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Thread: Knowing how to die.

  1. #1

    Default Knowing how to die.

    Just a somewhat random topic, but do any of you know how your going to die.

    I myself know that if I don't get hit by a bus or die in some freak accident I will die at my own hand... or someone else's if assisted suicide ever becomes legal in this country.

    I've been thinking about this a bit, and having no job doesn't help because I don't feel like I'm contributing anything to this world. I know I can't die this year, I don't want my death to over shadow my sisters wedding, but I feel more and more that the time is close.

    Just wondering if anyone else feels like this or if it's just me.

  2. #2

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    This is pretty dark.. You don't really need us to tell you you need professional help. Just hang in there, okay

  3. #3

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    Quote Originally Posted by LittleManAlex View Post
    Just a somewhat random topic, but do any of you know how your going to die.

    I myself know that if I don't get hit by a bus or die in some freak accident I will die at my own hand... or someone else's if assisted suicide ever becomes legal in this country.

    I've been thinking about this a bit, and having no job doesn't help because I don't feel like I'm contributing anything to this world. I know I can't die this year, I don't want my death to over shadow my sisters wedding, but I feel more and more that the time is close.

    Just wondering if anyone else feels like this or if it's just me.
    I feel this way all the time, so I can relate

  4. #4

    Default

    2w

    Quote Originally Posted by LittleManAlex View Post
    Just a somewhat random topic, but do any of you know how your going to die.

    I myself know that if I don't get hit by a bus or die in some freak accident I will die at my own hand... or someone else's if assisted suicide ever becomes legal in this country.

    I've been thinking about this a bit, and having no job doesn't help because I don't feel like I'm contributing anything to this world. I know I can't die this year, I don't want my death to over shadow my sisters wedding, but I feel more and more that the time is close.

    Just wondering if anyone else feels like this or if it's just me.
    Hi, Alex,
    I'm sorry to hear things aren't going better. I think what you're describing about being unemployed is not uncommon, although your feelings are intense and deserve attention by a professional. Although the global recession is not as bad as it has been, there are still many people who are unemployed and looking for work. It can be hard not to take it personally because it means being rejected by potential employers, however it really has nothing to do with you. Being unemployed is a major transition in life, but a transition is all it is. You are still finding your way, it does take time, but you'll get there.

    Let's go back in time on this. I recall the stress, anxiety and depression you were dealing with in your last job and how it was affecting you then. Remember how you were at the end of your rope and wanted to die then? Remember the conflict with your employer who didn't understand? You needed to get out of there if you were going to stay alive. You made the right decision to get away from a toxic workplace that was unhealthy and take some time to focus on self-care. It took a lot of courage.

    You (and all of us) are defined by more than just our work. You are a caring brother, son, and uncle who has supported his family through some difficult times and they were lucky to be able rely on you. Don't underestimate how much you mean to them. Yes you do contribute to this world, and in very significant ways. It may be hard for you to see that right now when you suffer from depression, but I see it and truly believe it.

    Alex, you have brought such a sense of fun to this site and I hate seeing you feel like this. Being unemployed can be very stressful and it can wear you down, I understand that. But the feelings you are experiencing right now are likely a result of depression as much as the employment situation, although the two are linked. It sounds like you may not be in the best shape to even be looking for work right now and should be focussing on your mental health as a first priority. I do recall that you received a referral to a professional counsellor and a mental health nurse. My hope is that you will contact them as soon as possible and let them know about these feelings. If you are unable to speak to them right away then please contact the New Zealand helpline at 0800 543 354.

    Helplines in NZ
    http://www.suicide.org/hotlines/inte...-hotlines.html

  5. #5

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    No, I don't. I saw my own death by fire in a dream once, then a couple years later the circumstances happened, and by some miracle (or random luck), escaped unscathed.

    If I had to bet, it will be a fat cellphone yapping soccer mom careening around town in her SUV that will take me out.

  6. #6

    Default



    Quote Originally Posted by LittleManAlex View Post
    Just a somewhat random topic, but do any of you know how your going to die.

    I myself know that if I don't get hit by a bus or die in some freak accident I will die at my own hand... or someone else's if assisted suicide ever becomes legal in this country.

    I've been thinking about this a bit, and having no job doesn't help because I don't feel like I'm contributing anything to this world. I know I can't die this year, I don't want my death to over shadow my sisters wedding, but I feel more and more that the time is close.

    Just wondering if anyone else feels like this or if it's just me.
    That isn't a good way to be feeling. :-( Unfortunately I have felt exactly that way for a very long time before. It gradually began to change, and I'm glad I didn't give in to it.

