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Thread: If you suspected someone is a pedophile

  1. #1

    Default If you suspected someone is a pedophile

    What would you do if you started to suspect your friend or someone you know is a pedophile because of something they said or how they act, etc.?

    I am sure they would deny it if you asked because of the stigma but what if you were suspecting they find it okay that small children should consent and that adults should be allowed to have sex with them?

    I know not all pedophiles find it okay to have sex with children and think they can consent but there are some out there that think this and I am worried my online friend has this belief so what would you do if you were in this situation and you were starting to think your friend carried these thoughts even though he has never said he would do it or think it's fine but you are worried he thinks it's fine and what if they were not sexually attracted to children but thought people should have that right to have sex with kids?

    I told my friend to quit talking to me if he believes in this. But then the back of my mind is telling me he could just pretend to not have that thought so I am so worried so what would you do in this situation?

  2. #2

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    I am sorry to hear you have been struggling with this. It must be awful to have to deal with the possibility that someone you may trust and consider a friend may be capable of such a thing. I am not sure what you mean by children consented but that does seem to be something that would be possible. The very definition determines that both parties understand what they are engaging in and are fine to do so. I do not think children can consent as the adult is the one who knows it is wrong to even suggest or attempt to do something so horrid.

    In regards to your friend it is difficult to offer nay real advice without some further information. From what you have said so far I would try hard to make your friend understand that children are not consenting and this the reason laws exist to protect them. Explain that even if the paedophile thinks the child has consented and that it is okay for them to indulge in this that it is completely wrong and they need to educate themselves in child abuse. If they continue to believe this behaviour is okay than you may need to re-evaluate your friendship and consider if this is someone you wish to be associated with.

  3. #3

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    Oh, goodness!

    First of all, if you only know him online and not IRL, there is not a lot you can do. (I mean, if you had more than vague suspicions, you could go to authorities; they could trace his IPA and find him. But not on a vague notion of an attitude; it would need to be more concrete than that.) As to what you should do? I think you did it: you called him out on it, told him that such ideas were wrong and harmful, etc. But if you are still unconvinced that he is innocent of them, you owe it to yourself to sever ties with him. There isn't a thing you can do about him, and should the worst happen you don't want to have someone find you as a frequent online correspondent to a pedophile. That's a sticky wicket.

  4. #4

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    You have to be careful with this sort of thing. Making accusations of this nature can ruin somebody's life even if they turn out to be unfounded. So unless you've got evidence that something is actually going on as opposed to a guy with a big mouth and no sense of decency, leave it be. Even if he's a loudmouthed tool, he doesn't deserve a scarlet P tattoo'd on his forehead.

    P.S. I think you need to find a better class of friends.

    P.P.S. Damn. Correcting a whole bunch of errors. My keyboarding is terrible today for some reason.

  5. #5

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    Well, there are three simple ways how to if someone is actually a paedophile.
    1. If they drive a white van around, and kidnaps children.
    2. If they have ever met Chris Hansen in real life (red flag right there)
    3. They have been or about to be on Dateline NBC to catch a predator.
    4. If they have some odd noises coming out of there basement.
    5. There a member of NAMBLA

    In all seriousness, there really aren't anyways to tell, but my advice is if you come across a paedophile, walk the other way, and drop all contact.

    I don't know how you keep meeting all these people? What next a serial killer? but in all seriousness, if he is a paedophile I would drop all contact with him.

    You can't really tell if someone is a paedophile, unless they tell you, or get caught / convicted of something such as meeting a underage girl. At the same time like maxx said, be careful when it comes to paedophile accusations, I've seen teachers lose there jobs etc all because of that one word. I've even had accusations against myself, the guy was so lucky I didn't knock him out or even kill myself, obviously I myself am not a paedophile, so I understand what it's like to have false accusations against someone, but in this case nothing suggested I was a paedophile and it was just out of the blue by some dickhead. I mean to the extent the whole class thought I was one. I don't know if word got out I had a diaper fetish or not, but he took it way to fucking far, and yelled this shit out in class, some reason teacher did nothing, but thankfully I was way more respected them him and no one that i was aware of took him seriously. Ironically later on evidence and accusations came against himself and now every single person in the school knows that kid as oh, the weird paedophile. (karma is a bitch)

    That being said, if there is something that raises some red flags, I would be concerned, ie things he talks about, unusual interest in kids, uses codenames that you don't recognise etc.

    Or it could just be a person with some backwards views, or maybe just wanting to debate you in something.

