I will mention this only because when someone is down about something such as this (I.E.) like their inability to accept themselves it can have unfortunate circumstances as it did in my case. I should also note that after I joined this group some time ago I rarely commented and instead decided that what worked for me was gleaning insight and advice from others. I would love to be able to return the favor if I could so here goes…
I had developed this regression issue when very little at age five. I kept it hidden from my older siblings as well as my mother because, “Well let’s face it, I didn’t want to get in trouble and didn’t want to have my sisters ridicule me. At that age and because of circumstances the chance to indulge came about very rarely which just made the anxiety all that much worse. Aside from that, my mother almost directly after her divorce from our father resulted in her finding religion. While I have no issue’s with having spirituality in anyone’s life, this particular “knock on your door on Saturday morning” cult did a lot of damage to me and my head. I remember from a young age that if I did anything that was not seen as fitting within their narrow defined view of normal, I would incur the wrath of not only the churches hierarchy but from God himself. Try dealing with all that well before age ten!
By the time, I was I 13 or 14 years old I stumbled into the wonderful world of what is termed now, “Avoidant Personality Disorder” which simply put means, no one need make fun of you, put you down, or make you think you are not normal because you are already doing that to yourself! This was something I suffered with a long time before finally deciding in my late 30’s to talk it out with a professional and get to the root of the issue. Wanna guess why any kid who is covertly into the AB realm might wind up trying to convince themselves that there is something wrong with them, even if they’re only saying it to themselves in their own head? Everyone knows the teenage years are hell on earth for a variety of reasons. Let’s not forget that the average teen is a walking chemical stew! Anyone remember ache? So if you are a teenager, before the advent of the internet, having no idea what this is that you are into (before the ever popular AB/DL acronym!) before finally hearing the word infantilism in your early twenties after discovering this thing called the internet, it’s safe to say that you have dealt with a lot of self-hate and self-doubt rolling around in your head for a long time.
The best thing to do in this case when you are 14 years old is to start eating just like I did. Gotta love the epic high fat, high carb, even higher carb, high sugar, regular soda, routine that you put yourself through every damn day because you think that eating till you drop will make you feel better and hopefully ease the pain that you been putting yourself through, the suffering you do in silence because you think that you are alone, that there is no one else out there like you, you are weird, a freak, not worthy of being around anyone else or even worthy of being around you!!
By the time I was around 15&1/2 I started drinking more and more soda’s and anything else with sugar in it to simply feel better. I always felt down in the dumps at regular intervals and when I hit 16 years old, I hit a very serious wall! I was diagnosed with Type 1 insulin dependent Juvenile Diabetes. That was 28 years ago! I am for the most part okay but I realize that my life has probably been cut short, I know there are things I cannot do, would not be allowed to do, would not be up to doing and it makes me sad!
Why??
When discussing my long hatred of myself over my infantilism issue’s with a qualified person who listened and helped me understand why the whole thing started ( I got to blame my parents!!!) I sat there still, asking why did the universe pick me to have to deal with something like….this? I was told that acceptance was key and it was literally a matter of survival in my case and here is why and it is in this point that I humbly offer this advice to others who deal with what this persons fiancé is dealing with now…. And here it is.
I was told by a pro that if not directly then possibly indirectly my childhood diabetes was caused by me! Ok that one kinda scared me! In my case as in the case of others who are afflicted with this disease, it is an auto-immune disorder. That means that your immune system has attacked some part of you and thus something probably bad happens. Well why? Could it be possible that because your head makes you think that you are somehow not normal, that you are damaged, that your flat-out crazy that this might influence your health? Remember that when we are upset emotionally and mentally and suffer in silence for a long time without the problem being resolved there is the potential for serious threats to our health. A person is not made up of purely physical health! We must remember that while physical health is important, it can be negatively influenced when there is an imbalance in the emotional and mental components of your health.
When we hear of someone who is like us who is in the midst of one of those all too familiar phases of !@#%^&^()&^ why me?? Why did this happen to me?? It’s best to remember that there is potentially a lot more at stake then just their temporary sullen mood.
To the person who asked the question you are to be applauded for your show of concern!! I do not have someone in my life and really don’t expect to but this person who feels this way has you! Hopefully he exercise’s, eats right and takes care of himself anyway because it is simply not healthy to not be able to accept something like this. I know from experience that damage that can be caused when one does not do something very important for themselves and that is simply cut yourself a break.
You’ll live longer…..