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Thread: Gift-recieving anxiety/guilt?

  1. #1

    Default Gift-recieving anxiety/guilt?

    So, anybody else have a similar problem or have any idea why I'm having this one? Ever since I was a teenager I have absolutely hated receiving gifts. It's not that I don't care or am ungrateful. It's that for some reason it brings with it anxiety and guilt. Why? I don't know. I don't like being the center of attention to begin with and I always feel like I don't deserve it. Even though all my family and friends know this, they still insist on showering me with gifts on xmas and by birthday (which are only a week apart anyway.) My mom and my one of co-workers are the most persistent. I wish they would stop. I KNOW they mean well, honestly I do- but it just causes me great embarrassment and usually a ton of guilt because I almost NEVER end up using any of the gifts I get because:
    1. Nobody knows how to shop for me at all (which again is fine because I don't want a gift.)
    2. Whenever or IF ever I use said gift, there's a bad memory of receiving it attached to it.
    and
    3. I now feel obligated to wear or use the item and if I don't, I worry about that person feeling hurt, thinking I didn't appreciate their gift to me.

    The reason I bring this up is because today my mom asked me why I haven't been wearing the shoes she bought me for Christmas. First off, I begged her not to spend any money on me because we don't have it anyway and I didn't want anything away. Secondly, they don't fit and it's too late to take them back. I brushed it off and said I would but this is just another example of people not respecting my wishes. I am such a shy person and I hate people spending money on me. If I want something, I'll buy it myself. I don't feel like it's mine otherwise. I feel so guilty.

  2. #2

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    I think everybody is that way to some degree. My late grandmother was the only one who seemed to hit the spot consistently. Sometimes I think she knew me better than I knew myself.

    I don't feel bad about gifts if it turns out to be something I use until it crumbles into dust, and I'm sure the gift givers appreciate that as well.

    Now, Christmas isn't a huge thing with family scattered to the four winds. Mostly gift cards. Some people look down on gift cards, not me. Being genetically cheap, its hard for me to spend money on myself. A gift card is a free pass to get something I wouldn't otherwise, or a get-out-of-jail-free card to pull out when I'm cash strapped. Either way its a feeling of exuberance when I use it... almost like I stole something.

    Funny you should mention shoes. A couple years ago , Mrs. Maxx bought me new cycling shoes, but she knew better than to surprise me. She took me to the shop to try them on. I'm not particular about clothes, but my endurance sports make perfect fitting shoes imperative. If you've ever been on a long ride and got a case of hotfoot 20 miles from home, you understand. She was willing to drop $200 on the fancy racing shoes, but it turned out the cheapest pair in the place fit me the best. So I got some other cycling stuff as well.

    Junior has got me exactly the same pair of hiking boots 3 years in a row (once you find something that fits just so....). First time, we went to the shop to try them on, after that, not necessary. Far more expensive than I would ever have got for myself, and he knows it. He also knows I like them because he never sees me wearing anything else. And most of the miles I put on them are walking his dog while he's at work. I suppose they were a present for the dog as well, and I'm OK with that. Yes, I can get orgasmic over shoes, almost as much as diapers.

  3. #3
    MarchinBunny

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    Ya, I am very similar. Typically before someone gifts me something I have to give them a speech about it.

  4. #4

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    I'm terrible to buy for, especially at Christmas. Like others here, I'd prefer my family to not get me anything. Most small things, if I want them, I just buy them. The things I don't buy for myself are things that no one can afford, like a big spacious beach house.

  5. #5

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    I hate giving people gifts because I always get a lot of anxiety worrying that they won't like it.

  6. #6

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    I give people things a bit randomly. Not really for Christmas or their birthday or any special occasion, just more "Oh, so-and-so would love this" and then it happens. If they don't love it... well... what do I care? There's no pressure really.

  7. #7
    MarchinBunny

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    Quote Originally Posted by Sapphyre View Post
    I give people things a bit randomly. Not really for Christmas or their birthday or any special occasion, just more "Oh, so-and-so would love this" and then it happens. If they don't love it... well... what do I care? There's no pressure really.
    Ya, actually ... I personally enjoy giving things to poeple too lol.

  8. #8

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    This may sound strange but I always gave my Mom gifts on my birthday , without her I would not be here , so I always felt a celebration of my birth should focus on my Mom.

    Sent from my SM-T810 using Tapatalk

  9. #9

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    Yeah I am a lot like that but have been very firm with most people I know including my parents with the "no gifts and ABSOLUTELY no trinkets from your holidays" rule.

    It gets easier the older you get and I found as long as you bring it up a long while before useless events like birthdays or Christmas or peoples planned holidays they are less likely to be offended or waste their money and valuable luggage space on useless stuff.

    Of course if people are persistent you could always tell them the only thing you want is a gift certificate from ABU

  10. #10

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    Quote Originally Posted by Argent View Post
    Of course if people are persistent you could always tell them the only thing you want is a gift certificate from ABU
    Yeah, that would be nice But probably not gonna happen haha.

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