My "Sissy Manifesto"

Over the years, I have created/hosted/participated in several TG/Sissy "caption" sites and Blogs. I started about thirty years ago, or so, on Yahoo Groups. I hosted five "Steffi's Caption's" groups, because I kept slamming into Yahoo storage space limits

I moved around to several places afterwards, Rachel's Haven, A Bimbo Sanctuary and a short stint at TG-Media, before finally just creating my own "Blogger" TG caption Blog, "Steffimariechen's Forced/Femme Captions". It was a bit of a misnomer, as many/most of my captions didn't involve actual "force" in any way, they were just "picture stories" involving a boy who desperately wanted to BE a girl getting to dress and act like he had always dreamed.

Anyways, to make a short story long, after several years, I ended up with three different Caption Blogs and about 5k total "followers". At that time I published my "Manifesto". It's a personal manifesto, not meant to apply to anyone but ME, and focuses on explaining MY feelings about being a sissy and creating TG/Sissy captions.

Anyways, it's several years old now, but I am re-posting it here, warts and all. I am resisting the temptation to edit/correct it, so please be kind Oh... And be warned, it's a little looooong....


So, do you want to be a girl? Do you want to be a Sissy? Is this just and erotic fantasy to masturbate to while enjoying pretty pictures and stories? What do you truly WANT?

Not a lot of people ask themselves these questions. Amongst those that do, many aren't even able and/or willing to be honest with themselves about their motivations for being involved in TG Captions.

For the vast majority, it's about sex and/or submission, plain and simple. There's a guilty pleasure to admitting that you might like to live the life, even for a moment, of a wanton slut. Men who have lots of sex are “studs”, “macho”.. called Lotharios or Romeos... Women who have lots of sex are called Sluts, Tramps, Whores, etc... The gender bias is still alive an well today, and it's a main driving force behind the people who enjoy viewing these captions. In fantasy-land, women are delicate beautiful creatures, just waiting to be ravished by a dominant or dominants of either or both sexes.

MEN are supposed to be strong, be in control, master of their own destiny... Men who either can't act that way, or don't FEEL that way are picked on, ridiculed, called wimps or sissies. They are taught by their parents, their peers, by television and movies, that if they don't act “manly”, they ought to be ashamed... They ought to feel guilt. This is a POWERFUL stereotype, that stops hundreds, maybe thousands, of people with Gender Identity issues from speaking up, instead forced to just stay silent and despair.

That's me. At an early age, I KNEW I was supposed to be a girl. There was nothing about them that I wasn't envious of. Of course, NOW I know that just being female isn't all roses and sunshine... There's rape, sexual assault, spousal abuse, sexual harassment, sexual discrimination, and a host of other “issues” that are far worse on women than men, typically. But I didn't know that, THEN...

Then, all I knew was that they got to wear the most BEAUTIFUL clothes.... with lace, ruffles and petticoats... They wore clips, bows, bands and barrettes in their hair. They played dress-up with makeup and silly things like feather boas and glittery clothes. Relatives doted on them, telling them how pretty they were, what a little “princess” they were becoming, etc... Almost all of their play, tea parties, dolls, etc.. was to reinforce their future as a delicate, submissive, FEMININE, homemaker for her Prince Charming...

They were acting the way I wanted to act... Being treated the way I wanted to be treated. Wearing the clothes that I SHOULD be wearing; and doing the things that I desperately wanted to be doing! I wanted to play with dolls... learn to bake.. play dress-up... learn makeup from Mommy... I wanted a room in pink and white, with Disney Princesses on the wall and a canopy bed, covered in ruffles...

While I never dreamed of Prince Charming, I did dream of being that feminine homemaker.. There's a big misconception that if you are a boy who wants to be a girl, you MUST be gay. This is categorically NOT true. Gender Identity and sexual preference are two separate and distinct issues. You're Gender Identity is determined by how your mind works, how you think and feel, how you empathize... sexual preference is simply who you want to fuck. I cannot emphasize this strongly enough... I have ZERO attraction for any man... I don't care if it's Taylor Lautner or George Clooney, or anyone in between. I am not a "cockhungry slut", looking to go over to the dark side... So, despite the old, lame joke, I actually AM a “Male Lesbian”.

If you met me, you would NOT know it... While not an “Alpha Male”, I do a wonderful job of pretending to be one of the guys... I got married, had kids, and continue to be more of a Mother to them than my wife ever has been. I do a good job as “Father”, too... Not because I feel it, but because I am a responsible person, and know it is what I am SUPPOSED to do...

