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Thread: unnatural parenting

  1. #1

    Default unnatural parenting

    Hi, all,

    I was just reading yet another thread–in a different forum–from yet another young person (18-20 years old) who feels trapped in their life by a combination of things that are out of their control: age, lack of income, lack of education, living in parents' home, incontinence and/or ABDL desires, etc. But what stuns me in these threads is the way that these young adults describe the center of their problems: their parents.

    In each thread, we are introduced to parents who are anywhere from completely indifferent to almost stunningly antagonistic to their child's issues. These parents, far from being the sources of comfort that children might and should expect them to be, have become people to fear, adding to the dangers of their young lives. Whether we hear about emotional abuse, physical abuse, or simply the lack of caring that leads to situations in which the young adult finds him or herself adrift without a clue as to how to proceed, this kind of unnatural parenting shows up in far too many threads around here.

    So, OK, let's allow for exaggeration: we can assume perhaps that some of the issues raised in these posts are more the result of the anxieties of the poster coupled with unresolved (but not abusive) parental issues than what they see them as. We all know that overwrought minds–especially young ones–don't always see things clearly. But though that might (possibly) account for one or two threads, or elements within them, it certainly doesn't account for what seems to be an increasing proliferation of these parental condemnations.

    So I am wondering:

    What does account for this? Is it merely coincidence that more and more victims of bad parenting are crying out for help on ADISC? Is there some unresearched and undiscovered connection between bad parenting and ABDL? Is it just the byproduct of this more open age, where young people feel freer to unburden their souls online?

    And what, if anything, can be done to help these kids?

  2. #2

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    I've always thought that my abdl tndencies stemmed from the emotional and physical abuse I received after wetting the bed "on purpose" (thought my mother), who then after exhausting all other options, including the bedwetting alarm, put me back in diapers. I think this collusion of events as well as being put into diapers again at the specific age I was starting sexual exploration.

    Sent from my SAMSUNG-SM-J320A using Tapatalk

  3. #3
    MarchinBunny

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    Well, I certainly had pretty bad parents myself and to this day I am heavily affected by it all. I actually had even written 4 threads so far on my life's story and I am not even half way through it x.x.
    They never really took me to a doctor when I needed it unless things were to get severe. They never once took me to a dentist. I threatened suicide at a young age and all that happened was I got yelled at. I got yelled at and eventually thrown out for wetting the bed. I was threatened to be thrown in a mental hospital. I was hit for crying. Grounded for 3 years straight being locked inside the house not being able to leave. I was picked on constantly, at school and by my ex-stepfather at home. I was having panic attacks, and was often told I was faking it and so nothing was ever done about it. My real father was technically a pedophile and sexual abuser. I was eventually abandoned too. Even if I was about to be on the street, I can't go back home, they will not let me.

    Though it's not like my mom would even tell me anything coherent these days because she seems to have gone nuts. The last message I got from her (yesterday) on facebook was this "Just want you to know I will be leaving Facebook soon we will have to contact through email. The illuminati now has a few pages on Facebook and zuckerburg is promoting them his agenda is the new world order and I will not be part of Satan"

    I can go on and on. My family is certainly no joke and no exaggeration, though I often wish it was. Because of them, I am paying the price for it and can't even seem to live a proper life without constantly thinking about suicide.

    With that said, I don't blame them entirely, I also blame myself because clearly there is a bunch of shit wrong with me that is also causing the problem.

  4. #4

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    I'm sure for some people there definitely is a connection between poor parenting and being AB/DL. But yet there are also AB/DL's who had normal childhoods. So while I think it surely is a factor for some, it's not going to be the same way for everyone.

    I also think what you said about ''this more open age'' is likely at least part of the explanation. Thirty or forty years ago, young people with ''unusual'' or ''deviant'' interests didn't have the resource that is the Internet to reach out to, and often probably remained silent about their problems or spoke about them with only their closest friends or relatives.

    I think the most one can do over the Internet, really, is to offer an open ear, the best advice one can muster, and point the poster in the direction of professional help.

  5. #5

    Default



    Quote Originally Posted by kerry View Post

    So I am wondering:

    What does account for this? Is it merely coincidence that more and more victims of bad parenting are crying out for help on ADISC? Is there some unresearched and undiscovered connection between bad parenting and ABDL? Is it just the byproduct of this more open age, where young people feel freer to unburden their souls online?

    And what, if anything, can be done to help these kids?
    What accounts for

    Quote Originally Posted by kerry View Post
    These parents, far from being the sources of comfort that children might and should expect them to be, have become people to fear, adding to the dangers of their young lives
    I think we really need to look at what all of these youth have in common first.

