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Thread: Please not again!

  1. #1

    Default Please not again!

    I'm shocked, angry and appalled that I may be still been heckled by 12 year old kids on the street, I'm quite young in the face, looking around 13-15 years old, I wear no make up because I feel wrong when I do, I very rarely wear it.

    They are not saying anything bad in practicular but they act almost the same way they did when I was physically their age! It's bad because I'm also short, wear glasses and they proberly still think I'm their age or something, I'm not sure as I can't read their thoughts.

    They say "hello" and "look who it is" in almost a mocking voice, what makes it more confusing is that I have Asperger's so I sometimes misinterpret their tone of voice and I also have a hearing problem so most of the time I have no idea what they are trying to say to me across the street, so that kinda softens the blow, but the fact is i SHOULDNT be going through this again! I DONT deserve this kind of treatment and it's stupid that I can't age properly! I'm nearly 20 for gods sake! They talk to me as if I'm their age all together and I think they are mocking me!

    The bad thing is that I can't tell them he w old I really am and to leave me the fuck alone because they are right across the street and I don't want to make a boob of myself as it is!

    Thankfully I'm moving away from there in about a week or two time, but I'm scared of having similar poeple there in the new area.

    I don't make a big deal out of myself but I have shouted at my dog a few times because she misbehaves cuz she's a puppy or I had a run with her to tire her out, I don't do anything like walk wierd, wear ab clothing or suck a paci or bottle outside . I'm not sure if they have seen me buy baby diapers before but it's fairly normal for somebody my age to run errands and favours for family. I have a few clever things to say to them about that if they ask.

    Last time a van with school kids in it aged 12-15 drove past an dthis kid with his head sticking out the window called out to me from across the road and asked me something, I think it was "what's your name, girl with the glasses?" Like WTF! Why does he want to know what my name is, he's never spoke to me before! But luckily all I heard really was " blah, blah, blah, blah, girl with glasses"

    No offence but I do NOT want to be known as the girl with the glasses!

    I got very self conscious and took my glasses off and swore I would never wear my glasses on the street again! And when I got home, I relised why should I NOT wear my glasses when I clearly need them and why should I go blind just to suit others, it's not like my glasses are wierd or anything, everybody has these glasses anyway!

    Click image for larger version. 

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ID:	29132 Anyway, I think I suit my glasses! "Sorry for having glasses to help me see!, weirdo!" (A message for that 12 year old kid!)

  2. #2
    MarchinBunny

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    Truthfully, I think you worry too much about what others think. I was always the type to be picked on for just about anything, even down to the shoes I would wear. Not even that long ago either. I often would be called disgusting by a employee at the school I would go to.

    Yes, it is pretty irritating when it occurs, but at the end of the day, I know what they think hardly matters. These people are people I only see for a few minutes in the entire day. Why should those few minutes decide how I feel the rest of the day? It's not like I am friends with those people. It's not like what they think has any effect on anythng besides themselves.

    So even if I am picked on for wearing something, I continue to wear it. Am I self-conscious about it? Sure! But I will wear it anyway, because the moment I don't is the moment I let them win and that is also the moment they realize their ragging on me worked.

  3. #3

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    Hey angelic, I can understand your situation, especially If your appearance is that of a youth, closer to their age then your own ( =P )

    I applaud your restraint in " tell them he w old I really am and to leave me the fuck alone ", and I'm glad you can see how this would only antagonize them.


    If your goal is to get them to at least refrain from making the comments where you can hear them, or if not tell what they are saying, know they are saying something, your best bet is going to be to "adult" them.

    Perhaps making a point of treating them as adults, they will return the respect, making a point to say good morning or good afternoon, inquiring how they are, or just making pleasant passing remarks. Even something as simple as, "nice day out hey?" shows not only that they are not bothering you, but gives them a chance of responding in a mature fashion.

    it is my firm belief, that they are ultimately, only trying to look cool, or non-kiddish, to their peers, gratifying this desire in them, by giving them an invitation to act maturely, may help.

    you do not need to befriend them, or hang out with them (that would be a bit off), but you can show them courtesy and hopefully they will return it.


    as for younger teenagers making comments, and trying to look cool and puffed up to each other, it is very very common, throughout the world, and if its any consolation, It is not just you who they target.

    I know that here in the states, almost all of my female friends have had to deal with almost weekly/daily comments from teens-college kids, mostly males, who drive by while they go for runs, making lewd passing remarks.


    I can also safely say that all of my female friends who have had this happen to them, have had their confidence shaken by it. You are not alone!


    I hope some of this helps. good luck

  4. #4

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    Thanks you two, that makes a lot more sense now, I thought It was because I looked wierd or something, glad I'm not the only one!

    So it would make more sense not to confront them and tell them how I feel, well in my experience, they will be rude if I tell them to leave me alone, i guess they won't be any different.

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    Mommy and mattling, how old are your friends if you don't mind me asking, do they look youthful or look like teenagers to others?

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    I shrugged my shoulders at the guy who called out to me as if to say I didn't care

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    It's kinda good in a way I can't properly hear them but at the same time I could be wrong about what they are saying and I could get into trouble with them and if I explain I can't hear properly, they will make a point in taking the piss out of that, like" hey deafie!" " hi grandma!" Where's your hearing aids?!" Etc.

  5. #5

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    Argh! I hate that kind of thing.

