Being "Little" is comforting for me.

I like it when my "mommy" changes me. I feel so protected and safe.

Being little makes me feel safe, it lessens my stress and anxiety, it literally feels like crawling into a bubble, where the problems of the grown-up world can't get to me. I'd really love to be able to find someone to look after me, but until then, I have to do it for myself.

I think it's comforting too. I have disabilities that require care and when I'm cared for I feel so protected. Takes me back to simpler days.

Although I have not had the full experience of being little because of financial issues on my end, I can say that without this break from the outside world, I would have probably committed suicide long ago in High School. Although it would have been more likely that Mom would have committed me first to an asylum. There is only so much abuse a person like me and caitianx can take because of our own respective conditions. In order to cope with my past anyway, I must act in accordance with earlier/simpler/easier times while doing as much as I can to keep the experience as believable as possible. Only then, can I be temporarily immune from my past hurts for up to 3 days and during such time I will not have nightmares, flashbacks and other forms of depression and anxiety.

It is something to stick with for me as it is my lifeline to keep going. I spent two years resisting my 'little' self after a big purge after I had the impulse to take an abandoned pacifier that was on the mailboxes one day. By the time the end of second semester of Sophomore year came, I contemplated seriously of doing exactly the same thing (suicide). I had so much work to do, without any break from it all, I was slowly slipping away until I became an automaton on the outside, behaving as an empty shell. On the inside, I would be sobbing uncontrollably until I had no strength left. I rarely had a restful night the past few years. Even if I did have an 8 hour sleep I would have little to no REM cycles making it nearly impossible to heal properly and think straight. It was as if I was getting my allotted time in for sleep, but never actually sleeping.

I vowed to get some supplies for a new stash, unfortunately it looks like I will have to use what I planned to use for books instead. Just how the cookie crumbles as it were. I will now have to survive doing my regression with less than half the time I used to and cut my realism to near zero in order for Mom to stay happy with me in order to have enough money of my own to pay for my school books. My parents know what I am, but they assume its sexual - for which it is not sexual for me. In an ideal world I would have an entire room dedicated to my regressed self, however most of the time (before college) I had to settle for a diaper a paci/bottle and normal clothes in order to get even the slightest inkling of realism. Now all I have is one plushie (that is easily accessible) that I will have to use during the night in order to stay sane. The catch now is that Dad is retired and I cannot do what I used to do. I have gone from the entire house that was to myself, to a single room, that is not very private, in order to play out my regression. With my parents also thinking of moving out of my childhood home, I think that if they do move out, I may be tipped off the last cliff that may send me plummeting into the world of the dead.

Sorry everyone for being so dramatic and graphic, but I digress......

Overall I find it as a coping mechanism and also as a method of security more than anything.

This thread has made me cry like a child

Thanks everyone

Thank you Caitianx

I really needed that just now

Being little is very comforting to me also I enjoy it very much.

but I can not do it all the time or it tends to get worn down and the enjoyment goes away well... atleast until the next time.

but it is very comforting to know I have this part of me I can enjoy.

I know what you mean. It makes me feel happy too because it calms my anxiety when I'm in little mode. I have extremely horrible anxiety that can sometimes be disabling for me... even on medication. So, it's still very hard to cope with. I haven't been diagnosed with an anxiety disorder, but I suspect it. However, each time I have tried bringing it up... health people have always told me "oh, it's your autism", and I'm just like... really? The problem is that I bottle up my anxiety because I can't really express it the same as most people through panic attacks and the like. I do agree that part of my anxiety is due to autism... but not all of it. There are times when I can worry about every little thing and not realize that there's nothing to worry for. :|

So yeah... being little is always very comforting for me.

I have the same problem AdorbzLittleGirl. I'm anxious and/or overwhelmed almost all the time. Most of it is due to my autism, but that doesn't mean it's not a diagnosable anxiety disorder in itself. Being little is a literal lifesaver for me. Before I bought my first real adult diapers last week, I was having thoughts of suicide, and was self-harming. Since then, those thoughts have gone away, and I haven't self-harmed in almost a week.

Wuggle said:

I have the same problem AdorbzLittleGirl. I'm anxious and/or overwhelmed almost all the time. Most of it is due to my autism, but that doesn't mean it's not a diagnosable anxiety disorder in itself. Being little is a literal lifesaver for me. Before I bought my first real adult diapers last week, I was having thoughts of suicide, and was self-harming. Since then, those thoughts have gone away, and I haven't self-harmed in almost a week.

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Despite being medicated, I still experience prey-animal type anxiety when out in the world despite my being an extrovert type autistic.
Being little diminished my own anxiety and self harming too.

caitianx said:

Despite being medicated, I still experience prey-animal type anxiety when out in the world despite my being an extrovert type autistic.
Being little diminished my own anxiety and self harming too.

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I am the introverted type (Briggs personality index INTJ-T). I experience the feelings of how vulnerable I am if I fail to keep myself protected in the outside world. The "concrete walls with razor wire" (in a figurative sense) I put up are in order to keep my distance from people who might harm me, regardless of the consequences in my soul. I have self-harmed, but nothing serious and despite using the stopgap measure with the plush fox that I keep to serve my 'little' self at bare minimum, I still have been contemplating ending my life.
Most of the time in the world I feel like a cornered Lion with other more powerful Lions from neighboring prides ready to do battle with me every single day. Although I use my wall to fend them off, I still feel the sense that the mental barrier is weakening. My 'little' self is the true me, if that makes sense. My true self has the exterior that I tote around even to my parents now. The tough exterior defends me from both physical and mental attacks at the cost of depression over time. While the inner part of me that has been banished to the deepest parts of my mind and is untouchable as long as the tough exterior defends me. My inner self knows about my first trauma, but it has not been affected by any further trauma since that time. When I gave the time to bring my inner self out back when I had money to spend on diapers and other materials, I was able to rejuvenate that barrier on the exterior. My barrier has not been recharged in two years and to put the desperate measures into context I am about as desperate as Washington was in his dispatches to congress (#1,137 and #1,158).

Dispatch 1,137:
"Sadly, I see no way of stopping them at the present time as my army is absolutely falling apart. My military chest is totally exhausted. My commissary general has strained his credit to the last. My quartermaster has no
food, no arms, no ammunition, and my troops are in a state of near mutiny. I pray God some relief arrives before the armada, but fear it will not."

Dispatch 1,158 paraphrased in "1776":
"Happy should I be if I could see a means of preventing them, but at present, I confess, I do not. Oh, how I wish I had never seen the Continental Army. I would have done better to retire to the back country and to live in a wigwam."