Dating with Incontinence

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Gerber

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  1. Diaper Lover
  2. Incontinent
I found that incontinence tends to hinder my confidence when dating. Getting close with someone can make it difficult to hide my underwear requirements, especially with the bulkiness of the diapers I usually wear.

Its not something I want to hide, but I am worried that the girl im with will find it unattractive and lose interest in me.

Think being with another incontinent person would make things easier, that said my urologist knows of no local support groups. How might I find others IC's locally?
 
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I never had an issue being upfront about my incont. Most it did not bother. No one said it was a turn off. The ones who it did bother i just never heard from again.
 
INCONTAL said:
I never had an issue being upfront about my incont. Most it did not bother. No one said it was a turn off. The ones who it did bother i just never heard from again.

seems I have only found ones it does bother, I have not done much dating but for those I have dated... they ask about my options but seem to fall short of understanding why I would choose a diaper as apposed to alternative options, all which scare me more than my puffy underwear.

So do not search for someone who shares this social taboo but rather one who does not view it as taboo?
 
The real question is, Do you really want to be with a woman who'd be so superficial as to leave you over a diaper?
 
I would rather date a woman with incontinence or even a diaper fetish. Things would last much longer and getting closer wouldn't be an issue.
 
mayhem said:
I would rather date a woman with incontinence or even a diaper fetish. Things would last much longer and getting closer wouldn't be an issue.

Was thinking the same, was not sure if that was the way forward or play the whole field and let that weed out superficial folk.

So this brings me to a question I have not been able to find a clear answer to. How does one find the IC or fetish girl?

Would a fetishist still want to procreate or would her being the "baby" diminish those chances?
 
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So do not search for someone who shares this social taboo but rather one who does not view it as taboo?[/QUOTE

I believe that this is your most realistic option. Incontinence in general isnt very common (of course more common than most realize) , especially among younger people. Same with the fetish, its not that there arent any that are potential partners for you (inc or fetish), its just that the chances of them being local, fitting your needs, age range, location etc would be very hard to find. In short, yes, find someone who is a little more lenient in the taboo department.
 
In the taboo leniency department, if you could say a ratio from your experience what might it be?
For example:
Lenient versus repulsed, or perhaps if one is so blessed loving and mutually seeking of new ways to appreciate it all.

And from personal experience I can appreciate the deficit of commonality, I am the only one in my circle of friends that has this, for reasons they have as of yet been unable to harmoniously articulate. Have not met anyone really. Makes one wonder why its said to be so common, perhaps a large geriatric population begin included in that sample. But I digress, not relevant if it gets me no closer to someone whom with I could share this commonality. I will just continue dredging through my local PoF lake of "No's" , bound to suck up a "yes" eventually.
 
Some people can not accept a disability or any medical issues like incontinence issues they are to shallow of a person to see past the issues. Its best to be open and honest right from the start or at least after the first few dates as you get to know each other better Incontinence is something you can not and should not hide if you want a long term relationship as relationships are built on honesty and trust.

If she really likes you she may be able to accept you need diapers and not think its a big deal.

my wife has fully accepted my need to be diapered 24/7 and thinks nothing less of me when you find the right girl (you may have already) she will love you for who you are and not worry about your diaper.
 
I'm always upfront about my incontinence and how I deal with it. Other than having one amazing boyfriend who was totally supportive I've found that a lot of people do judge you. I've been laughed at and had guys walk out on me when they have found out that I wear a nappy. So now I'm open and upfront. If a potential partner can't deal with me then I see it as their loss but I'd rather find that out early on. I wish you the best of luck, you will find someone just stay positive.
 
I guess I have had good luck ,haven't been rejected by any women because,of my IC.

Sent from my SM-T810 using Tapatalk
 
There is a fine line as to when you should tell a potential mate. Too soon, and you will have a higher rejection rate. Too late, and you risk coming off as dishonest or insecure. Id suggest waiting until your potential mate takes a liking to you, after several encounters, but before it gets romantic.
 
Gerber said:
In the taboo leniency department, if you could say a ratio from your experience what might it be?
For example:
Lenient versus repulsed, or perhaps if one is so blessed loving and mutually seeking of new ways to appreciate it all.

And from personal experience I can appreciate the deficit of commonality, I am the only one in my circle of friends that has this, for reasons they have as of yet been unable to harmoniously articulate. Have not met anyone really. Makes one wonder why its said to be so common, perhaps a large geriatric population begin included in that sample. But I digress, not relevant if it gets me no closer to someone whom with I could share this commonality. I will just continue dredging through my local PoF lake of "No's" , bound to suck up a "yes" eventually.

