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Thread: Why am I easily intimidated?

  1. #1

    Default Why am I easily intimidated?

    Is this something to do with me being a little or is this something I got from years of bullying both off my parents and kids at school?

    I found my dads girlfriend is very upfront and confident and says things as they are and here I am meek as a mouse and barely knowing what to say to her.

    She is a nice woman but being in the same room as her is just intimidating, she is taller than about 5 foot 6-7 inches whilst I am 5 foot 2 inches. She has a very commanding and authoritive voice but she is generally nice. She tends to not take crap from anybody and she gets her point accross and what ever she says goes.

    She tends to rush around the place and tends to be noisy. I put off going to the toilet or changing my diaper or playing when she is like that, no matter how desperate I am/ if I need to change or if I was enjoying myself. When she is being intimating I want to cry.

    I only have known her for a few months now and I have only just started living with her a week ago. I tend to stutter around her and I want to be more assertive and talkative but I don't generally have anything to say to her like I could with my own mom.

    Speaking about my mom, she wasn't athoritive like dads girlfriend but then me and my brother often didn't take her seriously but when she told us off, she would be irrational. I have yet to be told off by dads girlfriend. My dad was authoritive but not strict at the same time. I used to be actually scared of my parents as did my brother as we were both smacked as children.

    All I want is to be loved, hugged and not be scared but dad and his girlfriend have play verbal fights and mess each other around and I never saw that with my mom as she would take things literally as so do I. They swear and I have told them, I don't like swearing, they sound like a bunch of college teens trying to be cool. They take me right of little space where there shouldn't be cursing!

    I think I need to get to know dads girlfriend more as I have told dad that I am imtitdated by her.

    In school, I was called ugly, not being able to speak because I was interrupted as I was at home as well, accused of being a crack head, pushed, hair pulled and left out and had nasty rumours spread about me. I was a nervous wreak.

    This is the result of these years today, I speak quietly and not clearly enough sometimes, I am meek as a mouse, I don't know what to say, I am not interested in trends anymore, I am not assertive but I am just starting to find my voice, I dislike loud noises and get scared easily and want to cry a lot and feel imtidated by a lot of things. I can't make a desision put on the spot and people take over what I am saying.

    Today, dads girlfriend said when we were getting presents (they just threw presents as us) , I got imtidated at this point and she said "well what are you waiting for?!, we don't have all day!, get a move on!" I went quiet and I didn't know what to say and I got a lump in my throat, I quietly said "thanks" and could barely find the right words to say let alone get them out of mouth! I waited for her to open hers and she said " wait are you waiting for open them! You don't have to wait for me!" I sounded like I was being spoilt or not liking the presents as I couldn't think about what I just unwrapped in front of me! I was so timid by this point I nearly burst into tears! Later on when I calmed down, I actually started to like what I unwrapped earlier as I had time to appreciate them because I wasn't scared out of my wits! I got some awesome gifts as well! I just couldn't sound enthusiastic as I felt so nervous! (This is my first Christmas with her btw)

    I know this isn't a very nice thing to post at Christmas but I just wanted to know what was wrong with me.

    - - - Updated - - -

    Her tone of voice didn't help as well!

  2. #2

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    That's normal for someone usually more timid or reserved to behave like that around people that are extroverted that you met fairly recently. I'm the same way. You'll get more comfortable around her as time goes on.

  3. #3
    MarchinBunny

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    I am the same way. Being intimidated by others is a typical occurrence for me. For me, I doubt it has to do with the bullying and abuse, although I can imagine it has at least contributed to it being as bad as it is. However, I have always been this way. Shy and extremely timid. I have said this in a past thread, but I can't even make eye contact with people without getting nervous, self-conscious, intimidated, and embarrassed.

  4. #4

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    Hi Angelic

    Sorry to hear your situation, it is part of being a Little, as a child would need to time to get use to a new parent, and a new mother finger would need to take time with a child so the bond of trust could be build up.

    As we all look grown up on the outside and have the same freedoms as the grown-ups because society sees us as adults.

    So does your Dad’s girlfriend.

    But you are a Little, which will probably mean you like to please people even to the deficit of yourself, Go shy and avoid confrontation with others.

    I give you example Paddy asked me where all the cream eggs went from the Christmas chocolates. I said “I don’t know.” And went shy trying to hide behind Peter Rabbit. Like my stuffie would protect me somehow.

    I wish I said. “They have all hatched.” As this would have been funny. Why do grown-ups ask questions they know the answer to?
    Any way back to your situation.

    What I would suggest is that you wright a letter to your Dad and your Dad’s girlfriend.

    So you can say what you need to say, I am shore your Dad’s girlfriend did not wish to hurt you, but she did by making you feel bad opening your presents. And I suspect there have been other things as well.

    In weighting you can really think about what you need to say to them, use the words you need to use, explain why you are the way you are and why you find it hard to say things something. Also you can say what you need to say without being interrupted or having someone else force there opinion over yours.

    Also you can read through what it is you have written and reword things.

    Do not apologise with in the letter it is you putting yourself first saying what makes you feel uncomfortable and the behaviour that you don’t like living with like swearing.

    A letter will lead to them wanting to talk it out with you, so you will need to acknowledge that towards the end of the letter, but hear is when you can put in your safe word in, to say if you are getting uncomfortable so they know you are struggling.

    Also they may wish to talk about what they find hard with you, lesion to what they say. This is not a negative, as from this you can start to build a better relationship with your Dad and your Dad’s girlfriend. One that is built on trust and mutual respect for each other.

    Any way really hope this is helpful to you Little one

    Your friend

    Siysiy

    Last edited by siysiy; 26-Dec-2016 at 07:58.

  5. #5

    Default

    Thanks sisi, that is really a good explanation on why I am feeling that way.

