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Thread: Feeling ashamed

  1. #1

    Default Feeling ashamed

    Okay so I know for sure that there will have been other posts about this in the past and I'm sorry if it seems like I'm wasting time doing this but I feel like my situation is a bit different. Also, I apologise if this is in the wrong part of the forum and that it's probably going to be really long.

    I know that shame is something most people deal with when they realise that they want to wear diapers or do anything like that, and that it is a normal process that most people go through when they finally start doing it. This was the case for me for a few months before I started to get over it.

    Don't get me wrong, I have always been worried about being found out, this fear has never gone away and I think that's also pretty normal. It's not that I got less scared of other people finding out but that I wanted to do it enough that it overruled my fear. That's still what happens to me most of the time to be honest. I live in a shared flat and I know that it is risky even having diapers in the flat let alone wearing one but every now and then the want (I might almost call it a need) to do it overrules my fear and I find myself doing it again.

    I am totally okay with this as I take care to be discreet and I know that the chances of anyone actually finding out are pretty slim. But this isn't really my issue anymore.

    It's been a long time since I last wore - I think over a year from today - and this is a lot longer than I would normally have gone. I don't know what made it happen but the shame has started to come back and it was so crippling it took the fun even out of the idea of buying or wearing diapers. I don't know why this happened now, it's been a good few years since I started wearing and I've not felt this in ages. Maybe it's something to do with getting older (I know you're probably all sitting there being like she's 22 but I'm about to graduate and I feel like that's making me more of an adult than my actual age). Maybe it's because I've been thinking about the future so much and I don't know how diapers are going to fit in the future, if I end up with someone or if I'll have to or want to tell them.

    I guess I'm just wondering if this has ever happened to anyone else? I feel a bit like I'm going crazy here and I should be over this by now. And I was over it, I really was, I had accepted it and knew even if it was weird it wasn't hurting anyone and it made me happy so what was the point in resisting. I just want my diapers to go back to being what they used to be, something that made me happy and relaxed and didn't make me ask all these questions.

    Can anyone help, relate or give me any advice? I'm scared I'll never get my acceptance back and diapers are one of the only ways I had to switch off and calm down.

  2. #2

    Default

    First of all, congratulations on the upcoming graduation. I'm sure it is well deserved and well earned. It's natural at this time of your life to be contemplating the future and wondering where diapers fit into it. I think we all know that we don't have a choice in how this fetish is a natural part of our life, we can only choose how and when we will incorporate it into a healthy lifestyle. We have all felt the shame and we have all been through the binge and purge cycles. My fetish started when I was six years old, just after my father forced me back into diapers to humiliate me. I've never known sexual feelings that didn't involve diapers. That was over fifty years ago.

    What you have to remember, and what many people will come to understand, is that diapers are only one aspect of who you are as a complete human being. You can't define yourself only as a diaper lover when you contribute so much more to the world. You're a young, living, vibrant human being, capable of loving and doing great things. You also have passions for music, playing guitar and reading, all of which are equally important and make you who you are. Everyone has their own needs and coping mechanisms on how to reduce our stress in an increasingly chaotic world. We all need to have those things that bring us comfort, whether it's public or in private. There's no harm to what you're doing, either to yourself or anyone else, so just focus on everything you are, everything you want to be, and don't let this one aspect of your life be taken out of proportion.

    As an older person, I know these feelings never go away, either through fetish or incontinence, however, acceptance does come in time. I know this from experience. It does get easier.

  3. #3

    Default

    Hey there. You seem to rationally understand that wearing diapers should not be a reason to feel ashamed. Yet you have this feeling. Sometimes our subconscious needs some time to receive those messages we send to it. An effective and proven method to let a simple and not too much of a controversial message to sink in is self suggestion.
    It's simple. Pick a habit you do daily 5-10 times a day. Something quick and small like unlocking a door or your car. Then commit to the following: Every time I do this I will think "It's totally okay to love and wear diapers. I will not feel ashamed but happy. I deserve the great feelings resulting from it."
    Or of course pick any line you feel right.
    Do this for about 4 weeks and really be all about actually doing it every time.
    Another thing that might work: when going to bed take 5 minutes to just love this aspect of yours. Think about how it is totally okay to be this way and that every person has some weird in them. Your weirdness is cute and totally innocent. So it's super good. It's not defining you as a person but still a part of you. There is absolutely not need to try to change this. Also meditate about your upcoming so called adult life. Make it clear to yourself that you don't need to accept some kind of common definition of what an adult person is allowed to do and what not. That is outstandingly ridiculous. Some men dress like an engineer and let their toy trains ride making silly noises. Still they are responsible fathers husbands and ceos, whatever. Being an adult is in my experience about taking on responsibility for you and others you care about and becoming independent.
    Be diapered he happy, girl.

  4. #4

    Default

    Thank you so much, both of you. You don't know how much it helps me to hear such kind and thoughtful words. Sometimes I think hearing from people who can see problems with some perspective really helps.

    I think I'm maybe just going through a really stressful time right now and this is the way in which my anxiety is coming out. I'm going to try what you suggested pampersguy and repeate something like that to myself regularly. Hopefully it helps get me over this stage.

    Thank you both so much for your support, it honestly made me feel so much better. I know that this is all just a stage in my life which will pass soon and then things will go back to normal.

    Hope you're both doing okay and are having a good week. I honestly can't thank you enough, reading your posts has been the highlight of my day. Thank you.

  5. #5

    Default

    You're welcome! It's really good to see that you are looking at yourself with so much reason. It speaks for you as a person. This also gives me the feeling that in time you will be doing just fine.
    Stressful times can be hard but also challenging. As much as we are happy when said times are over we eventually feel that they got us a little further in life. Even if it means we simply raised our stress tolerance level a tiny bit.

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