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Thread: Overcoming the "babyish" feeling emotionally

  1. #1

    Default Overcoming the "babyish" feeling emotionally

    I've been wearing 24/7 for a number of years due to my incontinence and need to wear the most absorbent nappy style pads to deal with my severe incontinence.
    As a kid, I too wore drynites and then small incontinence nappies to handle my problem.

    Despite being fairly accepting of my problem and fairly content with having to use nappies, I still sometimes can't get away from that babyish feeling which also makes me feel quite trapped as I know that it's either use my nappy or cause a great deal of mess and embarrassment to myself. The emotions are so strong that I sometimes try and kid myself that if I don't wear a nappy, the problem might just stop- I tried this recently and it ended up being quite embarrassing.
    In particular, at night I sleep in pyjamas but I sometimes can't help but feel really horrible and babyish when I see the bulge of my nappy under my pyjama bottoms.

    Also, first thing when I wake up in the morning I check to see the state of my pad and more often than not, it's fairly wet and my pyjama bottoms are damp- The feeling, smell and the emotions that go with it make me feel pretty babyish.
    When I've had an accident during the day, the sentastion and feeling of it really seems to affect me emotionally also. This seems to be the last stumbling block to overcome now that I'be accepted that my incontinence is here for the long term and it's certainly the hardest thing to get over.

  2. #2

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    I'm 74 years old and have been dealing with incontinence issues ever since I experienced a surgical mishap when I was 14. Although I don't recall that my need for diapers made me feel particularly babyish, I was for many years intensely embarrassed about my incontinence, and I have at times experienced ridicule about my incontinence. The ridicule was especially bad when I was in high school. However, these days wearing a diaper 24/7 is just part of my routine; and I rarely think anything about it except for practical matters such as insuring that I always have an adequate supply of diapers and always have a change with me anytime I go outside the house for more than two or three hours at a time. Of course I also do all the things that you describe, such as evaluating whether my bed and pyjamas are damp in the morning and periodically checking the condition of my diaper during the day so that I change before the diaper leaks. But all that is just a routine part of my life that is comparable in many ways to being sure that I always have my glasses and that I clean them whenever necessary. I think that the most important thing about changing my attitude about needing to wear a diaper was just the passage of time. The unpleasant emotional side effects of being incontinent just gradually dissipated over time. Another factor was discovering via the internet that so many other people are dealing successfully with the need (and desire) to wear diaper. So hang in there. Your negative feelings about needing to wear diapers will dissipate gradually.

  3. #3

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    Our society unfortunately links incontinence to infancy and toddlerhood. It's understandable, I suppose: these are the universal times of life when people are incontinent and require the protection of diapers. However, that fact causes no end of emotional problems for IC people who have no ABDL tendencies. (Those of us who do have them, at least to a degree, are fortunate: we have never had to deal with that particular emotional weight. There are, of course, so many others...)

    You find yourself trapped in that societal standard. Inconinmiss is right: the feelings will in fact dissipate over time, but I understand how hard it can be right now to be facing a physical issue you can't control that also leaves you emotionally scarred. Saying "it will all be OK some day" is scant comfort even if it is true. And I can't exactly tell you to go develop a diaper fetish to make yourself more comfortable. All I can really say is this: you're in the right place and doing the right thing. It's the same with any problem: alcoholics are better off if they join AA; people who have lost someone are better off if they join a grief group. Here you are surrounded by others who know what you are dealing with and, even if we can't stop you from feeling what you feel, we can at least commiserate.

    And we can tell you that it will get better. Even society will get better. It's already happening. Depends is consciously trying to change the way the world looks at adult diapers...just in time for the Boomers to buy tons of them. They have based mainstream ad campaigns on it, casting celebs to wear their products...young celebs. Things will change, but that takes time. For now, you are who you are, and you need to deal with your own emotions. We're here for you.

  4. #4

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    Quote Originally Posted by Slip92 View Post
    I've been wearing 24/7 for a number of years due to my incontinence and need to wear the most absorbent nappy style pads to deal with my severe incontinence.
    As a kid, I too wore drynites and then small incontinence nappies to handle my problem.

    Despite being fairly accepting of my problem and fairly content with having to use nappies, I still sometimes can't get away from that babyish feeling which also makes me feel quite trapped as I know that it's either use my nappy or cause a great deal of mess and embarrassment to myself. The emotions are so strong that I sometimes try and kid myself that if I don't wear a nappy, the problem might just stop- I tried this recently and it ended up being quite embarrassing.
    In particular, at night I sleep in pyjamas but I sometimes can't help but feel really horrible and babyish when I see the bulge of my nappy under my pyjama bottoms.

