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Thread: What is it like?

  1. #1

    Default What is it like?

    I myself am not incontinent, but I was wondering what it would be like. How do you manage #1 and #2 accidents, do you change right away? Do you change in public?

  2. #2


    I don't generally change right away, it's just not practical. I tend to void too often really to make a count of my wettings, but anywhere between 3 and 5 hours if I haven't had a BM is the general rule for me. And I generally try to get changed within the next 30 minutes if I've had a BM, preferrably sooner, but half an hour is the absolute limit before I start getting uncomfortable and anxious.

    And yes, I get changed in public. Because of my spinal problems it is difficult for me to bend, which makes changing myself incredibly difficult. Impossible if I've messed. So my wife typically helps me, I go to a local coffee shop between classes at the University and they know me, in unfamiliar locations my wife will typically ask the manager or attendant permission for us to use the restroom for it. They almost always oblige.

  3. #3


    In the UK and many other countries there are laws to provide adapted restrooms for disabled people. IC is a disability but the general public do not always accept it as such and challenge IC people because they think they are cheating bu using facilities they are not entitled to. I don't think it is fair for non IC people who wear nappies to use these facilities (but don't take any moral position about actually wearing -whatever the motivation). On the other and a diaper is a diaper and if it needs changing it makes sense for the most appropriate facility to be used.

  4. #4


    Can't speak to fecal incontinence only urinary. What is is like? It sucks! At first it's embarrassing. You wonder how you'll ever deal with this. Do I really need diapers? You might have a or a series of wetting accidents in public. Ask me about the time I wet my pants in the food court at the mall and had to walk past hundreds of people with soaked pants.

    Eventually you kind of accept needing diapers. You get into a routine and learn how to manage it well. You get past the embarrassment for the most part unless someone new finds out. For me, only my wife and doctor know. I don't think you can tell I'm wearing diapers, but for all I know everyone at works suspects it...who knows, no one's ever said anything.

    I change mostly on a schedule. Earlier if needed depending on my input/output. I wear Northshore Supreme Lites during the day and Abena L4 to bed. I find I can put a NSL on right before leaving the house in the morning and it's good until around 11:30 or so. I'll change again around 2, and once more right at 5 before leaving the office. I go to the gym to run on the way home and usually change again before leaving the gym. That last diaper typically lasts until bed time and I put the Abena on.

    Sometimes the times vary depending on my schedule at work and what I'm drinking. I work an office 9-5 type job but if meetings get in the way I might change sooner rather than later.

    You get to know your body and your output after a while and learn to trust your diapers. When I first realized I had to go 24/7 I was changing way more than needed and it's just not economical. A good premium diaper will hold 40+ actual ounces before leaking. While they might have ISO capacities twice that, we all know they tend to fail long before reaching that point (as we wet in the front, and all that capacity in the back is "wasted").

    I don't have accidents every time I pee. It's maybe half the time now. But every time I pee it's in a diaper now. I don't see any good reason to fuss with tapes, pull diapers down, try to re tape and end up ruining a diaper. It's easier to just accept that since I'm in diapers, I really don't need the toilet anymore other than for bowel movements. I used to feel guilty about this, using my diaper when not having an actual accident but I'm over it now.

    As far as changing in public, yes. I change where and when I need to change. I don't have the luxury of waiting until I get home. No diaper is going to last me an entire work day plus both commutes. This necessitates changing in public. At work I try to sneak into the mens room when no one else is in there and try to be super quiet. I've learned there are a few times a day when the mens room is slow and I take advantage. Mostly though I walk up the street to Wendy's and use their bathroom. This way I'm less like to be found out by coworkers. It's worked well for me. I also run at the gym every night. This means changing in to gym shorts in front of people. I wear underarmour compression shorts over my diaper, but I know everyone at the gym knows I wear diapers. I don't know any of them personally so I don't care. I shower after the run and have to re diaper up. I do this at my locker and anyone who happens to be in there will see it. I'm not an exhibitionist but I decided a while back that I'm not letting this condition screw up my life. If every other guy in the locker room walks around with his dong out, changes into their underwear (I've seen dudes wear everthing from boxers to thongs) then there's no reason I can't change into my underwear too. Initially I had planned to put my diaper on in a stall or in the little area right outside the shower but I'm still to wet and need to dry off a bit. Plus there's not a lot of room there and stuff would get wet.

    It's all a real pain in the ass though. Diapers can get pretty uncomfortable when you never have a chance to go without one. Often they're not that bad and sometimes you even forget you're wearing one. But sometimes you get rashes or if it's hot out it can get pretty lousy. There's also the economics. I use my health savings account but I still have to buy a lot of diapers out of pocket. 4-6 diapers a day at 1.50-1.60 per piece adds up fast. I'm good for at least $240 a month. More if you add in wipes, creams, ointments etc.

