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Thread: Reopening a previous plan

  1. #1

    Default Reopening a previous plan

    Thanks to Marka reminding me of one of my previous plans I thought I would reopen this one. Moving has been on my mind for some time. I'm still looking into places I want to move to, and I still have the advice and suggestion from the community I've been looking over. What I need now is to help filling out details. Like how much I should save before I leave. How best to look into housing. This is all new to me, so I need the advice of people who know better. I'm thinking of moving with only my clothes a few key items and maybe a few collector's items. It's mainly to keep cost low and limited additional people to help. I have one full year to save and build on this.

    Starrunner I plan on seeing a therapist after I get somewhere I'm happier. I feel if I went now it would be like putting bandage on a broken leg.

  2. #2
    MarchinBunny

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    Quote Originally Posted by KryanAshford View Post
    Starrunner I plan on seeing a therapist after I get somewhere I'm happier. I feel if I went now it would be like putting bandage on a broken leg.
    I am a bit confused. Why do you feel it would be like putting a bandage on a broken leg?

  3. #3

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    Because everything is still piling on, and I just need the money for this overall plan

  4. #4
    MarchinBunny

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    Quote Originally Posted by KryanAshford View Post
    Because everything is still piling on, and I just need the money for this overall plan
    Ahh, so basically you feel like if you stay where you are, while a therapist may help ... it's likely not going to be as effective. So rather you would be in a better place first with less things pilling on and stressing you out, and then go to a therapist where it would be most effective. I got ya.

    It's just the comment of "I plan on seeing a therapist after I get somewhere I'm happier" can be seen as a hypothetical somewhere. Basically, a person could move and still not be happy and because they are not happy they would still not see a therapist. But you meant it in a literal sense, as in somewhere else less stressful. XD

  5. #5

    Default Utilize, all available resources - now, rather than 'later'...



    Quote Originally Posted by KryanAshford View Post
    [...]

    Starrunner I plan on seeing a therapist after I get somewhere I'm happier. I feel if I went now it would be like putting bandage on a broken leg.
    Realizing, that you addressed this part specifically, to Starrunner...

    I might suggest, that a therapist, who incorporates CBT (Cognitive Behavioral Therapy) can, actually be more instrumental, in helping you to establish methods (and, actions/response), that would help you through this planning and intentions phase - further supporting the move and, the necessary things, to happen - for the better transitional outcome.

    I will also quote myself - on something that I just moments ago; said to an In-Person (or, Face-To-Face) friend of mine - who lives far away now...



    ...write out your detailed, associated thoughts, intentions and, desires, for it too - you're making a blue-print, for success - it can't 'just' be in your head (alone) - make it tangible, now - that takes it from a fantasy, to an actual tangible plan, no matter how well your intentions...
    My best and, for now,
    -Marka

  6. #6

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    Quote Originally Posted by KryanAshford View Post
    Thanks to Marka reminding me of one of my previous plans I thought I would reopen this one. Moving has been on my mind for some time. I'm still looking into places I want to move to, and I still have the advice and suggestion from the community I've been looking over. What I need now is to help filling out details. Like how much I should save before I leave. How best to look into housing. This is all new to me, so I need the advice of people who know better. I'm thinking of moving with only my clothes a few key items and maybe a few collector's items. It's mainly to keep cost low and limited additional people to help. I have one full year to save and build on this.

    Starrunner I plan on seeing a therapist after I get somewhere I'm happier. I feel if I went now it would be like putting bandage on a broken leg.
    Hey, Kryan,
    I'm glad you've decided to start looking towards the future again. I know things haven't been going well for you on a number of fronts, and it looks like you may be taking the steps again to form a realistic plan to move forward with your life. I think that's really what you need to be focussing on. You don't have to make immediate decisions on relationships or employment today, because there are many roads to travel and who knows what you may find along the way.

    Where I see you now is at the stage when you posted a thread several months ago about "Planning Small Goals"

    https://www.adisc.org/forum/showthre...ng-small-goals

    It was a great thread and I completely endorse the goals laid out at that time. I remember how motivated and excited you became as we progressed and discussed new options and ideas; looking for housing, the new possibilities to move to different cities with a better quality of life. That's what I think is great to see, a recognition that your current situation is becoming increasing intolerable, but also the motivation to look towards the future and think of what might be. My hope has always been that you can learn to live in the moment, by putting all those negative thoughts out of your head, by finding a safe place away from your father who has abused you throughout your life, and focus on your self esteem, and seeing yourself the way I see you; a smart, funny, creative, and insightful person who has lived a lot and has a lot to share with others. I've always believed that, I just hope that someday you will believe it too.

    In the "Planning Small Goals" thread, I said at that time:

    "You're doing the right thing by taking one task and working on it. And I think it makes sense to start with housing because it's difficult, if not impossible, to resolve the other problems in your life until you have a place where you can feel safe, stable and secure. By choosing an attainable goal, it's a beginning to taking control of your life in a concrete, practical manner. It's the beginning of making decisions to overcome your depression, and not letting depression control you. It's a really good start."

    It's a matter of choosing a realistic goal and focussing on it. There may be delays and detours along the way, so patience may be required and also remembering there are people here who want to support you and work with you to help you land in a better and safer place. So if your plan is to work on finding a healthier environment, then simply take the time to focus on that and make that your priority. If that's your primary goal then the problems at work will seem secondary since remaining there is not your career goal. The possibility of a fulfilling relationship can be left open since you will meet new people along the way and people who will care for you that you have not have even met yet. When you start seeing the world through possibilities of what may come, it diminishes those negative feelings that weigh you down.