My parents knew, early on, of my sissy tendencies.. My Mother tried to be understanding and supportive, despite not understanding really, what I was going through OR feeling... My Dad, typical of his day, tried to MAKE a “man” out of me... He tried to get me interested in sports, took me hunting and fishing, enrolled me in Martial Arts classes, all trying to “butch” me up. It didn't “take”, but I was more than smart enough to pretend that it DID. I knew my father was ashamed of me and frustrated, and I couldn't bear it.

As a heterosexual girl wannabe, my teenaged years were VERY confusing... Whenever I saw/met an attractive “girly-girl”, half of me wanted to be her best friend and share her clothes, and half of me wanted to screw her silly... Normally, it's one or the other, whichever is your gender... Not for me.

I know much of what I feel is “girly” is largely just gender stereotypes... That doesn't make it less true to me... I WANT a major focus of my life to be looking “pretty” for my mate. I want to use makeup, jewelry and hairstyling to look my best, to BE my best... I desperately want to wear skirts, dresses, panties and hose.... pumps, flats, ankle boots, mary-janes... whatever. I don't want to be appreciated for my muscles, I want to be adored for my pride in my appearance, my empathy, and my caring, loving personality.

During puberty, I often masturbated in girl's clothes, confusing the “issue”, and MYSELF, as to my motivations. I was combining/connecting TWO issues, which for me, should NOT have been... The desire of teens to experiment/masturbate AND my personal desire to BE a girl. This led me to connect girl's clothes and the desire to wear them with the shame and embarrassment of masturbating. It's a fine distinction... I didn't wear girl's clothes because I wanted to masturbate.. I masturbated in girl's clothes because a by-product of wearing them made me feel sexy and desirable. Even if I never had orgasmed into my panties, I would STILL want to wear them... These days, most of my “dress-up” sessions don't have that “payoff”. I dress because it makes me feel better... makes me feel “right”, NOT because it makes me feel horny.

To ME... the signature feelings of femininity do not revolve around submitting sexually to a dominant person, male OR female... My thoughts/feelings run to:

The feeling of hose/stockings on freshly-shaven legs
The skill of walking sexily in high heels
The actual “feel” of a flared skirt, whispering on pantyhose covered-thighs as you walk...
The sensation of slick/slippery nylon or silk panties, camisoles and/or bras...
Bra straps tugging at your shoulders as your breasts bounce/jiggle while walking...
Staring into a mirror with your makeup in front of you, preparing to “do” your face...
Deciding on the outfit for the day, agonizing over accessories...
The pleasure of someone opening a door, pulling out a chair for you....
Random people offering to help you carry groceries or heavy and/or bulky parcels to your car...
Shaking your booty on the dance floor, trying to be noticed and lusted after..
Strangers buying you drinks, trying to catch your attention..
The “hair flip”, combined with the over-the-shoulder glance...
Watching someone get aroused/excited when you casually stroke their arm or thigh during conversation...
The feel/taste of lipstick/glossed lips on your tongue...
The wonderful mingling of flavors and textures when the person you are kissing is also wearing lipstick/gloss...
Thick, glamorous eyelashes fluttering in your view, actually conscious of the weight...
The fragrance of a delicate perfume....
Smoothing a skirt/dress over your butt as you sit down..
Having to be self-conscious over accidentally “flashing” your panties while seated
Comparing yourself to every hot girl that you see
KNOWING that your lingerie is likely hotter/sexier than your girlfriend's at the moment...
Catching someone checking out your ass...
Dancing sexily with a girlfriend, watching it drive the guys NUTS...
Displaying just a bit of tummy... maybe a belly ring
Long, dangly earrings brushing your neck, or hoop earrings..
Consciously deciding how much cleavage to show...
Having to worry about “visible panty lines”...
Wearing soft, silky nighties, just for “normal” sleeping
Having to decide WHICH bra to wear, based on your outfit and plans... The comfortable bra.. the smooth, lightly padded “t-shirt” bra, the underwire, the padded “push—up” bra...
Having to be concerned that the COLOR of your bra matches your outfit/blouse, unless you WANT to draw attention to it..
Being UNABLE to go braless over concern of “pokies”...
Having to care if your thong might give you a “whale-tail” with your low-slung pants/jeans..
Seriously asking a friend or sister “does this dress/skirt/these pants make my ass look too big?” or “does this look TOO slutty?”...
Nobody giving you a second glance when you cry during a movie.
Receiving a foot massage from your partner, because you spent all day in heels...
Having to make sure your nails, lipstick and eyeshadow match each other AND your outfit.
Changing the whole “tone” of an outfit, just by adjusting makeup and hairstyle.
On purpose wearing your sexy lingerie, in case you get “lucky”...
Mani/Pedi/Facial Spa days....
Having the ability to dress for Halloween as Alice in Wonderland without being thought of as “a perv”.
Finding the occasion to curtsey, wearing a full skirt.
Getting excited over a shoe sale.
Pulling out a compact and “freshening my face” before an important date/meeting.
Bikini swimsuits AND bikini tanlines... Bikini waxes... not so much
Buying a slutty maid outfit in person, and having the clerk look at it and me with jealousy, rather than suspicion...
Lipstick stains on wine glasses... and “other” things...
Doing each others' nails and hair with friends or family.
Trying to fit into an old dress, cheerleading uniform or tight pair of sexy jeans from high school.
Having a new hairstyle/hair color change the whole way you AND other people view you.
Being a total bitch on wheels every few weeks, because it's “that time of the month”.
Taking the plunge and wearing a revealing top, too-short skirt or short-shorts, hoping you still have the body to “pull it off”.
Having someone kiss your hand.
Your date, guiding you gently to your table/destination, with a soft, possessive hand on your hip, or the small of your back.
Being a Bridesmaid and/or Maid of Honor to a sister or girlfriend.
Choosing a wedding dress for THE day, and having it fitted...
Walking down the aisle, having your Father/Mother “give you away” to your soulmate.
Catching a bouquet at a wedding.
Getting a glamor/prom makeover, just for fun.
Getting a sexy photoshoot done as a gift for your spouse.

