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Xzanza

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  1. Diaper Lover
Greetings, my name is Emily.

I have come here seeking clarification, support and perhaps, even some advice. I am unsure how this whole thing started for me, but I have been very confused and torn about it. Since I was very young, I have had a deep desire to wear diapers; especially now, in my adult years. I find myself becoming immediately aroused by simply thinking about diapers; even looking at them will trigger a warm, comfortable feeling followed by sexual arousal. I've always thought I was crazy and that there was something severely wrong with me. Sometimes, I pray for forgiveness after I act on my impulses because I feel sick and demented, afterwards. I feel like a pedophile or a pervert; I tell myself that this behavior is abnormal and that I should turn away from it.

However, as of a few months ago, I discovered that I am, in fact, not the only one who has a "diaper fetish." I began doing some light research and watched some AB/DL videos and did some online window-shopping for adult baby diapers. Eventually, I found myself here; in your forum. What I seek from all of you is some answers and understanding; maybe you could share your past experiences with me or how you discovered that you enjoyed wearing diapers. I'd also like to know what brands are good, prices and sizing as I am entirely new to this.
 
Greetings and welcome!

As you have found, you are NOT alone. So many of us have felt (and posted) every word you have expressed. Allow yourself to stop thinking those things; they will never help you, nor will they force these feelings and desires away. They just won't.

There is a lot for you to read here. Use the search function, and settle in for much discovery. We are happy to have you!

Blessings and positive thoughts to you [emoji854]
 
Xzanza said:
I've always thought I was crazy and that there was something severely wrong with me.

To be clear, just because you're far from alone doesn't mean you're not crazy. :)

Yes, this is odd. We all know it's odd, and you will likely have reminders throughout your journey that no matter how used to it you are, others will see it as gross, sick, and even perverted.

But make no mistake, there is nothing wrong with wearing and even using diapers as long as it doesn't prevent you from leading the healthy life you want to lead. What you do in your own home is no one's business but yours. Period.

I struggle to understand those who feel that what they do in private is a sin, as though any god would care what you do with the sexuality S/HE gave you. You are a product of a million influences outside of your control. You can fight your nature if you want to, but it will only leave you exhausted and unfulfilled. Wear diapers, don't wear diapers--it's up to you and you alone. No god and no person should care . . . until they are affected. Choose carefully those you would invite into this world. Many will not understand and, far worse, many will misunderstand.

-RMS
 
Emily, welcome to ADISC. You'll find ADISC is a safe place for you to begin to understand these feelings and yourself.

We've all been where you are today. It's been a long time since I've had those feelings but I remember them distinctly. The feeling of disgust. The feeling that there's something wrong with you. Well, there's noting wrong with you. And you're not alone.

This is a harmless fetish. You're not hurting anyone and you're not hurting yourself. Fetishes are very common. Some people even believe that everyone has them to one degree or another. But I can assure you that these negative feelings will fade in time.

Some people also believe that you can cure a fetish. I don't think so. The key to living with this fetish is accepting it as part of who you are. Many of us fight this for years.
 
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Hi Emily and welcome to the site. Don't panic, but you might be asked to make an introduction in the Introduction forum. You could almost copy and paste your thread and you'd be good to go. I think making the intro keeps you as an active member being able to post and receive PMs, etc.

Anyway, to your question. I'm a church music director and I've made peace with God. I think it's a lot more important as to how you live the rest of your life outside of diapers. The important thing is that there is a time and place for all things, a time to give and a time to receive. I try to help others. I give to charities and to my church, and I wear diapers at night where it really affects no one except myself, and wearing gives me a sense of peace.

Wikipedia has a very good article of Infantalism and Love Mapping. I think it explains why we are attracted to diapers, things related to being a baby and regression. My mom sent me to a psychiatrist when she discovered my "stuff" and nothing said or done took the desires away, and that was many years ago. The most important thing is self acceptance. There can be problems when dating and getting serious, but many of us have worked this out. My wife is very accepting. It's all a matter of perspective.
 