    When I was in my early 20s I was working in an office in a very deprived orbital town of a very deprived city. I'd get off at the bus stop and there would be dozens of 12-year-old school kids waiting there. There were about five boys (with one ringleader) who always stared at me as I got off the bus. At first they'd say, "Hello, suit man!" and laugh. (Obviously it was highly unusual to be wearing a suit in that neighbourhood.)

    Anyway, I smiled and waved, and they burst out laughing... I was pretty withdrawn and depressed at the time, and I probably shouldn't have cared but it was pretty weirdly embarrassing... especially with so many other adults around who were watching me be humiliated by schoolchildren.

    Every single time I got off the bus, they'd be waiting for me. I started to dread seeing them... which was ridiculous! They were 12 and I was a decade older! I think my anxiety and confusion and the fact that I never really said anything to them just encouraged them to get bolder and more aggressive. They'd throw fake punches at me and stand in my way, invading my personal space, and be generally mocking. I didn't feel like there was much I could do. They were just kids. I kind-of felt sorry for them that they'd been brought up without good parenting.

    After a few months of this happening EVERY SINGLE DAY, they surrounded me once again, with the ringleader mouthing off demanding that I give them all some cigarettes. He was standing right in front of my, snarling like a rabid animal, with his entourage grinning with amusement. He stepped forwards and spat his chewing gum at me, expecting me to recoil, and I just snapped. I was astonished and outraged at his contempt for me. In me head I wanted to punch him in the face. I don't know how it happened; I don't remember it being any kind of conscious decision, but I shoved him away, flat palms to the chest, with all my force, screaming, "I could kick the fucking shit out you!"

    He flew back about a metre, completely unharmed, on to the grass verge. I was absolutely horrified with what I'd done. In hindsight, I don't think it was disproportional, and I feel like I could (to some extent) justify my reaction. The kid was an arsehole. But... I really didn't expect to lose control like that. I didn't think a child could wind me up so much.

    Fortunately, he was equally shocked, and (although I still saw his group at the bus stop) they never approached me again.

    Anyway... I don't know if there's a moral to that story, but I just wanted to say that I know how you feel.

    Maybe you could think up a few nonchalant one-line retorts, so at least you've got something to say to them. I found that trying to ignore them and saying nothing only made them worse. You don't want to sound threatening (especially if you aren't going to back it up), so I think the best kind of things to say would be stuff that gives the impression that you don't care about them.

    So, if they say something, you could reply:

    Oh, very funny.
    Yeah; whatever.
    Haven't you got anything better to do?
    How original.
    I've heard that one before.
    Grow up.


    I dunno. :-/

  6. #6

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    God, tiny, that sounds awful! That was a lot worse than what I got! Those kids had no respect! It's humiliating, getting humiliated by school kids!

    Although you might want to careful, if you outburst like that again, they could go to the police, (presumingly a different kind of gang of kids) or somebody could report you for assaulting a minor, even though they were assaulting you more.

    Knowing me, I'm weak, dispraxic so I could miss them if I tried to shove them, I would end up embarssing myself!, I tried to kick this kid who was my age back in high school, because he took the piss of me, so I tried to kick him and he laughed at me because I kept missing him, that was so embarssing and utter humiliating!

  7. #7

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    Quote Originally Posted by Angelic View Post

    - - - Updated - - -

    Mommy and mattling, how old are your friends if you don't mind me asking, do they look youthful or look like teenagers to others?

    - - - Updated - - -

    I shrugged my shoulders at the guy who called out to me as if to say I didn't care

    - - - Updated - - -

    It's kinda good in a way I can't properly hear them but at the same time I could be wrong about what they are saying and I could get into trouble with them and if I explain I can't hear properly, they will make a point in taking the piss out of that, like" hey deafie!" " hi grandma!" Where's your hearing aids?!" Etc.
    My female friends do look young, but not nearly as young as you, I know that while they are out on their runs they frequently will wear leggings or jeggings and a t-shirt.


    one of them though does in fact look much younger then she is.


    Keep your chin up, it might be interesting to keep in mind, that IF the group of youths in question is cat-calling you, that at least a couple of them feel awful about it, but are too shy to stick up for you.


    and on the off chance that they are talking to you, but not cat calling:

    phrases that talk to them on a more adult footing such as

    "hey nice day out huh?"

    might come in handy.

    Without being confrontational, if you are really daring, you could always stop and ask them to repeat what they said:

    "I did not catch that, I'm a little deaf in this ear *points* what was that?"

    at the very least it will give you a clear idea of just how juvenile these individuals are, and whether they are ready to converse as adults. if they respond immaturely again, it may make it easier for you to dismiss their opinions, so that they do not affect your mood.

    if you dont value their opinions, it affects you much less.

    hope that answers your question, and if you were to ask me, what my friends did to get over the issue. I'm sad to say that there is such an abundance of male cat-callers in the states that they had to become desensitized to the issue to keep it from bothering them.

  8. #8

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    Well I love life, and I always have a hand band on, and have had similar experiences but with hand band reference instead of suit.


    Honestly I smile and wave, and if kids ever approach me asking questions,

    I say things like "not right now, im sorry"

    or "Don't be like this, I am in a hurry, maybe tomorrow ?"

    I yet to be asked to buy cigarettes, but I have had them stand in front of me, and stomp on my shoe, to which I responded " You better watch out, my feet are much bigger then yours" and it hasn't happened again.

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