The Ultimatum

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BabyMax2000

BabyMax2000

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Ok, so my mom knows I wear diapers and I like to act like a baby. Well, we got into one of our biggest fights ever last week and I showed her one of the ABU SDK diapers I had. So now, along with all my stuffed animals, diapers, and everything, she wants me to get rid of them. Just so long as there not in her house. I'm taking them to a good friend of mine who will keep them safe. My mom gave me the option to either get rid of them, or go live with my dad. (Means I lose my job, car, health insurance, ect) So know, I just want to know, has anyone else's parents done this to them. To me, this is highly unfair, considering I've kept this only in my room. I didn't force this on anyone.

My mom thinks that acting like a baby hinders my abilities.

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Ugh. I'm so sorry your mom did that. My mom found out about my little side and made me sign a "treaty" saying if I bought any more baby stuff I would be sent to my dad's or homeless.
 
My mom, when she discovered my "stuff", sent me to see a psychiatrist at a residential mental facility that had a nasty reputation for performing shock therapy and lobotomies if you were gay. Some of the "stuff" my mom discovered was gay porn along with the diapers. After a few weeks I was able to talk her out of sending me, but I was terrified for several weeks.

It's your mom's house and her rules, so I think you're stuck. It would have better to not have had the argument and not to have shown her your diaper, etc.
 
I agree with dogboy, "It's your mom's house and her rules..." but I think you made a good choice in not getting rid of your stuff but getting a friend to store and keep the stuff safe.

There are only two real solutions to this:

1. Continue to talk to your mom and she if you can't eventually persuade her to change her mind, or

2. Continue to work toward eventually moving out on your own.

Both options are easier said then done and I wish you luck in whatever course you chose.
 
dogboy said:
My mom, when she discovered my "stuff", sent me to see a psychiatrist at a residential mental facility that had a nasty reputation for performing shock therapy and lobotomies if you were gay. Some of the "stuff" my mom discovered was gay porn along with the diapers. After a few weeks I was able to talk her out of sending me, but I was terrified for several weeks.

It's your mom's house and her rules, so I think you're stuck. It would have better to not have had the argument and not to have shown her your diaper, etc.
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I know, and probably shouldn't have. But since I was at my wits end and she even asked me if I had anymore. So, what's the point in hiding it anymore. So, yea.

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PamperedGoddess said:
Ugh. I'm so sorry your mom did that. My mom found out about my little side and made me sign a "treaty" saying if I bought any more baby stuff I would be sent to my dad's or homeless.
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It's ok, did you get to keep your baby stuff? If so, is rather much have that than get rid of my things

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BabyMax2000 said:
It's ok, did you get to keep your baby stuff? If so, is rather much have that than get rid of my things

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No. She got rid of them unfortunately. But I now live with my boyfriend who is also my daddy so I got to escape from it.
 
It sounds like you're doing the best you can in this case. Keeping the stuff with a friend is good both to avoid wasting it all and for your own piece of mind (at least it'st here and you can get it back later).

The line that most stuck out to me from your first post is that your mom thinks that you acting like a baby hinders your abilities. That, to me, suggests that your mom isn't really upset about the diapers, she's upset about the fact that you're not at the place in life that she thinks you ought to be at. I don't know enough about you or your mom to figure out the details there, but I'm sure a lot of parents hope that once their kids turn 18, they'll go off to school, then get a nice job that pays pretty well and lets them get a place of their own, and my guess would be that since you're staying with your Mom, she's maybe feeling upset that things aren't going as well for you as she might have hoped. In a situation like that, it's easy for her to pick up on things that seem out of the ordinary or that might be perceived negatively and suggest that they're the problem, and diapers clearly fit that definition. However, I suspect that even with the diapers gone, your problem may not be solved. If things don't "get better" in whatever sense your mom is looking for, she might decide there's some other cause whether that's what you watch on TV, or who your friends are, or you eating and sleeping habits, or any of a myriad of things that might suggest you're not working hard enough to get to the place that she wants for you.

I'm gonna stop speculating there, tell me if I'm at all on the right track or if I've misunderstood your situation. If I'm not that far off, the conversation you need to have with your mom is figuring out what she wants for you, what you want for yourself, and how both of you can work together to get there. Doing that (and sticking to whatever you decide) might open up a lot of other things including being able to have diapers back at some point.
 
I have to agree with ArchieRoni. That's why I wondered what the particulars of the argument were, because that gives us more insight. In my case when my stuff was discovered, I had come home from college for the weekend, something I often did. My parents were having company for dinner, friends whom I also knew. As dinner started, I began to cry and I couldn't stop. I had a psychotic break when I was in 7th grade and now I was having another. Seeing the psychiatrist wasn't only because of diapers and being gay, but having difficulties coping with life, which was very complicated at the time.

