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Thread: Dealing with it long term

  1. #1

    Default Dealing with it long term

    Hey guys, after a long time.

    So as most of you might be knowing I've been dealing with both bladder and bowel accidents for a long time. And every now and then there comes a time where the accidents really get me down. Because of the frequency and the eventual clean up it's just always ready to pull me down to that state. Over the years the frequency of my bowel accidents have increased and even my urinary incontinence has. Last year was really tough on me and being stressed by college work didn't really help. It can be really difficult especially when I'm out with people. For the most part I'm dealing with it pretty well but there are plenty of days where I feel like I can't take anymore. Does anyone feel this way? I know for a lot of people who are new to their incontinence it can be a little harder to accept but I won't lie, even after all these years I still have some hope of finding this, I still look at the future where I'm not changing a brief every now and then. It's pretty embarrassing I'm sure most of you know, but I just wanted to let out some steam. Going back to study at a university is a little scary. And I never feel like explaining my situation to anyone, inactive I've never personally told a lot of people because it's still kind of an embarrassing topic. I mean I've been living in the "normal world" for all my life so even though I've lived through incontinence I grew up learning that it isn't normal....... Which wasn't really helpful. Anyway I just wanted to get that out, I know from personal experience that incontinence, especially when bowel and bladder incontinent can really stir up a lot of stress and depression....

  2. #2

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    Thanks for sharing - and I hope by doing so you feel a bit better - incontinenece rally stinks in every sense - the feelings will pass and self acceptance however hard it seems is the way forward

  3. #3

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    Quote Originally Posted by SiriusPup View Post
    Thanks for sharing - and I hope by doing so you feel a bit better - incontinenece rally stinks in every sense - the feelings will pass and self acceptance however hard it seems is the way forward
    I believe part of your problem is you are still hanging on to believing it will get better and you won't need diapers. Your expectations are too high, and when reality happens you get depressed.

    Sorry, but you've just got to come to terms with it.

  4. #4

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    I understand your feelings completely. I too, even after all these years, get so tired of it all. It's not only exhausting but at times depressing. You've made the first step in sharing your feelings here, with other people who share most of the same issues. That's surely a good start. I'm not a therapist so you can take my advise with a grain of salt. I think perhaps you're trying to do too much. Yes, it's good to get out with friends. Everyone needs some enjoyment in their lives. But besides your inontinence and mobility issues, university studies all by itself is enough to push even relatively healthy young people over the edge sometimes. Maybe you could reduce your course load by 1 class to ease the preasure. If you're not talking with a good therapist I suggest you find one. Maybe see him or her once or twice a month. Things are not going to get easier as you get closer to final exams. I know it's tough but having a friend or close confidant is so helpful. I am "socially selective" but still have many friends although only a few that I would consider close. I, like you, have a very supportive family. My younger brother is a physician and has always been very helpful. His wife is a nurse and has been equally helpful. My older sister is a nurse and has always been a blessing. I'm very independent and have enjoyed success in business so I have the resources to do what I like within reason. So I'm not facing the pressures that you are, yet I do get exhausted and depressed every once in a while. So the bottom line is that maybe you need to back off a little to reduce pressure. Find a good therapist. And try and get closer to one or two casual friends. It does sound like you are holding back (for clear reason). Having a group to hang out with is fine but a close confidant is valuable beyond measure. With all you've gone through you're doing remarkedly well. Give your self more credit for the strength you've shown.

  5. #5

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    Stress makes this disorder worse so whatever you can do to let that out is important to do so.

  6. #6

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    I know it's hard, Mia, so damn hard. When it's difficult for an oldster like me with just bladder issues, I can't even imagine what it must be like to be young and saddled with double incontinence...and to have lost both legs besides. I've told you this before: you are one of my heroes just for making it through, and for maintaining a focus on what you can do with your life rather than what life has done to you. But if, once in a while, you find it overwhelming and need to blow off steam, well, that's what a support site is for. :-)

  7. #7

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    Quote Originally Posted by Slomo View Post
    I believe part of your problem is you are still hanging on to believing it will get better and you won't need diapers. Your expectations are too high, and when reality happens you get depressed.

    Sorry, but you've just got to come to terms with it.
    I couldn't agree more. Once I accepted it life became easier.

  8. #8

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    It's easy to tell someone to accept it and move on. Not everyone can do that. I've accepted the fact that I will likely be in diapers the rest of my life. Even with that, there are times I get frustrated that I can't go without them, that I need to be in one. I don't deal with fecal incontinence, and hope I never do. I feel for those people, and can understand the need to vent from time to time. I vent to my wife every so often, complaining about how much it sucks to deal with it. We often just wish we could be 'normal' and not have to be stuck doing this. Mia, feel free to come here and vent, we understand. I fight cluster headaches and hope for a day where I'm not afraid what the next attack might bring, to me diapers are an easy problem relative to that. Please don't think I'm downplaying your situation, we all have different lives and I am sure you face other challenges that I don't.

  9. #9

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    I feel your frustration too. I stay extremely busy so I don't have a lot of time to think about it, but there are times it gets me down too. I've thought about more radical "treatment" options for my severe OAB, but every time I do, I'm convinced that the "treatment" will be worse than my current management. If I put all of my bms in my diaper, it would be pretty hard on me. My IBS and bowel urgency flares up 2 or 3 times a week so I'm fortunate there. Nevertheless, I feel your frustration. It took years for me to accept that diapers were just going to be a part of my clothing as I got older. In response, I stay active, busy and, apart from my screwed up nervous system, I'm in really good shape for my age. There are worse things we can all be dealing with. Life is truly short so slap that diaper on and charge forward!

  10. #10

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    Thanks for the support, I really appreciate it, it's been a really hard time the last week. I went on another family trip and this time my incontinence just flared up and I didn't enjoy one day of the vacation, it was hell. I had a really bad series of accidents on the car ride back home which I just had to be in until we found a place to change >.<

    At least I'm getting some sleep despite the terrible clean up I have every morning. Few weeks ago I was sleeping in my mother's room and several nights she woke me up while I was just having a bowel accident in my sleep which I was glad to change because the morning I just slept through my usual early routine.


    I'm home now and just so tired and worn out. I need to take a break and stay home for some time. I know I have to come to terms with it but I just can't get there..... Even as a kid I never thought this is how it's going to be....I guess I need some time to get it through​ my head.

    It's just hard to go through with things when I'm having a bad spell like this....

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