    It also impacts intimacy with the wife. She's good about it, but we can't ever have spontaneous rip each others clothes off sex anymore. All sex starts with me needing to go change/clean up or her asking if my diaper is wet. That is a huge mood killer. We make it work and she's been awesome about everything, but it's hard sometimes.

    It's also a pain when travelling. Extra stuff to pack, sometimes facing extra baggage fees because of it. Sometimes we go for weekends out of state to stay with some friends who don't know. I bring gallon size ziplock bags and double bag each diaper and pack them back to take with us. It's a pain.

    I've been in diapers not even a full year now, but it feels like forever. I'm quite used to it. I accept it and I manage it. I don't think I'll ever be a DL, but I can say that I do now get some comfort from my diapers. They feel like the "right" thing to wear now...not sure if that makes sense. I like that I feel confident enough to know I'm not going to have wet pants in front of people. I find them oddly comfortable most times, except for those noted above. I feel very weird when not wearing a diaper, like afraid I might spring a leak at any second and want to just get a diaper back on ASAP. I think it's just a comfort thing in knowing I have the right tool for my problem, but there's no fetish angle to it for me.

  5. #5


    "What is it like?"

    Hmmm...let's see...

    Of course it varies from person to person. I, for example, am completely mobile and only bladder incontinent, so I don't have things anywhere near as bad as some folks here. But even in this limited IC perspective, I can tell you this much:

    It's a pain in the butt.

    Oh, sure, there is some degree of freedom in not needing, for example, to leave a meeting or a movie in the middle when nature calls. (I can't even remember what that emergency feeling feels like at this point.) But that freedom does not countermand the fact that being diapered 24/7 means being diapered 24/7. This is not a fantasy. It is not a thing I can just stop when it gets inconvenient. As has already been brought up, it means always having spare diapers with me so that I can change myself if I need to. It means using public facilities to do so when that occurs, no matter how embarrassing that might be. It means strict limitations on my wardrobe because of the bulk of the diapers--even though I know that they are visible anyway if anyone actually looked for them. It means dealing with crinkling sounds and odors and leaks when they occur, because no matter how careful you are you can't always prevent them.

    It means in my case that all of my grown children--and all of their friends who routinely come into my house--know of my condition. There is no real way to hide all of my diaper and cleaning supplies in this tiny townhouse. I don't entertain, but they do. I don't really care...but some people definitely would.

    It means when you travel you need pretty much an entire large suitcase just for diapers. And if you stay in someone's house long enough to acquire any amount of dirty ones, you pretty much need to let them know. Oh, and hotel maids know, too.

    It means you really are almost never dry. I wear premium diapers like Dry 24/7s or Seni Quattros. They last for hours. But when I change them, I'm usually wet again shortly after. Sometimes I might be in a dry diaper for an hour or two. Sometimes not even ten minutes.

    (You might wonder if I know when I am going. Yes. I do. At least most of the time. I just can't stop it. Sometimes my diaper overflows when I don't think it should; I wonder if I'm wetting without knowing it.)

    It means deciding, after using the toilet to take care of BMs, whether to abandon an only partially used expensive premium diaper or rediaper myself with one that is already wet. I make different decisions each time.

    It means having to empty the kitchen garbage can daily, as it is pretty much always filled with diapers, and we don't even need to do that much cooking for just two of us.

    It means nearly annual searches for new go-to diapers when manufacturers discontinue or make fundamental changes to the ones you have been using.

    It means tons of painful and intrusive testing by urologists.

    I could go on. But you ask, "what is it like?" And I say that, basically, it isn't like a story. Real life rarely is.

  6. #6


    Fantastic description Kerry. Hit the nail on the head for me.

    I have OAB with bad urge incontinence. I always know I'm going too bc my accidents are always preceded by a sever urge and then a gush no matter how hard I try to hold it. I could lose 3 oz of urine of a full bladder. Usually it's towards the latter. I do wonder sometimes, like as you pointed out if maybe there are times now where I'm just leaking without even realizing it..when a diaper is overloaded by I don't feel like I've wet that much. I need to pay more attention to this and see if I can confirm.

    The biggest obstacles for me are travelling with massive amounts of diapers, and trying to hide it from friends and aquaintances. I've gotten over the embarrassment and shame of strangers in public bathrooms knowing. I'd certainly prefer they didn't, but realistically it's impossible to hide what you're doing in the stall with all that plastic crinkling and sound of the tapes.

