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Thread: are you embarrassed?

  1. #1

    Default are you embarrassed?

    I've been reading and responding to the posts in threads about parenting with IC and who you tell about your IC, etc., and it occurred to me to ask a fundamental question:

    To what extent are we embarrassed about our need to wear diapers?

    Oh, I know that, especially for the bowel incontinent, a bad accident can always be embarrassing. I feel blessed that, at least to this point, I have not had to experience that. (Interestingly, my husband, who is not IC but does have IBS, has.) But I'm not talking about the acute moment. I'm talking about the more chronic need.

    We all (or anyway the vast majority of us) wear diapers 24/7 because we have no alternative. Does that simple fact embarrass you?

    If so, to what extent? Would you be embarrassed if someone noticed the diaper under your clothes? If someone heard you changing in a rest room? If others who know you knew? If someone found your changing supplies? Etc.

    If not, how have you managed to work past the societal imperative that says people of a certain age should not be in diapers? Are you really comfortable with others knowing? Etc.

    My own answer here is:

    I'm working on it. Honestly, I don't want to be embarrassed by what really is a medical necessity. I mean, I don't go around wearing a diaper for shorts or a t-shirt that says "Hey, I'm wearing diapers!' or anything; there is no reason to shove one's problems in others' faces. But still...

    I've said that I am working on stories and a novel that attempt to place IC characters who wear diapers into mainstream culture. I have a couple of good friends who know. All of my children know. Pretty much anyone they bring into the house knows, as I don't have enough storage space to hide my diapers. I'm fine with this. As I said: it's a medical issue, and I feel absolutely no need to be embarrassed about it...

    Yet...

    Out of my control, I still find myself a little freaked out. I still worry if the diaper can be seen through my clothes. I still try to avoid letting others hear it in the rest room or see it when I dispose it in the trash there. I've lately discovered that I'm fine when someone finds them in my purse, though, so there's that.

    Why am I OK when people I know are aware but kind of freaked out when strangers do? Goddess only knows. But that's my level of embarrassment.

    What's yours?

  2. #2

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    Embarrassed no not any more (most of the time) Diapers are now apart of my life theres nothing I can do about it so I have come to terms with being incontinent and requiring diapers to manage my bladder issues.

    every one I have told or have found out have been very supportive and understanding, As for changing in public and some one seeing me in a diaper in the bathroom is not an issue who cares I will probably never see them again.

    Dont stress what you cant change, plain white or medical green diapers scream medical issue.

  3. #3

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    I think it's human nature to be embarrassed about things that make us different. With that said, it's a fact that the older you are or the longer you've dealt with a particular "difference", the less of a concern it becomes. I know my diapers have been noticed on occasion. Does it bother me? Sometimes. Mostly I just don't worry about it all that much. After 20 plus years it's my normal and as difficult as it can be at times, I own it. A few close friends and family are in the know and I'm not treated any differently. I think a lot has to do with personal attitude and acceptance. If you're self-conscious or freak out when you end up with a load in your diaper, of course people will take notice. I take all neccessary precautions to remain as stealth as conveniently possible. (Nullo deoderant pills, heavy gauge plastic pants etc.) After all these years I know how to dress and adjust my protection for every situation. I've been questioned a few times over the years and when I'm in the mood will explain the medical issues involved. When I'm not in the mood I'll just ask them why would they ask such a personal question. Or just simply say "cancer" when I just don't want to deal with it at all. I think it has to be harder the younger you are. I'm not all that old (retired eaely at 57) so I'm sure my experience has a lot to do with my approach. 99% of people, friends or strangers, just don't notice or don't care. With the precautions I take I could be standing next to you in line at Starbucks with a load in my diaper and you would never know. I'm sure that's a big part of my confidence and attitude.

  4. #4

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    Some part of my own experience, I must add, has to be attributed to the fact that I am a transgender woman. I fought long and hard not to have a bulge down there and now, fifteen years later, I have one again. Sort of sucks...

  5. #5

    Default

    Having a medical necessity (though infrequent), I find that I am LESS embarrassed then when I was just wearing for "fun". The former is not under your control, the latter is (somewhat).

  6. #6

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    I have long since given up worrying what others think. I wear nappies 24/7 as I have little or no bladder control most of the time. I used to worry about being noticed in a nappy but soon realised no one cares even if they notice which I am pretty sure no one does. I just get on with life now and no longer think about it

  7. #7

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    i'm not worried anymore,
    my diapers are as quit as it can be quiet, and de medical grade ones are aborbent.
    i feel ashamed when i'm having a BM accident after my IBS is acting up, but then i'm changing as quickly as i can.
    my personal fight against IC and diapers is long gone, and i actually enjoy the freedom of mind being diapered and feel safe and protected.
    also after my diagnosis of Asthma level 3 i needed a bigger bag for daily carry of stuff,
    by accident using the nighttime diapers at daytime when i was away, I've experienced the great comfort and ease of change with the tabs instead of the pants i used before..
    the staff of the carecentre gave me a small very kind notice, that me being active a small bit of diaper was showing, and they gave me the advice to get a onesie...
    after getting a bunch of onesies, i've felt better than ever...

    long story short, i do care about my surroundings about hiding diapers, but i feel comfortable while wearing.. i've taken all precautions to prevent discovery from others...

  8. #8

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    Hi like most I'm not that embarrassed these days being bladder incontinent is part of life now, and not really bothered if people see me using whatever pads/nappy or device I'm using

  9. #9

  10. #10

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    Over time I've come to be okay with wearing diapers, even when swimming the swim diapers which show a little under the swim wear doesn't make me as nervous as I used to be.
    But what I am embarrassed about is when I have an accident and I need to excuse myself from wherever I am to deal with it... And someone's having to move around in a full brief is awkward as hell.

    There hasn't been a time when I didn't have bowel problems, every now and then they would become very frequent and totally kill the mood of the day.....
    If be embarrassed if someone saw it.... And I would feel sort of ashamed....I know I shouldn't... But feelings are feelings and that's how I've felt since day 1.

    As a kid I always thought one day when I'm older it won't be the same, it'll be better, but slowly I forgot about that as I grew up.... Became a little less confident in that field.

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