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Thread: How to get over a bad breakup with your caretaker?

  1. #1

    Default How to get over a bad breakup with your caretaker?

    My boyfriend/daddy and I had been living together for a short while and long story short.. 2 days ago I found out he was cheating on me with an abusive ex and lied to me about it to my face. He would speak horribly of me, tell her he was going to leave me when some packages came in the mail, would record audio clips of me to send to her, receive naked pictures of her, and would call her at night when he was alone. As painful as it was, and as much as I wanted to try to mend things, he told me he was uncertain it will never happen again. I couldn't continue having him under my roof and I reluctantly let him go. I knew I would no longer be able to trust him.

    I still really miss and care for him but know we can never be together happily again. Everything was going so perfectly... I was happy. And he really seemed happy too. Would tell me that he didn't deserve me and begin to cry. I always thought he was just being sweet but maybe there was an underlying guilt all along. I opened my heart to him, my doors, and he repaid it with betrayal.

    On his way out he openly sobbed saying every time something good happens in his life he always has to mess it up and hurt the ones he loves. He got in a car accident on the drive back to his home town but came out okay with just dents and a broken side view mirror.

    Extremely sad since he has been the only person to ever accept and embrace this side of me. And I don't know if I'll ever be lucky enough to find another like him. We had an amazing relationship before it was cut short by that incident. Happiest I've ever been truthfully.

    I'm still having an extremely hard time accepting this loss. I can't even participate in ABDL activities without thinking of him and getting extremely depressed. What used to bring me so much joy only brings me pain and bad memories. My toys no longer make me happy and I have put them in another room or in drawers where I can't see them.

    Has anyone had any experience with this? How did you guys get through this?
    Hugs and supportive words greatly appreciated. Thank you.

  2. #2


    When a relationship ends it's always hard, even if it's not initially so. It can sometimes sneak up on you through nostalgia or memories. But in time everything heals. When it's mixed with the vulnerable side of abdl stuff, I feel it's even tougher, especially when it's your first. I've actually gone through a similar-ish end with my ex-daddy. Things were unraveling (he had cheated) and we became toxic and unhappy, but out of desperation I stuck with at least having the devil I knew versus the unknown. Post breakup was a bit odd, I kept busy and set little stuff aside. I boxed most my thing up and they are still even in storage, my crib included. I even contemplated leaving the community again, but I'm glad I didn't. Because it gets better. It hurts and you might wanna cry - which you should. Cry your eyes out, get all the emotions you can out and feel raw afterwards.

    You're a little, sugar. And you're bruised. But I promise things heal and get better.

  3. #3


    I've never had a relationship with a caregiver, but I've certainly been in relationships that didn't work out. The first was with my steady girlfriend, two years in high school. We left for different colleges and it wasn't long before I got the "dear John" telephone call, her breaking up with me because she met someone else. It was after that breakup that I started dating a boy.

    After the first year, and I was very happy, he drifted away from me. It was so devastating that I became easy prey to other guys. They'd invite me to off campus parties and get me passing out drunk. You can guess the rest. I had emotional problems to begin with, depression and Borderline Personality. I was self destructive and had almost no sense of self worth. What saved me was getting back together with my first boyfriend, a relationship that lasted until we graduated.

    So my point is.....I guess.....that it's normal to have a number of relationships before we find the right one. In my case, it was finding the girl who would become my wife. I know it's a lot harder by far to find someone who's into AB/DL activities, which makes the loss all the more difficult. All you can do is stay busy and try to do something that make you feel better. Eventually someone else will come along. If there's something you are passionate about, redirect you energy to that. Recently for me it has been playing piano and learning big, difficult pieces to play. I suspect everyone has something they love doing. It fills up the time we have to spend, living with ourselves.

  4. #4


    The grieving process goes beyond death and dying.

    The loss of a relationship can be just as devastating as a death. Grieving a relationship can be similar to grieving a death. Your heart will guide you to your feelings and through your grief. You are entitled to feel as you need to feel and let your emotions follow. Hurting is a part of that.


  5. #5


    My sympathy goes out to you. I've had some similar kinds of losses myself.
    I find if I'm not enjoying something because it reminds me too much of them, I just set it aside for awhile. Once the pain feels less raw, I start to reintroduce the thing that I used to do with them, giving myself time to slowly get used to doing it alone.

  6. #6


    I understand. I had a caretaker/friend leave me because my medical problems and disabilities were "too much" for him to handle and he dumped me. It destroyed me and felt like I couldn't be happy again. He was there for me and comforted me when times were bad. As time went on, the more I realized that true friends don't leave each other no matter how broken you are. Sadness turned to anger and now I could care less. You'll be ok and I'm sorry this happened to you. Keep your head high though.

  7. #7


    Hell I wish I had caregiver. Look at it this way. At least at some point somebody actually wanted you.

  8. #8


    Quote Originally Posted by KawaiiBabyjenni View Post
    Hell I wish I had caregiver. Look at it this way. At least at some point somebody actually wanted you.
    I would point out that the OP was not discarded for lack of want.

    Having a caretaker is not as much of a pipe-dream as many seem to think it is.

    I'm sure that Sheepies will find a better relationship/caregiver in time, and thankfully had not invested years into this individual.

    That said, I hope you also find someone that helps you realize your value Kawaiibabyjenni

  9. #9


    I'm still keeping track of this post, and can update that it's still very hard. I still miss him immensely, but ultimately realize it was not meant to be. Maybe he loved me at one point but if he wasn't able to be open, loyal and honest with me; then he really isn't worth it. I know where his true loyalties lie and they're not with me. Since my initial post he had proven deceitful a second time to which I responded by finally cutting the last ties to him for closure. You know that they say; fool me once, shame on you, fool me twice, shame on me. From what I know about his character; he's selfish. I have a hunch that when his relationship begins to tank (as it has with this person many many times in the 6 years we had known each other) he may try to reestablish contact with me. I will never be able to forgive him nor will ever be able to give him a second chance and that's a promise. Actions speak louder than words and his words mean nothing to me.

    Everyone's encouraging words have been comforting and I appreciate everything everyone has said. I've been reading all of them.

    I may have loved him, but anyone so twisted as that is not deserving of those emotions. No one deserves that treatment.
    I still think of him every day, and many things related to ABDL are still hard to do. There are things I can't bear to look at still; but it has gotten easier.
    And it will continue to get easier I'm sure.

    I'm sure I'll find another one day thank you MommyAndMattling, a friend who has been with me since the beginning. And you're right; better to have found out before letting things get too complicated with something like a joint bank account or shared rent.

    Don't give up hope KawaiiBabyJenni

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