  7. #7


    What Kerry says is true, it's different from person to person and what led to their incontinence.
    I'm both bladder and bowel incontinent and while urinary incontinence it's a pain to deal with there's nothing as degrading as having a bowel accident. Worst part is I don't have any feeling/urge, or control. It just goes without any resistance.....I only know I'm having an accidental because it's filling up the diaper which is just such a bad feeling and it can happen at any time...... Just in the middle of stuff I'm doing it would just throw me off sometimes. And the hassle of trying to keep away from diaper rashes and infections is tiring, I usually have 3-4 bowel accidents a day, good knows how much I pee, it's frustrating.
    Waking up nearly every morning to a bowel filled diaper is just so degrading and the fact that I've wet it too makes it worse. After a bowel accident I try to change as soon as possible, but unfortunately sometimes a properly accessible bathroom isn't always close by. Otherwise with the protection I use it can manage a lot of wetting accidents, which is good cause I don't know when I'm having one unless I'm focusing on the feeling..... While it's not the most serious issue a person could go through in this world, socially and emotionally it's just a massive obstacle, having to buy so many diapers is another big expenditure to take into account cause diapers aren't cheap......

  8. #8


    I started out as a diapered bedwetter (along with 2 sisters, my other siblings not affected.) and I attribute my early years of being diapered to my abdl proclivities. Those of us needing diapers were not treated any differently. It was all rather matter of fact practicality. My mom was a nurse and handled all diaper changing compassionately. She knew it was beyond our control and never shamed us. She would however, get exasperated from time to time, especially when there was an accidental BM involved. I was dry and out of diapers at 12 1/2. My older sister wet until she was 16 and my little sister at 18. I knew that I had a special feeling when in diapers and thus my abdl years began. Back then we were in cloth diapers and plastic pants so there was never a problem with availability that young abdls have in the age of disposables. By the time I was out of diapers disposables were just gaining in popularity. My abdl activities were never obsessive or compulsive and i only indulged 1 or 2x a week if that. Move ahead several decades and post intestinal surgery (see my profile for details) I developed very severe urgency. My bladder wasn't affected. It didn't take long before my abdl tendencies faded. I was dealing with painful, severe urgency and mostly loose BM's. It was, as you might imagine, a shameful, embarrassing time in my life. The transition back to diapers wasn't difficult because of my previous history. But the loose stools, untimely accidents and nightmarish changes only added to my feelings of low self esteem. I complained enough to my pcp and was told that particular side effect was rare and probably temporary. Wrong. I was finally advised to use a bulk producing fiber supplement. After I started using Metamucil the loose BM's cleared up but not the urgency. I also began to have more frequent accidents, not less. The size of the BM's were much larger. The volume enormous. I was willing to endure these new developments just to not have such disgusting loose accidents. I wasn't really considered full on incontinent because I could make it to the bathroom if I was close enough and get there fast. That, however, rarely happened. I also detested having to change in public so I usually didn't. I had to wear better protection and develope a way to dress that best hid my diapers. Over a period of years I started to accept my condition and more importantly, myself. Family and a few close friend were in the know and did thier best to treat me as if nothing was wrong. The diapers were just a different underwear. My interest in any abdl activity slowly began to appeal to me. So when I was in the mood, spending a few days in abdl mode was enjoyable. The rest of the time, not so much. My bladder control was pretty good but for convenience I mostly used my diapers. I was as practical as I could manage. I use Desitin ( zinc oxide ) to prevent rashes and Nullo to reduce odor. My protection is a dry 24/7 as a "diaper liner" under a cloth pull-up diaper with heavy gage plastic pants. Bulky? Yes. But with proper dress and yes, attitude, nobody could really tell unless they had a very keen eye and looking for it. All I can tell you is it's as inconvenient as hell and until you accept and "own it", an overall difficult and time consuming condition to have. I am thankful that my disability is manageable. Would I rather be blind or in a wheel chair? No. Am I an unfortunate person with cerebral palsey? No. I suppose that's always one way to look at it. There are always people worse off. Does that make dealing with accidents and wearing diapers easier? No. But like I said, it is what it is. I still lead a full and active life. I still play golf, I still go kayaking and try not to limit myself. I had a successful career, retired young at 55 and enjoy life as best I can.

  9. #9

  10. #10


    Quote Originally Posted by Slomo View Post
    What's it like? Why not just try it and find out for yourself.
    1. One does not "try" being incontinent. One either is or isn't.

    2. I believe that the point of most of these comments—I know it was the point of mine—has been that this is not a thing to covet. Sure, I "get" the AB/DL fantasy thing: the whole "being a baby" thing. But that is not our reality. We are adults, needing to be adults in an adult world, dealing with this issue while living in and moving through that world. And my concerns, embarrassment, and inconvenience are nothing compared to that of someone like miapeters who is bowel incontinent. She explained the difference perfectly; does it sound at all like a fantasy? Remember: she is in the real world, where clean-up is hard and awkward and often limited to a handicapped stall, and there is no one aiding you.

    Thus I repeat:

    "What is it like?" Nothing you'd actually want to have to deal with.

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