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Thread: Who have you told?

  1. #1

    Question Who have you told?

    Who have you told about your incontinence, and/or about your need for diapers?

    I'll start by saying that only my wife and my doctor knows I wear diapers, but I have vented to my cousin (who's like a brother to me) about all the months of BS I went though with the urologist, which of course included mentioning my symptoms and what the final word was from the uro. I never actually mentioned how I have to wear diapers to him, but he's a smart cookie and I'm sure he has put two and two together. His long-term girlfriend and my wife are such good friends, they're like sisters, too. I'm not sure what information has been shared there, but I imagine it to be along the same lines.

    My wife teases me by telling me she's going to tell my mom about it and tries to (sometimes successfully, with a loud 'thup!' noise) playfully swat my butt when we're with my mom, it's funny and we both get a laugh from the inside joke. I'm also very close with my mom, but the reason I haven't told her is that my dad died of bladder cancer last year, and although totally unrelated to my symptoms, it would probably make her worry too much.

    What's your story?

  2. #2

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    I'm incontinent due to birth defects. I used to be pretty secretive about it, there's only been a couple of friends who basically had to "catch" me, I got very good at hiding it over the years, especially through high school.

    But with my spinal problems I've had to be a bit more open about it, I have difficulty changing myself anymore so my wife has to help me, so now a wider circle of friends know, my family knows of course, and a couple of professors at college know.

  3. #3

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    I am open about it, if a person is close to me or is in a situation where they need to know I tell them for example , a radio buddy of mine new about my wheelchair and new his Shack was wheelchair friendly and had me over his house , after a couple of hours he had to pee, so he went and when he came back he said I never thought there's stairs going to the bathroom , what do we do if you need to go ? I told him it would not be an issue , I was diapered , he was like I am sorry you are IC but it makes things easier, no muss no fuss , we had been friends for about 3 years but the situation never arose that he needed to know .

    I don't wear my diapers on my sleeve for the world to see ,but I am not shy about disclosing it if it is relevant, later that night at my friends place we wanted to do something that I could not in my wheelchair , so he told his wife he would wear me "back pack" style , I said no bad idea if my diaper leaks , he told me so my shirt gets wet and I throw it in the wash , "I have kids, do you really think you'd be the first to pee on me ?", so if someone needs to know I tell them and so far no one has run screaming from the room for help.

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  4. #4

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    I'm with Tetra in that I'm not going to get bent out of shape if someone knows. It's a medical necessity, nothing more. As to who knows at present? My husband, my three adult children, my son-in-law, my daughter's current boyfriend and most likely a few of her other friends (since I keep some diapers in the main bathroom nearest to the couch I spend much of my time on), a girlfriend in Norway (former au pair) I stayed with for several days a couple of summers ago, and my two best girlfriends. Along with every hotel maid from every hotel room I've stayed in for the past four years. Oddly, none of my siblings knows, and I never told my mom despite staying at her house many times in diapers.

    Basically, if someone needs to know, I tell them.

  5. #5

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    Why the need to disclose to everyone close to you? Save yourself for the humiliating discussion. Only my wife and doctor knows about me needing diapers, my son knows for sure, though I always go a long way not having him seeing me in a diaper. Anyhow as long as I can keep it my secret No one needs to know, also since that would have a too big impact on my career. I love my job which is well paid, and I'm doing good despite being incontinent and having to wear thick disposables diapers underneath my clothing. I dress appropiate and consider the situations I'll be in, this evaluation decides what diaper ill wear for the situation.
    One example, if I know my workday will be normla I go with one type of diaper, hydrate normally. If I know I'll be put for an extended time with no options of being able to change a wet diaper without disclosing to everyone, then I'll use an even thicker diaper like ABU simple / Foresite AM/PM or rearz inspire incontrol. I have been doing this for years and no one ever noticed nor commented about me and my looks

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  6. #6

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    Quote Originally Posted by NotTheAverageMan View Post
    Why the need to disclose to everyone close to you? Save yourself for the humiliating discussion. Only my wife and doctor knows about me needing diapers, my son knows for sure, though I always go a long way not having him seeing me in a diaper. Anyhow as long as I can keep it my secret No one needs to know, also since that would have a too big impact on my career. I love my job which is well paid, and I'm doing good despite being incontinent and having to wear thick disposables diapers underneath my clothing. I dress appropiate and consider the situations I'll be in, this evaluation decides what diaper ill wear for the situation.
    One example, if I know my workday will be normla I go with one type of diaper, hydrate normally. If I know I'll be put for an extended time with no options of being able to change a wet diaper without disclosing to everyone, then I'll use an even thicker diaper like ABU simple / Foresite AM/PM or rearz inspire incontrol. I have been doing this for years and no one ever noticed nor commented about me and my looks
    I can only comment about my specific case. Mere months after my diagnosis, I had planned a three-week European vacation with two of my children. Since we'd be sharing hotel rooms that entire time, there was really no way that I was going to keep the diapers a secret. (And even if I could, the worry would overpower the joy of the vacation.) So I told them. On that trip we stayed with my friend in Norway. Both because I couldn't just add a bunch of used diapers to her garbage without explaining it and because at that moment I was running out and needed her help finding more, I told her. I told my son because my daughters knew; it didn't seem right not to. The significant others know because they are always here and because I trust my children. My girlfriends know because, when all of this happened, I needed someone in my life to talk to. (As it happens, they are also my writing group, so at this point their knowing is very useful.)

