People that let you down, forgive or cutoff?

Hi peeps,

So I am in a bit of a quandary, normally when I think I have done a good turn for a someone (not necessarily an actual friend) and I have an understanding of reciprocation and they ignore my request I have been the "shoot from the hip" type of person and completely cut them dead but wondering how others approach this type of situation?

I must admit I do have a bit of a persecution complex (though I work on it constantly) but under no circumstances can I stand things like rude service.

On one hand I want to give people the benefit of the doubt, for all I know they might be going through the worst time of their life and my request could seem inconsequential but on the other hand I don't want to be the latest mark or just a chump they have scammed.

What do others do or are you the easy going type where stuff is just water off a ducks back?

I think it's a balancing act. You don't want to be taken for a mug, but at the same time, people have different things going on in their own lives, with their own personality, etc. Maybe they just didn't understand that you were expecting to be "paid back" for your favour...?

Maybe they want to pay you back, but they don't think that this issue is something they can/should/want to get involved in.

So now you know they're not the kind of people who religiously keep track of all the favours done and return them as soon as possible.

If you need a favour, why not ask? Maybe they'd be happy to help, but just didn't realise.

Or just accept that they're not the reciprocating-favour kind of people, so you shouldn't expect anything of them. I have friends like that. I know they won't return any favours, so with them, I just do whatever suits me. You can't demand that others play by your rules, so... let them play by their own rules. If that means you can't be their friend, so be it, otherwise... well, at least you know what to expect, so you won't be surprised by their (lack of) action.

Look at it this way... Maybe you've been a "genuinely nice bloke" and have gone out of your way to help someone. Now you need their help and they don't want to know. Okay, you've been shafted just for being nice. But that doesn't mean that you should stop being nice. Maybe you'll get shafted again. And maybe the next person will appreciate what you've done for them and be able to repay you many times over for your kindness.

I feel your pain. You feel like a fool when you've been taken advantage of. But people helping each other is what makes the world go round. Don't be a mug; don't let yourself get fooled twice. But, be generous with the time you have for others. You never know when your kindness might be repaid. (And maybe it won't be, and you shouldn't expect that, but... being kind is good for the mind.)

I think each situation is unique and should be judged on its own merits. Not having specifics makes it difficult to render an answer. In my case, helping others usually involves giving car rides. Our son will pick up our daughter from the airport because I'll be at work. He needed me to pick up his son from school which I did. I do think there should be some sort of reciprocal response if you've done someone a favor assuming what you're asking isn't over the top.

Maybe I'm stupid , maybe I just listened to my mother to much , I don't help others for my benefit I do it for there's, if they ever happen to return it great , if not great , life is to short to create adversity for ourselves or others, sure I have been taken advantage of a couple of times by the less than honorable people but that comes with the territory, I am slow to anger and quick to forgive ,for those few who have crossed a serious line in the sand with the intention of causing me great harm , I will make an example of them, I have one special friend who tried to really do me wrong about 9 years ago , I have all but destroyed him and will not destroy him , because making him live with himself is my reward , because he knows that everything that has "gone wrong " with his social and economic status goes back to me ,and what he did to me , I am a firm believer in Karma , don't expect her to make things right immediately that are alot of injustices done that she has to take care of before she swings around to your issue, just know it will happen .

I truly believe that there is right and wrong in the universe they keep a balance ,so if somebody does you bad, that balance goes out of whack, and must be brought back in line . You can go all George Lucas and deem it light and dark side or empire and rebels .proof of concept the US was started by Rebels and is now an Empire ( it might fall flat on its face , and it will require a rebellion to restart it ) .

It takes a hell of alot of time to screw with others , it generally is a wasted effort not worth your bother ,except in unique cases , such as someone who goes out of there way to hurt you , and your just there latest victim , if you don't take care of them, others down the road will hurt and pay some more , that's intolerable to me , so I deal with them harshly and thoroughly to ensure that they cause no further distress .

It takes a great effort to bring this out in me , but sometimes it needs to come out , having control over that is lifes greatest lesson.

If more people would do this , humanity would not be in such a sorry state.

This may sound a bit odd, but when I do favors for people, it's actually for myself. It's the kind of person that I want to be. Whether they reciprocate or not becomes less consequential that way; it's great if they do, but if they don't, they have more learning and growing to do. I try not to let it change who I am, even though I also ensure not to be consistently taken advantage of. Like tiny said, it's a balancing act. But I think it's important to help others mainly to better yourself.

EDIT: On a more personal (Buddhist) note: The Monk and The Scorpion

Just my opinion but I think it all boils down to self acceptance. First, accept yourself as a person who likes to use "persecution complex" as an excuse to treat people like shit. If that is troubling for you it could be that you are taking yourself too seriously. Cut yourself some slack and try to see it with a sense of humor. If you want to change some of your behaviors then go for it! Accept yourself as someone going through a change of unknown difficulty and unknown duration.

I'm inclined to forgive, but it depends on what they've done.