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Thread: maybe i really am becoming an alcoholic

  1. #1

    Default maybe i really am becoming an alcoholic

    life ain't fair. that's why some people commit suicide while the others stay alive. we all have our dreams. but fullfilling those dreams is not meant for everyone. if every individual reached his dreams, life wouldn't be balanced and everything would colapse.

    a lot of people dream about world domination just like hitler did. but out of those millions of people who have the desire to dominate this world, only one of them could be the dictator of the whole world while the others would have their dreams crushed.
    that's why there are suicides and depressed people. hitler tried to dominate the world, the japs tried to dominate the world, but americans didn't agree with that so they destroyed them and crushed their dreams of world domination. if a group of people doesn't agree with the ideas of another group, they will fight for what they believe in and destroy the dreams of the other group.

    it has been my life long dream to live in america. but america already has too much immigrants as it is and they demand thousands of dollars upfront from anyone who wants to apply for a green card. which crushes my dreams and again shows that life dreams aren't meant for everyone.

    my family has an extensive history of alcoholism and suicide. maybe i am the member of the family who's gonna keep the family cycle going. i'm already slowly becoming an alcoholic with multiple failed suicide attempts behind me. maybe that's the reason i was born, so the family cycle doesn't break. i have a brother and a sister, so the legacy of my family won't die if i die.

    i probably won't remember writing this. i drank almost the whole bottle of vodka. that's the reason im writing this in the first place and why it might not make any sense

  2. #2


    Hi, Alexia,
    Perhaps you really are becoming an alcoholic, or you may very well be on the verge of committing suicide. These are not mutually exclusive problems and each one can have a bearing on the other. What can be said with certainty, however, is that you are going through a very painful and difficult time right now, and you need to decide how to addresss it before things get worse. My hope is that you will see a doctor or professional as soon as possible. The fact that both suicide and alcoholism runs in your family very likely means that there are clinical and physiological symptoms which are hereditary and beyond your control. The good news is that it can be treated and managed with proper care. It doesn't always feel this bad. You're asking tough questions of yourself, and my hope is that you will seek help to answer them.

    When people are depressed and suicidal, they become very limited in problem solving skills. This is because you feel overwhelmed and there is too much coming at you all at once, It makes it feel difficult to sort everything out. As a result you look for the quickest answers possible to ease the pain: You either want to drink to obliterate the all the negative feelings or give up on life. I believe there are much better options if you can just take some time to think this through. First you need to identify the causes of these feelings, and develop a plan to eliminate these negative and harmful thoughts. The good news is that depression can be treated and managed successfully.

    As a person who has lived with depression, I have come to realize that depression is a form of self-bullying. It makes you feel that your circumstances will not change, that you are not worthwhile, that everything is hopeless. You can begin to resent other people for what they have and what is missing in your life. These are all the lies that depression tells us, and none of them are true. We do get better, life gets better, so if the choices are between living miserably or dying, I see a third alternative which is simply to reach out to someone as soon as possible, such as a trusted friend, family member or a professional. And yes, I speak as a suicide survivor who has also suffered from alcoholism .

    The Adisc article on suicide helplines also has some additional resources, including a list of helplines and online crisis intervention:

    There's a stigma attached to depression and it often prevents us from reaching out and getting help. That shouldn't be the case.The truth is that depression affects one in five of us directly. This does not include the family members, friends, and colleagues who are also affected through their support and service of care. We are all affected by it.

    There's a lot of help out there and it is available if you will just reach out and take it. You opened up to us and it took tremendous courage. And we hear you. Now please, talk to someone face to face as soon as possible, whether it be a friend, family member or your doctor. If you don't have anyone to talk to, then please get yourself to the hospital. They can treat you to get you well and connect you with community resources so you can get some support in moving forward with your life. It may take every bit of energy to take the first steps, but it will be worth it. There are better days ahead of you, I promise. I speak as a suicide survivor myself, and as a survivor of a partner's suicide. I know the pain it brings, but I also know that, with the proper help, it won't feel this way forever.

    Last edited by Starrunner; 30-May-2017 at 15:52.

  3. #3


    I realize your post was in the depths of alcohol fueled depression.

    Make no mistake. your exacerbated feelings of despondency are down to alcohol.


    I agree with what starruner is saying above.

    There is hope, there is a solution for you. Part of coming up with that solution will be to speak openly with us in this thread about the obstacles you are up against.

    perhaps the hardest part of doing this for you, will be doing it sober.
    I strongly reccomend re-visiting this thread and your depression when you are sober.

    I realize that in the moment, things can be awful and there is no light at the end of the tunnel, come the next morning, sometimes its easier to put these things from our mind and not revisit them, as if we have undergone some sort of cathartic purge.

    dont let this lay.


    One last thing, regarding the alcohol.

    You drink alcohol, because it seems to allieviate some form of stress, pressure?

    It does not seem to make your depression go away regardless.

    I highly encourage you to eliminate drinking for the foreseeable future until you have a better foundation to your life.

    I cannot imagine it is doing anything then act as a ball and chain to your emotions, as well as bring up memories closely entwined with your relatives alcoholism and suicides.

    Your dreams are attainable.

    And there is always more the one happy ending to our life goals that is available to us as well.

    Please make another post when you are feeling up to it, detailing more of what you are up against.

    Sober, preferably, for your own emotional well being.

  4. #4


    There is hope of recovery from both alcoholism and suicidal ideation. An online forum is only one small piece of my recovery. I also attend 12 step meetings, have a sponsor, a therapist, and a money coach. I wanted to die after my last relapse, just know that you're not alone.

    Please get help! You are worthy & loved!

  5. #5


    Do what I did, get yourself to alcoholics anonymous and take it seriously. It works if you work it.

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