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Thread: Boyfriend recently confided in me he is ABDL. I need more perspective. Please Help.

  1. #1

    Default Boyfriend recently confided in me he is ABDL. I need more perspective. Please Help.

    Hello everyone!I am so thankful to have found this community. I hope I can gain a better perspective on my situation through the eyes of people who truly understand.

    My boyfriend and I have been friends since middle school. We have been dating a couple of years and are now in college. Together we make an awesome team and have plans to be married upon graduation.

    That being said.. Our intimate life is less vanilla than it may seem. We've been very open about "kinks", and anything we want to try we can do so. No matter what it is. We have a host of toys and bondage materials, have brought other individuals and couples into bed with us a few times, anything you can imagine- we have done. And it's only made us stronger and more trusting of one another. Whether we were with men or women neither of us were jealous. Sex is kind of like a hobby for us, (we make a distinction between having sex and making love, of course.)

    I believe the tremendous amount of trust and comfort in our relationship allowed him to finally admit to me, through tears and panic attacks(?), that he is ABDL. He admitted he would like to wear diapers, a onesie, have a binki, baby bottle, etc. I didn't know what ABDL was. AT ALL. I thought it was a "Kink" so I strongly encouraged that we try it! just like anything else we had ever done! No big deal right?! What was he so worked up about?!

    So we did. He bought diapers and the lot. We tried it. I dressed him up and followed the directions he gave me to "care" for him. I hated it. I hated seeing him wearing the diaper. I hated seeing my manly man I had grown to love and respect as such in a pink heart onesie. I hated the binki and the bottle and him calling me "Mommy". I very gently expressed that this particular kink wasn't for me but that does not mean that he couldn't like it! And I could still participate for him! Nobody can help how they feel and as long as they aren't hurting anyone- those feelings are o.k. to embrace.

    And as the days passed and we talked and I did more research and learned that this, in fact. is NOT just some kink. It has been with him since he can remember. He thinks about it every day. It actually, has nothing to do with sex for him. I came to learn that actually, this masculine beefcake of a construction worker boyfriend that I (thought) i had come to love and know 100% was hiding a huge other persona in his life. It was not something that we would try and that would go away, like our threesomes phase. I also had time to process my own feelings about it and decided that I very much would like it to go away... I feel so AWFUL just admitting that to strangers on the internet.

    I tried to tell him (with **extraordinary** tact and care) my own strong feelings about it. He completely shut down and angrily said I'd never see it again. I tried to tell him that what he does in his own private time is his business and his alone, but he insists on getting rid of everything. I don't want him to do that and go back to struggling with embracing his true self...but at the same time...Is is horrible that I don't want to be around him when he's in his other persona?

    I need help with these things:
    1) How do I continue to show him that I love and accept him entirely...while simultaneously also feeling like I never ever ever want to see him regress like that again.
    2) Is it fair of me to ask him to hide this from me completely? Will he resent me if I ask him to do that if I assure him I don't care what he does when I am not there?
    3) Now that it is out in the open, I need to talk to him about it more or I won't feel better. I feel like when I share my feelings all he hears is "I wish you'd just be normal you weirdo!" When, in fact, I do not feel that way nor have I said things like that. But no matter what I say he reacts by almost literally curling up in a ball?

    SUMMARY:
    I hate seeing my ABDL boyfriend being little. So much I am internally screaming every time. (but i'd never tell him that) We have never been so polar opposite about an anything. On the other hand, this has been part of him since he can remember. What is the compromise here? I feel frustrated and lost and like everything has changed and I just don't want to hurt him.

  2. #2

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    1) How do I continue to show him that I love and accept him entirely...while simultaneously also feeling like I never ever ever want to see him regress like that again.

    Before you make this point clear to him, I would focus your energy on ensuring he knows you desire him to continue to indulge this side of himself as he wishes, only without you being exposed to it. The reason I am advocating focusing on this particular aspect of things first is that right now, you are currently in LIMBO between ALL or NOTHING. if he feels that it is nothing, and he is in a purge mentality, where he is eliminating and in other words denying his interests, he may on some subconscious level resent you for this.