  6. #6
    MarchinBunny

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    Quote Originally Posted by siysiy View Post

    Hi Angelic

    Sorry to hear your situation, it is part of being a Little, as a child would need to time to get use to a new parent, and a new mother finger would need to take time with a child so the bond of trust could be build up.

    :/ You could be right, but also wrong with this statement. I can't imagine being intimidated somehow becomes an automatic thing one develops by being a little. There are all sorts of possibilities for why a person can be intimidated.

    I am not trying to harp on you. I just think it's important to clarify that ... her being a little may have absolutely nothing to do with her becoming intimidated by people.

    Also, it would be a bit irresponsible to claim it's due to that without actually knowing.

  7. #7

    Cool



    Quote Originally Posted by brabbit1987 View Post
    :/ You could be right, but also wrong with this statement. I can't imagine being intimidated somehow becomes an automatic thing one develops by being a little. There are all sorts of possibilities for why a person can be intimidated.

    I am not trying to harp on you. I just think it's important to clarify that ... her being a little may have absolutely nothing to do with her becoming intimidated by people.

    Also, it would be a bit irresponsible to claim it's due to that without actually knowing.

    Ok there are people that naturally take the authority, but imitation is different to leadership.

    And a person can only imitated if the other person allows it to happen.

    This comes from learnt behaviour form childhood when we were hurt in some way. Angelic is a Little not an age player so it most likely to be linked with her personality.

    This is a new relationship that has been forced on Angelic.

    She is doing really well not wanting to upset anyone, and even is Angelic was not a Little this would be hard.

    I stand by what I said about Trust. Without Trust, trust in one self and Trust in other around you, you are not going to move forward.

    Ending in a nervous breakdown or in a massive toddler temper tantrum, either way it will be messy.

    Siysiy


  8. #8

    Default



    Quote Originally Posted by siysiy View Post

    Ok there are people that naturally take the authority, but imitation is different to leadership.

    And a person can only imitated if the other person allows it to happen.

    This comes from learnt behaviour form childhood when we were hurt in some way. Angelic is a Little not an age player so it most likely to be linked with her personality.

    This is a new relationship that has been forced on Angelic.

    She is doing really well not wanting to upset anyone, and even is Angelic was not a Little this would be hard.

    I stand by what I said about Trust. Without Trust, trust in one self and Trust in other around you, you are not going to move forward.

    Ending in a nervous breakdown or in a massive toddler temper tantrum, either way it will be messy.

    Siysiy

    You are right siysiy, this is part of my personality whether I am in little space or not! Little space is a big part of my personality even though I can adult and function well for a while. I was quite itimidated as a kid so it must be part of my childhood that has carried on to this day.

  9. #9
    MarchinBunny

    Default



    Quote Originally Posted by siysiy View Post

    Ok there are people that naturally take the authority, but imitation is different to leadership.

    And a person can only imitated if the other person allows it to happen

    This comes from learnt behaviour form childhood when we were hurt in some way. Angelic is a Little not an age player so it most likely to be linked with her personality.

    This is a new relationship that has been forced on Angelic.

    She is doing really well not wanting to upset anyone, and even is Angelic was not a Little this would be hard.

    I stand by what I said about Trust. Without Trust, trust in one self and Trust in other around you, you are not going to move forward.

    Ending in a nervous breakdown or in a massive toddler temper tantrum, either way it will be messy.

    Siysiy

    Ok first of all, let's ignore the fact you used a different definition than what I understand little to be, and go right into the fact that it does not matter even with your definition of what a little is. Even if a person is a little, by your definition, it doesn't mean you could know without a doubt, that them being intimadated has anything to do with them being a little.

    Also, as for trust, I never said anything on that matter. I agree with most of your post. Just, I don't agree with how you could know the intimidation has to do with her being a little. It's just an assumption. The intimadation she has could exist even if she where not a little is my point. It can be entirely independant of her being a little. Something seperate.

    Now back onto the definition of a little since it seems everyone has their own definition. Little from what I have understood is someone who does not identify / ageplay as a baby, but instead indentifes / ageplays as more of a child.



    Quote Originally Posted by Angelic View Post
    You are right siysiy, this is part of my personality whether I am in little space or not! Little space is a big part of my personality even though I can adult and function well for a while. I was quite itimidated as a kid so it must be part of my childhood that has carried on to this day.
    Right, but there is no way you could link your personality trait of being intimidated having to do with your little side. There is no actual link. You could entirely take away your little side, and that trait of being intimdated likely would still exist because as you said, it is part of you little space or not.

  10. #10

    Default

    I wasn't aware that being a "Little" included an endless supply of get-out-of-jail free cards of adult accountability for behavior. I wasn't told it came with any complexes at all.

    And if you're chalking up your fetish to a mental disorder or vice versa; that's a destructive and unhealthy association and you need help.

    OP; what you're experiencing is a degree of anxiety; perhaps depression, and I would accept all answers here with ... an aisle of salt. Seriously. You can be in control. I would suggest therapy. Therapy is an empowering thing.

    Having strangers rally around you on the internet and inflate your hopes with "WELL YOU HAVE THIS FETISH... OF COURSE YOU'RE GOING TO SPEND YOUR LIFE F*CKED UP AND WEIRD!!" is not true, nor is it healthy.

    Granted; others may use regression as a coping tactic and a lot of us do. That's mighty fine. A lot of us share our anxieties and grievances here; that's mighty fine. 99.9% of us who do this probably already have our moral compass aligned in the appropriate direction and give condolences and constructive advice.

    This is a good place for social support but it shouldn't supplement professional means of self-enhancement.

    But please. Be open to the ideas outside of tossing in all towels because your underwear choices are a little unorthodox.

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