Personally, i have never opened up to a partner about it. Any "data" that i could give as something to give you an idea:

I will admit, having purchased or hired escorts to do the favor for me. (since diapers are sexual for me as well as emotional long term attachment) Most of the ladies that i have asked if they are open to it over text have actually said yes (paying for it, go figure) . Scrolling through those messages at this moment, out of the 24 that i messaged; 17 said yes, they would do stuff with me while im wearing it. The other 7 either said no, never answered back or offered to do it for a laughably high price.

Not that any of this means anything. Just a real personal experiment. As you can see, some women wont even do it for money. Remember though, the best things in life money cant buy and love would be one of them.
 
mayhem said:
I would rather date a woman with incontinence or even a diaper fetish. Things would last much longer and getting closer wouldn't be an issue.

ya, but..........IF............etc...... As long as the diaper fetish was NOT your only connection. LOTS of other attractors would need to enter in the mix to make it 'last longer'.

What would be her attractions to you? Would she go for a man in diapers? Aside from diapers, how strong is the chemistry exuded by both in this dating scenario?
 
Many good points here.
I can certainly relate to the (relative) anxiety of telling a (possible) girlfriend about out incontinence and our need for protection/diapers. Openness about incontinence (not to mention bowel issues), is still fairly difficult to share with others. That said, I agree that we must tell, both because we will eventually be "discovered" anyway, and also because any relationship that shall have a chance of surviving/developing, must build on trust and openness.

And while I also would prefer to meet someone who is not unfamiliar with neither incontinence nor having to wear diapers, and maybe even like being diapered, a relationship built only on the issue of diapers will probably not survive.
For me to fall in love and to want a relationship, I have to fundamentally like her, love being with her and all that, and then it would not matter to me whether she is vegan, like motorcycles or is incontinent.

And that is also how I hope she would feel about me, which is why I agree, no matter how difficult it may be to tell, that someone who would leave us because of our incontinence (or love of diapers), is probably not the right partner.
Often easier said than done, I know, but we must always (try to) keep our heads up and be who we are.

Struggling and not pretending it is always easy, yet trying to always be who I am -
best wishes,
E. :)
 
I'm not any good in those department either but I'm mostly afraid that the person will turn out to not really liked the idea after finding out. And quite surprisingly you'd think a guy wouldn't leave right after he has found out but it's happened to me a few times........ I thought they would be more thoughtful but no, it was a little disheartening at first but dating someone with severe incontinence issues isn't just another date I guess. Honestly I don't know and it bums me out eveytime I think about it.
I have never met someone dealing with bowel incontinence like I have, I have met urinary incontinent people especially at physiotherapy, I think that's part of my problem. I know I'm not alone in this but that's what it feels like everyday "surrounded by people who have control" is what takes over my mind when I'm feeling down and depressed. Either way I think it's important to try to be happy alone, and you don't HAVE to look for an incontinent person to date, anyone who accepts you for who you are and what you have to deal with is worth trying for. I myself am skeptical any guy would want to date me, but my skepticism isn't the reality.
 
I honestly don't know how to help here. I met who would become my wife at a party thrown by a friend and I didn't even know she was going to be there. We were both in a place where we'd been abandoned for different reasons by a lot of people and it just so happened that we hit it off and she was very accepting, and after my spinal problems got worse she took on a lot of the responsibility of caring for me without question.

As an atheist I'm not usually a believer in these things, but I feel very blessed for it. The only advice I would give is that the first step is accepting yourself and being confident in yourself as a single person. By the time I met her I had made peace with the fact that I was going to stay single in my life, and I was no longer in despair the same way I had been(I can't say it cured all of it, I was still a depressive, but it was different) and she picked up on that there weren't ulterior motives or desires on my part and appreciated that and it was a big factor in us getting together. So I'd recommend that step one to anyone. Don't stop looking of course, but don't make that the prime goal of meeting a person. Be okay with yourself.
 
MarcusP said:
There is a fine line as to when you should tell a potential mate. Too soon, and you will have a higher rejection rate. Too late, and you risk coming off as dishonest or insecure. Id suggest waiting until your potential mate takes a liking to you, after several encounters, but before it gets romantic.

There is no such thing as too soon. If they are going to reject you they are going to do it regardless and it is for the better.
 
mayhem said:
There is no such thing as too soon. If they are going to reject you they are going to do it regardless and it is for the better.

I don't know about that. If you dump every potentially downside of yourself on to someone then they would be more likely to dump you than if you dish it out at the right time.

You are right that if they're going to dump you regardless, then you are better off getting it over with. This is why I also say don't ever wait too long as well. Early disclosure is for the best.
 
I wish I was single I would have taken care of you as I'm incontinent since from a child and I have tried to be in control of it but sometimes I cannot depends what I'm doing where I am and so forth my family may not be supportive as it's taboo especially my mother as she was the one that potty trained me. I hope you some one the same. I don't mind being your changing buddy
 
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