This list WILL grow.......

You'll probably notice that nowhere on my list is, “sucking a huge cock”, “having a lesbian three-way”, etc... Female sex I WOULD partake of, and would certainly enjoy, it's just not one of my top “defining characteristics” of being a girl.

Don't get me wrong... Just like any “normal” adult woman, I do feel sexy wearing things like a French Maid outfit or a cheerleading costume... But they are just fetishistic extremes of my basic desire to wear skirts/dresses/panties/makeup all of the time.

A friend, a fellow TG fan, mentioned to me recently that despite being convinced that she should have been born a woman, she didn't feel “cheated”.. She had a full and happy life, with friends and family... she was content. I'm very happy for her... The outlet that TG Captions provides her is enough for her to explore her girly side, without being able to actually live it.

That's NOT me... I DO feel cheated... I feel that if I had been born today, there is a good chance I would have been recognized as transgender at an early age, and been allowed to pursue the life I wanted. More than that, while I am happy enough.. and I LOVE my kids, I am absolutely convinced that I would have been HAPPIER if I was born a girl in the first place. It's who I was meant to be...

I'm old enough now that the majority of a girl's experiences are long beyond me... I will never have the experience of being a teen girl... never have the experience of high school or college as a girl.. never discover what it is like growing up as a girl... That is all permanently beyond my reach, and it angers and frustrates me... Not to the level of suicide or violence, but definitely sadness and regret... of opportunities lost.

Many of my caps delve into the darker aspects of Sissy desires.. the humiliation and the shame of being “caught”, the fantasy of being “forced” into girlhood against my will, the various archetypes... Bimbo, Slut, Cheerleader, Prom Queen, Slave, Maid, Secretary, Nurse, etc.. etc.. and ETC... But these are just my naughty fantasies... My DREAM is actually being a girl, in a committed and loving relationship with another girl, as the submissive one in the relationship. Not the sexy, dirty, nasty “submissive” of a Dom/Slave relationship, just the supporting wife role, to my dream girl... Everything ELSE is just smoke and mirrors.

So yeah, I get a naughty shiver when I think of being forced into being someone's sissy maid... I get a a thrill thinking of being “tricked” into dressing as a girl for Halloween... I get a charge out of thinking what it would be like to be a ditzy, over-sexed bimbo with huge tits and 6-inch heels... But I WANT to be a “real girl”, PERIOD...

That's why my captions tend NOT to focus on sex. Sex is a part of it, sure.. but not anywhere near the main part, not for me. The world of being a girl is about a gazillion things, including sex. I indulge in sexy captions occasionally, and quite a few of other peoples' captions get my panties nice and damp, but I get far MORE stimulated mentally from captions focusing on just being a girl... worrying about what clothes to wear, agonizing over hairstyle/color... going to the prom, shaving my legs, fixing my lipstick... for me, that is generally way HOTTER than “Oh my god, I'm so horny.... I need a cock now!!!!!”. Nothing wrong with that, it's just not MY primary focus

Great post as it shows just how much sissifictaion is about the exterior and very rarely about the emotional unless it involves a negative,humiliation or degradation. I always notice with the sissies I play with how obsessed they are with their look and constantly pulling at their short skirts and touching their hair. It is an awesome spectacle to witness and embrace. From cute and sassy to embarrassing and shameful, I LOVE SISSIES!

