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Thread: The demons we live with.

  1. #1

    Default The demons we live with.

    We all live with demon's of our past.
    Abuse , bullying , not fitting in for some.

    Me I deal with low self-esteem​ I was never good enough.
    Being one that's was not touched after certain age it is so foreign for me.
    Some times my feelings can be hurt easy.
    Scence the last bullying time in my 40s
    I never seem to fit .
    Oh I can talk to any one but never fit in.
    I'm an ab for comfort self nurturing as not to be hurt.

    We never know what some one's that is here had been through what they feel to them selves.
    They may feel threatened​ by any thing even if it there own fear.
    There can be misunderstandings​ some one mean one thing and it's taken for another.
    We all view the world through our own filter's .

    The past can haunts us some times.
    For some we can misread others​ intentions.

    Just trying to Branch out take the risk you may find a friend.
    What are some of your demons you seem to have.
    Sharing can come healing.
    Last edited by foxkits; 21-May-2017 at 20:54.

  2. #2

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    Low self-esteem, being below outcast status lack of mirroring as a child and finally the Demons in my head

    Sent from my SM-G920V using Tapatalk

  3. #3

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    Low self esteem, recovering from suicidal tendencies, eating disorder, abuse for most of life... It is getting better though always a work in progress

  4. #4

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    If I were to try to summarize it: being treated as worthless by my parents, classmates, professors, work colleagues, and almost everyone I have come into contact with. I find it difficult to view humanity on the whole in a positive light because to some extent I automatically apply the Copernican principle and assume everyone treats everyone like dirt and that's just how people are. On a conscious level I know that's not strictly true, but that's how it feels, and it makes me want to avoid people for the most part. I have to overcome that reflex to come and participate in a site such as this. o.o

    I also have low self-esteem, severe depression, fairly severe anxiety, PTSD, severe digestive disturbances caused by all of the above... oh, and the ongoing abuse drove me into alcoholism as well.

    I carry a lot of baggage. o.o;

  5. #5

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    For me it' s bullying. I was bullied when I was 13 yers old and in school because of my spastic Cerebral Palsy. They told me to kill myself, that I'm a waste of life, and such. It went on until 10th Grade when I was 16. I often thought about committing suicide... I still have nightmares about it sometimes... It was definitely one of the toughest and darkest times in my life.

  6. #6

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    Quote Originally Posted by dollifyme View Post
    Low self esteem, recovering from suicidal tendencies, eating disorder, abuse for most of life... It is getting better though always a work in progress
    Yes I'm the same way .
    Hugs

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    Quote Originally Posted by Sapphyre View Post
    If I were to try to summarize it: being treated as worthless by my parents, classmates, professors, work colleagues, and almost everyone I have come into contact with. I find it difficult to view humanity on the whole in a positive light because to some extent I automatically apply the Copernican principle and assume everyone treats everyone like dirt and that's just how people are. On a conscious level I know that's not strictly true, but that's how it feels, and it makes me want to avoid people for the most part. I have to overcome that reflex to come and participate in a site such as this. o.o

    I also have low self-esteem, severe depression, fairly severe anxiety, PTSD, severe digestive disturbances caused by all of the above... oh, and the ongoing abuse drove me into alcoholism as well.

    I carry a lot of baggage. o.o;
    your with good company I could have been real messed up if took of alcohol my grand father on both sides were drunks and my dad sister too.
    My addiction is diapers.
    it's one day at a time .
    for shure.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Wyatte View Post
    Low self-esteem, being below outcast status lack of mirroring as a child and finally the Demons in my head

    Sent from my SM-G920V using Tapatalk
    I still feel an out cast out side looking in.
    We tend to have those old tapes playing in our heads.
    That others put there.
    It seems we are the pray at times hugs.

  7. #7

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    It's hard to talk about because I really don't remember a lot of the abuse I went through with my father. I blocked a lot of it out my mind because I really don't want to remember the past. There was some physical abuse and I feared him. Violence on holidays such as Christmas was not uncommon.My father was a homophobe who realized I was going to be gay before I did. At the age of thirteen he felt I was 'old enough to understand' that the only reason my mother didn't have an abortion was because the church did not allow it. I feared him coming home at the end of each day, and I don't recall a single fond memory of him. Not one. It was a daily ritual of humiliation, being laughed at by him and made to feel very stupid. It went on my entire life while living at home.

