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Thread: Guilty Conscious💔🍼👶

  1. #1

    Default Guilty Conscious💔🍼👶

    My fiancÚ can be in little space and be perfectly happy.Other days he will regret being and abdl and tells me "What would other people think if they found out".It is such a downer because I want him to be happy fully happy but I know he will always feel guilty about wearing diapers and being the way he is.I try to tell him everything will be ok that he should never be ashamed but sometimes I dont know what to do.Can anybody give me some advice has anybody ever felt like this?

  2. #2
    MarchinBunny

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    I actually think many of us have gone or currently still go through that. I know I certainly have. I think the only issue is, what one eventually finds that brings about accepting it, is a rather personal matter. Accepting it as just part of who you are and to be happy with it takes a lot of time and self reflection. Advice can certainly be offered, but I don't know if anyone is going to be able to offer any advice you probably already havn't tried.

    I know for me, acceptance came when I was thrown out of my moms for it and I stood up for myself telling her that I never understood why it was a big deal in the first place. It was at that moment I realized I shouldn't be guilty for enjoying something that isn't harming anyone or myself. No more than feeling guilty about playing video games, drawing, or anything else I enjoy for that matter.

    It's one of those things where we feel guilty about it because it's just not seen as "normal". What we have to accept is that we don't have to be "normal" and that doesn't make us any less of a person. We are who we are.
    Last edited by MarchinBunny; 21-Feb-2017 at 09:59.

  3. #3

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    Quote Originally Posted by MarchinBunny View Post
    I actually think many of us have gone or currently still go through that. I know I certainly have. I think the only issue is, what one eventually finds that brings about accepting it is a rather personal matter. Accepting it as just part of who you are and to be happy with it takes a lot of time and self reflection. Advice can certainly be offered, but I don't know if anyone is going to be able to offer any advice you probably already havn't tried.

    I know for me, acceptance came when I was thrown out of my moms for it and I stood up for myself telling her that I never understood why it was a big deal in the first place. It was at that moment I realized I shouldn't be guilty for enjoying something that isn't harming anyone or myself. No more than feeling guilty about playing video games, drawing, or anything else I enjoy for that matter.

    It's one of those things where we feel guilty about it because it's just not seen as "normal". What we have to accept is that we don't have to be "normal" and that doesn't make us any less of a person. We are who we are.




    I was outed at work as an abdl wich ment that I lost my job.

    It is a fear we have becouse what we are is so diferent to the norm, what ever that is.

    All you can do, I think, is to let your Little talk it all out, so you know there fears and can help them keep safe by helping them set healthy boundaries for them self's .

    I wouldn't of been outed, if I was more careful on social media.
    So keeping privet life and Little time separate on social media is a good one.

    Setting time when little time can be enjoyed with out the fear of any one interrupting. As there caregiver this is something you can help with by answering the phone and answering the door. When they are in Little space, so they don't need to come back up if that happens.

    It hard to keep everything separate as Little is part of our personality.
    But obviously we don't wobble down the street, sucking a pacifier and holding our stuffies, well not all the time anyways .

    Siysiy

    P. S welcome to our community. Feel free to ask us anything.
    Last edited by siysiy; 21-Feb-2017 at 10:02.

  4. #4

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    Let me echo what the others said.

    This is something most all of us have had to deal with. We fall for what general society thinks should be normal, but the truth is nobody is like that. We just have to realize being an ABDL is neither illegal nor immoral. It is however, something that brings us joy and even helps us to destress.

    Feeling joyful because of it one moment then ashamed/guilty the next is a small part of what we call the binge/purge cycle (and this can lead to wild swings both ways). Eventually we all have to come to terms that this is a part of who we are. It will not go away, and it is not something we can just ignore. We all learn in time to enjoy our little compulsion when we need to, and not dwell on misplaced negative thoughts afterwards.

