Accidentally Outing/Exposing Yourself

Luckily this hasn't happened to me. That's also because I don't often wear them when in public. Sometimes I find it exciting to just wear them when I go to a nearby store to grab some stuff or something like that, but that's about it, so pretty low-risk. For the rest, I just do it while inside my appartement.

But even with such a low risk of exposure, the thought of it happening does scare me, and I can't evan bring myself to thinking of something I would say should it happen one day. If it happens I think there will be just a verry, verry awkward silence without me having a clue what to say. It would be the worst if it was someone I know, but even with a stranger it would be bad: I quess people can assume it has a medical purpose, and of course that's always an escape when the situation demands an explanation. But that would feel kind of 'wrong' to me, mainly towards people who really have to wear for medical reasons...

If you're IC, it's bound to happen at some point or another. Your shirt might come untucked, pants decide to ride down a little low, or any of a number of things could expose your waistband. I've been in the hospital a few times myself and had nurses and doctors see me in my diapers, usually I make it a point to let anyone know beforehand that I deal with incontinence and use diapers to manage it. The thing that seems to surprise them the most is that it's fairly easy for me to talk about it. I guess when you've been dealing with it for so many years you just get to the point it doesn't bother you anymore.

Most doctors don't push me on it when they find out (other than urologists), especially when it comes up that I have other medical issues that much more deeply impact my daily life WAAAAY above and beyond the need to be in a diaper does. Heck, I jump out of airplanes for fun, being in a diaper doesn't prevent me from doing that.

Note said:

If I am incapable of giving any helpful or practice advice, I will refrain from giving it. When I see an opportunity to spare someone the humiliation of being a diaper wearer by offering more discreet alternatives, I will say something, particularly if that person interacts with others on a regular basis.

For the record, my attendance here has been lackluster at best lately, this is but one of a few reasons why; stop it.

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You're entitled to your opinion. You're not entitled to voice it without challenge (nor am I).

Fight fight fight fight fight fight fight fight!!!!!

I bought hundreds of onesie body suits when I was able bodied to ensure I never outed myself ,as my disease has progressed and I drive a power chair I could Care less who knows or who sees what and has there tiny little mind expanded by the fact that adults wear diapers. It's obvious I am a "broken toy" why try and hide it.

Sent from my SM-T810 using Tapatalk

Note said:

Having my opinion challenged is not the issue, by all means if I have mislead someone I would like to know how. No, the issue lies when I feel someone is being condescending with theirs.

In post 10 and 11 I have obviously contributed to this thread in a positive way. In no way have I insinuated that the thread author should stop using his current protection but that there are more discreet alternatives to limit the risk of exposure. I would hardly call that a bad thing...

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If you were simply giving suggestions for more discreet wear, I don't expect I'd have had anything to say. However, when your comments start here:

Note said:

I'm fairly certain you're not accidentally outing/exposing yourself when you have the intent to wear something painfully obvious like a diaper out in the public space. And yes, I'm very aware most would be to modest to say something or would initially mistaken it as something else but that's besides the point!

And no, I haven't, nor would I make a habit of it as it would greaten my chances of getting "exposed"...

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I'd say you're not helping dispel our "Nazi reputation". I'd say this is where the condescension started, and directed at a new member who doubtless looks at your 3+ years here and over 1K posts and would reasonably assume that you represent the mainstream view here.

As to your contention of the purpose of Abena 4s, I don't see it clearly called out on their site but it wouldn't surprise me. Depends Protection with Tabs were described as their product for people with serious problems, which we know to be a joke. We routinely dismiss the expectations of the adult incontinence industry. Many ABDLs consider Abena 4s to be barely adequate to their needs, so why would we give their prescription for use any credence?

I commented because your posts served to embarrass one of our members for sharing something that should have been okay to share here.

I have been outed a few times. Last time was in the hospital where they should try an operation to deal with an Urethral stricture I was diagnosed with to help with my incontinence, during the preexamine I was told to remove my shirt etc. and they saw the waistband of my diaper. NO one said anything to it nevertheless.
The day I was scheduled for operation I wore a pullup under the gown and the operating staff definably saw it, also the nurses afterwards who changed my padd (I had a catheter in, at that time) but was given pullups when they removed the catheter later.

I've probably outed myself way too many times back when I tried to used Abena. Way too many leaks, and I hadn't learned to only ever wear black pants yet. Now I wear confidry and nobody ever notices.

As I've mentioned before, a thick diaper that has done its job is way less noticeable than a thin one that has leaked.

Well, my mom just saw me in a diaper.

I'm working from home today because I'm sick. I'm working at my kitchen table wearing a diaper and pj pants. My mom came up the back deck unannounced to drop off a birthday card for me as tomorrow's my birthday. I had no shirt on and my table is right next to the big sliding glass door. My diaper clearly rising up about my pants, there's no way she didn't see it.

She doesn't know about my incontinence. I quickly grabbed a shirt but I know she saw. She didn't ask or say anything but she could see she rattled me. Damn.

I have worn Abena M4s since around 2007 as I am totally urine incontinent and often have problems with #2. I am not mobility challenged, and choose to wear the M4, because it is more discreet for me than smaller diapers. Yes, more discreet, because I dont have to carry my diaper backpack around all the time, and change in public places as often. When I first started wearing, I was issued kendal wings, which were very slim, but required 8-12 changes per day. If one is active like me, changing that often is anything but discreet, not to mention all the leaks! I was outed far far more often when I wore thinner diapers, mostly because of leaks, and always getting asked why I carry a backpack everywhere, and spending too frequent times in public bathrooms

In sum, I reject the idea that thicker diapers are meant for bedridden people. They are also for active people with severe incontinence like me.