    YOU ARE NOT OBLIGATED TO DO ANYTHING YOU DO NOT WANT TO DO. with that said, I would further discuss with him if he feels sexual stimulation from your role playing in this case, if he does feel sexual stimulation, it may be worth reminding yourself what you had said earlier:

    Quote Originally Posted by IPromiseImTrying View Post
    anything you can imagine- we have done. And it's only made us stronger and more trusting of one another.
    Perhaps being able to establish that sexual base with him will help find some common ground. with that said, it is imperative that you make it clear to him that you expect him to embrace this aspect of himself, and to continue to do so, regardless of whether you desire to participate or not.

    I would never say never, as life is too long and too short to use such words. I would refrain from telling him that you word for word never want to see him in a little mentality again. I realize that this is a damaging mentality towards the image of him that you had built up in your head, of this manly man. I can only reassure you that both sides of that coin are real. you have certainly not lost your manly man. dont lose sight of the forest for the trees.

    IF you bury this issue by hiding from it, by sweeping it under the rug, and letting him partake when he wishs without you around, how are you going to handle those life moments, where his reaction brings the image of him in a onesie or with a binky to the front of your thoughts? It's going to happen I promise, some seemingly mundane thing will bring all this to the surface again. you may even begin to resent him for whatever it was that triggered that in you.


    2) Is it fair of me to ask him to hide this from me completely? Will he resent me if I ask him to do that if I assure him I don't care what he does when I am not there?


    relationships are compromise, I would talk to him about whether it is fair and decide for yourself, as it stands, I think it is common courtesy to ask him to refrain from purposefully exposing you to anything, however accidents DO happen, and Its best to go into this expecting that they will.


    3) Now that it is out in the open, I need to talk to him about it more or I won't feel better. I feel like when I share my feelings all he hears is "I wish you'd just be normal you weirdo!" When, in fact, I do not feel that way nor have I said things like that. But no matter what I say he reacts by almost literally curling up in a ball?

    this begs some questions of its own.

    can you tell us a little bit more about the situations or times of day that you are pursuing these conversations?

    Also, once all of the paraphernalia and trappings are taken away, the onesies, the binky, nappies, calling you mommy. can you narrow it down to what exactly it is about things that bother you? for instance, I believe that if there were no nappies, onsies, etc etc, involved. and he was still in a regressive or little state and called you mommy, you would still be very much against this.

    so...ask yourself, what it is that triggers your revulsion? Is it the emasculation of him? is it fear of the future you have planned together?


    I hope some of this helps, Good luck!

  3. #3

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    I sincerely appreciate your reply. I suppose I was negative for using words like "never". We certainly have done things I "never" thought we would do, you're right!

    "this begs some questions of its own.

    can you tell us a little bit more about the situations or times of day that you are pursuing these conversations?

    Also, once all of the paraphernalia and trappings are taken away, the onesies, the binky, nappies, calling you mommy. can you narrow it down to what exactly it is about things that bother you? for instance, I believe that if there were no nappies, onsies, etc etc, involved. and he was still in a regressive or little state and called you mommy, you would still be very much against this.

    so...ask yourself, what it is that triggers your revulsion? Is it the emasculation of him? is it fear of the future you have planned together?"

    This response in particular reallllyyy helps me sort through these feelings...because actually.. Now that I am thinking about how we act normally...I believe it is JUST the props that make me feel this way. Since almost the very beginning of our relationship we have sometimes had cute discussions in a baby-like voice. Or say things like "What is yew doin?" I actually thought it was cute how this boy could talk to me like he was a bunny! We also hold and rock each other when it's been a hard day..play with each other's hair and things of that nature. We wrestle and "tickle attack" and things too. Come to think of it, we are both very playful. This may sound crazy, but these same things we do all the time I would find revolting if he was in the onesie and diapers. Why I feel this way over a piece of clothing..I don't know... I think another part of my discomfort is the emasculating aspect. Maybe if everything was blue instead of pink?? Could that possibly make a difference to me? It actually may...
    Also, many of the conversations we have had about this are laying in bed in the dark. If we are sitting face to face and he admits something he thinks is embarrassing and I pursue it, he covers his face and balls up, so I try and bring it up in the safety and comfort of a dark bed.