My mom had here suspicions that I was gay, because I was always with a male friend and during the summer, I was always with this boy who lived on our street. She'd ask me the usual mother questions, was I seeing a girl, etc. Eventually the rhetoric got more and more ugly.

The point was, and one ArchieRoni was making, my mom wanted me to be happy, and successful. In 1970, they didn't think you could be gay and happy, because homosexuality was considered a mental illness and you could be put in either a mental institution or jail, just for being gay. She had my best interests at heart, but she wasn't able to understand that like wearing diapers, you can't change who you are.

I didn't mean to be blunt with you. I genuinely feel sorry for you because I've been there. You know the expression, "It gets better?" For me it did. I graduated, moved several states away, met a girl, got married and started a family. I was successful at my job and I became mentally stable, which others on this site may be laughing over. Dogboy is never actually stable.

I do think that having a roof over your head and three meals a day is going to be more important than having your baby things. You did score by not having to throw them out, and I'm glad for you. Like Archie said, if there are other issues at hand, now is the time to address them. Often the big argument deals with education and employment, something we all have to do eventually.

We're always here to talk to so please know that you are supported here and you have friends. We care.
 
I find that people with no experience in the area have the knee-jerk reaction of "get rid of it" which can be very damaging. My mom found one diaper once. She told me to get rid of it. She was surprised she had found one, and she told me very harshly it wasn't acceptable. I was ostracized because of it. It didn't help my brother had found out about it and mocked me about it endlessly. I think the safe thing would be to stay under the radar. It's better to keep the peace in the household, I believe.
 
dogboy said:
It's your mom's house and her rules, so I think you're stuck. It would have better to not have had the argument and not to have shown her your diaper, etc.
Click to expand...

I disagree here a little bit. I usually am a great fan of "my house my rules" but this only partly applies to kids you are morally or/and legally obliged to take care of. Your offspring isn't some subtenant. You have to create a responsible, loving home for both of you. Of course, as a parent you should come first. If you don't feel fine with your life you will not be able to take proper care of your kids. As the safety instructions for emergencies in airplanes tell us the wisdom of putting on your mask first, then your kids. But things done in private don't affect the parents.
So part of creating a living space for your kids is accepting them as a person. As Max's habits don't interfere with the household and he is old and mature enough to experience the baby thing in a healthy manner I don't see a valid reason for parents to forbid it. I see many reasons for them to be upset at first, to be repulsed by it and so on. But after a considerable amount of time has passed they should be accepting.
We tend to say we are lucky that our families might support us. But this "feeling lucky" thing is really not true. We shouldn't NEED to feel lucky. It's our goddamn right to be who we are. We are that way and we can't change. Being AB/DL is not up for discussion. It's not bugging anyone, it's private. And if not our parents, who should understand us any better?
I see the struggles of our vanilla parents if they find out. And I see we need to be understanding of their feelings, too. But we should never forget that we are not doing anything wrong and there is no "point of view" from which this is anything else than not wrong, not harming anyone and who we are. Or what kind of double standard would that be: We, constantly saying 'we are doing nothing wrong, not harming anyone" but at the same time saying "Oh, we can be so lucky if our mothers don't throw us when they find out"?
Forbidding us to live it at our home is an attack on our dignity as a human being. We are forced to suppress an important part of our life. For some it's a part of their personality.
Take some pride in who you are.
At last, some concrete advise: I wouldn't stop. Take your time and reconsider your position. As I said, I think you have a right to have your baby stuff and use it as long as it doesn't interfere with her or others. Those things take time. I think you haven't been treated fair that's my opinion.
 
That's basically what I do, stay under the radar. There are some things I wish I could do, but I can't because of my parent's rules. I'm disabled, and this makes it harder because I'm not considered to make my own decisions because of it. This is what my parents think about me, and I can't change that. Believe me, I've tried! They don't mind some things because they think a lot of my "childishness" is due to my special needs, including autism. Like Kittyhobo said, the best you can do is stay under the radar and wait for things to cool down as well. I do know exactly what you are going through. It is really hard to deal with. Parents tend to have this thing where if their child, even over eighteen, is acting like a baby... they are going to stop it. I believe this is because they never did the same thing when they were growing up, so there's no reason why you should either. Plus, the way the media also represents people like us also doesn't help. :c You can blame a lot of it on society and what not!
 
BabyMax2000 said:
Ok, so my mom knows I wear diapers and I like to act like a baby. Well, we got into one of our biggest fights ever last week and I showed her one of the ABU SDK diapers I had. So now, along with all my stuffed animals, diapers, and everything, she wants me to get rid of them. Just so long as there not in her house. I'm taking them to a good friend of mine who will keep them safe. My mom gave me the option to either get rid of them, or go live with my dad. (Means I lose my job, car, health insurance, ect) So know, I just want to know, has anyone else's parents done this to them. To me, this is highly unfair, considering I've kept this only in my room. I didn't force this on anyone.

