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  1. #1

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    I'm feeling a lot better now, I've sorted out most of my issues, and have come up with solutions for most of them.

    I'm doing a diploma of game development, I'm getting a laptop soon, so I can get up and avoid my dad at all costs, by hanging out at the local library.

    Even though I've reactivated my account, I'll be away for a little while, need to focus on life and focus on getting better.

    I'm kind of in the early stages of getting this depression and anxiety treated, so hopefully that ends well, I know that some things take time.

    I still feel shit though. Did plan to leave forever, but I kinda like it here.

    Now, I'm going to have a 20 hour nap, I'm just focusing on education for now, lets be frank, I'm not getting anywhere in life without some form of education.

    I'm both physically and mentally exhausted, I have no energy at all, and feel like I'm gonna drop dead any second lol. I'm so drained.

    Was gonna kill myself yesterday, but realized that all my problems have solutions, and It's just my illness that is making things seem a lot worse off then they are.

    It's amazing how much a chemical imbalance can really effect rational thinking.

    What I haven't mentioned is I have a abusive father, constantly puts me down, abuses me etc and I'm "praying" he fucking gets up and goes, or dies or something.

    So many years of abuse really messes with your head, especially when you start getting really bad memories happening for no reason at all which is causing panic attacks, I can't even walk near my old school without being reminded of very awful things.

    Well night night, gonna have a little nap.

  2. #2

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    you do have power to effect change in your life, Stay with it. you CAN do it.

  3. #3

    Default

    Welcome back!

    It's good to hear that you're trying to get your depression and anxiety treated. I know how exhausting it can be, so hang in there. Get as much rest as you need/can -- it really helps.



    Quote Originally Posted by Binary View Post
    Was gonna kill myself yesterday, but realized that all my problems have solutions, and It's just my illness that is making things seem a lot worse off then they are.

    It's amazing how much a chemical imbalance can really effect rational thinking.
    I'm glad you recognise that. When I was at my worst, and my mind was racing with dark thoughts, I tried to remember that it was my anxiety/depression talking, and that I didn't need to listen to it. I'd try to empty my mind and think of nothing, wait for it to pass, and then distract myself by doing something like playing a computer game or going for a bike ride.

    Sometimes you just need to power down your mind for a quick reboot. Clear your cache, shut down any apps with memory leaks... and start again with a clear mind. :-)

    Good luck and best wishes!

  4. #4

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    Congrats to you my friend for taking care of yourself

    Depression is a bitch.

    I do recommend therapy though if you haven't sought that resource.

  5. #5

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    I'm really glad to see you back, binary. I'm glad you're seeking help and are tackling education again. I'm a strong believer in education, as you know. Everyone in my family is an educator, including myself. Anyway, hang in there and know you always have friends here on ADISC, especially me.

  6. #6

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    Binary I know what it is like to deal with depression on a daily basis as I have MDD also I live with my brother and he is verbally abusive. And on the school front I was working on a Bachelors on Cyber security but I have to take a break because my cancer came back and now I am starting chemo next week. So if you need someone to talk to I am here for you

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