Tommycombs
Est. Contributor
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- 451
It's been a little more than a month since I've fully admitted to myself and my wife that I am not just DL, but ABDL. It was sort of my "coming out" moment, when I decided I would no longer feel shame, guilt, weirdness, fear, or any other negative and pointless emotion associated with wanting to wear diapers and feel secure and comfortable.
Every time I would order diapers online, I would tremble with fear of my kids finding out my secret. I'd run scenarios through my mind of what would happen if my older bully of a sister found out. I was tired of living in fear, feeling like a freak. I knew I wasn't alone but I just did not want to admit I was a full grown baby. It was too weird to accept that in myself. Having a diaper kink was strange enough.
I decided that if I was going to get over my other mental blocks, I would have to start by fully addressing who I was and accepting myself for all my strengths and all of my flaws. I knew if I was going to fight my social phobia, that I would have to have some semblance of self esteem and confidence.
All my life it's been a frustrating dance and act, hiding my real identity from the world. I told nobody of this side of me until I was 27 and told my (now) wife. She accepts me and has never been judgmental of me. She encourages me to beat my irrational fears and live as I feel comfortable. Every time I feel that weirdness or fear come over me, I challenge it. I wear diapers in the face of those fears. I've faced my fears of wearing diapers under my clothes around others and out in public and I'm changing the way I see myself.
I still have a perfectly normal and healthy sex life that doesn't involve ABDL stuff and I think we are both happy with this.
Lastly, I now allow myself to live as an ABDL without shame or guilt and I wear pretty much every day now. Every night for sure and although the mania and intensity from wearing has worn off somewhat, the overall good feelings and sensations of comfort, protection, security, and just being cared for are always around when I'm in them. And the negative self talk voices in the head are SILENT! My inner child is alive and rejoicing now that I've set it free and told it to ignore the world when it says you can't be childlike!
For the first time, when I put on a diaper, I feel like MYSELF. I never really knew who I was or what "being myself" felt like because I suppressed it. I don't feel weird about it anymore. This feels natural. My brain is telling me, "Yes! This is what you were supposed to be doing all along!"
I suspect it becomes sexually intense when I bottle it up (no pun intended). Part of the kink is the taboo nature after all. But even when the thrill is gone, these things continue to provide needed mental health benefits.
I guess the reason I made this is a thread rather than a blog post is because as a newbie to this whole world, I wanted to maybe show others who are coming to accept this, how it plays out in my life and how there comes a realization when you finally know who you are.
Every time I would order diapers online, I would tremble with fear of my kids finding out my secret. I'd run scenarios through my mind of what would happen if my older bully of a sister found out. I was tired of living in fear, feeling like a freak. I knew I wasn't alone but I just did not want to admit I was a full grown baby. It was too weird to accept that in myself. Having a diaper kink was strange enough.
I decided that if I was going to get over my other mental blocks, I would have to start by fully addressing who I was and accepting myself for all my strengths and all of my flaws. I knew if I was going to fight my social phobia, that I would have to have some semblance of self esteem and confidence.
All my life it's been a frustrating dance and act, hiding my real identity from the world. I told nobody of this side of me until I was 27 and told my (now) wife. She accepts me and has never been judgmental of me. She encourages me to beat my irrational fears and live as I feel comfortable. Every time I feel that weirdness or fear come over me, I challenge it. I wear diapers in the face of those fears. I've faced my fears of wearing diapers under my clothes around others and out in public and I'm changing the way I see myself.
I still have a perfectly normal and healthy sex life that doesn't involve ABDL stuff and I think we are both happy with this.
Lastly, I now allow myself to live as an ABDL without shame or guilt and I wear pretty much every day now. Every night for sure and although the mania and intensity from wearing has worn off somewhat, the overall good feelings and sensations of comfort, protection, security, and just being cared for are always around when I'm in them. And the negative self talk voices in the head are SILENT! My inner child is alive and rejoicing now that I've set it free and told it to ignore the world when it says you can't be childlike!
For the first time, when I put on a diaper, I feel like MYSELF. I never really knew who I was or what "being myself" felt like because I suppressed it. I don't feel weird about it anymore. This feels natural. My brain is telling me, "Yes! This is what you were supposed to be doing all along!"
I suspect it becomes sexually intense when I bottle it up (no pun intended). Part of the kink is the taboo nature after all. But even when the thrill is gone, these things continue to provide needed mental health benefits.
I guess the reason I made this is a thread rather than a blog post is because as a newbie to this whole world, I wanted to maybe show others who are coming to accept this, how it plays out in my life and how there comes a realization when you finally know who you are.