    I understand why he chose to keep to himself about this until now, and really in the grand scheme of things 1.5 years is not a long time so I have to push back the feeling that he was hiding something from me on purpose and remind myself he just was not comfortable sharing yet. It did leave me stunned, though. I still feel kind of overwhelmed with everything and I think i do fear for the future we have planned together. I think he got excited and wanted to do it all the time because It was new and he could finally be free. But I think I fear it will be and overwhelming amount all the time. It certainly wasn't in "the plan" for the future lol. That's just life!

  4. #4

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    Quote Originally Posted by IPromiseImTrying View Post
    Hello everyone!I am so thankful to have found this community. I hope I can gain a better perspective on my situation through the eyes of people who truly understand.
    ...
    .
    Hi Promise,

    I think it's great that you're trying to get more information and think things through, rather than making a gut decision and walking away, that does give me hope that you can come to a happy compromise.

    Something you need to be clear about is that being an ABDL / Little is a very individual thing, each of us has a different history with this part of ourselves, we can give you advice and background, but you'll only really get clear answers from your BF himself.

    I'm guessing your boyfriend is the same or very close in age to you? I must confess that I did not have my head together about being an ABDL when I was 19. I was just barely part of the online community, I had never met another ABDL in person or told anyone else that I was an ABDL. This was 10 years ago, and internet and things have made being a young ABDL different even since that time, but I'm wondering how much your boyfriend knows about himself and other ABDLs? I'm worried by the tears and the panic attacks - that sounds like someone who is dealing with something they find very traumatic. Do you know if your boyfriend has ever been in contact with any ABDL / Little community? Are you the first person he has told?

    His idea of just getting rid of the baby stuff sounds like the binge purge cycle

    My instinct is that the best thing for your relationship will be if your boyfriend is able to get passed some of the shame and trauma he's carrying from growing up as an ABDL. It's very hard to believe that other people don't see you as a freak and a weirdo if you've grown up from a very young age thinking that this is how 90% > of people will see you, and you kind of believe it yourself. If he can feel more comfortable with this part of himself on his own he may be able to understand you better and communicate properly without being stuck in the hedgehog position.

    If I would recommend one thing, it would be: encourage him to engage and find support in the online community on his own, or in person if he can (there may be some kind of Munch or other meet up he can go to near you.) If he has his own emotional support for this issue, it will make anything else so much easier for both of you.


    Also I second what MommyandMattling says.

  5. #5

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    1, I've been married 16 years. My wife hated my diapers at first too, and wanted nothing to do with them either. She knew they were important to me though, so we compromised. I never openly wore a diaper in front of her, and didn't regress around here either. And she never complained about me still wearing a diaper around here, or if I ever left anything baby out (unless someone was coming over).

    2. Just because abdl isn't for you doesn't mean he can't still engage in it all. COUPLES DO NOT HAVE TO DO EVERYTHING TOGETHER. Make sure he understands this, and will at least be discrete. And in return, give it time and give him the room he needs for diaper time. You'll probably find they don't need to be completely hidden from you, just not actively engaging you in it at the same time.

    3. That feeling of rejection is an easy trigger for us. Not feeling normal is something we ALL fight with at first, and that's just the tip of the ice burg. Yes you need to sit and talk about it more- of which he needs to face sooner or later. Life coaches (counseling) can help a LOT here. I'd highly recommend you push him for you both to go regarding this (obviously he won't want to go). The more he can hear from others he isn't a freak, being abdl is neither illegal nor immoral, and it's a positive part of who he is which also helps him cope with life, well the more he- and you- will be able to accept himself.

  6. #6

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    1. Time
    Take your time, both of you. Nothing needs to be decided right now. My GF at first was very much against my ABDL side. Very much like you she couldn't handle the altered masculine image of me. However, a few days later she realized that I was no less of a man because of any of this. Then again, I'm not doing any stuff atm and told her I wasn't interested in doing so.

