Yeah man, you really have no choice, just say - - - - it.
If you have friends, they won't care, if they do care, apologize for the inconvenience, if that doesn't resolve their issues, then they are not your friend.
I am not you, nor do I have incontience, but what i do have is friends, and a kink.
My family found out and pretty much outcasted me for it. I felt like shit, I wanted to get rid of my fillings towards diapers.
and like you, I coudln't, i had high hopes that one day they would go away, but they don't.
You can act all high and mighty about how it is forced on you and I am just a freak, but the honest truth is that no one wants to fill obliged to wear diapers.
Be it by desire, or by protection, it is not something that leaves a nice taste in any one's mouth.
What I found out at a young age, is people who care, don't care. Those who don't care, do care.
What i mean is, my best friends, my gf, even old class mates, they completely over looked it, sometimes even asking me questions about it (if i ever had the gutts to tell them) my best friend, got married and still asked me to be his best man, he doesn't talk about it, he doesnt pretend to understand it, and neither do i, and I don't try to flash everyone with it.
To me it is a mystery, and to you it is as well.
Stop worrying about what people think, and start worrying about yourself, do what you need to do to fill confident, if that is wear diapers, then by all means do it.
Onlookers don't always understand, and sometimes stare out of mystery and from your perspective it may seem like they are gawking.
Some people gawk, and some people are rude, but they don't understand and secondly they don't care to understand,
I have never been to a phychiatrist, that told me that my psuedo-fetish was an issue, it may cause other issues, but it in it self is not, and treating it like it is causes unnessary stress on both my loved ones and myself.
You incontinence, is not an issue, but how you handle it is.
It does not define you, but how you feel about it does.
Don't be defined by things out of your control.
You don't have to tell everyone, or anyone, but when you do, explain it as it is.
No one wants cancer, and sometimes people with cancer don't tell people because they don't want the pitty.
But sometimes it is easier to tell someone then to beat around the bush and constantly avoid certain topics, it causes unnecessary easy for both you and your friends.
You don't have to say "Hi I am Bob, and I wear diapers"
But you don't have to be aqward about hanging out long periods of time, and you don't have to explain anything when not asked.
If you shower reggulary and wear colone, then they only times that people won't want to be arround you, is when you don't even want to be around you.
If for what ever reason you don't care to change because of the hassle or you dont really fill anny need to (until a certain point) spite the smell, then that is a sign of depression, and you need mental help, because depression is very contagious, and no one wants to hang around depressed people.
TLDR
Do all you can do for your hygene
Do all you can do to make sure there is no additional stress
Be prepared to answer , how, when, why , where, what , etc about your needs
and if somsone judges you for that, you can attempt to help them understand the world and not be so close minded, or if you don't really know them, remember that ignorance is bliss, and it is not your fault nor their own they think the way they do about you because of it.
You are greater then your incontinence, and people rise above their own ignorance, you just have to give yourself and them a chance to do so.
