diapers!' or anything; there is no reason to shove one's problems in others' faces. But still...

I've said that I am working on stories and a novel that attempt to place IC characters who wear diapers into mainstream culture. I have a couple of good friends who know. All of my children know. Pretty much anyone they bring into the house knows, as I don't have enough storage space to hide my diapers. I'm fine with this. As I said: it's a medical issue, and I feel absolutely no need to be embarrassed about it...

Yet...

Out of my control, I still find myself a little freaked out. I still worry if the diaper can be seen through my clothes. I still try to avoid letting others hear it in the rest room or see it when I dispose it in the trash there. I've lately discovered that I'm fine when someone finds them in my purse, though, so there's that.

Why am I OK when people I know are aware but kind of freaked out when strangers do? Goddess only knows. But that's my level of embarrassment.

What's yours?

Embarrassed no not any more (most of the time) Diapers are now apart of my life theres nothing I can do about it so I have come to terms with being incontinent and requiring diapers to manage my bladder issues.

every one I have told or have found out have been very supportive and understanding, As for changing in public and some one seeing me in a diaper in the bathroom is not an issue who cares I will probably never see them again.

Dont stress what you cant change, plain white or medical green diapers scream medical issue.

I think it's human nature to be embarrassed about things that make us different. With that said, it's a fact that the older you are or the longer you've dealt with a particular "difference", the less of a concern it becomes. I know my diapers have been noticed on occasion. Does it bother me? Sometimes. Mostly I just don't worry about it all that much. After 20 plus years it's my normal and as difficult as it can be at times, I own it. A few close friends and family are in the know and I'm not treated any differently. I think a lot has to do with personal attitude and acceptance. If you're self-conscious or freak out when you end up with a load in your diaper, of course people will take notice. I take all neccessary precautions to remain as stealth as conveniently possible. (Nullo deoderant pills, heavy gauge plastic pants etc.) After all these years I know how to dress and adjust my protection for every situation. I've been questioned a few times over the years and when I'm in the mood will explain the medical issues involved. When I'm not in the mood I'll just ask them why would they ask such a personal question. Or just simply say "cancer" when I just don't want to deal with it at all. I think it has to be harder the younger you are. I'm not all that old (retired eaely at 57) so I'm sure my experience has a lot to do with my approach. 99% of people, friends or strangers, just don't notice or don't care. With the precautions I take I could be standing next to you in line at Starbucks with a load in my diaper and you would never know. I'm sure that's a big part of my confidence and attitude.

Some part of my own experience, I must add, has to be attributed to the fact that I am a transgender woman. I fought long and hard not to have a bulge down there and now, fifteen years later, I have one again. Sort of sucks...

Having a medical necessity (though infrequent), I find that I am LESS embarrassed then when I was just wearing for "fun". The former is not under your control, the latter is (somewhat).

I have long since given up worrying what others think. I wear nappies 24/7 as I have little or no bladder control most of the time. I used to worry about being noticed in a nappy but soon realised no one cares even if they notice which I am pretty sure no one does. I just get on with life now and no longer think about it

having a bowel accident ranges from annoying to frustrating.

Over time I've come to be okay with wearing diapers, even when swimming the swim diapers which show a little under the swim wear doesn't make me as nervous as I used to be.
But what I am embarrassed about is when I have an accident and I need to excuse myself from wherever I am to deal with it... And someone's having to move around in a full brief is awkward as hell.

There hasn't been a time when I didn't have bowel problems, every now and then they would become very frequent and totally kill the mood of the day.....
If be embarrassed if someone saw it.... And I would feel sort of ashamed....I know I shouldn't... But feelings are feelings and that's how I've felt since day 1.

As a kid I always thought one day when I'm older it won't be the same, it'll be better, but slowly I forgot about that as I grew up.... Became a little less confident in that field.

I feel as if i'm not embarressed that I experience incontinence since I was warned it could happen with my condition.On the other hand, only family know about my issues and it'd be embarrassing to me if someone else found out. I do try my best to hide my diaper at all times.So I guess you could say I just like my privacy.

I'm glad you asked that question. I've been consistently surprised by how many here actually are. Some of which are even deathly afraid because of that embarrassment.

I however, refuse to be embarrassed about something I both need (incontinent), and love (abdl). I have told others close to me, including one coworker I'm good friends with. I have no intent telling anyone else who does not need to know though.

As for those who do find out, so what about what they think. I couldn't care less if some stranger were to react negatively to my wearing a diaper. If thy have a problem with it, then that's their problem. As long as I don't flaunt it, I am well within my right to not hide it either.

