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Thread: Career/Fear in the way of a meaningful relationship? What-do?

  1. #1

    Default Career/Fear in the way of a meaningful relationship? What-do?


    First post here. A friend told me I should try reaching out to this forum to seek suggestions. Just want to say this first (not that I can believable convey this over an internet forum in which I have no standing): I'm probably going to sound kind of paranoid, maybe a bit nuts-o, but in reality, I really am a very sociable person, I promise. Maybe a bit comically neurotic at times, but sociable.

    I should start by saying, I am very much a monogamous person. Multiple partners/play partners isn't really my thing. But basically, the issue is this: I can't find someone I'm compatible with both in a vanilla sense and in a kink sense. I've spent so many years on SecondLife, so many years on Fetlife. I've tried dating Apps kinky and not, but I can't find anyone. And here comes the real issue, and the part that is going to sound paranoid. I know people are going to tell me one of two things, "go to a munch" or "find someone you connect with normally and then tell them and hope they accept you." The issue with both is I could very easily ruin my career, or what little there is of it, by doing either of those things. My job is very public, and blackmail, or rumors could easily send my career into a death spiral. I'm not trying to imply that everyone at a munch or ex-girlfriends are all out to get me. But, I can be quite an anxious person, and knowing that it only takes one person to go blabbing to ruin everything, constantly haunts me.

    It's been years upon years since I've had a real relationship, and I feel like fear of this kink being found out is what is keeping me from opening myself up to finding the right person. Surely, other people have experienced this conflict of romance, kink, and career? What do I do? Where do I look? It's actually starting to be a real emotional strain, making me despise my kink, and hurting my work.

  2. #2


    Hi and I'm sorry no one has discovered this thread except me.

    This is the problem that most of us have. I'm a church music director, so being discovered would be a real job killer. I was married for many years before I told my wife. Fortunately she was very accepting so things worked out well, but there are never any guarantees. I think what happens for most people is that they get miserable and something has to give. Either they give up diapers or they give up dating, neither being a good alternative. When that fails they simply have to risk it I divulge their strange little secret.

    I think that in the big picture, many people have some sort of kink, and really, that's all it is: a kink. There are so many worse things that one can do. You have to come to terms with the fact that you enjoy wearing and using diapers, and then it will be easier to tell someone else. It really comes down to self acceptance, which can be very difficult.

    I think, from what you've said, that you already know this. I would try normal dating and see where it leaves. I was attracted to my wife because she was a free thinker. We were both radical in college, back in the late '60s. I was a member of UNDO and a person of interest to the FBI and my wife was a member of the SDS. I actually told her that I had lived an exclusively gay life when in college and she still married me, so I should have never doubted that she would have accepted the diapers. You need to find a wild girl!

  3. #3


    What does your heart tell you to do?

    Your questions are very real and very important to not only you, but for others who may be struggling with similar questions. As far as career goes, I more than understand your situation, as my own situation is very similar. My identity outside of being little is very public, and it would be very harmful to my existing position and career aspirations if this was made public. Don't get me wrong, I am not ashamed for being little and my diaper interests. I truly feel it makes me a better person and I have a better understanding and perspective of life because of being able to see things not only as an adult, but still as a child. It gives me the capacity to relate with others not just with being ABDL, but in many other facets of life. But the fact remains that many do not understand this interest, or even if they do, they may shy away from it because of it seemingly being out of the "norm".

    So, having said that, yes, I think you should do your best to keep this side of yourself private from your "public" view as in many situations it could be detrimental to your career. Not all jobs or positions are like that, but if you happen to be in one that does, such as my own, then it is important to take precautions not to let these things be known beyond those whom you fully trust.

    So, where does that fit into a relationship? Well, like any type of relationship, you can't force something to happen. This isn't just about you, but about another person who also is looking for a relationship and finding the person that they can share themselves with and have a mutual love and concern for each other. So, my recommendations are to simply be yourself. Hopefully diapers or being little isn't the only things that you have a major interest in. I say this, simply because there truly are so many other things in life beyond diapers and being ABDL. I know for some that they truly get so caught up in this desire that it engulfs them, and they wnat to be ABDL full-time. But the reality in life is that you are not a baby. You are an adult who also associates with the little part of yourself that whether is is just a diaper interest or a more thorough regression to being little, it still will NEVER make you become physically a baby. And geesh, there is so much else in this world to experience that while being a baby you would never get to see.

    But, I digress....

    So where should you turn? Do you go to ABDL munches as you had expressed, do you search dating sites and indicate your ABDL interests? Do you spend your time on other ABDL sites just looking to meet someone?

    My recommendation is not to have this mindset at all. Continue to be the person that you are besides just being ABDL. Participate in those activities that you have an interest in. Above all, just be yourself. When the time is right, things will happen and that magical spark of romance will present itself. This could happen outside of your ABDL interests, or it could happen while you are online on an ABDL website such as Daily Diapers, ADISC, or other place. But don't try to force it to happen. Don't sole source out to ABDL sites as that may not be where you will find the person that you and they fall in love. It could be that is where you meet that someone, but it often may not be.

    But as you meet someone, and the relationship grows, you do at some point need to share this part of yourself. It is a risky venture sure, as they may not understand and it could stop the relationship from progressing. But that is a good thing in the fact that if they cannot accept this part of who you are, then you probably need to be investing your time elsewhere.

    I can guarantee you that there is someone out there who will understand you and love you for all of who you are. But part of them meeting you and developing this relationship is in your efforts to love them and show them how much you care for them and want to give them the interest and understanding they need.

    Finally, while I respect Dogboy's comments and he is an amazing individual with very great perspective and insight, I have to share that I don't believe you need to "find a wild girl".

    If that is what you are into, sure, there is nothing wrong with that. But to have a relationship with someone who loves you and engages with you in your ABDL interests does not require that person to be "wild" or in an extreme situation of accepting fetishes or such sort. What I truly believe is that finding a lasting relationship with someone is built upon finding someone who shares in common interests in general as your own, and then you build a love that you both care so much for each other that the other person's interests and desires become that of your own. A blending of yourself and them in a manner where both of you love each other and not only accept each other's "kinks", but where it becomes something that glues you together as one.

    I hope that in some manner these thoughts may help. Do not give up hope and do not become desperate in your search for a relationship. Let it happen naturally and it will happen. Just be yourself. Being yourself will then lead you to someone who loves you for who you are and not for any facade that you might try to portray to attract someone to you.

    Realize also that the person you hope to be in a relationship also has their own needs and looking for a relationship with someone who will fulfill them. You do not have the "trump" card (eww... I hate that statement in lieu of the current administration) but as it pertains here, you are not the most important person to the success of a relationship. It is an equal importance to both parties in the relationship. Your needs and desires are no more important than your partner. So being the person that the partner that you long for might want you to be is as equal to the success of the relationship as to whether they fully understand you and fulfill your needs.

    Finally, you don't have to compromise your career to find someone to love and who will love you. When you find that right someone, these things will all naturally fall together.

    Just a few thoughts from an eccentric cowboy that wishes you the best in your endeavors.

  4. #4


    Personally I believe you really should just date normally. Of course, I'd recommend you hold off on disclosing you diaper fetish for at least a few months. At least long enough to see if the two of you are compatible. Only when you have her trust and feel comfortable telling her would it be appropriate given your need for discretion.

    And yeah there will always be a risk of your trust being broken. It's really no different even if the other person shares a diaper kink with you. Either you're going to have to make that proverbial leap of faith, or never jump in the first place.

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