    Quote Originally Posted by kerry View Post
    age, lack of income, lack of education, living in parents' home, incontinence and/or ABDL desires
    When your younger, especially if you are just stepping out into the world, and making your own waves, everything is new and daunting, and for youth of parents who are either too busy or too self centered, they go into that daunting environment with very few coping mechanisms, experience or for that matter life skills. Now what I am going to say next is more hypothesis, but essentially, in todays world, a lot of what these youth get their view of the world comes from: Their peers, Tv/movies, and their..parents.

    we live in a fear mongering world in a lot of ways, and that paranoia seeps out of the media and into us, we look into the abyss and it looks back.

    And to use the old phrase, fear is the killer. maybe it has something to do with the push of the "you can do anything, you can be anyone" and yea when your a kid, if you ask me, i say shoot for the stars. but at some point, unless you truly took that phrase to heart, you become desensitized to it. Without that hope, all there is, Is fear.

    fear of failing, fear of a "worse" environment, fear of the emotional reaction of their families, a fear and then a belief, that its already too late.

    when you carry that fear, into a job interview, and that self doubt and perhaps even a lack of self love, it reflects. truly, if you don't have love of self, it will always show..

    what can we do?

    to me, I think its important to really take things into account, I saw a post earlier today addressing the idea of exaggeration, or hyperbolic descriptions, and my first reaction was that, anyone using such descriptions is not seeing the world accurately, they are deluding themselves.

    honestly, though, if we want to be decent human beings, and we actually want to help, we have to try to get an understanding of what they are experiencing, we have to re-sensitize ourselves.

    which in my semi fluid thought train here, brings me to another area, not only are these youth more inexperienced, the world itself is vastly hardened already, and when these youth reach out in the common method, I.E. the internet...welll..a lot of those jaded minds are the ones feeding back..






    so to answer your open question, no, I don't think its coincidence. I think it comes down, at its basics, to unconditional love, and our life long pursuit of it.


    in my mind, the best way to help, is reasonable, achievable advice. appreciating and celebrating the small victories, and being honest enough, and TACTFUL enough, to help them uncover the flaws in their own lives and foster a desire, and self belief in their ability to exert effect on their own lives.

  6. #6

    Default



    Quote Originally Posted by MommyandMattling View Post
    What accounts for

    I think we really need to look at what all of these youth have in common first.

    When your younger, especially if you are just stepping out into the world, and making your own waves, everything is new and daunting, and for youth of parents who are either too busy or too self centered, they go into that daunting environment with very few coping mechanisms, experience or for that matter life skills. Now what I am going to say next is more hypothesis, but essentially, in todays world, a lot of what these youth get their view of the world comes from: Their peers, Tv/movies, and their..parents.

    we live in a fear mongering world in a lot of ways, and that paranoia seeps out of the media and into us, we look into the abyss and it looks back.

    And to use the old phrase, fear is the killer. maybe it has something to do with the push of the "you can do anything, you can be anyone" and yea when your a kid, if you ask me, i say shoot for the stars. but at some point, unless you truly took that phrase to heart, you become desensitized to it. Without that hope, all there is, Is fear.

    fear of failing, fear of a "worse" environment, fear of the emotional reaction of their families, a fear and then a belief, that its already too late.

    when you carry that fear, into a job interview, and that self doubt and perhaps even a lack of self love, it reflects. truly, if you don't have love of self, it will always show..

    what can we do?

    to me, I think its important to really take things into account, I saw a post earlier today addressing the idea of exaggeration, or hyperbolic descriptions, and my first reaction was that, anyone using such descriptions is not seeing the world accurately, they are deluding themselves.

    honestly, though, if we want to be decent human beings, and we actually want to help, we have to try to get an understanding of what they are experiencing, we have to re-sensitize ourselves.

    which in my semi fluid thought train here, brings me to another area, not only are these youth more inexperienced, the world itself is vastly hardened already, and when these youth reach out in the common method, I.E. the internet...welll..a lot of those jaded minds are the ones feeding back..






    so to answer your open question, no, I don't think its coincidence. I think it comes down, at its basics, to unconditional love, and our life long pursuit of it.


    in my mind, the best way to help, is reasonable, achievable advice. appreciating and celebrating the small victories, and being honest enough, and TACTFUL enough, to help them uncover the flaws in their own lives and foster a desire, and self belief in their ability to exert effect on their own lives.
    Seriously well said. I would only add that it's not just love, but acceptance as well.

    Sent from my SAMSUNG-SM-J320A using Tapatalk

  7. #7

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    I'd say it's been a longstanding problem and one that we see disproportionately. How often are we apt to see threads about how great things are going, or if they're bad, to specifically call out that parents are going all out to try and make things better. Threads where people need the advice and support of strange people on the Internet are threads where people have run low on the common forms of support.

    Having said all that, I'm appalled by the parents in threads recently. I just think that sadly, it's nothing new.

  8. #8

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    I understand what Trevor is saying. We both remember when we had the under 18 members on this site, and there was a lot of angst expressed by many of those youth. Some of them made me cry, especially the boy who said he liked to stand in the shower and cut himself so he could see the blood swirl around the bathtub drain. Listening to the young members better enabled me to really listen to the students at my school. I worked with them in the computer labs.

