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Thread: Do I tell her????

  1. #1

    Question Do I tell her????

    HI I am not new on here, but I am in a difficult spot. I have been a lot more active in the AB/DL scene over the past 2 to 3 years. I have met a lot of nice people I consider friends and family into the scene. The thing is I started talking to a vanilla girl about 3 and half to 4 years ago and while we met on a dating site for vanillas, We decided at the time we were only friends. fats forward to this past week or 2, we hung out a few times and went to dinner. She decided to tell me she likes me more than a friend. I hvae always liked her and always hoped for more then friends. We hung out this past weekend and had a great time and we both seem to want more and want to date. The thing is I am into abdl very much and don't think I could ever give it up. SHe seems to really like me and hopes for more.

    The question I have is do I tell her about this side of me at all or hide it forever??

    And if i do tell her when do I tell her now or later when things get closer and better??

    Also how do I tell her if I do tell her???

    I think I would have a hard time hiding it because most of my friends I am close to and love like family are into the scene and how would I be able to hide it from her when my friends are into it and she would wonder why I am going to friends houses all the time and not invite her??

    Thanks in advance!!! Any and all opinions and advice is welcome!!!

  2. #2


    If and once it gets serious (as in long-term relationship), I think you better tell her sooner rather than later. You may want to find out how open she is to similar things.

  3. #3


    I agree. I think you should eventually tell her unless you think you can give it up. From what you said, it doesn't sound like you want to give it up. I would suggest that you continue to date and in the process, try to see how accepting she is of things which exist outside the box.

  4. #4


    I wouldn't wait too long. You're not going to be able to hide it forever, so eventually you will be talking about them even if you don't want to. If you do wait and things turn ugly then you've potentially wasted years with the wrong person, and might even feel locked into the relationship by then too.

    As for how to tell her, be honest. Is this a fetish for you (purely sexual), or is it a a compulsion (ingrained part) of who you are. If it is ingrained then make sure she understands this just no something you can choose to push aside. Also make sure she knows if she rejects this part of who you are, then she is literally rejecting a part of you.

    I'd also recommend iterating your loving diapers has nothing to do with actual babies, they are not illegal nor immoral, and help you to destress. Tell her you have no intention of involving her with your diapers or making her change you unless she wants to.

    Most importantly, go slow with her on this but also make sure you're there to answer any questions she will have.

  5. #5


    If you try to hide you will make yourself, and eventually her, quite miserable. If you think you can do away with ABDL, then today is the day to do it. If not, you need to soon come clean with her. "I have an emotional disability." is one way to start. Some say "is that all?" while others say "I'm out of here." Whatever the outcome, it is better to get it done now than to wait and make it more painful.
    I took the painful route. Thought it would just go away. Wrong decision.

  6. #6


    Honesty is always best. My wife and I met online. I told her before we met in person that I was incontinent, so on the first date she didn't question me about wearing a diaper under my clothes. In my case, she was changing me after that date. She fully accepted my disability and medical conditions but she draws the line at openly using baby bottles and pacifiers

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