    It took a lot of years of being away from the family home before I could begin to build a shred of self-esteem. Before that occurred, however,, I suffered from severe depression, alcoholism, self-loathing, suicidal ideation, and feelings of inferiority. A lot of those feelings are still a part of me, but time has been kind to me and they are not as desperate or pervasive as they once were.

    What I needed to do in my life was surround myself with people who care about me and encourage me. They have been a positive influence. They remind me that I am a good person and that my most negative thoughts are not because I'm a bad person, but rather, because of something that was done to me. With good support, I was able to overcome my feelings of being a stupid person and I returned to school at the age of twenty-eight. I stopped drinking and took up long distance running. I took all my pain to go and volunteer at a local helpline so that I could help other people who were feeling vulnerable. I spent a decade doing volunteer work to campaign for the legalization of same-sex marriages. I still help out in pro-choice marches and activities to support a woman's right to choose, because I believe every child should be a wanted child, and not have to endure such a miserable existence as mine.

    In short, I have dedicated my life to overcoming all the damage he inflicted upon me and to advocate for many the causes he so staunchly opposed. He inspired me in ways he could not have anticipated, by learning to be true to myself and taking care to exercise compassion to others instead of hatred.

    We are survivors, all of us. The fact that we are still here today is a testament to our own resilence, courage, and inner strength. We must never forget that. So let us continue to be gentle, caring and compassionate people. Let us strive to be survivors and not victims, and let us choose hope over despair.
    Last edited by Starrunner; 22-May-2017 at 00:20.

  8. #8

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    Quote Originally Posted by Drynites96 View Post
    For me it' s bullying. I was bullied when I was 13 yers old and in school because of my spastic Cerebral Palsy. They told me to kill myself, that I'm a waste of life, and such. It went on until 10th Grade when I was 16. I often thought about committing suicide... I still have nightmares about it sometimes... It was definitely one of the toughest and darkest times in my life.
    Your not alone I dropped out or I would have done my self in.
    In my school photos saw the light in my eye's go out just sad photo's of me.
    Very dark time for shure.
    Only had one friend at a time mostly misfit's like me.
    hug's

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    Quote Originally Posted by Starrunner View Post
    It's hard to talk about because I really don't remember a lot of the abuse I went through with my father. I blocked a lot of it out my mind because I really don't want to remember the past. There was some physical abuse and I feared him. Violence on holidays such as Christmas was not uncommon.My father was a homophobe who realized I was going to be gay before I did. At the age of thirteen he felt I was 'old enough to understand' that the only reason my mother didn't have an abortion was because the church did not allow it. I feared him coming home at the end of each day, and I don't recall a single fond memory of him. Not one. It was a daily ritual of humiliation, being laughed at by him and made to feel very stupid. It went on my entire life while living at home.

    It took a lot of years of being away from the family home before I could build even a shred of self-esteem. Before that time, I suffered from severe depression, alcoholism, self-loathing, suicidal ideation, and feelings of inferiority. A lot of those feelings are still a part of me, but time has been kind to me and they are not as desperate in the forefront of my mind.

    What I needed to do in my life was to surround myself with people who care about me and encourage me. They have been a positive influence. They remind me that I am a good person and that my most negative thoughts are not because I'm a bad person, but rather ,because of something that was done to me. With good support, I was able to overcome my feelings of being a stupid person and returned to school at the age of twenty-eight. I stopped drinking and took up long distance running. I took all my pain to go and volunteer at a local helpline so that I could help other people who were feeling vulnerable. I spent a decade doing volunteer work to campaign for the legalization of same-sex marriages. I still help out in pro-choice marches and activities to support a woman's right to choose, because I believe every child should be a wanted child, and not have to endure such a miserable existence as mine.

    In short, I have dedicated my life to overcoming all the damage he inflicted upon me and to advocate for many the causes he so staunchly opposed. He inspired me in ways he could not have anticipated, by learning to be true to myself and taking care to exercise compassion to others instead of hatred.

