I Confessed

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KimbaWolfNagihiko said:
My mother wanted me to make the cardiologist appointment right away but I was just too worked up with everything to do it today. Not only about my health, but then I had my counselor from the Office of Vocational Rehabilitation return a message right in the middle of my mom and I talking about the adult baby thing. Apparently the paperwork she was supposed to submit over a month ago, she didn't do it yet. At this point though I really don't know if I should be thinking about working. I feel more like I should apply for SSI.

Anyway, my issue is that I'm not really the type of person who likes to be poked and prodded and fussed over too much. With the tests that both the cardiologist and the endocrinologist are probably going to order, half of me just feels like saying fuck it, living out my life, and when my heart goes out my heart goes out. I don't look forward to heart caths, MRI's, possible surgery, and side-effect-causing drugs that I have to fight to get down because I can barely swallow pills; all while worrying that I could possibly lose my health insurance with the plan the Republicans are cooking up. (Last I heard, if just one more Republican says no to it, it will fail. I'm not a religious person, but man that almost makes me want to pray.)

If this happened when I was say, 74 instead of 24, I probably wouldn't care too much because hey, I'd be old and on the fast track to dying anyway. But now I'm left wondering if I'll live to see middle age.
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I am 39 now but had a serious heart condition noticed when I was 12, which I subsequently had surgery to repair. I had regular blood pressure that has been as high as 200/120. Which most doctors will tell you is stroke level.

I've had at least two scares over the last 10 years with chest pains. Recently a couple of months ago when I ended up in the emergency room.

I have been on blood pressure mess since I was 12 and will likely be on them for life, you have to take care of yourself.

An MRI is normally non invasive, a heart cath is not but you are numbed up and of you really have issues with the anxiety you can be given something that will calm you down.

Most recently I had a chemical stress test, this is when they give you drugs to make your body mimic a heart attack, my chest got all tight and it got hard to breathe too, then went away



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diapernh said:
I am 39 now but had a serious heart condition noticed when I was 12, which I subsequently had surgery to repair. I had regular blood pressure that has been as high as 200/120. Which most doctors will tell you is stroke level.

I've had at least two scares over the last 10 years with chest pains. Recently a couple of months ago when I ended up in the emergency room.

I have been on blood pressure mess since I was 12 and will likely be on them for life, you have to take care of yourself.

An MRI is normally non invasive, a heart cath is not but you are numbed up and of you really have issues with the anxiety you can be given something that will calm you down.

Most recently I had a chemical stress test, this is when they give you drugs to make your body mimic a heart attack, my chest got all tight and it got hard to breathe too, then went away



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I know MRI's are non-invasive, as I've had one before, but I'm claustrophobic and it only made my fear worse. I'm at the point where even fairly simple medical procedures give me anxiety.

Any type of test that would require a male technician to see my genitals or breasts (such as a heart cath through the groin) makes me uncomfortable. My own standard of modesty is not to show my private areas to any males I am not in a relationship with unless absolutely necessary.
 
I kinda know how you feel I am now on 5 chemo drugs to treat my cancer and ever test freaks me out because of what they may find

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Ah, days of binging. With me no longer needing to so carefully conserve my diapers, over the past four days I went through I believe five Pull-Ups and am becoming slightly bummed about wearing underwear. I know Pull-Ups are relatively inexpensive but they're not free either, and with me being perpetually unemployed money is always pretty tight.

Trying to figure out how I somehow leaked earlier and didn't notice for like six hours?... I wet shortly before four, found a cold wet spot on my overalls at about 9:30?... Can't quite figure that one out.

Also tried coffee in my bottle for the first time today.
 
KimbaWolfNagihiko said:
...am becoming slightly bummed about wearing underwear.

I know what you mean Kimba. One day I just threw out all of my underwear and just kept one pair to wear if I knew I was going to have to undress at the Drs or something. Prevail shields became my regular underwear even if I wasn't wetting myself for a skin issue or some other sad reason (don't you just hate it when you get a rash and can't wet your diaper for days on end) I would wear the same shield for ages sometimes which is pretty cheap. Not owning underpants made me feel really good too. Perhaps I should throw out my last pair and be done with them for good hey.
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jami
 
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