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Thread: Dating Transgender People

  1. #1

    Default Dating Transgender People

    I guess I'm confused by the stigma. I've heard about people who are otherwise physically/emotionally attracted to them until they find out they're trans. They say things like "Oh. I'm not gay." or "Wow, thanks for telling me. That would've been embarrassing." The saddest to me is if it gets violent. Why is this such an issue?

  2. #2
    MarchinBunny

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    Ya, it's not exactly something I quite understand either. Normally the line "I am just not attracted to that" ... is a little weird to me when before they knew, they were attracted XD. Like how does know that all of a sudden change attractiveness?

    With that said, if someone doesn't want to date someone who is transgender, I will respect their wishes ... I don't see anything wrong with that. Don't understand it, but don't need to XD. Is what it is.

  3. #3

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    To be honest, if the transformation was complete to the point where I wasn't able to tell pre- or post-coitus, idgaf what they were beforehand, but I realize that's not a common view on the matter. I was talking about this with a big group of friends and none of them shared my sentiments on the matter, but to their credit, neither were they disgusted by my claim. In fact, several of them congratulated me for being open-minded about the issue, viewing the issue not as a moral one but as a socio-sexual one--the same way that they wouldn't judge someone harshly for being into BDSM, even if they themselves were "squicked out" by it.

    There's other people like me out there, if few and far between. I feel that as generations pass by and trans folk become more mainstream and socially accepted there will be more people willing to see people for who they are, not who they were. However, one would do well to remember social progress is much like a pendulum. Even if there seems an inexorable flow in one direction, one must always be wary of the backswing.

    EDIT: I feel that many people pay too little mind to the social implications of dating. Indeed, I would think there are many more people who would date a transsexual person than who would admit to it, but for the fact that their friends and family would frown on such deviance. But perhaps it is a measure of progress that the anecdotes you mention politely rebuff the trans party, rather than give voice to the moral, sexual and psychosocial revulsion all too commonly displayed when trans folks have revealed themselves in preceding years.
    Last edited by Orange; 17-Apr-2017 at 19:51.

  4. #4

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    I don't think all transgender individuals are gay.

  5. #5

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    Quote Originally Posted by Sprinkles View Post
    I guess I'm confused by the stigma. I've heard about people who are otherwise physically/emotionally attracted to them until they find out they're trans. They say things like "Oh. I'm not gay." or "Wow, thanks for telling me. That would've been embarrassing." The saddest to me is if it gets violent. Why is this such an issue?
    I am not attracted to women so someone telling me they are born female is a turn off for me. I am also not attracted to men who were once female. I was never into sissies and I do feel a man dressing as a woman feels like a sissy to me even though that is how they feel on the inside. But however if a guy likes dressing as a woman I don't really care but it's the transitioning is what makes it a turn off. I don't have a problem with them as people, it's when it comes to dating it becomes a problem because relationships are different than friends and acquaintances. My ex liked wearing skirts and I didn't really care then. It's not like he was taking hormones to be female and to get a sex change and it wasn't like he was wearing make up and wigs to try and look like a woman. Everyone has sexual preferences and some people are just not attracted to trans like some guys are not attracted to women who lack a figure or have flat chests and there are people who are turned off by certain personalities.

    Also I am not attracted to men who wear make up and dress as women and wear their hair like female so they grow their hair out or wear a wig so it doesn't matter if they are transgender or a crossdresser. If they are straight, they wouldn't be dating me anyway unless they are male on the inside and are attracted to females. But yet even crossdressing is a turn off for me because then I still feel I am with another woman which is ironic. I just have to be true to myself and sorry if this is offensive but it's just my sexual preferences and what I am attracted to. Like I say I have no problems when it comes to friends or acquaintances so if we were just talking and then I find out your are bio female or male, it wouldn't matter to me, it would be shocking yes because I wasn't expecting it. It's just like finding out someone is black online or is another skin color or finding out someone has a disability and you had assumed they were "normal" or finding out they once had a huge nose but then had surgery to make it smaller or finding out Michael Jackson was once black and then he highlighted his skin and he didn't always look like the way he did or finding out I was formally deaf as a toddler. Everything is always shocking when you find out a fact about someone you didn't know about. We just automatically assume what we see like we always assume someone is straight because they're the majority.