MarcusP said:

I have worn Abena M4s since around 2007 as I am totally urine incontinent and often have problems with #2. I am not mobility challenged, and choose to wear the M4, because it is more discreet for me than smaller diapers. Yes, more discreet, because I dont have to carry my diaper backpack around all the time, and change in public places as often. When I first started wearing, I was issued kendal wings, which were very slim, but required 8-12 changes per day. If one is active like me, changing that often is anything but discreet, not to mention all the leaks! I was outed far far more often when I wore thinner diapers, mostly because of leaks, and always getting asked why I carry a backpack everywhere, and spending too frequent times in public bathrooms

In sum, I reject the idea that thicker diapers are meant for bedridden people. They are also for active people with severe incontinence like me.

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I couldn't agree more. Even thick diapers hide under clothes especially with tight boxer briefs or compression shorts. Even Northshore lites hold up very well. When I'm out of them, I'll wear my Abena L4 to work. No one can tell and I only have to change once at work as either of these diapers will hold up until lunch time unless I do something stupid with fluids. I don't have to carry a backpack full of diapers around. I sometimes take my backpack up the street to a Wendy's to change or I'll put a diaper in a file folder and take it into the work bathroom with me. People probably just think I'm stopping in the bathroom on my way to a meeting or something.

A relatively thick premium diaper is definitely more discreet than a thin diaper that either leaks or requires constant changes.

MarcusP said:

I have worn Abena M4s since around 2007 as I am totally urine incontinent and often have problems with #2. I am not mobility challenged, and choose to wear the M4, because it is more discreet for me than smaller diapers. Yes, more discreet, because I dont have to carry my diaper backpack around all the time, and change in public places as often. When I first started wearing, I was issued kendal wings, which were very slim, but required 8-12 changes per day. If one is active like me, changing that often is anything but discreet, not to mention all the leaks! I was outed far far more often when I wore thinner diapers, mostly because of leaks, and always getting asked why I carry a backpack everywhere, and spending too frequent times in public bathrooms

In sum, I reject the idea that thicker diapers are meant for bedridden people. They are also for active people with severe incontinence like me.

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mikejames said:

I couldn't agree more. Even thick diapers hide under clothes especially with tight boxer briefs or compression shorts. Even Northshore lites hold up very well. When I'm out of them, I'll wear my Abena L4 to work. No one can tell and I only have to change once at work as either of these diapers will hold up until lunch time unless I do something stupid with fluids. I don't have to carry a backpack full of diapers around. I sometimes take my backpack up the street to a Wendy's to change or I'll put a diaper in a file folder and take it into the work bathroom with me. People probably just think I'm stopping in the bathroom on my way to a meeting or something.

A relatively thick premium diaper is definitely more discreet than a thin diaper that either leaks or requires constant changes.

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I agree with both of you! Not in the choice of diaper though. I found that M-4's didn't hold up very well for me and my level of daily activity. They would fall apart and clump in fairly short order. I found that NorthShore Supremes have been absolutely fantastic in durability and performance. Their Lites are pretty damned good too!

Another method I've used along the same line is to layer lighter thinner protection. I found that Rite-Aide Ovrenight Underwear was exceptionally absorbent (compared to even the premium brands) while remaining thin and pretty effective, but only for a short period of time. I used to wear a Tranquility Slim-Line Breatheable as my base layer (thin, competent protection) and one or two Overnight Underwears on top of that. This combo would allow for fast, discreet changes as you always had your change with you. However, It is no where near as effective as a single competent diaper that can keep up with you throughout the day.

PyjamaBaby said:

I use Tena slip active. The ultima is the most absorbent. Followed I think by maxi and then super from what I can work out. The ultima definitely swell [emoji16]

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trouble63 said:

I've used the Stretch Super too. They are a little thicker and are more absorbent. I tried the Stretch Ultra and liked them a little better. I do use a Tranquility Super booster if I feel like I need a little extra absobancy wether I'm wearing a Stretch Ultra, an M4 or a Dry 24/7. Honestly, I don't think there is a dramatic difference between the Ultra and Super.

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That may be, but when I contacted Tena a year or two ago, I was told that the Super was more absorbent than the Ultra. Go figure.

When you look at the Q and A on Tenas web page I think there's an entry where a reviewer says that the Super are more absorbent than the Ultra. I had one Super left when I received my package of Ultras and after comparing the two, that would appear to be the case. Although the difference isn't by very much. Not sure if I got that across above or not.

Also the Ultra comes in a pack of 36 while the Super comes in a pack of 28. I've now used both and the Ultra is slimmer while, for me, they both performed about the same.

I broke a rib skiing a couple of years ago. I went to the closest doc in a box in Salt Lake City to have an X-ray taken to confirm what I expected. I was a wellness diaper which was blue (the medium size color) anyway I expected to have to take off my top shirt and leave on my tshirt for the X-ray. Well they wanted my shirts off so of course there I stood with the blue top of my diaper sticking up proudly above my pant line. I then walked back to the exam room, past 2 other open door rooms where patients were and into my exam room where the female dr. And the nursing assistant first confirmed my broken rib then brought in a compression band to put around my chest. Of course all the time my diaper top was 2-3 inches sticking out. Nothing was said but quite honestly the whole experience wasn't embarrassing at all. I enjoyed the fact that I didn't care that others saw my diaper sticking out.