    Of course, this is much easier said than done. Just be there for your boyfriend and keep reminding him he should never be ashamed of it. And if you think he needs more guidance than you can give don't be afraid of getting him to talk to a therapist about it too. Sooner or later it will sink in for him. Just be patient, this is a difficult thing for us to accept.

  5. #5

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    Quote Originally Posted by MarchinBunny View Post
    I actually think many of us have gone or currently still go through that. I know I certainly have. I think the only issue is, what one eventually finds that brings about accepting it, is a rather personal matter. Accepting it as just part of who you are and to be happy with it takes a lot of time and self reflection. Advice can certainly be offered, but I don't know if anyone is going to be able to offer any advice you probably already havn't tried.

    I know for me, acceptance came when I was thrown out of my moms for it and I stood up for myself telling her that I never understood why it was a big deal in the first place. It was at that moment I realized I shouldn't be guilty for enjoying something that isn't harming anyone or myself. No more than feeling guilty about playing video games, drawing, or anything else I enjoy for that matter.

    It's one of those things where we feel guilty about it because it's just not seen as "normal". What we have to accept is that we don't have to be "normal" and that doesn't make us any less of a person. We are who we are.
    That's brilliant. ^^

  6. #6

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    Quote Originally Posted by SallyJayy View Post
    My fiancÚ can be in little space and be perfectly happy.Other days he will regret being and abdl and tells me "What would other people think if they found out".It is such a downer because I want him to be happy fully happy but I know he will always feel guilty about wearing diapers and being the way he is.I try to tell him everything will be ok that he should never be ashamed but sometimes I dont know what to do.Can anybody give me some advice has anybody ever felt like this?
    In addition to what everyone else has said remind him that you love and accept him as he is and enjoy him being your little.

  7. #7

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    Keep in mind it is a part of you. For your whole life this part will stay right there. Thus, it is not healthy to constantly think less of you. Also, most people have a little weird in them. Only some are brave enough to accept it and live it and only few will actually be honest about it. So the question you might ask yourself should not be "What would the others think" but "I wonder what kind of dirty little secrets the others have?" And of course, what others think of you will not affect you in any way as long as they are strangers. There is nothing wrong with you.

  8. #8

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    Some great advice already, I just wanted to add a couple of points.

    I am sure you have talked about this issue at length but one thing that sprung to mind when reading your post was a situation I found myself in with a partner. It was not about ABDL issues but it was a different fetish that they felt guilty about having. They also said similar things about what would happen if people found out about it. I remember explaining that it was only me they had told and there was no reason or situation that would require me to tell anyone else about what we were up to. I reassured that what was happening was just for us, our enjoyment and nobody else was allowed to enter the special circle of expression we had created.

    Maybe trying to turn your secret into a positive could make your love for each other stronger. Focusing on your enjoyment of this and not the negative may bring about self acceptance and possibly bring you closer together. Yes it is weird, yes it is hard for others to understand and yes it could potentially lead to difficult situations. But how many couples do weird things for each other to satisfy each others desires? Probably the vast majority of couples. It is what love is about, making each others lives enjoyable. Talk about how lucky you both are to have found each other and how lucky you are to be able to express yourselves in these ways.