    2. Take a compliment
    Tears, panic attacks when he told you. If a man cries in front of you because of a secret he just told you and is probably shit scared anyone else discovers it's probably the one you should become old with or at least try. This shows how much he loves you and trusts you as a person. It's probably one of the biggest compliments.

    3. Think about role change
    I know some ABDL dudes also from time to time like to be on the other side and be the "daddy" for that special "little girl". I never did it but I like imagining it. I guess a lot of people like some kind of sub/dom play in their sexual life. The daddy/little girl play allows domination and also a whole lot of love and care.
    I'm not trying to win you over or anything, ha, no. This could be something both of you might enjoy while it might allow you to better understand this side of his.

    4. It's not that kind of a big deal
    Whilst both of you may think of it as a big deal - it has rattled the cage obviously - it isn't. It's not another kind of persona. He is still he and this side of his he opened is not some huge blank spot you always missed. It's not like he confessed having a secret wife and kid or being the hulk. You will not think "wow, now all of this about him totally makes sense". It's rather something that adds up and won't interfere with other stuff. I know this all feels differently, but trust me. Your relationship sounds very intimate and loving. Especially with someone you love dearly you get scared that you were wrong about him. But this is just a fear without any reason behind it. YOu know your boy, you love him, stick to him.

    5. Be loyal
    You spoke about marrying. Now I really don't envy couples that marry without at least some kind of crisis, difficult time they overcome together. See this as a chance. Try to commit to your boyfriend even you don't feel 100% comfortable with everything going on. This doesn't mean you have to participate, doesn't even mean you have to think about it. This is totally optional.

    6. Take it slow
    Hindsight ahead. Your boyfriend rushed it. He showed you all geared up what he is all about. I'm sorry, folks, but a grown man in diapers and baby cloth is a ridiculous image, no matter what. For someone who is not into that stuff that is a huge bite to digest. If you are not repulsed by diapers so much you could offer him to wear these occasionally around you or at least not hide it.

    7. Encourage him to keep the stuff
    That whole getting rid of all of it is silly. You could build several houses with the money folks here wasted with this behavior. He will just get new stuff eventually. So help him save money and feel a little better about himself.

    8. Talk, talk, talk
    You should try to talk open about it. It will be hard for him at first but the more you ask and do this in a occasional way (don't have "the diaper talks"). This will help you understand him the other way. Plus he will learn about himself.

    9. Some nice words
    I want to stress out that there is not so much to worry about. Don't make this mistake to reconsider the image of him. He is not a different person. Really really really think about that fuckload of trust he threw at you. Makes me all emotional to imagine your guy crying and all while "confessing". Wow! And take your time and live your normal live. It will help you to realize that nothing has changed between you.
    Best of luck for both of you.

  7. #7

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    Wow. At first, wasn't sure hopping on the internet for advice was going to be a good idea. I really needed someone on the outside to talk to, but was not sure a counselor would understand any better than I did. But truly you guys have turned what was a massive, massive source of discomfort and confusion in my mind into something I can understand and feel relaxed with. !!!I CAN'T PUT INTO WORDS HOW MUCH YOU GUYS HAVE HELPED!!!! Especially pampersguy(#4 and #6 made me laugh! really spoke to me!) and Matt. I wish I could hug(or hi-five) you both!!!
    I know I didn't provide many details, and in spite of that you all did a fabulous job giving me advice I can take to heart and actually use. I love my boyfriend so dearly and I can't wait to show him when he is ready how much support is out there and how caring and just...real..this community is. THANK YOU. **breathes an enormous sigh of relief**

  8. #8

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    Hey there IPIT!

    First off, welcome. We've all been here. Sad, angry, lonely, pissed off, disgusted, heck - even suicidal. Let's be frank, this is not normal in the strict definition of "boy does this in relationship, girl does this". Nope. Not even close. Your boyfriend of 20? 22? j(ust throwing numbers out there) likes to dress up in baby clothes and wear diapers. Allow me to take a moment to give you an online hug. I can only imagine how jarring that must have been for you. You mentioned you feel frustrated and lost and upset. IT'S OKAY! You're allowed to feel the feels too!