    Neither my Mom nor my siblings ever needed to know, so they never have. I don't advertise this, but at the same time I don't think it is a Deep Dark Secret either.

  7. #7

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    Quote Originally Posted by NotTheAverageMan View Post
    Why the need to disclose to everyone close to you? Save yourself for the humiliating discussion. Only my wife and doctor knows about me needing diapers, my son knows for sure, though I always go a long way not having him seeing me in a diaper. Anyhow as long as I can keep it my secret No one needs to know, also since that would have a too big impact on my career. I love my job which is well paid, and I'm doing good despite being incontinent and having to wear thick disposables diapers underneath my clothing. I dress appropiate and consider the situations I'll be in, this evaluation decides what diaper ill wear for the situation.
    One example, if I know my workday will be normla I go with one type of diaper, hydrate normally. If I know I'll be put for an extended time with no options of being able to change a wet diaper without disclosing to everyone, then I'll use an even thicker diaper like ABU simple / Foresite AM/PM or rearz inspire incontrol. I have been doing this for years and no one ever noticed nor commented about me and my looks

    Sendt fra min HUAWEI M2-801W med Tapatalk
    And you think it's going to be LESS embarassing when they find out your diapered (maybe because of a leak, smell, accidental exposure, whatever). The whole reason why telling someone depends on if they are close to you, is because you will be close to them- a lot- and always or most usually diapered. In this kind of situation the chances of that person eventually finding out is extremely high. Telling them before hand lessens the impact and embarrassment of it later on.

    Plus, if you are really close to someone then chances are you want them to like you. Well, how can someone like you if they don't know you. If diapers are a part of who you are (as medically necessary, or even just as a mental compulsion as a dl), then anyone close to you has a right to know the full you- diapers included.

    Does you job need to know you're diapered. Probably not- unless you're married to your job. Does your wife/fiance need to know. Yes, and like I said it's extremely likely they will sooner or later find out anyways.

  8. #8

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    My immediate family has known for many years (parents and siblings) though it never comes up in conversation. My wife, doctor and my best friend knows and that's pretty much it. A handful of other friends know about my general toileting problems, but I don't think they know I wear diapers. I would tell them if they asked, but my impression is nobody cares to hear about this stuff and I'm not into advertising my incontinence or diapered state. I've shared hotel rooms with colleagues and friends on trips and felt no need to tell them.

  9. #9

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    Quote Originally Posted by Slomo View Post
    And you think it's going to be LESS embarassing when they find out your diapered (maybe because of a leak, smell, accidental exposure, whatever). The whole reason why telling someone depends on if they are close to you, is because you will be close to them- a lot- and always or most usually diapered. In this kind of situation the chances of that person eventually finding out is extremely high. Telling them before hand lessens the impact and embarrassment of it later on.

    Plus, if you are really close to someone then chances are you want them to like you. Well, how can someone like you if they don't know you. If diapers are a part of who you are (as medically necessary, or even just as a mental compulsion as a dl), then anyone close to you has a right to know the full you- diapers included.

    Does you job need to know you're diapered. Probably not- unless you're married to your job. Does your wife/fiance need to know. Yes, and like I said it's extremely likely they will sooner or later find out anyways.
    I as I write plan ahead and use a diaper which I know can do the job, my rwason for needing diapers are medical!

    I can see the need to disclose it to someone you'll share a room with like on trips, besides that I don't see why you should go overboard and tell everyone unless you want to. Unless you get off by lwtting people know you piss yourself and hence wear diapers.

    My intention with my answer was, that incontinence and need of diapers doesn't mean you have to tell everyone about it. My parents for instance does not know, neither my sister. My wife does, and my son too as well as my doctor and two very close friends, that's all.
    I would always go a long way to hide this to everyone else. Regardless of why, once you're out and everyone knows, it will have an impact on peoples perception of you, negatively or positively, the annoying factor is, you really don't know until it's too late. So my advice is take it slow, asess the situation and the people you would like to tell, can they be trusted, would they keep your secret as their secret? Or would they tell others which you wouldt tell yourself? That's why I say be cautious about telling too many. Wearing and using / needing diapers is NOT the same thing as wearing glasses! Hopefully in the future diapers may not be as embarresing as they are viewed ATM.

    The OP askwd for advice, I like others came with an advice, although you @slomo may disagree with my advice, don't go personel!


    Sendt fra min HUAWEI M2-801W med Tapatalk

  10. #10

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    My close friends and family know I am incontinent and wear nappies it isn't a big deal.

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