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Thread: Would you wait for someone?

  1. #1

    Default Would you wait for someone?

    Hello I am a twenty three year old male, and have decided to wait until marriage to have sex ( yes I am a virgin). I am not religious by any means but I am not an atheist ether. Now I am gearing this question towards women because I am a straight male, but guys can answer as well, in fact are encouraged to reply. This question is universal in that guy girl, girl guy, guy guy, girl girl, trans etc.

    So my question is this. Girls would you wait for a guy (or keep dating) if he said he wanted to wait until marriage to have sex, or would that be a deal breaker?

    To any and all who reply thank you ahead of time.

  2. #2
    MarchinBunny

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    Personally, I would wait if it's what they really wanted to. However, I don't think there is a logically valid reason for it. If anything, I think it's actually quite illogical as sexual interest between partners is typical. Without it, in many situations, you are setting up the relationship to more likely fail. The exception obviously being if your partner also feels the same way or is like me, and sex isn't all that important to them in a relationship. I think for a lot of people it is, and so waiting it out, makes finding someone a bit more difficult I think.

    This is more just my opinion, it's not really based on any sort of facts or anything. It's more like a guess.

  3. #3

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    On a personal level, sexual relations are extremely intimate, and I don't connect easily with people that I don't feel extremely close to. So, while not a hard-and-fast rule, I generally don't engage in sexual relations unless I'm really serious about the person and intend to spend my life with them. Marriage, to me, seems a somewhat artificial thing. What's important is intent. So, to answer your question more directly, "waiting for marriage" isn't a deal breaker. But I wait for the right person that I will eventually marry.

  4. #4

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    Straight guy, would be a deal breaker for me, but probably more due to it reflecting that their belief system is probably incompatible with mine than the sex itself. I have a very lax view on sex and relationships in general and probably wouldn't do well in a relationship with someone with more traditional ideals.

  5. #5

    Default

    I am asexual so my answer is going to be mostly speculative.

    From a logical standpoint, for a sexual couple having sex is going to be an important part of their couple life. As we all are different people, and as the sexual act is something so intimate and personal, I think sexual compatibility is not to be taken for granted, and it could well be that - despite other aspects of couple life going well - the approach one part has to sex doesn't match their partner's, and vice versa. So, my question is, would you really want to wait until after you are married to find out that, perhaps, you and your spouse are not compatible in bed? I see the point of people who want to preserve their virginity for each other, but at the same time, if the two people are interested in having a sex life at some point, I also see more potential drawbacks than benefits in leaving the discovery for after the big step has been done, versus experimenting before making a long term commitment to each other. This way, you'd have the chance to work on potential incompatibilities and, in the worst case, if something turned out to be a deal breaker, find that out before the process of breaking up required going through paperwork.

  6. #6
    MarchinBunny

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    Quote Originally Posted by quattrus View Post
    I am asexual so my answer is going to be mostly speculative.

    From a logical standpoint, for a sexual couple having sex is going to be an important part of their couple life. As we all are different people, and as the sexual act is something so intimate and personal, I think sexual compatibility is not to be taken for granted, and it could well be that - despite other aspects of couple life going well - the approach one part has to sex doesn't match their partner's, and vice versa. So, my question is, would you really want to wait until after you are married to find out that, perhaps, you and your spouse are not compatible in bed? I see the point of people who want to preserve their virginity for each other, but at the same time, if the two people are interested in having a sex life at some point, I also see more potential drawbacks than benefits in leaving the discovery for after the big step has been done, versus experimenting before making a long term commitment to each other. This way, you'd have the chance to work on potential incompatibilities and, in the worst case, if something turned out to be a deal breaker, find that out before the process of breaking up required going through paperwork.
    Ahh, that I feel is perfectly said. Very great points made.

  7. #7

  8. #8

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    I can see both sides of the argument. If a couple want to remain celibate until marriage, that certainly is something they can do and I respect their philosophy. That said, I have to agree with quattrus that if expressing yourself sexually with your mate is in any way important, that should be explored before marriage. Certainly all of us on this site understand that many people prefer events in their sex life that are outside the box. Look at our glorious president who enjoys being peed on by prostitutes. We all express ourselves differently and that's something that should be at least discussed before the long and expensive commitment of marriage.

    As for me, I was sexually active with others while in high school with both sexes. I went through a lot of changes from high school, college and then out on my own. The growing process can and will change some of our desires and how we understand relationships, including our sexual expression. For that very reason, practice makes maybe not perfect, but a fun night. I had a lot of those.

  9. #9

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    Quote Originally Posted by quattrus View Post
    I am asexual so my answer is going to be mostly speculative.

    From a logical standpoint, for a sexual couple having sex is going to be an important part of their couple life. As we all are different people, and as the sexual act is something so intimate and personal, I think sexual compatibility is not to be taken for granted, and it could well be that - despite other aspects of couple life going well - the approach one part has to sex doesn't match their partner's, and vice versa. So, my question is, would you really want to wait until after you are married to find out that, perhaps, you and your spouse are not compatible in bed? I see the point of people who want to preserve their virginity for each other, but at the same time, if the two people are interested in having a sex life at some point, I also see more potential drawbacks than benefits in leaving the discovery for after the big step has been done, versus experimenting before making a long term commitment to each other. This way, you'd have the chance to work on potential incompatibilities and, in the worst case, if something turned out to be a deal breaker, find that out before the process of breaking up required going through paperwork.
    Well I can see your point, though I prefer to be up front about my preferences. If I ever find someone, well if I find someone who's actually into me. If you're talking about the act itself and not just verbally exploring each others kinks and what not, then I guess I'll just have to cross that bridge when it comes.

  10. #10
    MarchinBunny

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    Quote Originally Posted by ABDL4ever View Post
    Well I can see your point, though I prefer to be up front about my preferences. If I ever find someone, well if I find someone who's actually into me. If you're talking about the act itself and not just verbally exploring each others kinks and what not, then I guess I'll just have to cross that bridge when it comes.
    Ya, he was talking about the act itself. The truth of the matter is, even if you know each other's kinks and what not, actually doing the act itself is fairly different. If you are at all interested in a sexual relationship with the person, you will be doing yourself and them a big disservice. Because if you are married and then find out you are not sexually compatible ... well, I hope you like divorces because of a divorce may be inevitable in your future. Another possibility is you or your significant other decides to look for satisfaction elsewhere and cheats.

    As I said prior, there really is no logical reason to wait all the way till marriage.

    Also, to be honest, I think finding someone who is willing to actually wait is slim these days. Which is also doing yourself another disservice by cutting out a very large percentage of the population from your dating life. Being an AB/DL on top of that, you are going to need all the luck you can get.

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