    That reminds me of a little story, a female I had a crush on her dad was a pedophile, I'm not too sure what went on, but I must say she was scared for life, and didn't ever really grow up, in a way she is a "little" calls her freinds big sis, or big brother. and hugs a lot of people, kind of childish, pedophiles can do lasting damage to children, yes not all pedophiles are bad, but who knows if there actually going to target children, sure not all pedophiles are bad, but a lot are. Plus you never know if there going to do bad things or not, obviously there going to tell you that there not bad people, or will ever touch a kid, but so do a lot of people on to catch a predator.

    Although if you never knew her father was a paedophile, you would sense something is a bit off with her mentally, she was a bit too childish and definitely had something go on in her childhood. It was obvious something wasn't right. You see it happen a lot with people who are abused, in childhood.

    Sorry if i keep using different spellings of the same work, autocorrect seems to do the british version, and I'm using the american version, so yeah it's a bit over the place.

    This is where it gets complicated, if the guy is 18/19 and likes 16 year olds, than he isn't really a pedophile. well not in my country that is. (17) in some states. It's not too uncommon for teens to be having sex at that age, sure it might be a bit weird for a 18 year old to date a 16 year old, but isn't too uncommon. (depending on the country etc)

    Personally not something I would do, I prefer 18+ in my eyes a 16 year old is still a "kid" and just seems weird to me. Though I've had have crushes on people 2 years younger than myself, ie when I was 17 I had a crush on a 15 year old, but I would never date them or do anything with them. I've dated people a year younger than myself, but it's fucking odd when a 30 year old dates a 16 year old imo. It's not too uncommon for people to date people 1-2 years younger themselves, but as I age my interest level changes, for example right now I'm interested in 18-30.
    Last edited by LittleJess; 06-Mar-2017 at 21:51. Reason: (whoops maxx not kerry)

  6. #6

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    now this one is serious. Its hard to say if this person is serious or not but having a long running gag about this can make one suspicious. it could be too hes testing the water to see your true stance on this. When I read life code by Dr. Phil. he mentions about people we may have suspicions about. He said to keep searching until you find out the source of your suspension or till all doubt is cast away. I wish you the best in your decision.

  7. #7

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    When it comes down to it reality is not quite as black-and-white as the law thinks it to be. It really depends on the age of the person and age of the minor.

    An example of which would be what is commonly referred to as the Romeo and Juliet law in several States there's not a day that goes by that kid's life isn't ruined because they happen to turn 18 before their boyfriend or girlfriend where as in they been in a relationship for years prior when they were both considered minors but magically because one of them passed a certain day it's now illegal.

    Now not to be taken the wrong way any more than a 2-3 year age gap is reason for major concern especially when dealing with same sex couples (as common as homosexuality is it's still hard to find someone locally in certain areas) but even within high schools teens usually date within the grade levels above and below themselves. As well as among teens the generally accepted age of consent is 16 versus different country laws where you may reside there's a lot more gray area to it than most people give it credit.

    Because you really didn't give too much information no one here can really say for sure but rule of thumb if there's more than a two or three-year difference that should read some Flags if it's less than that then you should probably look into when they hooked up. And if they're just talking about hooking up with teens or younger in general then you should probably have some reason for concern I wouldn't say that they're a pedophile but it would throw some Flags

  8. #8

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    1. Gather and save whatever info you have with him saying anything remotely pedophile-like. Include any real world identity info (And no, not for blackmailing- exactly)

    2. Tell this friend you've saved that info, then tell him it's not right or legal to even think that way. Also tell him if you even remotely think he has acted on it, that you'll take that new and old info straight to the police. (With enough evidence the police can track down people based on their online identities too)

    3. Explain to him underage kids are just not experienced in life enough to be able to consent to sex with an adult. This is why it's illegal. And if he were to take advantage of a kid like that then he runs the serious risk of mentally damaging that kid for life while he goes to jail. You won't let that happen, and that's why you hope the two of you can remain friends.

  9. #9

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    Quote Originally Posted by Slomo View Post
    it's not (...) legal to even think that way
    Pretty sure that would be what we call a thought crime.

    Of course, it's vital that we in particular keep an open eye out for actual pedophiles, but on the other hand, we in particular should also really know not to make frivolous pedophile accusations. Cutting people out of your life willy-nilly because you "suspect" they are something is a pretty awful thing to do in general too.

    If they actually come out and say they're attracted to real prepubescent children and want to act on it, then of course your reaction is warranted, but accusing someone of being a pedophile is an extremely heavy accusation. If a person isn't hurting anybody, you should let them be, even if you "feel" that they're part of some group that people are told to hate.

  10. #10

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    If you are that concerned then cut ties. You can't help. Worst case you will he investigated. Imagine he sends you a link some day that leads to an illegal image or site. Have fun then. So for your own sake just walk away.

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