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Welcome to ADISC. You certainly don't have to worry about having those feelings. I think most ABDLs go through a period of denial, guilt, and shame before coming to terms with the fact that they have a diaper fetish. Many people here, myself included, have struggled with thoughts of being sick and demented, like the ones you mentioned. Most people have a different story of how they figured out they liked diapers. I'm not sure exactly how I came to like diapers, but I knew it started with several years in denial, and several more years trying to suppress those desires and rid myself of the urges (Spoiler alert. You can't cure yourself of being an ABDL. You can't get rid of these desires). Finding sites like this, realizing I wasn't alone, and eventually meeting up with other ABDLs is what got me to get over the shame that was so long associated with this fetish.

The best brand I'd say is ABUniverse. They're more expensive than Depends or the crappy brands you'd get from a drug store. But they're also far better and you get what you pay for. As for sizing, it all depends on your waist size. Most sites that sell ABDL diapers will have sizing charts that show which size is good based on your waist size.
 
Personally, I'm fully at peace with myself and God over my fetish. My paranoia entirely revolves around how other people will perceive me if they find out or begin to suspect. I'm still working up the courage to order diapers online since I don't live alone and the though of someone else opening the box or even just asking nosy questions terrifies me.
 
Hi Emily,

You are definitely not the only one, you are definitely warmly welcomed here and absolutely accepted for loving diapers.

As for brands, definitely you are in the most exciting time for ABDLs, we have a wide range of ABDL Diapers tailored for us, my personal favourite is ABU (Adult Baby Univers) SDK (Super Dry Kids currently version 2) which sport a single larger tab per side very reminiscent of vintage Pampers. While they may not not be cheap they are gorgeous, exceedingly comfortable and very absorbent making them great value to use.

Most people here and the companies supplying tend to recommend sample packs if you are not sure on sizing or fit (not all diapees fit all people the same even using the measurement guide) but you might be able to get a reasonable idea of your size from cheaper easy obtain store bought adult diapers.

Big hug and welcome.
 
Xzanza said:
maybe you could share your past experiences with me or how you discovered that you enjoyed wearing diapers.
I'm very similar to you in that I had a desire to wear diapers from a very early age (one of my earliest memories is my mom offering my a choice between a pull-up or underwear and me pointing at the pull-up). I had a bunch of instances all through childhood of trying to wear diapers/pullups that I found in the house, and once those all disappeared, trying to make my own makeshift ones from plastic bags and towels. It wasn't until I was 19 or so that I decided to google it, and even then my reaction was "wtf? how could someone be so weird they like diapers?". It actually took a year or so for me to come to terms with the fact that I was also one of those weird people.

Xzanza said:
Sometimes, I pray for forgiveness after I act on my impulses because I feel sick and demented, afterwards. I feel like a pedophile or a pervert
That's actually a pretty common for a lot of people to the point that it has a name: the binge/purge cycle. Then as far as feeling like a pedophile goes, the overwhelming majority of the community tries to make it clear that none of this has anything to do with actual children. As far as feeling like a "pervert", I think about it like this: everyone is attracted to something weird, it's just that some peoples attractions are more uncommon than others. For the majority of baseline "vanilla" humans, they're attracted to genitals of the opposite gender (which is kinda weird if you think about it enough in a detached sort of way. I mean, that's where waste comes out of and stuff, gross!). Then there are other people where that switch got flipped from "genitals" to "butts" or "legs", etc. all the way into the entire spectrum of fetishes, including diapers.

Another thing that you might find helpful is that all of the current psychology literature defines this as a fetish, and sees fetishes as completely harmless as long as they're not interfering with your daily life or causing physical harm. Your kinks don't have to define you, and ABDL isn't an all or nothing thing. You're completely free to participate in as many or as few aspects of it as you want.