    I don't feel, in general, that I'm contributing much to the world either. I'm working on changing that, as I've explained in more detail in another thread.

    I have had unexpected occasions where I was able to contribute something, though. One of them, a few years back, was when I was summoned for jury duty (in the US). It was an armed robbery case, and the Defendant was Black, and of course, given the demographics of this area, every single person on the jury, including myself, was White. The only people in the audience were the Defendant's family, and I could just about tell exactly what they were thinking: he's screwed. And he had a somewhat complicated defense to make. He was with two friends, and an armed robbery DID occur, and he WAS present for it, but his claim was that he had no idea it was about to happen and his friends did it on their own, he just happened to be caught up in it. Sounds a little flimsy, right? Well, as more and more details of the case came out, everyone including the victims testified that the Defendant himself did not have any weapons, did not make any threats, and in fact didn't even say or do anything... he literally just stood there. His presence was interpreted as intimidating due to the actions of his friends (who were committing an armed robbery), but his actions (or lack thereof) make his story plausible.

    There were a few members of the jury who wanted to convict him, but most of us, including myself, said no way. I can't ruin someone's life for just standing around and being present at a crime scene; I have reasonable doubts about his intent to participate in a crime at all. And, strictly speaking, he didn't. His family was visibly surprised, they were looking very bleak throughout the whole trial. But it was the right answer, and I was glad to be part of the jury that delivered it.

    Events such as these start to add up after awhile, and create a bit more of a sense of purpose. But for me at least, it takes time...

  7. #7

    Default

    To Lighten this up a bit.

    In my sleep, not screaming like the passenger of the car.

  8. #8

    Default



    Quote Originally Posted by Starrunner View Post
    2w

    Hi, Alex,
    I'm sorry to hear things aren't going better. I think what you're describing about being unemployed is not uncommon, although your feelings are intense and deserve attention by a professional. Although the global recession is not as bad as it has been, there are still many people who are unemployed and looking for work. It can be hard not to take it personally because it means being rejected by potential employers, however it really has nothing to do with you. Being unemployed is a major transition in life, but a transition is all it is. You are still finding your way, it does take time, but you'll get there.

    Let's go back in time on this. I recall the stress, anxiety and depression you were dealing with in your last job and how it was affecting you then. Remember how you were at the end of your rope and wanted to die then? Remember the conflict with your employer who didn't understand? You needed to get out of there if you were going to stay alive. You made the right decision to get away from a toxic workplace that was unhealthy and take some time to focus on self-care. It took a lot of courage.

    You (and all of us) are defined by more than just our work. You are a caring brother, son, and uncle who has supported his family through some difficult times and they were lucky to be able rely on you. Don't underestimate how much you mean to them. Yes you do contribute to this world, and in very significant ways. It may be hard for you to see that right now when you suffer from depression, but I see it and truly believe it.

    Alex, you have brought such a sense of fun to this site and I hate seeing you feel like this. Being unemployed can be very stressful and it can wear you down, I understand that. But the feelings you are experiencing right now are likely a result of depression as much as the employment situation, although the two are linked. It sounds like you may not be in the best shape to even be looking for work right now and should be focussing on your mental health as a first priority. I do recall that you received a referral to a professional counsellor and a mental health nurse. My hope is that you will contact them as soon as possible and let them know about these feelings. If you are unable to speak to them right away then please contact the New Zealand helpline at 0800 543 354.

    Helplines in NZ
    http://www.suicide.org/hotlines/inte...-hotlines.html
    Thanks for the support... I talked to my mental health nurse, and we may look at getting me on anti depressants. Also we're looking at sending me down the country to moms for a few days of respite. Also we have pathways which hopefully give me things to do during the week. i don't know if I'm ready to look for work, but not working is killing me.



    That isn't a good way to be feeling. :-( Unfortunately I have felt exactly that way for a very long time before. It gradually began to change, and I'm glad I didn't give in to it.

    I don't feel, in general, that I'm contributing much to the world either. I'm working on changing that, as I've explained in more detail in another thread.

    I have had unexpected occasions where I was able to contribute something, though. One of them, a few years back, was when I was summoned for jury duty (in the US). It was an armed robbery case, and the Defendant was Black, and of course, given the demographics of this area, every single person on the jury, including myself, was White. The only people in the audience were the Defendant's family, and I could just about tell exactly what they were thinking: he's screwed. And he had a somewhat complicated defense to make. He was with two friends, and an armed robbery DID occur, and he WAS present for it, but his claim was that he had no idea it was about to happen and his friends did it on their own, he just happened to be caught up in it. Sounds a little flimsy, right? Well, as more and more details of the case came out, everyone including the victims testified that the Defendant himself did not have any weapons, did not make any threats, and in fact didn't even say or do anything... he literally just stood there. His presence was interpreted as intimidating due to the actions of his friends (who were committing an armed robbery), but his actions (or lack thereof) make his story plausible.