    With that said. YOU'RE AN AWESOME PERSON!!! LIKE TOTALLY, AMAZINGLY AWESOME!! You want to know why? Because not only have you 1) still found a way to love this man but 2) allowed him to act out his desires even though you really didn't like it. On the supportive girlfriend scale you broke the needle. So many of us have dealt with unsupportive partners, wives, husbands, brothers, sisters, families in general that hate us, don't want to associate with us, despise us. You name it. But somehow, someway you managed to push through your initial reaction and support him. *bows and gives mad respect*

    Onto your question(s):
    1) How do I continue to show him that I love and accept him entirely...while simultaneously also feeling like I never ever ever want to see him regress like that again.
    You already did. That's by far the hardest part. How you continue to love him is up to you. PampersGuy said it best when he mentioned to take it slow. You probably already know about the binge/purge cycle, and it sounds like both of you have already been there. It's okay. Sounds like you've reacted by not wanting to see it anymore, and he reacted by shutting down completely. Not uncommon. I'd just say that the best way to love him is remember why you fell in love with him in the first place. What makes him special? What makes you happy about being with him? Why do you want to spend your lives together?

    2) Is it fair of me to ask him to hide this from me completely? Will he resent me if I ask him to do that if I assure him I don't care what he does when I am not there?
    Part 1 - yes. Like others have said - you don't need to do things you don't want to! No one should ever feel forced to do things in a relationship that they hate or are uncomfortable with. Part 2 - yes he may resent you. Again though, you're allowed to have your feelings just like he's allowed to have his. MaM said it well in that you need to figure out what causes the revulsion in yourself. Only then can you figure out how better to cope with this. You may want to have a brief discussion, allow him to just have one little thing (diaper, binky, bottle) but just one and see how you feel with him otherwise normally dressed and himself. I liken what happened with you letting him dress up fully and role play to a college student that has their first taste of vodka and then proceeds to down an entire fifth of liquor. Bad hangover!

    3) Now that it is out in the open, I need to talk to him about it more or I won't feel better. I feel like when I share my feelings all he hears is "I wish you'd just be normal you weirdo!" When, in fact, I do not feel that way nor have I said things like that. But no matter what I say he reacts by almost literally curling up in a ball?
    I'll say that you're a bit wrong here. It's not out in the open. Not even close. He's confided in you something that I can guarantee he's hid, repressed and been crazy scared of for YEARS. If anything, he barely cracked the door open. This is an "onion" and it has many layers. You've just peeled the first layer. Please give it time.

    You have a burly, construction worker boyfriend. He cried and confessed to you a secret that was so taboo and so deep it sounds like he really became physically ill. I hope you realize the incredible, incredible amount of trust and confidence he's placed in you. Would you be able to do the same thing if you were in his shoes? Can you imagine how fearful he is of his burly coworkers finding out he loves to wear diapers and drink out of bottles? This man believes he can confide in you.

    From my perspective - I know how he feels. I wear for bedwetting but am also a DL and have a job very similar to his. It is incredibly liberating to come home, clean up, grab a cold beer and put on a diaper. Helps me decompress from the day and what the world thinks/expects of me (him). Just like some people exercise, garden, play sports - it's no different. Another way to relieve stress pressure.

    Go slow and you two will have an amazing life together :-)

  9. #9

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    Yet another reply that is so incredibly helpful! I swear I just met you guys and if I won the lottery tomorrow I'd be tracking down all ya'lls to share! lol!

    UPDATE:


    The very day I made my profile, when he got home from work, I opened the door to have a conversation with him. And it went well(??) (I'll let you guys be the judge, he can be hard to read sometimes.)

    First of all, I was feeling very at ease and (almost..excited) to talk to him and share my newly understood feelings about it all. I had also, per Matt's advice he gave me in a private message, ordered a more "manly" colored onesie. One I felt was less emasculating...like a beginner onesie for me to ease into being more comfortable with the concept in general if ever it was left out or I interrupted him.

