Caregiver Gender Preference?

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BritneyShagwell

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  1. Adult Baby
  2. Diaper Lover
  3. Sissy
  4. Little
  5. Incontinent
Someone mentioned this in another topic, and said they thought it deserved it's own discussion. I agreed, but didn't see that anyone had done it (yet).

So my question is this: IF you are an AB/DL or little that includes the concept of having a caregiver (in reality or as a part of your fantasy), whether it's your significant other, a parent, a parental surrogate, or babysitter/nanny (forgive me if I missed an option), does the gender of that person matter to you? If it does, why?

I'll try to answer the question myself...

First, none of my personal caregiver fantasies involve a relative, Mother, Father or otherwise.

Second, when I do fantasize about having a caregiver, it's always female.

Why? That's a little harder... I could say, because I'm not sexually attracted to men, but that's kind of not applicable. 95% of the time, there is zero sexual component in my AB/Diaper play.

I'd like to think that I just generally perceive females as being more nurturing, and would be more inclined to treat me with actual care and understanding, where a male might be more inclined to be less empathetic, perhaps even ridicule or embarrass me, and I'm not into humiliation at all. But men can just be as caring and nurturing as women, so that can't be the ONLY reason that I NEVER even consider a male caregiver.

I guess the idea of another male seeing me that weak and vulnerable (and diapered/feminine/sissy) just makes me uncomfortable. I know I should be just as embarassed thinking of a female seeing me, but I'm not, for some reason. I don't think there is a logical reason that I can put into words, it's just a feeling. I'm sure a part of it is the TG/Sissy aspect of my AB/DL fantasies... But I am not sure exactly why it totally bothers me thinking of a MAN seeing me all sissied-up and diapered, but I have nowhere near the same apprehension about a female.

I guess it's probably not any more complicated than I want/need/desire the affection and approval of females, and either don't care or more likely don't think I'll ever get (or possibly don't deserve) any kind of approval/affection from a male while I am wearing a dress, soggy diapers and rhumba panties :)

I'd love to hear anyone else's take on this question... I'm especially interested in those that are entirely non-sexual while diapered, and/or diaper roleplay as both genders themselves.

P.S. Another thing I was thinking about was age preference. I'm not sure if it might deserve it's own topic or not... Personally, it would bother me if my caregiver were TOO young. I don't mean ILLEGAL young, I mean in her twenties. For some reason, and I'm sure someone will tell me, I would find anyone changing my diaper THAT much younger than me to be more embarassing than someone nearer my own age. It's not that I think that they'll "understand" my Sissy Baby fetish any more readily than a younger person, I just know that at my current age, I'd want my caregiver to be at least in her thirties, and better yet, forty and/or older. Not sure exactly why, but the thought of a young hottie changing my diaper doesn't excite me, it fills me with dread.
 
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This one is certainly a tough one for me to answer myself.
I do know, as you, none of my caregiver fantasies involve relatives. I personally, just find the idea of a relative doing it just to be a bit weird and uncomfortable.

I also feel I would prefer a female caregiver over a male caregiver. I do consider myself bi, although I am a virgin when it comes to females, I have only ever dated them and it's rare it works out. I am sexually attracted to females, though, no doubt ... or at least that is the way it seems to me. I used to think it could just be a transgender thing where I am looking at females and wishing I had their look, but I do think it's more than that and sexual in nature to some degree.

So the question is ... why do I prefer a female caregiver? I think the reason behind this for me is because I am also female, it's just more comfortable to have a female see me in that state.
With that said, I do think I could grow comfortable with a male caregiver, it probably just takes a bit more time.

Also, none of my caregiver fantasies are ever sexual in nature. But being an AB/DL is sexual for me about half the time. So really im not exactly too sure. I imagine if the caregiver was my significant other ... then it might also be a sexual thing ... Not sure if I will ever know for certain till it actually occurs or if it ever does lol.

I suppose another factor I should point out is for a while I was always uncomfortable with the idea of being an AB/little in general. As I have joined in with this community and time has passed, the more and more I have gotten more comfortable experimenting and trying new things. So now I have baby bottles, and pacifiers and quite enjoy the thought of at least being treated like a kid.
I do not have a little mode, but that is more due to my personality just being little in nature, there is no on or off for that. It's just me.
 
