Why are you a little/AB?

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When our family got its first computer, one of the first things I did was search whether there were other teens in diapers like me. One of the first things I came across was "The Double-Life of Ariel Crawford", and I was fascinated by it. As someone who has been in diapers their whole life, it was naturally appealing to me. All of a sudden I was introduced to this whole group of people who viewed diapers as a positive and I was blown away. This thing that I hated about myself for so long didn't have to be something I hated.

Slowly I also rediscovered babyish habits like Pacifiers, and Stuffies, etc. And I've not looked back since.
 
I became an adult baby because I was abused and continued to be abused by my father. My childhood was like a never ending military school. My dad could not deal with the fact that he had another girl(he wanted a boy so badly after my sister) and so that turned me into a target for whenever he got frustrated, and that still continues. He also did his best to raise me as a boy even though I was a girl and I gender myself as a girl. The punishments got harsher and harsher. My mom allowed me to play with toys a little but I was not allowed to play in front of him. When I was in his presence he demanded that I always be serious, cleaning, or doing some form of work. I couldn't call him dad a lot of the time, I had to call him sir and I was hardly allowed to speak to him at all without him biting my head off. He makes it loud and clear that I am his biggest disappointment. He doesn't know it, but I have cancer and I'm incontinent. But what he does know is that I have ataxia, epilepsy and generally don't feel well and can barely walk(the tumor is in my left leg) yet he makes me work long hours doing hard physical labor anyway. My sister didn't make it any easier by making up stories to get me in trouble and constantly brag that she was the favorite.

The point? I think I regressed because a part of me thought that perhaps there was one time and one place where my parents still loved me. I mean...they had to love me when I was a baby, right? And if not, I have a pretend papa who has no problem with taking care of me, along with my pretend family. I pretend my family consists of the characters from the show Once Upon a Time. I was the one who created the OUAT OC Elizabeth/Rumplestiltskin's daughter. She was the first AB character in the OUAT fandom and I play her on facebook RP and Roleplaylives.net. Rumple/Mr. Gold is the father I never had. Okay, yes, that sounds insane. But it's better than dealing with the harsh reality of death barreling towards me and dying alone within a house full of a family that hates me. Part of it is that I think I was born this way too. I intend to make this little world of mine a new neverland, where little girls don't have to grow up just because society wants them too. I was born this way and I am not ashamed. The only reason I haven't come out to my Real Life family yet is that I'm afraid of being beaten into a bloody pulp.

Being a baby and not growing up makes me feel secure. I can handle this. It makes me feel like I can be an adorable little girl and not be persecuted for it. I can wear pink and rainbows and not have my father screaming at me to take it off. Because you know what? I was born a girl, I am a girl, I am a baby girl, and even if that piece of you know what finds out about it he's not going to stop me. And when I finally escape his clutches I swear I'm gonna make myself a fairytale nursery that'll be the envy of every other baby.
 
ElizabethGold said:


You mentioned that he does not know you are IC or have Cancer, and that he continues to make you do tasks that exacerbate the issues in your leg?

I'm sorry for bringing this thread off topic..but I feel like this needs attention.
 
Yeah he's kind of an a**hole. He knows I have an injury in it too, he just doesn't care.
 
So he does know you have a tumor in your leg?

Again, sorry about taking the thread off topic, this will be my last post on the topic in this thread.

I guess the level of abuse is startling and alarming..
 
I cover it up. I do limp so he knows that there's something wrong with it, he just doesn't care.
 
dollifyme said:
To try and have a childhood I never really had?

Having parents lost between bottles of beer and rum you can't imagine how hard is dealing with that shit for (any random) little kid.

After that I've more reasons:

- I've kink into pacis&diapers
- I was toy of school abuse
- Stress/anxiety relieve
- unsure if something more, but may be...
 
Hard to say exactly. but I do believe I was born this way, I and my family believe I'm on the Autism spectrum, but I've been really slow in doing what's supposed to be "Age Appropriate" I was also molested by my oldest brother, assaulted by a few adults, constantly bullied by my so called peers. I like the innocence of being a baby, the simplicity, the freedom from expectation especially my own. To be loved as one loves a toddler and to know someone will care for me and look after me and play with me.
 
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