Britney,

Do you find yourself desiring to transition? Have you had counseling for this? I know a lot of women who have done so far older than you. Sure, our generation got the raw end of the deal as far as the understanding of trans matters was concerned; I've felt myself that notion that, if I were growing up today, I'd probably have transitioned as a child. Like you, I understood myself at a very early age and kept it hidden. I went so far that the only times I wore anything were my mom's clothing when no one else was home. (How she never knew, I haven't the foggiest idea, but she always was a tad on the clueless side.) I didn't masturbate; it was not about that for me (and I hated the dangly thing and avoided touching it unless absolutely necessary). Like you, I eventually made peace with what seemed like the only choice I had, marrying and having three kids, more a second mom than a father. But I couldn't keep my female soul down, and I started falling apart in my 30s, eventually transitioning at 40, cursing the foundational aspects of growing up female that I had never had for myself.

BTW: I never thought I would love a man either, but the second I started taking estrogen my brain reacted in some very strong ways. It didn't take long before I realized I had always been somewhat bisexual; I just never knew it. In May, my husband and I will celebrate our tenth anniversary.

kerry said:

Britney,

Do you find yourself desiring to transition? Have you had counseling for this? I know a lot of women who have done so far older than you. Sure, our generation got the raw end of the deal as far as the understanding of trans matters was concerned; I've felt myself that notion that, if I were growing up today, I'd probably have transitioned as a child. Like you, I understood myself at a very early age and kept it hidden. I went so far that the only times I wore anything were my mom's clothing when no one else was home. (How she never knew, I haven't the foggiest idea, but she always was a tad on the clueless side.) I didn't masturbate; it was not about that for me (and I hated the dangly thing and avoided touching it unless absolutely necessary). Like you, I eventually made peace with what seemed like the only choice I had, marrying and having three kids, more a second mom than a father. But I couldn't keep my female soul down, and I started falling apart in my 30s, eventually transitioning at 40, cursing the foundational aspects of growing up female that I had never had for myself.

BTW: I never thought I would love a man either, but the second I started taking estrogen my brain reacted in some very strong ways. It didn't take long before I realized I had always been somewhat bisexual; I just never knew it. In May, my husband and I will celebrate our tenth anniversary.

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Yes, I have had thoughts on transitioning several times. I have spoken to a counselor, but it was a Military Psychologist in the 80's, so it was less than a fruitful endeavour. I have not spoken to one recently.

I think about it more often now that I am separated from my wife, and I live alone. I no longer own male underwear, and my female wardrobe has taken over my bedroom. I keep my male clothing in the spare bedroom... When I am home and not playing AB/LG, I dress fully as female at all times. But that is as far as I take it, except at least now I can keep my legs shaved

I know people transition older than I. My former supervisor transitioned just last year, and she is 5-6 years older than me. Also, an FYI... She no longer works with our firm, but we still deal with her. Not to her face, but certainly behind her back, every single one of my co-workers, and my current supervisor, talk about her with a mixture of disgust, disbelief and outright mockery/derison. Obviously, they are blissfully unsaware of My feelings on the matter But THESE are the people I would be working with and FOR, if I chose to come out ...

I simply don't have the courage. The inertia of living this way for so long makes it inconcievable to even consider. Although I know and understand I need to take care of myself, I am paralyzed about what my "coming out" would mean to friends, family and co-workers...

Congrats on your anniversary!

Yes, that does make it hard. And I may never have done it either if I had any emotional choice in the matter. I had reached the point where it was literally transition or die; I could no longer live pretending to be male. At that point, what seemed to be overwhelming odds and insurmountable risk were totally negated: when the alternative is no longer being here at all, what difference can it really make? So I went for it, and I did end up with some losses, but my career was, incredibly, not one of them.

Kerry

kerry said:

Yes, that does make it hard. And I may never have done it either if I had any emotional choice in the matter. I had reached the point where it was literally transition or die; I could no longer live pretending to be male. At that point, what seemed to be overwhelming odds and insurmountable risk were totally negated: when the alternative is no longer being here at all, what difference can it really make? So I went for it, and I did end up with some losses, but my career was, incredibly, not one of them.

Kerry

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I am very happy for you, truly

Luckily, it seems, my bouts of depression over my situation are behind me... I'm not "happy" with who I am, but I am more or less content in, or at least resigned to, the knowledge that it's not going to change anytime soon, if that makes any sense.

I guess I've just given up on that level of happiness, and settled for what I think I can realistically have. I do have joy in my family. My job SUCKS, but it pays the bills, and allows me to live in relative comfort, and more importantly, STAY in Germany and be with my family. That's no small thing

I also try to enjoy the freedom I have, even if it's just in my own home, to FINALLY be able to dress how I feel. Of course, it would be infinitely better if I didn't have to STOP when I leave the home, but I try to consider the positives... For roughly fifty years, i didn't even have THAT "freedom".