    So he came home and after dinner/shower/etc. I explained that "I met some wonderful people online today who were just awesome!" Explained my profile and why I made it, showed him a few replies that really took the words out of my mouth about how I felt.. (he respected my privacy in that I couldn't show him my original post). And he was all smiling and eager to talk for once! I encouraged him to get on here and meet everyone and see how it is for himself. He said he probably would hop on and read threads but not make a profile (as he doesn't have many social media outlets anyway and isn't a huge fan of writing.) I told him if he ever wants to, just to let me know and I'll hop off so he can have his privacy also. (Us both being on here would be like being friends with your grandma on snapchat...that's just not something you do lol!)

    But I showed him my surprise order for him and it opened the door to talk more in depth about why he ordered the things he did in the first place...I never considered that he ordered all pink stuff because that's what he likes..I thought maybe that selection was slim and that was the only color they made?! Anyway, after quite an interesting discussion, another "layer of the onion" peeled off and I gathered that (forgive me for my ignorant labels, just using it as a quick way to best describe what he likes) he is a "sissy. " I have a history of breaking gender stereotypes myself :In school for industrial electricity and motor controls, always wearing basketball shorts, been asked (to my amusement) if I was a lesbian etc. etc. So I think its silly that men can't wear shorter shorts when it's hot or makeup to cover blemishes etc. without people doing a double take. And as open about all of that as I am...I found myself frustrated that not only do I have (forgive me... again) a baby..but I have.. a baby girl?! Suddenly some of the confidence I felt about my ability to handle my feelings objectively diminished a little. On the inside, I may or may not have BRIEFLY thought, "Are you serious? Could this get any worse!!"

    Silly momentary feelings aside, he could not stop talking and I was so appreciative of that. I made sure he knew how thankful I am that he opened up to me and invited me to try it even though it's not my thing - because some people choose NOT to tell their partners, ( as is their right!). This is going so well so far!

    *And this might be where I fucked up and tried rushing it*

    After we talked about his interests, I initiated a conversation about him actually indulging in his feelings. I did ask to be (for lack of a better word) shielded from it as I work to prepare myself for the reality that this will be permanent. We live together so it is harder for us to have time alone, even though I work half nights and half mornings and he works straight mornings. I offered to spend more evenings with my family, which I really need to do anyway. I could tell he was deflating a little as we talked...but I desperately wanted to set boundaries and talk about the meat and potatoes of this before it slipped away and became the elephant in the room again, with neither of us knowing how on earth the other felt and what we were allowed to do. I just wanted to know what to expect from here on...so I asked if he was going to when I am not here, what he would do, etc. By now he has stopped talking and I'm left with no answers and incredibly frustrated. Because I rushed it. Fuck. Just the opposite of what I wanted to do.

    Well, after some time and many many cuddles, he admitted that basically, doing it on his own was not going to work because he didn't want to feel like it was being hidden from me. (Is it hiding if I already know?) He didn't want to be like "Oh fuck, [my name here] is on her way home, better pack up and pretend nothing ever happened." And insisted he's really going to survive, thrive even, without it. I can understand how that's not really relaxing, so what would the compromise be then? I felt frustrated that me trying to make time for it was not good enough, even though I can really understand where he is coming from.



    He insists he is fine not doing it at all, and that just being able to be honest with me and having my support and the option to do so if he ever chooses to has given him some peace. I (silently) called bull****. Is that just part of the "Purging"? Or is he actually satisfied just having the door open and never walking through it. For instance, I had a huge crush on a man in my motor controls class. Everyone knows that you don't just stop finding other people attractive when you get into a relationship, but I felt very guilty and dirty finding this other man interesting and sexy. It ate me up so much I had to tell my boy. He just laughed and admitted to fantasizing about other women also. The whole conversation just made me feel better and more human, and alleviated the feeling that I was a dirty piece of garbage for feelings I could not control. Could he really feel peace just telling me and having my support, or should I fully expect this to resurface in the future? Is it truly possible that he really doesn't feel the need to act on it right now? I was under the impression that everyone who felt this way wanted to act on it.( I know... am so ignorant! Thank you all for putting up with me! I desperately hope I have not been offensive, truly here to try and understand!)

  10. #10

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    hey Just wanted to give you a heads up that I had sent you a PM detailing a response, I did not want to share everything in my message on the forums.

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