Xzanza said:
I'd also like to know what brands are good, prices and sizing as I am entirely new to this.
As far as pricing goes, expect to pay between $1 and $2 per diaper (case prices) for the good ones.

As far as brands go, ABU is pretty much the go-to for ABDL diapers. Personally I like the medical ones a little better (they're cheaper and I can wear them under clothes without it being obvious). Pretty much anything carried by XP medical ( https://www.xpmedical.com/ ) won't be disappointing. Northshore care ( http://www.northshorecare.com/ ) has a slightly bigger selection, but also a few of the more generic brands that aren't much better than you'd find at a drugstore.

Then for sizing, xpmedical has a sizing chart that's been pretty accurate for me in the past: https://www.xpmedical.com/sizing If you've got specific questions about it I'm sure I or someone else can give you actual measurements or firsthand anecdotes.
 
Your misconceptions are WAY more common than you might think. The biggest of all, it is NOT a fetish if this has been with you since an early age.

Being an abdl goes much deeper, and is an ingrained compulsory part of who we are. It is not illegal, immoral, or even something to be ashamed of. It.is.to be embraced though.

Being aroused by diapers is also quite common too. The more you embrace this, the closer you'll be to having a diaper fetish. This isn't bad though. On the other hand though, you can overcome always being aroused by them by wearing more often when you're not aroused.
 
Slomo said:
Your misconceptions are WAY more common than you might think. The biggest of all, it is NOT a fetish if this has been with you since an early age.

Being an abdl goes much deeper, and is an ingrained compulsory part of who we are. It is not illegal, immoral, or even something to be ashamed of. It.is.to be embraced though.



Being aroused by diapers is also quite common too. The more you embrace this, the closer you'll be to having a diaper fetish. This isn't bad though. On the other hand though, you can overcome always being aroused by them by wearing more often when you're not aroused.

This 'fetish' (call it what you will) has been with me since my late childhood/early teens as far as I remember, and probably longer. I would say for me it's around 20% a sexual fetish and 80% just for fun/relaxation/good feelings. But for me it's kind of impossible to fully separate the two - since enjoyable feelings, a sense of security, lack of responsibility and relaxation tend to lead to well...you know.
 
CrinkleMyJimmies said:
This 'fetish' (call it what you will) has been with me since my late childhood/early teens as far as I remember, and probably longer. I would say for me it's around 20% a sexual fetish and 80% just for fun/relaxation/good feelings. But for me it's kind of impossible to fully separate the two - since enjoyable feelings, a sense of security, lack of responsibility and relaxation tend to lead to well...you know.

That's about me too. Since fetishes are 100% sexual it's obvious this is much more than that though. It really sounds like you're a DL (diaper lover), and like loving anyone or anything, that can certainly include sexuality with it, but is nit defined by just that sex alone.
 
Thank you, everyone, for your supportive words and helpful links. It is truly appreciated and feels good to know that I may be acquiring a new part of my identity. Although I do become sexually excited at the thought of wearing, it is also a comfort thing. Even just to go to sleep wearing one would help me sleep more soundly; if I lived alone, I'd probably even walk around the house with nothing but a diaper on (mostly because I'm lazy and I don't like putting on clothes or makeup if I'm just going to be at home all day).
 
Welcome Emily

Let me start of by saying your not alone, I have been in your shoes, you are not a pedophile because nothing you do involves you and a child, your also not a pervert, just someone who is more in control and more aware of your desires and sexuality, its natural and ok to act on the urges and impulses.

My brother is gay, and for years, he suffered, struggled and hid that part of his life from everyone and denied himself the life he knew wanted, for many years my brother was a very angry and upset person, after my brother came out, he became almost a completely different person, and he now lives a full rich life, the same can be said for ab/dl's, to deny ourselves and who we are will make us unhappy and perhaps even make us go crazy.