    We are survivors, all of us. The fact that we are still here today is a testament to our own resilence, courage, and inner strength. Let us never forget that, and let us continue to be gentle, caring and compassionate people. Let us strive to be survivors and not victims.
    Well said .
    If we care see some of what we think we are and where it comes from .
    That's it's others words and actions we can change those tapes and demons we carry along.
    My intention here is to show for some we are not so different.
    There are some that had the same type of baggage.
    By discussing it they can be aware of those tapes playing.
    Oh I do that too.
    To support us all.
    Hugs

  9. #9

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    Personally it hurts me when i see or hear stories of other people getting abused, I myself was abused physically and verbally most of my life. knowing how much it hurts for other people, I can relate to the pain.

    Though my brain likes to block past and present abuse, no clue why I've never understood why.

    If there was a switch where nobody other than me got abused, I would press it, as it's painful to think other people have to go though horrible things. i would prefer to live in a perfect world without abuse.

    It bothers me that so many people get abused, killed etc based on who or what they are.

    If only the world was perfect.

    Any form of abuse is awful and really effects the brain in ways that will damage it.

    But there does exist some kind and lovely people out there, which makes me happy, not many, but it makes me happy knowing that there are caring and loving people out there.

    My abuse has caused so much unrepairable damage, and has lead to multiple mental illnesses, anxiety, depression, I get panic attacks due to traumatic experiences i've had in the past involving social situations.

    I don't think anyone has ever cared or loved me legitimately, I don't even feel like anyone cares about me, I've never had many friends, that's only a handful of things.

    I don't think anyone truely overcomes the abuse they suffered ever, I feel that people will live with it forever.

    I avoid a lot of social situations, and people because I fear and know i will get hurt, ie punched in the face, tripped over, stabbed with objects etc.

    I'm a caring person myself, and get a bit worried when I say specific things online etc as I don't want to hurt anyone purposely or even by accident. though my bullies and abusers I feel no empathy for.

  10. #10

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    Quote Originally Posted by Starrunner View Post
    It's hard to talk about because I really don't remember a lot of the abuse I went through with my father. I blocked a lot of it out my mind because I really don't want to remember the past. There was some physical abuse and I feared him. Violence on holidays such as Christmas was not uncommon.My father was a homophobe who realized I was going to be gay before I did. At the age of thirteen he felt I was 'old enough to understand' that the only reason my mother didn't have an abortion was because the church did not allow it. I feared him coming home at the end of each day, and I don't recall a single fond memory of him. Not one. It was a daily ritual of humiliation, being laughed at by him and made to feel very stupid. It went on my entire life while living at home.

    It took a lot of years of being away from the family home before I could build even a shred of self-esteem. Before that time, I suffered from severe depression, alcoholism, self-loathing, suicidal ideation, and feelings of inferiority. A lot of those feelings are still a part of me, but time has been kind to me and they are not as desperate in the forefront of my mind.

    What I needed to do in my life was to surround myself with people who care about me and encourage me. They have been a positive influence. They remind me that I am a good person and that my most negative thoughts are not because I'm a bad person, but rather ,because of something that was done to me. With good support, I was able to overcome my feelings of being a stupid person and returned to school at the age of twenty-eight. I stopped drinking and took up long distance running. I took all my pain to go and volunteer at a local helpline so that I could help other people who were feeling vulnerable. I spent a decade doing volunteer work to campaign for the legalization of same-sex marriages. I still help out in pro-choice marches and activities to support a woman's right to choose, because I believe every child should be a wanted child, and not have to endure such a miserable existence as mine.

    In short, I have dedicated my life to overcoming all the damage he inflicted upon me and to advocate for many the causes he so staunchly opposed. He inspired me in ways he could not have anticipated, by learning to be true to myself and taking care to exercise compassion to others instead of hatred.

    We are survivors, all of us. The fact that we are still here today is a testament to our own resilence, courage, and inner strength. Let us never forget that, and let us continue to be gentle, caring and compassionate people. Let us strive to be survivors and not victims.
    It's very hard for me to talk about the details of the abuse my parents inflicted upon me as well. I've detailed some of it in other past threads, but, like you, I've blocked much of it out. I don't know to what extent homophobia played a part in my case, nor to what extent being Aspergian did, but the end result was that I was unwanted by almost everyone.

    I wish that I knew how to surround myself with people who care. In the past when I thought I had done that, the rug was pulled out from under me and I realized I had surrounded myself with people who only pretended to care. How did you find people who truly care? I've found a small, scattered handful myself, but nowhere near enough to surround myself with and give me the support I need to feel that life is worth it. And so far as I can tell I only found the few I have by luck.

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