My mom thinks that acting like a baby hinders my abilities.

14dfd20bc163a7c9472d479fb314ea1f.jpg
5f107a74b45af99c564bdd99e3a4b22e.jpg


Sent from my SAMSUNG-SM-G920A using Tapatalk
Click to expand...


Sorry your mom gave you the ultimatum. Stinks you will be separated from your plushies but at least they will be safe at your friends house. I kept that aspect hidden from my mom while I lived at home so I never had that happen but in order to keep it hidden I didn't sufficiently protest when I caught her throwing away all my dolls and plushies while I was at school. I came home and saw them in the trash but chickened out telling her I really still wanted them.
 
ArchieRoni said:
It sounds like you're doing the best you can in this case. Keeping the stuff with a friend is good both to avoid wasting it all and for your own piece of mind (at least it'st here and you can get it back later).

The line that most stuck out to me from your first post is that your mom thinks that you acting like a baby hinders your abilities. That, to me, suggests that your mom isn't really upset about the diapers, she's upset about the fact that you're not at the place in life that she thinks you ought to be at. I don't know enough about you or your mom to figure out the details there, but I'm sure a lot of parents hope that once their kids turn 18, they'll go off to school, then get a nice job that pays pretty well and lets them get a place of their own, and my guess would be that since you're staying with your Mom, she's maybe feeling upset that things aren't going as well for you as she might have hoped. In a situation like that, it's easy for her to pick up on things that seem out of the ordinary or that might be perceived negatively and suggest that they're the problem, and diapers clearly fit that definition. However, I suspect that even with the diapers gone, your problem may not be solved. If things don't "get better" in whatever sense your mom is looking for, she might decide there's some other cause whether that's what you watch on TV, or who your friends are, or you eating and sleeping habits, or any of a myriad of things that might suggest you're not working hard enough to get to the place that she wants for you.

I'm gonna stop speculating there, tell me if I'm at all on the right track or if I've misunderstood your situation. If I'm not that far off, the conversation you need to have with your mom is figuring out what she wants for you, what you want for yourself, and how both of you can work together to get there. Doing that (and sticking to whatever you decide) might open up a lot of other things including being able to have diapers back at some point.
Click to expand...
True. I'm not in the place of life I should be. I mean I did finish a year of college. And I'm working hard on finding a job that pays well. And I'll agree how she can see that diapers hinder me. But they don't, we already had a talk of what I need to do in order to get started in life. I'd say your on point And I agree with pretty much everything you said.

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dogboy said:
I have to agree with ArchieRoni. That's why I wondered what the particulars of the argument were, because that gives us more insight. In my case when my stuff was discovered, I had come home from college for the weekend, something I often did. My parents were having company for dinner, friends whom I also knew. As dinner started, I began to cry and I couldn't stop. I had a psychotic break when I was in 7th grade and now I was having another. Seeing the psychiatrist wasn't only because of diapers and being gay, but having difficulties coping with life, which was very complicated at the time.

My mom had here suspicions that I was gay, because I was always with a male friend and during the summer, I was always with this boy who lived on our street. She'd ask me the usual mother questions, was I seeing a girl, etc. Eventually the rhetoric got more and more ugly.

The point was, and one ArchieRoni was making, my mom wanted me to be happy, and successful. In 1970, they didn't think you could be gay and happy, because homosexuality was considered a mental illness and you could be put in either a mental institution or jail, just for being gay. She had my best interests at heart, but she wasn't able to understand that like wearing diapers, you can't change who you are.

I didn't mean to be blunt with you. I genuinely feel sorry for you because I've been there. You know the expression, "It gets better?" For me it did. I graduated, moved several states away, met a girl, got married and started a family. I was successful at my job and I became mentally stable, which others on this site may be laughing over. Dogboy is never actually stable.

I do think that having a roof over your head and three meals a day is going to be more important than having your baby things. You did score by not having to throw them out, and I'm glad for you. Like Archie said, if there are other issues at hand, now is the time to address them. Often the big argument deals with education and employment, something we all have to do eventually.

We're always here to talk to so please know that you are supported here and you have friends. We care.
Click to expand...
They actually found out I had baby diapers hiding in our old house. And they asked me questions. My mom kept asking me if I was gay for some odd reason. I told her no. She's even saying that wearing diapers and footed pajamas aren't normal for people my age. I almost wanted to say then why do women wear footed pajamas. I'm trying to hold on as long as I can.