MarchinBunny said:
This one is certainly a tough one for me to answer myself.
I do know, as you, none of my caregiver fantasies involve relatives. I personally, just find the idea of a relative doing it just to be a bit weird and uncomfortable.
Me, too... very uncomfortable.
MarchinBunny said:
With that said, I do think I could grow comfortable with a male caregiver, it probably just takes a bit more time.
I'm not certain I could, but probably, given the right person/personality. I just don't know...
MarchinBunny said:
I do not have a little mode, but that is more due to my personality just being little in nature, there is no on or off for that. It's just me.
I don't really have a "little mode" either... I have a lot of the accessories, and enjoy playing baby/toddler, but I never really want to just let it all go, and just "be" a baby girl. I want to be a girl playing as a baby, if that makes any sense :)
 
BritneyShagwell said:
I'm not certain I could, but probably, given the right person/personality. I just don't know...
Ya, for me as well it probably is going to require the right personality.

I don't really have a "little mode" either... I have a lot of the accessories, and enjoy playing baby/toddler, but I never really want to just let it all go, and just "be" a baby girl. I want to be a girl playing as a baby, if that makes any sense :)
It makes perfect sense to me =^.^=.
 

Either gender is fine with me.
 
That's hard to answer but I would probably have to go with male seeing as I already have a daddy.
I'm not sure exactly why, but I wouldn't be against a female caregiver either.
 
I'd prefer my wife, but beyond that, depending on how I was feeling at the moment, either gender as I'm bi. Both have their own dynamics, and they're both very different.
 
I would not consider a relative role as a caregiver. The person would have to be female, a nanny or babysitter or another little who would accept me as I am. Why a female? I think that would be because my first experiences were with a female partner and positive. That would be what I would wish to have again.
 
I would be OK with either a ''mommy'' or a ''daddy,'' but with a daddy I would prefer a male I was in a romantic relationship with. I tend to fantasize a little more about having a mommy and a very innocent mother-and-child relationship.

For reference, I am a biological female, asexual (towards others), heteroromantic, with a genderfluid baby side.
 
Please no relatives!

I'm more ambivalent about sex/gender. It's almost all guys I've played with so far, and while I don't really pine for a caregiver, it's easier for me to see men in that role by the experience.

However, I remember seeing a few posts from a member who was a fairly dedicated mommy (she didn't stay) and some of them pushed buttons for me and in a way that a man might not easily manage. This makes me think that in an ideal world, either could be good or both even better.

As for age, I think close to my age would be best but decidedly younger (legal) is interesting in and of itself.

Overall, I think the person and the relationship are the most important. Any ideal combination would be of no interest to me without the ease that comes from close friendship (or more).
 
Preferably human or undead.
 
Cereal said:
Preferably human or undead.

Zombies okay or only vampires? What's the position on ghouls?
 
I think I would be fine with either, but I always visualize a man as my caregiver. I kind of go for the burly bear type, and I would like him to be bigger than me, which is a rather tall order.

Where I run into issues is that I have trouble trusting men. I have been mistreated in the past and to allow myself to be that vulnerable with somebody I need to know they won't hurt me, physically or emotionally. To complicate things further I crave intimacy but hate sex, so I am left looking for a seven foot tall asexual beefcake who is into age play. What are the odds of finding someone who matches that description?
 
CuddleFish said:
I think I would be fine with either, but I always visualize a man as my caregiver. I kind of go for the burly bear type, and I would like him to be bigger than me, which is a rather tall order.