    Also, first thing when I wake up in the morning I check to see the state of my pad and more often than not, it's fairly wet and my pyjama bottoms are damp- The feeling, smell and the emotions that go with it make me feel pretty babyish.
    When I've had an accident during the day, the sentastion and feeling of it really seems to affect me emotionally also. This seems to be the last stumbling block to overcome now that I'be accepted that my incontinence is here for the long term and it's certainly the hardest thing to get over.
    I don't know if I have anything positive to add though, I've been incontinent my whole life both bladder and bowel incontinent. And as you said when you wake up in the morning the first thing you want to know is how bad your accidents were during the night. Nearly every night I will have a bowel accident I don't getting woken up for.,...... So in the morning it's really unpleasant to wake up in a bowel filled and wet diaper..... Earlier the babyish feeling was there, but as I got older it was more of a feeling of self disgust..... It still comes to my mind sometimes if I get into a bad mood after a bad bowel accident. I understand that feelings eventually change and you get used to the routine but I just get highs and lows. It's a rollercoaster of feelings because I always try to enjoy myself but there might be a few days I just negatively contemplate on how unclean I sometimes feel having so many bowel accidents every day, going through sometimes 5 diapers.... It's just depressing.
    Of coarse I'm going to give myself a lot of credit of trying to stay clean. I clean up obsessively and always make sure I smell nice around anybody, even if I have an accident I try my best to conceal it and it works....... But the whole time I'm thinking of how terrible the situation is, I won the situation by not letting my accident give out odor or give me rashes or an infection but I still feel like crap.

    Kerry is right, sometimes it is society that might be judging and looking at your problem, but for me it is also myself and trying to accept that this is what I have to deal with.

    Sorry if I sound negative here but I just get into that mood sometimes where I hate myself sometimes. I don't know if I'll get used to it over time but I definitely know that overall as I said I enjoy the moments which make me glad to be alive and I just thrive on achievements and setting goals,
    Everyone has some talent, or some potential for something and that's what you should perfect and be satisfied by.

  5. #5

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    Personally I say why try to overcome it, when you can embrace it instead. There really is nothing wrong with feeling babyish. Most AB's will tell you it is a very stress relieving and positive experience. And I am one of them.

    Regardless though, being embarrassed because you have those feelings (whether you embrace or overcome them) is something in itself you can overcome. Try talking to someone you trust about it, maybe even a therapist. That's what they are there for.

  6. #6

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    Well,

    I agree with slomo...

    I used to try to deny or be mad at having the little feelings! Now that is why I've become or embraced the ab side to a point...

    I've been ic since birth due to spinal meningitis as an infant, nearly died!

    Anyhow, I just go with it, and I'm much happier and handle accidents and issue much better!

    Try allowing yourself some non judgement...let loose a bit, and relax...

  7. #7

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    Same here I learned to quickly acept and embrace my need for nappies after becoming incontinent. My wife supports me in this too.

  8. #8

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    I used to be so embarrassed about my incontinence, especially the diaper aspect. It felt so unnatural to wear a diaper, yet at the same time I knew that my options were either don a diaper, or pee/poop all over myself.
    What helped me honestly was telling people about my issues and developing a support system. Many of my friends are disabled and as have the same issues I do. With the knowledge that the people around me were aware of my problems and couldn't care less, I found it easier to go places. In realize now that even though it may seem like the entire world is starring at you, no one notices and no one gives a crap. I don't feel embarrassed about my incontinence anymore and diapers are just a part of my daily life. I've come to the realization that a diaper is just an article of clothing, and I treat it as such.

    The inability to control going to the bathroom isn't an easy thing to accept, but finding a support system is a good start.

  9. #9

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    I think we've all been there or at least been conscious of how we look - with the emotions that can bring - and I agree with all the comments here. It takes some adjustment both to your routine and to get your head round things before you reach a point where you realise they're a necessity and start seeing them in a different light.

    I sometimes look in the mirror when I've put on a diaper and I'm not sure what I think really - I don't really think anything negative now - I think I've just got used to it. They're just underwear. Plasticy, padded underwear. But then I know I'll be putting a onesie t-shirt on top; then some jeans; then I look like everyone else. Nobody but me, my wife and my doctor know ... so unless there are loads of diaper-watching experts out there, I think I'll pass as normal.

    I have to admit I can't get away with some of the diapering techniques; laying flat on the bed and doing it on my back feels a bit babyish. So I tend to stand to change my diaper. Lean against a wall to hold the back of the diaper in place and then pull the front round and stick it tight. Kinda feels more like putting on underwear that way. Whilst I use creams when I spot some nappy rash setting in I don't tend to routinely use baby powder unless I feel like I need help "drying out" down below or on to reduce friction between my legs and the diaper. Plus the dust goes everywhere.

    Potentially the type and style of diaper may impact what you think too. I had some Molicares at one point early on in my "find the right diaper" journey and they were pinky purple; bloody good diapers; but bizarre colour choice for a unisex diaper. Also had Molicares with pink writing on too. Some brands are quite light on the patterns; others have motifs, shapes, logos all over them. I feel most comfortable, aesthetically, in plain white (or almost plain white) diapers. They feel less ... institutional.

    Not sure any of that helps

  10. #10

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    The last two posts, I think, contain different but excellent advice that the OP might be able to use. This forum is of course one support group; there are many others, and it's important to get yourself to an emotional place where you feel good about yourself and the facts of your circumstances. That will help you to get to the place described by thenexus: understanding that a diaper is "just underwear" of a different variety.

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