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goodnitesgirl said:
Sorry your mom gave you the ultimatum. Stinks you will be separated from your plushies but at least they will be safe at your friends house. I kept that aspect hidden from my mom while I lived at home so I never had that happen but in order to keep it hidden I didn't sufficiently protest when I caught her throwing away all my dolls and plushies while I was at school. I came home and saw them in the trash but chickened out telling her I really still wanted them.
Click to expand...
It's ok. I know their safe with him so I don't have to worry. But it's lonely without them there. Sorry your mom threw yours away. Could have snuck them back it.

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pampersguy said:
I disagree here a little bit. I usually am a great fan of "my house my rules" but this only partly applies to kids you are morally or/and legally obliged to take care of. Your offspring isn't some subtenant. You have to create a responsible, loving home for both of you. Of course, as a parent you should come first. If you don't feel fine with your life you will not be able to take proper care of your kids. As the safety instructions for emergencies in airplanes tell us the wisdom of putting on your mask first, then your kids. But things done in private don't affect the parents.
So part of creating a living space for your kids is accepting them as a person. As Max's habits don't interfere with the household and he is old and mature enough to experience the baby thing in a healthy manner I don't see a valid reason for parents to forbid it. I see many reasons for them to be upset at first, to be repulsed by it and so on. But after a considerable amount of time has passed they should be accepting.
We tend to say we are lucky that our families might support us. But this "feeling lucky" thing is really not true. We shouldn't NEED to feel lucky. It's our goddamn right to be who we are. We are that way and we can't change. Being AB/DL is not up for discussion. It's not bugging anyone, it's private. And if not our parents, who should understand us any better?
I see the struggles of our vanilla parents if they find out. And I see we need to be understanding of their feelings, too. But we should never forget that we are not doing anything wrong and there is no "point of view" from which this is anything else than not wrong, not harming anyone and who we are. Or what kind of double standard would that be: We, constantly saying 'we are doing nothing wrong, not harming anyone" but at the same time saying "Oh, we can be so lucky if our mothers don't throw us when they find out"?
Forbidding us to live it at our home is an attack on our dignity as a human being. We are forced to suppress an important part of our life. For some it's a part of their personality.
Take some pride in who you are.
At last, some concrete advise: I wouldn't stop. Take your time and reconsider your position. As I said, I think you have a right to have your baby stuff and use it as long as it doesn't interfere with her or others. Those things take time. I think you haven't been treated fair that's my opinion.
Click to expand...
Oh. I completely agree. I'm not harming anyone in my family. Sure I sleep with my teddy bear at night and wear my footed pajamas around. But that's all she was ok with. I told her I have a right to keep that stuff because 1. I bought it, and 2. It was only in my room. I didn't play with my toys out in the open, I didn't wear diapers in front of them. The only time I wore my footed pajamas out in the open around the house was during the winter months. My mom doesn't accept this side of me because it's not normal. She even made me see 2 shrinks in the last 3 years because she thinks I have mental issues as well as she was thinking I'm gay. So yea, I have been treated unfairly and to be honest, not being little for a long period of time, makes me feel weird. Kind of like being nauseous mentally.

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BabyMax2000 said:
It's ok. I know their safe with him so I don't have to worry. But it's lonely without them there. Sorry your mom threw yours away. Could have snuck them back it.

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Click to expand...

Yeah instead I made the mistake of going in and confronting her about it. She just said are you going to put them back out in your room and play with them. I chickened out and said no I'm too old for that and she just said then it sounds like they belong in the trash. At that point I wasn't in a spot to sneak them back in especially with mom keeping an eye on eme.

Glad you got yours to safety :)
 
BabyMax2000 said:
True. I'm not in the place of life I should be. I mean I did finish a year of college. And I'm working hard on finding a job that pays well. And I'll agree how she can see that diapers hinder me. But they don't, we already had a talk of what I need to do in order to get started in life. I'd say your on point And I agree with pretty much everything you said.

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Click to expand...

I agree with dogboy and ArchiRoni, it's your state of being success in life that's the actual issue. If you make this a about how you're atypical and you need this, it's only going to confirm her opinion that it's a problem which hinders your ability to adult.

Prove her wrong by doing what you need to do in the rest of your life, then you'll be in a better place to to say, "look these feelings haven't gone away, I can manage being little and being an adult".
 
goodnitesgirl said:
Yeah instead I made the mistake of going in and confronting her about it. She just said are you going to put them back out in your room and play with them. I chickened out and said no I'm too old for that and she just said then it sounds like they belong in the trash. At that point I wasn't in a spot to sneak them back in especially with mom keeping an eye on eme.

Glad you got yours to safety :)
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I'm sorry you lost yours. Thank you, I'm glad i got them safe and secure so nothing happens to them.

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