  9. #9

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    I will mention this only because when someone is down about something such as this (I.E.) like their inability to accept themselves it can have unfortunate circumstances as it did in my case. I should also note that after I joined this group some time ago I rarely commented and instead decided that what worked for me was gleaning insight and advice from others. I would love to be able to return the favor if I could so here goes…
    I had developed this regression issue when very little at age five. I kept it hidden from my older siblings as well as my mother because, “Well let’s face it, I didn’t want to get in trouble and didn’t want to have my sisters ridicule me. At that age and because of circumstances the chance to indulge came about very rarely which just made the anxiety all that much worse. Aside from that, my mother almost directly after her divorce from our father resulted in her finding religion. While I have no issue’s with having spirituality in anyone’s life, this particular “knock on your door on Saturday morning” cult did a lot of damage to me and my head. I remember from a young age that if I did anything that was not seen as fitting within their narrow defined view of normal, I would incur the wrath of not only the churches hierarchy but from God himself. Try dealing with all that well before age ten!
    By the time, I was I 13 or 14 years old I stumbled into the wonderful world of what is termed now, “Avoidant Personality Disorder” which simply put means, no one need make fun of you, put you down, or make you think you are not normal because you are already doing that to yourself! This was something I suffered with a long time before finally deciding in my late 30’s to talk it out with a professional and get to the root of the issue. Wanna guess why any kid who is covertly into the AB realm might wind up trying to convince themselves that there is something wrong with them, even if they’re only saying it to themselves in their own head? Everyone knows the teenage years are hell on earth for a variety of reasons. Let’s not forget that the average teen is a walking chemical stew! Anyone remember ache? So if you are a teenager, before the advent of the internet, having no idea what this is that you are into (before the ever popular AB/DL acronym!) before finally hearing the word infantilism in your early twenties after discovering this thing called the internet, it’s safe to say that you have dealt with a lot of self-hate and self-doubt rolling around in your head for a long time.
    The best thing to do in this case when you are 14 years old is to start eating just like I did. Gotta love the epic high fat, high carb, even higher carb, high sugar, regular soda, routine that you put yourself through every damn day because you think that eating till you drop will make you feel better and hopefully ease the pain that you been putting yourself through, the suffering you do in silence because you think that you are alone, that there is no one else out there like you, you are weird, a freak, not worthy of being around anyone else or even worthy of being around you!!
    By the time I was around 15&1/2 I started drinking more and more soda’s and anything else with sugar in it to simply feel better. I always felt down in the dumps at regular intervals and when I hit 16 years old, I hit a very serious wall! I was diagnosed with Type 1 insulin dependent Juvenile Diabetes. That was 28 years ago! I am for the most part okay but I realize that my life has probably been cut short, I know there are things I cannot do, would not be allowed to do, would not be up to doing and it makes me sad!
    Why??
    When discussing my long hatred of myself over my infantilism issue’s with a qualified person who listened and helped me understand why the whole thing started ( I got to blame my parents!!!) I sat there still, asking why did the universe pick me to have to deal with something like….this? I was told that acceptance was key and it was literally a matter of survival in my case and here is why and it is in this point that I humbly offer this advice to others who deal with what this persons fiancÚ is dealing with now…. And here it is.
    I was told by a pro that if not directly then possibly indirectly my childhood diabetes was caused by me! Ok that one kinda scared me! In my case as in the case of others who are afflicted with this disease, it is an auto-immune disorder. That means that your immune system has attacked some part of you and thus something probably bad happens. Well why? Could it be possible that because your head makes you think that you are somehow not normal, that you are damaged, that your flat-out crazy that this might influence your health? Remember that when we are upset emotionally and mentally and suffer in silence for a long time without the problem being resolved there is the potential for serious threats to our health. A person is not made up of purely physical health! We must remember that while physical health is important, it can be negatively influenced when there is an imbalance in the emotional and mental components of your health.
    When we hear of someone who is like us who is in the midst of one of those all too familiar phases of !@#%^&^()&^ why me?? Why did this happen to me?? It’s best to remember that there is potentially a lot more at stake then just their temporary sullen mood.
    To the person who asked the question you are to be applauded for your show of concern!! I do not have someone in my life and really don’t expect to but this person who feels this way has you! Hopefully he exercise’s, eats right and takes care of himself anyway because it is simply not healthy to not be able to accept something like this. I know from experience that damage that can be caused when one does not do something very important for themselves and that is simply cut yourself a break.
    You’ll live longer…..

  10. #10

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    I don't have anything to add to what's already been said, but I do want to say I've suffered through the same feelings so he should know he's not alone.

    It does get better, and he doesn't have to always feel this shame. Being accepted and protected is the way to get there. Maybe encourage him to join us here and see first hand that he's not alone?

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