    For me, it can be difficult to separate the truth from what might be deflection. I remember being a teenager and having to deal with my parents. If they wanted me home at a reasonable time, I thought they were being unreasonable once I had gone to college and could come in at any time. I thought they were unreasonable when they wanted me to get my hair cut because why should it matter to them. I thought it was unreasonable of them to want me to work another job during the summer. It was easy to deflect my poor behavior onto them.

    But I just saw the first installment of the TV miniseries, "We Shall Rise" and I was reminded that my mom sent me to the Carrier Clinic in Princeton when she found out I was gay and having sex with the boy I brought home from college. If you've seen the show, you know what they did to some gay residents, giving them shock therapy and worse, lobotomies to convert unhappy gay boys into zombie straight boys. To be fair to my parents, I was able to talk them out of it.

    There's probably a gray line between truth and exaggeration, in many cases, but I know some are telling the truth. We've all seen the emails from MarchinBunny's mom and she's crazy. So I listen to our young members. I try to read between the lines or reread the lines, because they can be disturbing. I feel frustrated because I don't have good answers to bad parenting. I feel for them and I worry about them. And I remember the boy who cut his wrists in the shower, maybe because I remember cutting mine when I was his age.

  9. #9

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    I'm not a parent myself but my work frequently brings me into contact with families experiencing domestic violence, suspected child abuse, alcoholic parents, and youth thrown out of their family homes for being gay. The common denominators of concern in my area are the lack of support given to at-risk parents, the effects of poverty on struggling families, and poor housing conditions. The demographic structure, economic status, and an increase of children living with unemployed parents can all contribute significantly to stress, tension and confrontation in the family home and lead to abuse. In the US there would also be the additional factor of inadequate health coverage in many families. During recessionary times, the majority of the reported cases of child abuse involve families living in poverty. Although it also occurs in middle-class and wealthy families, it is more frequently reported among the poor for several reasons. Richer families have a better chance of hiding child abuse because they have less contact with social agencies than poor families, and there is still a stigma against poor parents over their ability to be good parents. Over the last two decades in the US, funding to support at-risk families has shifted from state and municipal budgets to federal budgets. This may provide stability for government finances, but federal expenditures could be severely constrained or favour other priorities such as defense spending. As a result, numerous programs for intervention, education, and lifeskills for at-risk parents have seen massive cuts, while the increase in the number of families needing help has risen.

    http://wvhealthykids.org/wp-content/...PORT-Final.pdf

    I think our culture has also changed significantly throughout the years, especially when considering the effects of recessionary times. During the Great Depression of the Twenties and thirties, there was extreme poverty, but in those times, everyone was poor and the community assumed a collective responsibility for families. Neighbors, family, and friends would help out with child care when the parents could not be available. That kind of support does not exist anymore. In today's world, having one of the parents stay at home while the other works outside the home providing the income to cover all the expenses is not viable or realistic. Both parents in middle class families have to work to scrape by and they have to rely on very expensive daycare eating into their costs, resulting in a higher risk of stress and child abuse.

    Also, on a site like this one, the complaints of poor parenting may be disproportionate to the general population because there is a greater number of young people here, which is a good thing. The anonymity allows them to tell their story without fear of repercussion, which means they can vent and hopefully obtain some solid advice from members concerned for their safety and wellbeing. I am always aware that there is two sides to every story, but when I hear some of the stories coming from our younger members, combined with the genuine stress, fear, and anxiety of how it is impacting on their lives, we know at the very least there is a serious problem whereby that person needs a shoulder to lean on.
    Last edited by Starrunner; 01-Mar-2017 at 17:09.

  10. #10

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    I'm sad to admit the beginning of my childhood was awful, but eventually in my teens things began to get better. I was kept heavily medicated and if anything I would blame, it would be that. I went cold turkey off of every medication I was on at a relatively young age and it did screw with me a lot in the later years, I think. If nothing else, I know my fear of medication stems from it.

    I dealt with the threats of being put back in diapers, as mentioned, being forced to go to school in them because I was a bedwetter. I dealt with the mentionings of juvenille detention, being grounded for extended periods of time, lack of freedom, curfews, having my things taken and sold, or returned to the store, you name it. It got so bad at some points I did try running out the door, but I'd never get very far.

    Do I think it had an effect on things like my depression? I'm not sure. I'd like to say so, but I can't really blame it on them as I can definitely understand their struggle, looking back at what it was. I try my best not to blame anyone. Blame doesn't solve a thing. Only give you a venue to fester more hatred and upset moments.

    I've at times, hated my parents. But without them, I wouldn't have survived until today. Bumpy, rocky roads are to be expected I suppose. I guess it falls to a differentiation of are my parents horrible people, or did my parents have their own struggle during everything?

    I feel for them and I understand. For that, I could never blame them for the early years. We made up for it later, somewhat.

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