As those here familiar with me probably already know I'm the opposite of embarrassed. I'm quite public about being incontinence and speaking against the stigma. I've posted diaper reviews on my Facebook, etcetera.

This has turned out to be helpful to people. People I'm friends with that know I'm incontinent and rely on diapers know that I'll be a judgement free resource if they ever need advice about or to borrow diapers. I've had a friend come to me for advice and to borrow diapers for some postnatal incontinence issues since the store brand they bought at first wasn't cutting it. This couldn't have happened if I wasn't so public about it.

As I've said often to people that ask why I'm not embarrassed about it, my reply is generally along the lines of "People aren't embarrassed about needing medical equipment for eyesight disabilities, why would I be embarrassed about needing medical equipment for muscular issues?"

Being IC is new to me, so the embarrasment is still very high. I am not in diapers 24/7 just at night. Pads or briefs during the day but i feel that will change soon.

I dont mind wearing diapers i find solace and comfort and security with them.
Its just the in public thing that still gets me.

I'm not anymore. I used to be, I was deathly terrified of it. Essentially I'm already a very socially awkward guy who hasn't really made new friends in well over a decade, with few exceptions(who are usually friends of friends), and I was intensely afraid of rejection and humiliation. I would go out of my way to make sure I was never caught, including tight underwear over them, and layers of clothing. It was pretty awful actually, which naturally made changing and coping with it more difficult, which I also intensely avoided in public which has its own set of problems, etc.

But I've since gone in the radically opposite direction. The biggest factor is probably pretty obvious: I found someone that didn't reject me. The woman who became my wife convinced me not to be so afraid about it. And slowly since moving out of my parent's house more of my inner circle of friends have found out, and they didn't reject me either. And slowly the idea of being more prideful came to be my operating notion. A lot of twitter pages I follow helped too, such as InconCrusaders ‏and TheDiaperDynamo made a big difference, and encouraged me to make my own Disability/Little twitter, Geeks_N_Diapers(it's also super nerdy, lol).

I don't go around flaunting it of course, but I've replaced a lot of my embarassment with pride, and I think I'm better off for it.

We all (or anyway the vast majority of us) wear diapers 24/7 because we have no alternative. Does that simple fact embarrass you?

If so, to what extent? Would you be embarrassed if someone noticed the diaper under your clothes?

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Yep.

If someone heard you changing in a rest room?

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Nope. That is what it is, I guess.

If others who know you knew?

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Yeah, that's embarrassing enough that I try to keep it to a minimum.

If someone found your changing supplies? Etc.

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This would embarrass me and make me angry, because I store my changing supplies securely enough that for someone to find them, they'd really have to be looking, and breaking locks.

kerry said:

We all (or anyway the vast majority of us) wear diapers 24/7 because we have no alternative. Does that simple fact embarrass you?

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No. I came to terms with my diaper wearing over 20 years ago when my IC at night got bad enough that I had to wear protection. Daytime wearing followed. I still have somewhat of a love/hate feeling towards diapers, but I'm not embarrassed that I wear them.

kerry said:

If so, to what extent? Would you be embarrassed if someone noticed the diaper under your clothes? If someone heard you changing in a rest room? If others who know you knew? If someone found your changing supplies? Etc.

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My close friends and family know. I probably would be briefly embarrassed if one of my colleagues or not so close friends noticed my diaper. I don't go around telling everyone because it's none of their business and doesn't affect them. I could care less if strangers noticed my diaper or heard me changing.

kerry said:

If not, how have you managed to work past the societal imperative that says people of a certain age should not be in diapers? Are you really comfortable with others knowing? Etc.

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Personally, I wish I didn't have to wear them 24/7 because they can at times be uncomfortable, expensive, wasteful and a pain to change in public. But, as far as society, I could care less what 'they' think. Fuck them. I've always done the opposite of society anyway. For example, I rarely watch tv. I dislike fashion, fads and pop culture. I think most Americans are dumbasses. Who cares what other people like or don't like?

I'm Bladder IC and wear 24/7, I used to be very embarrassed about having to wear a nappy and pants but at 62 they are now just my normal underwear, about the only time i get embarrassed is if i have a noticeable leak.

I'm only embarrassed if I have a leak and a notocable wet spot on my butt. I have had bowel accidents before and had to leave the store I was in but I don't think anyone knew.

After 5 years of being in nappies and urinary incontinent I am not in the slightest embarrassed.