    Also, I don't want you feel that I'm 'pushing' you into counselling. You know my feelings on that and I do think it would be beneficial. However, if you are establishing other goals and working actively to pursue them, then that is what I have always wanted to see happen for you; the development of a concrete plan to move forward while keeping your anger and depression in check.


    I was posting in another thread yesterday, noting the number of people who require counselling yet don't feel comfortable taking the first step. There are more and more services that provide online assistance for depression and crisis intervention. It's an option which you may find less overwhelming so I'm providing a few links that you may want to consider reviewing and perhaps contacting some of them for their services.

    International Association for Suicide Prevention
    https://www.iasp.info/resources/Onli...tion_Services/

    To Write Love On Her Arms
    https://twloha.com/

    Unsuicide
    http://unsuicide.wikispaces.com/Onli...5#.WNmmBfWcHIV
    Last edited by Starrunner; 28-Mar-2017 at 16:39.

  7. #7

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    Right now me and my mother are working on a burn rate table so we can build on a good foundation. So right now where thinking about how long it will take me find a job. On top of that we're thinking of what I'll need to live. Housing, water power, gas, food, internet. The problem I see in this is all this stuff could add up. Random thinking I'm looking to over a thousand per month. Food is another problem in and of it self. I require tons of food to stay functional. I eat whole pizzas in a single setting. So I might go on the college diet and eat a ton of noodles to start. I might be able to live without the internet, but I think it's a necessity. I don't need cable. I have dvds and blu-rays for days. I could even keep Netflix or maybe borrow my mother's account. I'm sure she wouldn't mind. I'm wanting to only move with a few things, like my bed and my TV. I'm still putting more thought into this. This is mostly my starter thoughts.

  8. #8

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    I'm glad you're starting to put something together. I'm really happy to see that your mom is helping you out with this.

    I think the first thing you need to do is work out a draft budget with the finances you currently have or anticipate having. You need to look at how much income you will have and how much your expenses will cost. A general rule that defines affordability is that you should spend no more than thirty percent of your income on rent. It's just a general guideline and not really set in stone.

    Wherever you move, you want to make sure you don't get taken for a ride by your landlord. Make sure you have some understanding of the landlord-tenant laws. They can be different depending on the state. In general most landlords will ask you to sign a one-year lease and demand a first and last month's rent deposit. Usually utilities are dependent on the lease, and some landlords include them in the rent, but more commonly, the tenant is responsible to pay for the bulk of them. The utility companies may also ask for a deposit as well.

    It's hard to plan a budget without knowing how much income you will have, but if it will be comparable to your current salary, you can anticipate your expenses and how much money you will have for the month. It's more of a 'guesstimate' but it should be close enough to determine how much you’re spending and on what. Then, based on those numbers, you can set aside a certain amount of each paycheck for rent and utilities, and keep track of your spending so you don’t run out of money. Your car will also be a significant cost. A budget will only work if you anticipate every detail accounting for everything you spend money on. This includes little things like parking fees, laundry, toiletries, and random convenience store purchases. You also have to consider clothing purchases and the odd diaper purchase from time to time.

    You'll find all kinds of little ways to save money that will add up to a lot by the end of the year. Cooking your own meals can save you more money than just about any other change in your behavior. Knowing how to make five basic meals, knowing where to buy your groceries for good deals, and having a microwave to reheat leftovers can cut your food expenses in half, not to mention that homemade food is usually healthier than processed meals or takeout.

    I think one thing to remember right now is that moving and getting resettled can be expensive, (it will be worth it, but it's expensive). Start planning a preliminary budget based on the best and worst case scenarios. Monitor how you're spending your money and ask yourself how you can cut costs, such as getting things at a discount store or waiting for sales before buying a particular item. Right now, just save, save, save as much money as you can. You can never have to much money to plan ahead and you'll always need it at some point.

    Here's a link to an older thread about first apartment advice

    https://www.adisc.org/forum/showthre...60#post1317560

    Again, it's difficult to say exactly how much it will cost, but you can start by determining and itemizing everything you will need in a month to get an idea.
    Last edited by Starrunner; 29-Mar-2017 at 02:58.

  9. #9

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    I just got paid and for some reason I want to go out and buy something. First I was thinking of getting a pacifier, but decided against it. Then I wanted to go to the next town over to buy more baby stuff, but was able to hold off and decided against again. Then I suddenly wanted to buy in game currency for GTA Online, but decided to not to. I really didn't see the point. My will power is now drained.

  10. #10

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    Definitely it takes willpower. That and getting into the 'habit' of saving money. Try and work out a budget and commit to setting aside a certain amount of money from each paycheque. This amount will go toward your long term goal of relocating into a better and healthier environment. If you don't think you can resist the temptation of spending it, maybe you could talk to your mom about opening up a joint bank account, where it would take both your signatures to withdraw funds from it.

    Remember to focus on what you hope to get out of your life: having your own place away from all those negative people, finding some peace of mind, and, most importantly, happiness. You deserve that. But spending money now on things that bring you short term happiness will just prolong all that pain you have experienced for years from which you hope to escape. Those things you buy to make you happy now will not be sufficient enough to pull you through the next episode of depression.

    It's tough to keep money put aside for something down the road when you see something you want today. Just keep your eye on the ball and focus on the goal and what it will bring to you.

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