I am almost 32 years of age and have been a diaper lover since I was a small child, no one knows why or how, it was hard I couldn't explain things or explain why to my mother when I got caught, when I was younger I would steal diapers from grocery stores, babysitters and family, it was everything I could do to try and resist the urges and desires, as I grew up things started to make sense and I became more comfortable, I got more control, it wasn't always an easy road, at every turn my brother would get me in trouble, my mom thought that it was because I was being lazy when I played video games, little did she know it was far more in depth then that.

One of my great memories, involving diapers, one weekend my brother and I had a sleep over at my cousins house, I was maybe 8-10 at the time, he had a baby sister, the next day I'm not sure how the thought had occurred to me, I knew they had diapers somewhere, so I snuck upstairs to the baby's room, grabbed a diaper snuck into the bathroom and put one on, I must have ended up wearing 4-5 diapers at least, I messed them all, both ways I would clean up, roll them up and tucked them in the trash and never got caught even to this day no one knows.

Now for diapers sizing some brands run smaller and tight and some are a little on the bigger side Ab universe has there sizes listed as Small:23"-28" Medium:29"-36" Large:36"-46" and Xlarge:46"-56" pick the size that suits you best if your at the end of a size say small 28" then try the next size up like medium, also most websites will let you order samples so you can try a diaper before committing to a full bag or case.

My fiancee and I have been together for 9 years, when we decided to move in together I told he everything, just in case on the off chance she were to walk in on something or find something in the trash, she wouldn't be blind sided, I wanted to be mature and grown up about it, but like that relationship so too did the one with diapers matured, at the start of high school I still fit into baby diapers, when I came to the sad realization one day that I could no longer fit into baby diapers, I made the switch to depends.

I wasn't till I moved out, and in with a partner that I started doing my research, that I made the leap and started ordering and trying my first real adult baby diapers, I found other sites, this one among them that helped, I wish I had this site earlier it would have helped back then.

I consider my self a diaper explorer, I like trying new things and have tried a ton of brands and found a few sites for diapers and other goodies

1)https://us.abuniverse.com/
2)https://tykables.com/
3)https://bambinodiapers.com/
4)https://www.barebumdiapers.com/
5)http://www.awwsocute.com/
6)http://www.rearz.ca/
7)https://www.diaper-minister.com/shop/en/
8)http://abdlfactory.com/
9)https://www.theabdlshop.com/

I hope this information helps, I have been in your shoes, sometimes it just nice knowing that there are others out in the world that have similar feelings and that we are truly never alone.
 
Welcome Emily. As many have already said, we have all experienced those feelings at one time or another. I have had an interest in diapers for as long as I can remember, with my earliest memories coming at age 4 or 5. As I grew older, the desire to wear diapers never went away and only became stronger. I felt like I must have something terribly wrong with me because a healthy person should not want to wear something made for incontinence. It made no sense to me, but the desires persisted. I would steal adult diapers from my grandmas house and wear when nobody was around. When I got my first job, I started buying depends and hiding them in my room and would wear at night when I went to bed. I kept it hidden from everybody I knew. I was very fearful of my parents finding out because they are pastors and I was 100% sure that they would assume I was possessed by the devil.

When I gowas engaged at 22, I struggled with whether or not I should tell my wife to be. I wanted her to know and I knew she had every right to know, but I was terrified of what would come of it so I concealed it. I vowed that once I got married, the diapers would be no more. I would quit cold turkey. So I got married and I stopped wearing for a few years. Sure, the desire was there, but I suppressed it and didn't act upon it until one day, I couldn't take it anymore. I secretly went and bought a pack of depends and hid them under the carpet of the trunk of my car. I would wear whenever I got the chance when the wife wasn't home. I felt terrible and that my wife deserved better than a diaper wearing husband, but I kept it hidden still.