  6. #6

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    Quote Originally Posted by Sprinkles View Post
    I guess I'm confused by the stigma. I've heard about people who are otherwise physically/emotionally attracted to them until they find out they're trans. They say things like "Oh. I'm not gay." or "Wow, thanks for telling me. That would've been embarrassing." The saddest to me is if it gets violent. Why is this such an issue?
    In my own personal opinion with no offence intended, it is because they feel cheated. It's as though they were given a fake when the authentic version was elsewhere. They feel like it was false advertising. If you think a guy will be okay with being with a woman who was once a man, you've got another thing coming. Today's technology and surgeries cannot produce what a natural born female body has, at least not exactly. We may be simple carbon lifeforms, but our bodies are extremely complex. Replicating a female body is next to impossible even with bone shaving. You can look really close, but you can't be exactly a natural female. Not to mention even if the guy IS okay with it, he's likely not okay with friends or family knowing because he knows how they will react. They see the pain, shame, and hurt of their reactions as not worth the risk. I myself think they are fine, but I'm not attracted to transgendered people. It is not offensive or wrong to say I'm not attracted to them, but some people would disagree with me. I cannot control my biology or what genes I have. Transgendered people often cannot produce the same scent a natural female would, it's probably why most straight males shy away from them. There are hormones, invisible scents, and all sorts of things. I do not think it's right however, to lie to others about it. On that same note, I don't agree Trans people getting beat up or attacked. I am a Christian so I am called to love all as God does. It doesn't mean that I agree with it, but I don't hate people for it. I can't hate something that I do not understand at all, it would make no sense to do that.

    A final note... Please know that I do tire of others thinking I'm attacking them for just thinking. I hope this comment can be viewed as just a discussion. I know I used to overreact to everything until I learned to not take things personally. I hope this answers some of your question, if not I still have more to say. I will also add some trans people look attractive at first, because they appear as the opposite sex. When you know they're not, the blinders come off and you see any and all male anatomy showing through. That is why you see and hear the change in their behavior. I even notice the best of the best surgeries still can't hide the male eyeball or some vital bone structure. I still love people, anyone and everyone, I just don't always understand their actions. Then again sometimes I don't understand my own actions, so there's that.


    All the best, Adam.

  7. #7

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    Quote Originally Posted by Sprinkles View Post
    I guess I'm confused by the stigma. I've heard about people who are otherwise physically/emotionally attracted to them until they find out they're trans. They say things like "Oh. I'm not gay." or "Wow, thanks for telling me. That would've been embarrassing." The saddest to me is if it gets violent. Why is this such an issue?
    Wait... what? You're not really Han Solo? How does that work?

    It seems pretty obvious that it could be an issue.

  8. #8
    MarchinBunny

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    Quote Originally Posted by Calico View Post
    Everyone has sexual preferences and some people are just not attracted to trans like some guys are not attracted to women who lack a figure or have flat chests and there are people who are turned off by certain personalities.
    Yes, but did you notice a unique difference in what typically people are attracted to and transgender? Typically by human nature, we are attracted to what can be considered 2 categories. Looks and personality. Now obviously that is pretty simplified as there is a bit more to it than that. However, learning a person is transgender doesn't fit into either of those 2 categories.
    A transgender person could have the looks and personality you desire and you could be heavily attracted to them. Learn they are trans later on down the road, doesn't remove that attraction. You can't really control what you are attracted too, you just are.

    So then you have to ask, what exactly is the deal breaker here? I would argue that it's unacceptance. You learn the person is transgender and so in the back of your mind even if you don't say it, you don't really consider them the sex they present themselves as. Even if science got to a point to where they can transition someone fully all the way down to chromosome level. Even then I think people will have this natural unacceptance in the back of their mind.

    I know a lot of transgender people know this too and it's why so many feel hurt when someone says they are not attracted to transgender. Because we all know, it doesn't work like that, and so there is a different reason for the person's lack of interest and that reason is acceptance. We know it's more about that the other person doesn't actually see us as the sex we are presenting ourselves to be. It being a turn off is correct, but not the same kind of turn off when it comes to attraction. It's not a turn off based on attraction, it's a turn off based on lack of acceptence.



    Also I am not attracted to men who wear make up and dress as women and wear their hair like female so they grow their hair out or wear a wig so it doesn't matter if they are transgender or a crossdresser.
    See, but here it makes sense because that is about physical appearance and personality.



    I just have to be true to myself and sorry if this is offensive but it's just my sexual preferences and what I am attracted to.
    I don't take offense to it. But I will say it's not about attraction as I already pointed out. If it was about attraction, you couldn't be attracted to anyone transgender ... ever. Even before you learn they are transgender.

    Sexual preference works because there are so many factors into what is sexual preference. It's not just about phyiscal appearance and personality. Hmmm experience for example would be part of it. Fertilitiy and functionality may also play a part in it. So here it can easily make sense why someone who is transgender wouldn't be someone else's sexual preference.




    Quote Originally Posted by Premetheus View Post
    In my own personal opinion with no offence intended, it is because they feel cheated. It's as though they were given a fake when the authentic version was elsewhere. They feel like it was false advertising.
    Exactly. You understand yourself and others well. It's not about attraction, it's about not considering the other person the real sex they present themselves as.