Where I run into issues is that I have trouble trusting men. I have been mistreated in the past and to allow myself to be that vulnerable with somebody I need to know they won't hurt me, physically or emotionally. To complicate things further I crave intimacy but hate sex, so I am left looking for a seven foot tall asexual beefcake who is into age play. What are the odds of finding someone who matches that description?
Wow... Not good odds. To be brutally honest, though, I don't think very many of us really have that much of a chance of finding OUR dream companion/caregiver, given that a LOT of us are primarily non-sexual when ageplaying. So, we need find somebody who finds it fulfilling to take care of us, change our diapers and emotionally nurture us, PERMANENTLY, without giving all that much back in return, especially sexual intimacy/fulfillment. Heck, not even adult conversation/companionship... Well, except "unconditional love"... We do offer that, but we're basically asking another adult to be our "single parent" with NO backup and virtually no "off-time", or even an idea as to when we might "grow up", if ever... Not a very enticing offer when you think about it.

I think that's a pretty rare find, no matter your physical appearance/gender/age preference :)
 
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Coming from the perspective of a caregiver I hope not to derail the thread! There is so much creativity that can come from this scene and it never fails to make me smile when I hear about others experiences or desires. I have no preference for gender when playing as Mummy. I have spent time with little boys and girls of all varieties but most of my experience is with sissy babies. Most of those have been bisexual and a few asexual as well. When talking to them about what they prefer many said either a mother or father figure were fine. It is not surprising that some have also pictured a babysitter or nanny type, although my experience is this is always someone who was female.

I do see the point Britney has made around females being more naturally nurturing and do think, although stereotyping, there is some mileage in this assumption. I have found myself playing as Mummy and in a babysitter/nanny role many times. Some of the more obscure or perhaps interesting roles were as a nurse and school headmistress. I really enjoyed the teacher role, it was with a girl I was seeing who wanted to be put back in diapers after having an accident at school. It was an amazing role-play session and we both said we got a lot out of it on an emotional and physical level. I learned that there could be more to the role of caregiver than simply being a parent.

In regards to the physical differences between partners I do fully understand that this can create barriers. I have played with males who wanted to be treated like babies, which is great, but a couple of these have been quite a bit older than me. For the most part it was fun but I did struggle at times to visualise myself as their caregiver due to the age gap. It is difficult to explain but at times it would feel a little odd. I have a great imagination but I always find the role-play easier with someone who is younger than me in real life. It just seems to be more natural, maybe even believable, but I would never allow those thoughts to get in the way of some fun. As Trevor said it is about the people and not their physical attributes that make for a good relationship.

Something I do enjoy is just hanging out with DL's sometimes. I do not see this as role-play, even if I do have some fun changing them. I try to not be a caregiver as much due to the lack of ageplay. Although it could happen if performing a nurse type role perhaps. I just like seeing them wear their diapers I guess and do not mind lending a hand if needed because I know it can be isolating in this community as I once was. Seems I have started to derail with my ramblings so will leave it there.
 
I used to only fantasize having a female caregiver. Like many of you have said, a caretaker needs to be nurturing (at least for me) and I automatically associated that with the female sex. After years of being connected with the ABDL community, I have seen enough male caretakers in the community to know there are plenty of nurturing daddy's out there. Now I no longer have a sex preference.
 
Wow, even without being gender fluid, vis vewy complexicated. Hopefully I don't offend by replying. Also, mine may very well need some editing. My hand may tire before I finish, so bare with me.

No geneto or legal relatives! Eew! Just. . . Just eew!

I have a, "brother," chronologically, not too much, younger, but who's younger depends on who's turn it is. My sister considers him a brother from another mother, too. He'd be my brother even if after I told him, he wasn't interested, and he's her brother, but she's a muggle, by dogboy's definition. Make sense? Needless to say, we'll never boink, but gosh, I love him, and he me.

I love him, because, rather I'm my biggest, or my Littlest, he's there for me, no judgement. He prayed with me, even from Leicester, when our sister was at death's door in the hospital. He was there through my mom's almost billionth divorce. He asks, and respects, my political opinions. I was there for him when his grandma died. See better how we work?

Here's the thing, though. When it comes to changes, we'd trust each other, and only each other. That pretty much puts a damper on ever being Little at the same time. Changes excluded, if I went to a convention or something, I'd be comfortable respecting a male or female, in a daycare provider, or cool bABysitter-ish way. I'd remember my ma'ams and sirs, and have platonic fun with the other Little bABies
.
 