    There were a few members of the jury who wanted to convict him, but most of us, including myself, said no way. I can't ruin someone's life for just standing around and being present at a crime scene; I have reasonable doubts about his intent to participate in a crime at all. And, strictly speaking, he didn't. His family was visibly surprised, they were looking very bleak throughout the whole trial. But it was the right answer, and I was glad to be part of the jury that delivered it.

    Events such as these start to add up after awhile, and create a bit more of a sense of purpose. But for me at least, it takes time..
    I wish I could do Jury duty, but I live in a small town, where nothing happens and I have Criminal Convictions which I think stops me doing it regardless.

  9. #9

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    The story re jury duty was just an example... I live in a small town too where nothing ever happens, and was stunned to be called in for anything more serious than a traffic dispute! But, I think John Lennon said it best (if not first), "Life is what happens to you while you're busy making other plans." Things just happen sometimes.

    I'm not sure how things work where you are, but in the US, my understanding is that criminal convictions are disqualifying only in cases where the crime is similar. I don't know much about your background yet, but now you have me a little curious. ^^; The overall point, though, is to hang in there even if there isn't an obvious benefit to your taking up space on the planet yet. I've felt that way too, for years, but things happen...

    Take care, and I hope some of this is helpful to you.

    ~S

  10. #10

    Default



    Quote Originally Posted by LittleManAlex View Post
    Thanks for the support... I talked to my mental health nurse, and we may look at getting me on anti depressants. Also we're looking at sending me down the country to moms for a few days of respite. Also we have pathways which hopefully give me things to do during the week. i don't know if I'm ready to look for work, but not working is killing me.
    I'm glad you're talking to a professional IRL about this, and please let us know how things are working out. My hope is that we can shift this thread of 'knowing how to die' to one of knowing how to live.

    I think part of the problem is that we spend so much time in our work environment. Your life is structured around it and it can give a sense of purpose. When it gets pulled out from under you or you just have to get out of it, it can leave a void in your life. You just want the confusion to end and to get back into a routine.

    You're dealing with enough problems right now, so I think the important thing to do is to take care of yourself first. Looking for employment when you're not feeling well might only sabotage your efforts.

    I'd like to share some of the things that have helped me cope with depression throughout the years.

    Perhaps this could be an opportunity to find purpose and contribute in a different way while gaining new experiences. Many years ago, I volunteered at our local Distress Centre. It started me on a road of self discovery and helped me find passion about something. It was two shifts minimum, twice a month, and it provided training, experience, and valuable skills which led to the best changes in my life. If you can put your own problems aside and find an organization that needs a skill you have, and offer it for free, even for a few hours, it can make you grateful for what you do have and what you can offer. Volunteering helped me gain new perspectives about my life, new networks, and inspiration to apply for jobs I had not thought about before.

    Secondly, stay active. I'm probably a bit biased being a long distance runner, but physical activity, such as running, is an excellent, excellent way of not only getting out of the house and being active, it can reduce the symptoms of stress, anxiety and depression. As many people here know about me, I started running after reaching the bottom with depression, suicidal thoughts and alcoholism. I've always said that running saved my life and I truly believe it. Exercise boosts the production of endorphins in our bodies which are the chemicals that give us a feeling of euphoria, calmness and stability, all of which are invaluable when going through a crisis. It's not expensive to get involved in a physical activity regime. Head out the door and take a brisk walk or run, ride a bike, or turn some music on and move to it, no excuses, no costs, and no equipment needed. But the results can be immeasurable The energy in your body gets shaken up and endorphins start to flow. The depressing thoughts drift away and in this moment of clarity you can begin to think about next steps. Trust me, this has been working for me for thirty eight years.

    Third, take some time to appreciate the fact that you are away from a toxic work environment and appreciate having some to reflect and decompress. Find a place that feels peaceful and familiar where you can reflect in solitude and let your inner thoughts guide you. On my worst days I've found that this would help get the chaos and negative thoughts out of my mind and focus on where I needed or wanted to be instead.

    My own life has had more than its share of battles with depression, and I can tell you there is no single answer that will work for everyone who suffers from it. We all have to find our own way, but when you can understand that you are not staring down helplessly at a scary, hopeless path, but rather, you are walking on the path, you can begin to take control.
    Last edited by Starrunner; 17-Jan-2017 at 22:36.

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