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Thread: Dealing with death

  1. #1

    Default Dealing with death

    I had a coworker who I love very much and continued to keep in contact with even after I quit my job. We had an unusal friendship with me being 21 and herself in her 60s.
    Well, around august she had something wrong with her heart and required open heart surgery, a few months later having a stroke followed by a nasty infection. Her health had improved then dramatically declined and she has been on a breathing machine for a couple of weeks I believe.
    Anyway, her family is taking her off life support on Monday, I learned today. So I went and visited her earlier today so I could see her a few more times before she passes. I had some build a bears to stuff so I went to the mall and while I was there I made her a teddy bear and dropped by the hospital and gave it to her. She can't talk but she still has some movement in one arm and she can also follow you with her eyes so it seems like she can pay attention and is aware.
    Anyway, I talked to her for a bit and tried showing her the bear and let her know it's special, from me. He would be there so she won't be as lonely. I just hope it made her even the littlest bit happier.
    I hate going to see her and I feel so guilty about that but seeing her makes me sick to my stomach and it makes me hurt so bad but I can't miss my chance at seeing her before she goes. I'm just so unsure about death and it's so painful to know she isn't the same person anymore and that she'll be leaving. I'm so confused and In so much pain.
    I just lost my grandma to a bloodclot and that's still hard to deal with and now I'm losing my friend, too.
    She was like a grandmother to me, I used to call her grandma.
    It feels like yesterday I was taking her and picking her up from work, taking her places she needed to go because she didn't have a car anymore. We used to go into Steak 'n Shake after she got off work at 11:30pm, she would buy me dinner because came and got her everyday and took her home.

    I'm sorry for the long, jumbled up post. My thoughts are kind of everywhere and they're racing.


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  2. #2

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    Very sorry to hear about your loss. Death of a friend/loved one is always a difficult thing to have to deal with, especially if it's happening to multiple people close together. I know that things are bad right now, but hopefully they'll get better soon and you feel better.

  3. #3

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    My sympathies for you. The loss of a friend is never easy.

  4. #4

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    Aww... I'm so sorry. *hugs*

    That sounds like a very painful loss. And I'm not sure what I can add that might possibly help, other than sympathies. I've experienced such losses before (more dramatic and unexpected, actually), but that doesn't mean I have much useful advice necessarily for dealing with them. Only that I've been there, and I know what you're feeling.

    I hope that much helps a little. *hugs again*

  5. #5

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    Everyone grieves at there own pace, in the 5 stages of grief, you can go through then in a different order than other people , you can also go through them and think you are done with that stage only to have it reappear later, be patient and gentle with yourself, take the time that you need ,trying to rush them never turns out good , carry the love forever and work through the grief until you are sure you have reached the final stage of "acceptance".
    Death is a natural part of life , just as being born is ,but it none the less is not very comforting , I am sorry for your loss and hope the best for you.

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  6. #6

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    I am so sorry for what you are going through. I'm glad your friend has someone like you to be with her at this critical time, and I'd like to think that she is aware of your presence and kindness. For all our advances in medical technology, it can still be trial-and-error, and the best we can do is simply be there for the ones we love.

    Don't feel guilty for acknowledging how hard it is going to see her. We never want to see people we care about in such a state of illness, especially when we know our time with them is limited and they will not be coming back. Many years ago, I had a friend who also had a stroke and I found it difficult even going into the hospital to visit. I think sometimes when those who are so close to us are at the stage of passing on, we feel a terrible sense of helplessness because we have no control over what's happening. It's also a powerful reminder of our own mortality.

    I've been dealing with the loss of my mother who passed away from cancer two weeks ago. There's nothing worse than watching someone you love being ravaged by a deadly disease, knowing that if you could change places with her, you would, if it would save her life. But life doesn't work that way and we are left to feel the loss. Like you said, the person we see before us when they are close to death is not the same person we knew throughout our life. I feel like I said goodbye to my mother a month or so before she passed away, at a time when her thoughts were clear and lucid and not fogged over from all the morphine to ease the pain.

    I wish I had the words to make this easier, unfortunately death is a natural part of life. Don't be afraid to acknowledge the pain or to let your feelings out. Surround yourself with good support from friends and family, and people who knew and loved your friend. Grieving or awaiting the inevitable is difficult and should not be done alone. At the end of the day, you will look back and know that you did everything within your power to be there for your friend and that she was blessed to have someone like you who cared so much.
    Last edited by Starrunner; 31-Dec-2016 at 22:15.

  7. #7

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    Quote Originally Posted by hellokitty1512 View Post
    [...]I'm just so unsure about death and it's so painful to know she isn't the same person anymore and that she'll be leaving. I'm so confused and In so much pain.

    I just lost my grandma to a bloodclot and that's still hard to deal with and now I'm losing my friend, too.

    [...] My thoughts are kind of everywhere and they're racing.

    Your compassion, is astounding, hellokitty1512!

    I'm sorry for your loss as well... I'm also very grateful for the gift of you, that you gave your friend and, the gift of her, that you brought into your heart!

    My best to you - you are not alone...

    My condolences,
    -Marka







    Quote Originally Posted by Starrunner View Post
    [...] we feel a terrible sense of helplessness because we have no control over what's happening. It's also a powerful reminder of our own mortality.

    I've been dealing with the loss of my mother who passed away from cancer two weeks ago. [...]
    I'm very sorry to hear of this happening to you too, Starrunner!
    I held my brother's hand, as he died of cancer last April... that was also 6-months after my younger sister died rather unexpectedly...
    It's tough and, it is part of life...

    My best to you as well and,
    ...my condolences too...
    -Marka

  8. #8

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    I'm sure your friend appreciated you being there and the times you have spent going to visit her. We don't always realize how our touch impacts others, but it always does.

  9. #9

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    I applaud your courage and your compassion, hellokitty. The passage of a life is never easy, yet it's something everyone of us must experience. Somehow, I believe we are taken care of after death.

  10. #10

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    Thank you all for your kind words. I just received news that my friend passed earlier today. But I appreciate everyone taking the time to comment.


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