This continued for over 11 years of marriage and I also started discovering the good diapers such as ABU. I finally learned to accept myself and made peace with God knowing that I didn't ask for these desires, but they are a part of me. Abou 1.5 years ago, I grew tired of keeping it a secret from my wife. I figured it was time to tell her and I was confident that after 11 year of marriage, she loved me enough to understand and love me through it. I was wrong.

She freaked out, cried and said I was possessed by Satan himself and that I needed to seek professional help. She also threatened to take our three kids and leave me if I didn't stop that instant. She wanted my stash thrown out immediately and never wanted to speak of this again. I was floored at her reaction. It saddened me to think that my wife who I thought loved me unconditionally could be this cruel. But for the sake of my kids, I did as she said and threw everything out and stopped wearing. This lasted three months and I was seriously becoming depressed. If something so trivial as diapers could potentially rip my marriage apart, then our marriage must not be as strong as I thought. I prayed to God to give me strength and to help me get rid of the desires, but they didn't go away. I hated my life. I didn't let my wife or kids know I was depressed, but I was.

Then one day, my wife and I were watching TV and she said out of the blue "I'm sorry for how I reacted about what you told me. It was just such a shock to me that you, first of all, liked wearing these things and, secondly, you kept it from me for so long. It made me think that you could potentially be hiding other things and that you weren't the man I married. But now that a little time has passed, I see what a great husband, father, provider and all around human being that you are and what you wear shouldn't change that. Yeah, I still don't like it and I never will, but I have come to terms with it. As long as you never wear around me, you are free to wear and have your stash. But please keep your stash hidden because I don't want to see it either. I love you."

This was a shocking turn of events for me. Sure, it's not the ideal situation because I basically still need to keep it hidden, but I feel better because my wife knows and still loves me anyways. She will sometimes even crack diaper jokes at me which is great. I hope one day she will allow me to wear around her...covered up of course, but not have to be so sneaky.

Why did I tell you this? To warn you that not everybody is going to understand your diaper desires. And really, you shouldn't have to tell anybody except your spouse or your girlfriend/boyfriend if it's getting serious. My advice is to be upfront about it early on and don't let 11 years of marriage pass before telling them. It was unfair of me to do that and I do wish I would have told my wife when we got engaged even though I'm sure she probably would have bolted. She just had the right know.
 
PaddedInPuyallup said:
She freaked out, cried and said I was possessed by Satan himself and that I needed to seek professional help. She also threatened to take our three kids and leave me if I didn't stop that instant. She wanted my stash thrown out immediately and never wanted to speak of this again. I was floored at her reaction. It saddened me to think that my wife who I thought loved me unconditionally could be this cruel. But for the sake of my kids, I did as she said and threw everything out and stopped wearing. This lasted three months and I was seriously becoming depressed. If something so trivial as diapers could potentially rip my marriage apart, then our marriage must not be as strong as I thought. I prayed to God to give me strength and to help me get rid of the desires, but they didn't go away. I hated my life. I didn't let my wife or kids know I was depressed, but I was.

Then one day, my wife and I were watching TV and she said out of the blue "I'm sorry for how I reacted about what you told me. It was just such a shock to me that you, first of all, liked wearing these things and, secondly, you kept it from me for so long. It made me think that you could potentially be hiding other things and that you weren't the man I married. But now that a little time has passed, I see what a great husband, father, provider and all around human being that you are and what you wear shouldn't change that. Yeah, I still don't like it and I never will, but I have come to terms with it. As long as you never wear around me, you are free to wear and have your stash. But please keep your stash hidden because I don't want to see it either. I love you."

This was a shocking turn of events for me. Sure, it's not the ideal situation because I basically still need to keep it hidden, but I feel better because my wife knows and still loves me anyways. She will sometimes even crack diaper jokes at me which is great. I hope one day she will allow me to wear around her...covered up of course, but not have to be so sneaky.

Thanks for sharing this story! I'm happy things are better for you now, and hope you'll come to even better compromises in the future!!
 
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