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Hmmm... interesting question.

The simple answer is I'm ok with either. I'm Bi, and I can be comfortable imagining intimacy (sexual or non) with either women or men.

The next layer answer is I'm married and monogamous and my Mommy is a woman (shocking I know), and for me my caregiver relationship is specifically and definitively rooted in the reality of her. She's my Mommy and I am her 'little man', and that's the specific relationship with gender that we have.

The most complex answer is that for me any caregiver roles almost always have a sexual edge to them at least some of the time. That's partially because I'm actually really not aroused sexually normally ... There's an babyfur artist named Star/Gem who I read that describes herself as asexual except when being babied, and there's quite a bit of that I relate to.

Now it's not a weird fantasy incestuous thing ... I mean, I may be in a little headspace and feeling extra vulnerable, goofy, uninhibited, etc. but I also know that this person is not my actual mother, but my wife taking on a specific role that we have mutually negotiated as consenting adults. I am not being exploited, but I am consenting to being controlled.

It's the specific fact that the relationship we have as dependent and caregiver that justifies her having a degree of control and authority, rooted in a nurturing and accepting style. That is the core of what stimulates me, and everything from diapers, to breasts, to satin ribbons are all fetishistic turn ons because they point in that direction.

Perky well shaped breasts almost completely exposed on a super model ... nada. Mostly covered slightly droopy breasts in a housedress and nursing bra ... instant arousal.

I think it's because there a sexual component that may be why I don't regress very young mentally. Normally letting out my childish side still leaves me in a headspace that's early pubescent/per-pubuescent enough to be aroused even if confused by it. At least the occasions I do regress more it's always when our play sessions extend beyond the point of sexual satisfaction for both of us, but we remain actively embracing our roles. In these relatively rarer times I don't have to listen to my confused and intense early pubescent feelings and can simply nurse or cuddle.

What that also means is that as a bisexual, I can fantasize or be aroused by adjacent situations where men take on that degree of control and authority. They can satisfy my need for a caregiver relationship, and they also produce arousal. In the fantasies men take on a different more direct or more physical role, but it's not that they're harsher or even rougher... I have plenty of affection/experience for that in a female caregiver and Mommy can play a stern headmistress or sadistic nurse very well thank you very much. I think the difference is almost entirely 'cosmetic' for lack of a better term. They're bonier, and more squared off. Hairier and stublier. Their smell is different. I don't think one is better than the other at being caring or humiliating, but I can see how for each individual their history and expectations might make one or the other more attractive.
 
AdorableRabbit said:
The most complex answer is that for me any caregiver roles almost always have a sexual edge to them at least some of the time. That's partially because I'm actually really not aroused sexually normally ... There's an babyfur artist named Star/Gem who I read that describes herself as asexual except when being babied, and there's quite a bit of that I relate to.

Even though I'm still a virgin and even though I haven't had a caregiver either I still can relate to that as well. I have never been aroused by anything that's wasn't related to being babied/diapered. I am completely asexual otherwise. I'm a bit relieved to discover that I'm not the only person out there like this.

As far as caregiver gender goes I'd say that while nearly all my fantasies involving caregivers have been with a female in that role, I would indeed be lying if I said that occasionally I have fantasized about a male caregiver. I almost feel uncomfortable admitting that because while I'm not really sexual at all, I still consider myself to be straight.

I think I'd be willing to give either a try if I truly trusted the person and felt that they were genuinely caring but with my trust issues that could be difficult which I think is part of the reason I haven't been successful in finding my caregiver. Hopefully one day I will because I don't want to be alone forever.
 
gnd567 said:
Even though I'm still a virgin and even though I haven't had a caregiver either I still can relate to that as well. I have never been aroused by anything that's wasn't related to being babied/diapered. I am completely asexual otherwise. I'm a bit relieved to discover that I'm not the only person out there like this.

You're definitely not!

For me I think it may be related to the fact that my diaper interest and puberty coincided almost directly. I didn't develop any of this younger... it was my tag-along brother and all his baby paraphernalia and attention hitting at the age I hit puberty that may have had an effect.
 
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