Christmas hurto

Christmas is meant to be happy and a time to be little, I had a nice Christmas dinner, got good presents and met dads girlfriends family. I had a nice time overalls but some points which have caught up with me which is emotionally painful.

I nearly bawled out in the shower and I hoped to god nobody heard that.

It's how people treat me that hurts the most. Inside i am a gentle, playful and confident little girl but all my body shows is a quiet, reserved and emotionally pained woman!

But one nice thing that came out of it was the fact that dads girlfriends mother asked if brought toys with me and I had never met her before, she seemed to except me and treat me as if I was around 9 years old. That was nice and I enjoyed talking to her, I may of given a few hints to my real age like announcing I was going for a job in retail in the new year.

Starting from this morning, dad and his girlfriend got up and I said merry Christmas etc, I mentioned that I never slept a wink even though I tried to but I never fell asleep, dad turned around and said "fuck off!!!" In a tone of voice that clearly yelled "bullshit!!!" I was being serious and I got taken for a fool and he said "you know what you are getting for Christmas!!!" Those words stung badly as I felt like I would never be taken seriously again and that I was being laughed and taken the piss out of. Believe me I was being 100% honest! I don't lie!!!

After that dads Started tossing presents around at me and his GF, so basically I got gifts thrown at me whilst dads GF was being impatient stating " come on then! What are you waiting for!? Next Christmas!?" At this point I was standing there outstanded in how rude they were being, it definatly taken the special little bit straight out of Christmas. I wish I never got up at all at this point! I knew Christmas was going to be different but seriously that was RUDE!

When unwrapping my presents, I was in a state of shock and sweating and trembling i unwrapped my presents unable to enjoy unwrapping them and savouring the moment, i was unable to appreciate the gifts I got as i felt like they were just been given to me to shut me up! Dads GF barely payed attention to my presents I got! It felt like she doesn't care or doesn't like me! I had to point them to her for her to pay attention to me! Once i got my head back together, i started to then appreciate what i just unwrapped 20 minutes earlier.

At Christmas dinner, nobody was horrible but what I noticed was that dads GFs grandaughter who was 3, she was quite toddler like, she was not yet potty trained, had a "dummy" and spoke babyish. She was quite clearly wearing a pull up under her dress, (no I was not being a pervert! She kept flashing herself!)

Whilst I had to change my tampon without crying out loud instead of having a loving "nappy chnage" I looked at myself in the mirror and saw an oversized freak! (I don't normally see myself as that but when I have been around a toddler, I start feeling like I am in the wrong body as I am usually in little space around toddlers) . Little step cusion got out her "dummy" I was feeling quite unappreciated and I wanted mine, one I didn't pack it and 2 nobody knows about and 3 the adults would react badly and that little girl who was trying to get weaned off her pacifier, her parents would go mad if she saw a adult sucking a "dummy" . I needed my paci! I was close to tears and I couldn't even act remotely childish but at least I could play with her but she sat down most of the time! Before I knew it and I started to play with her, it was time to go!

I had no diapers with me, but even changing a diapers myself in comparison to a tampon which hurt like hell would of been a lot nicer. At some point she had taken her pull up off, so I kinda saw her bits to put it politely, it put me off my food and here I was was knowing that under my clothes I had a wild bush of hair where there shouldn't! I was going to shave for Christmas but I lost my razor! I wanted a cuddle but only a hug could be acceptable if I thought about it so I was feeling a bit on edge and not forgetting I never been there before and there was people I never met before!

When I got back I was sitting in the back of the van with the dog since we only have a van, I was holding a plastic bag with presents in and dad opened the door and the before I could react the dog shot out of the van and me in little space didn't react fast enough and I got shouted at and I seemed like dad was in a bad mood and it totally wasn't my fault!!

After that I was having supper and all I could hear was swearing from both of them! I muttered "please stop swearing for gods sake!" Under my breath and I am not sure if I misheard but I heard dads GF say "bitch" I am not sure if she called me one but I am not sure if she likes me! It's a horrible accusation to come up with but recent events make me wonder! I am so scared that they can see what I am writing and that I have ruined their Christmas and they won't bother again. All I have been today is scared and anxious. I ma not sure if I am making a false accusation as it's how I interperate things. All I want is a cuddle and somebody to tell me it's gonna be alright! This is the most horrible thing I could of ever wrote on Christmas Day but I just can''t face them right now!

I also had a crappy Christmas. I'm sorry your Christmas was filled with anxiousness and sadness, I feel your pain. You're not alone.

Sent from mTalk

I was proberly overreacting, I still had a nice time playing with my trainset and had. A nice Christmas dinner

Dad was messing around when he said "fuck off" when I said I couldn't sleep last night, I took it literally, he needs to make it obvious it was a joke, that was cruel!!

I hate to say this, but while reading it, I could tell the "fuck off" was messing around just by the behavior afterward. A lot of what you are talking about here is pretty common among friends. Throwing presents is extremely common as well. Heck, I think even in Home Alone 2 they throw the presents at some point.

Something I notice in a lot of your threads is you seem to be unable to separate your little self from your adult self. I think it's inevitable that you will have a bad time if you don't know how to adult.

The fact you are getting frustrated just because you can't be little at all times, to me, is a serious problem. I think you need to work on that at least in some way.

To give an example, many guys like to punch each other in the arm for some reason, at least they liked to in school. Always rough too. I am transgender and am fairly girly, and I honestly despise that sort of behavior. It bothered me a great deal, but I knew they were not doing anything wrong from their perspectives. They are just fooling around as the usually would. The fact they are having me join in, even if I don't like it ... it shows they want to be friends or already see me as a friend. They included me. They cannot read my mind and know it's something I do not like.

I know this, and as such, I deal with it, and it doesn't bother me a whole lot. I may not like it, but that does not mean I need to be a spoil sport and get all negative about it which in turn ruins the fun and makes it, so everyone becomes in a bad mood. I don't get offended by it because I know it was not meant to be offensive.

Now with that said, if it's something you do not like and don't want to put up with, just let them know. Don't get negative, just say, "Hey, thank you, but if you don't mind, please don't curse at me as I am bad at knowing when you are just messing around. I would appreciate it."

Quite often after a death or divorce, a new GF enters the group and has affection only for the bio dad, but none for the children of the previous partnership. The new partner tends to detest the children and the bio dad, in trying to win the new GF's affection, goes along with it, making life for you very difficult. It also happens when a lone woman with children finds a new guy. As Brabbit said, a sit down might help. Sometimes schools have access to counselors (and not the type who figure out what class to take, but for emotional help). You might check to see if there is any such support there.