    If you think a guy will be okay with being with a woman who was once a man, you've got another thing coming.
    Well, actually there are some people who can look past it. There are some people who are easily more accepting that the person's sex is the what they are presented as. They know what a person was in the past, makes actual little difference on what the person is now and how their relationship will be with them.

    If you were madly in love with someone for years and later learned they are transgender. That love doesn't just vanish all of a sudden. Rather I imagine for someone who cannot accept it, they would have a difficult time with it. There are some people who know it doesn't make a difference and so ... they learn to accept it.



    Today's technology and surgeries cannot produce what a natural born female body has, at least not exactly. We may be simple carbon lifeforms, but our bodies are extremely complex. Replicating a female body is next to impossible even with bone shaving. You can look really close, but you can't be exactly a natural female.
    Well, it depends on what you even want to consider a natural born female as not everyone is born exactly the same. If a female was born without the ability to have children and was lacking some functionality females typically have .... are they no longer considered female?

    At what level would a transgender person need to transition for you to consider them the sex they present themselves as? I am going to hazard a guess and say ... it wouldn't matter.



    Not to mention even if the guy IS okay with it, he's likely not okay with friends or family knowing because he knows how they will react. They see the pain, shame, and hurt of their reactions as not worth the risk.
    Okay, now this right here is a crock of shit. Try to only speak for yourself and stop trying to speak for all men. XD
    It's fine that you feel that way, but no ... not all men do.



    Transgendered people often cannot produce the same scent a natural female would, it's probably why most straight males shy away from them. There are hormones, invisible scents, and all sorts of things.
    Actually, I am curious how you came to this conclusion. I just looked it up and from what I am reading, HRT does actually change that from others experiences, and not just self reported, but some reported by guys who are with someone who is transgender.

    I am going ot make a guess that this was just something you assumed without actually knowing or looking it up. XD



    A final note... Please know that I do tire of others thinking I'm attacking them for just thinking.
    I think I can understand where the problem is. You said some things here that is based on assumption rather than actual evidence. You made some statements that are simply not true. If you don't want to make other feel like you are not attacking them, you are going to need to try better to not assume things you don't know about. I suggest doing a bit more research. I know it's not typical for people to know about this sort of stuff, but the way you speak, you act like you do and I think that is the problem.



    When you know they're not, the blinders come off and you see any and all male anatomy showing through.
    Actually, I bet if you where to replace a transgender female with a naturally born female and tell you they are transgender, you would spot all the male anatomy showing through lmao. It's not that it's actually there, it's that you are looking for it and you are seeing what you want to see. Show someone who believes in ghosts a dark picture in an old house and ask if they see the ghost. I am betting you will get tons of people who spot something that simply isn't there. XD

    I would be curious to see a test done on people. The female is transgender ... can you tell? "Yes ... I can. Her chin isn't quite right and her eye brows are too thick. There are quite a few male characteristics showing. She needs some work" Great! Well geuss what, this female isn't actually transgender lol.



    can't hide the male eyeball
    There isn't such a significant difference that you could tell something like that. lol male eye ball.
    This is another test that needs to be done. Have a bucket of eye balls and tell the person to sort them from male and female. >.< ... and you wonder why people take what you say ass offenive? I don't ... but crap ... that is some silly as shit right there lol.

  9. #9

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    Quote Originally Posted by Gina View Post
    I don't think all transgender individuals are gay.
    Actually, I was referring to straight people who think dating them is gay. The same also applies to gay people who thinks dating trans people will make them straight.



    Quote Originally Posted by Premetheus View Post
    If you think a guy will be okay with being with a woman who was once a man, you've got another thing coming.
    I'd have no problem dating a transman, so I don't think this applies to everyone.



    Not to mention even if the guy IS okay with it, he's likely not okay with friends or family knowing because he knows how they will react. They see the pain, shame, and hurt of their reactions as not worth the risk.
    Hiding/being ashamed of his date certainly doesn't earn Boyfriend of the Year.



    Transgendered people often cannot produce the same scent a natural female would, it's probably why most straight males shy away from them. There are hormones, invisible scents, and all sorts of things.
    What? I never noticed any scent on myself?



    Quote Originally Posted by Maxx View Post
    Wait... what? You're not really Han Solo? How does that work?

    It seems pretty obvious that it could be an issue.
    Could you explain more? I'm slightly confused.

  10. #10

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    Everyone has their preferences; body type, height, weight, skin tone, even to hair length. Some are positive attractions such as I guy I knew who preferred women with long leg and arm hair. Others are negative. Most straight men are not attracted to other men, or their respective body parts.
    I would venture to say that even an otherwise attractive transgendered woman would become unattractive or even intimidating to a guy who finds out her dick is bigger than his.

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